Post by mudlark on Feb 12, 2022 11:27:07 GMT
Dear All,
Apologies for long post.
Lapwing has had a very rocky time since starting secondary school, 18 months ago ( she is now year 8) -
In brief made friends with a girl, who sadly lives 5 minutes from us, and is herself from a traumatic background. This girl is possessive and suffocating to Lapwing , Lapwing does see this but doesn't care as its easy for her to 'go along with it' We have had vaping, on line grooming, police, bullying, both being bullied and being a bully, endless phone calls and meetings with the school. My own view is that this girl is using Lapwing as a life raft, clinging on to her to save herself from sinking.
We have all sorts of people involved but the long and the short of it is, that this 'toxic' friendship is dragging Lapwing down a path that is not heading in a good direction. The final straw is that her brother (in the year below is at the same school and doing really well, loves the school joined lots of clubs in the school production of Grease and has great friends etc) is now being bullied by Lapwing and this friend.
Sooooooo - we have made a decision to move her to a different school - probably another state school, although could look at private schools.
My thoughts are that of course there will be another girl like the one she is friends with at what ever school she goes to and knowing Lapwing she will probably gravitate to girls like that ( low self esteem, chaotic home life etc)
but.....we will be giving her brother, Peewit a chance to flourish without his sister in his face
- giving Lapwing a chance to shake off this very suffocating girl which, when I speak to her about it, she does acknowledge it is her friend that has got her into a lot of trouble, I have a grain of hope she might take the chance to make different friends.
Poor Lapwing has been in a terrible state for along time, we have got various people involved but not really helping, she has on/off loving/rejecting push/pull relationship with me but it's 'good enough' for me to still reach her.
Outwardly at least she seems oddly calm about our decision although her intervention worker tells me she has been crying about it at school. She has written one of her 'secret' diary entries about being suicidal, and more which she leaves lying around for me to read, however happy as Larry cuddling the cats the next minute. She has disorganised attachment so maybe not surprising.
This long post is to seek thoughts from parents of teens/tweens who have had difficult years and decided to make big changes.
Thanks for reading!
Apologies for long post.
Lapwing has had a very rocky time since starting secondary school, 18 months ago ( she is now year 8) -
In brief made friends with a girl, who sadly lives 5 minutes from us, and is herself from a traumatic background. This girl is possessive and suffocating to Lapwing , Lapwing does see this but doesn't care as its easy for her to 'go along with it' We have had vaping, on line grooming, police, bullying, both being bullied and being a bully, endless phone calls and meetings with the school. My own view is that this girl is using Lapwing as a life raft, clinging on to her to save herself from sinking.
We have all sorts of people involved but the long and the short of it is, that this 'toxic' friendship is dragging Lapwing down a path that is not heading in a good direction. The final straw is that her brother (in the year below is at the same school and doing really well, loves the school joined lots of clubs in the school production of Grease and has great friends etc) is now being bullied by Lapwing and this friend.
Sooooooo - we have made a decision to move her to a different school - probably another state school, although could look at private schools.
My thoughts are that of course there will be another girl like the one she is friends with at what ever school she goes to and knowing Lapwing she will probably gravitate to girls like that ( low self esteem, chaotic home life etc)
but.....we will be giving her brother, Peewit a chance to flourish without his sister in his face
- giving Lapwing a chance to shake off this very suffocating girl which, when I speak to her about it, she does acknowledge it is her friend that has got her into a lot of trouble, I have a grain of hope she might take the chance to make different friends.
Poor Lapwing has been in a terrible state for along time, we have got various people involved but not really helping, she has on/off loving/rejecting push/pull relationship with me but it's 'good enough' for me to still reach her.
Outwardly at least she seems oddly calm about our decision although her intervention worker tells me she has been crying about it at school. She has written one of her 'secret' diary entries about being suicidal, and more which she leaves lying around for me to read, however happy as Larry cuddling the cats the next minute. She has disorganised attachment so maybe not surprising.
This long post is to seek thoughts from parents of teens/tweens who have had difficult years and decided to make big changes.
Thanks for reading!
