My lovely, lovely dad is in the process of being diagnosed with stage four cancer. I’m devastated. We live on the same road, so do my brothers family, my sister’s family and my other sister lives near by. He is part of our daily life... I see him multiple times a week, talk to him and WhatsApp him everyday. I can’t imagine a world without him in it. I know from looking after dh while he looked after his dad in the final stages that it’s intense. We set things up where He was just dipping in and out of family life while he was looking after his dad. But I don’t see how that can work this time because I’m the kids primary carer. I manage everything in their additional care, know most about therapeutic parenting, manage all their interventions, hassle up professionals etc. Also silverback is so new. He goes where I go at the moment... but the appointments and treatments are just kicking in and he can only sit in so many dr rooms for hours on end. I guess I’m looking for tips/ advice on how to look after my dad the kids and myself all at the same time...
I feel horrible for my baby... he derserves a Together mummy for this first bit while he settles in. I was hoping this but would be super chilll just me and him hanging out in the days.
Argh... life 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Mummy to DD Squirrel Monkey (9), DD Howler Monkey (8), DS Curious George (7), DS Silverback (not quite 1)
I am so sorry to hear your news. Gentle hugs coming your way. I am in a very similar situation. My AS has been home 4 years and is 10 years old and very settled with thankfully few problems/ issues. My Mum is very ill in hospital with Leukemia which we are waiting to be told is terminal. I am a single adoptor and as such my son is very close to his Gradparents. Pants isn't it!!! No real advise other than take one day at a time. Your little ones will muddle through and this time will pass. You are doing the best you can and whilst you may wish to do more cut yourself some slack. You will all come through this just one foot in front of the other and know you are not alone. Others are walking the same path as you.
I was thinking about all that earlier when I pm'ed you. I am not sure how much practical help you have got and if not whether getting some might free you up.
I am thinking of someone who can take most of the burden of household related tasks off you. Cleaner, someone to help with cooking (this could be done on a rota, say once a week for each friend), laundry etc. Of course this would come with a price tag as no amount of friends can provide a full housekeeping service. Maybe SS can step into the breach? These are exceptional circumstances, you have a newly placed child and 3 more monkeys, all with additional needs. Is there a trusted mum/s who can help with school drop offs? Taking kids out?
I know it is nowhere near what you're dealing with but when I had a hysterectomy, I made a list of all people I knew locally, thought of what they might be able to help with, contacted literally all of them and with their permission put then on a rota. I even worked out a list of standbys for each eventuality, just in case someone could not help and it worked a treat. Once set up it freed me up no end.
So hard xxx
Married to Bumblebear, 3 1/2 kids, a mix of adopted and home-made.
I would also say to think about a cleaner/cook/someone to do washing and ironing for you if that's possible.
Also, would it be possible to have time in the evenings once Monkeys are in bed to go and spend some time with your Dad that doesn't revolve around the practical stuff but maybe allows you to read him a book or watch a favourite TV programme together?
Supporting the Monkeys through this will be hard but please make sure you have your own separate space and time to allow your feelings out.
So hard. I would only add that it's good to have practical help for your Dad as well as you. When you spend time with your Dad it's going to be super precious so it's important that it's time you can enjoy each other rather than him watching you cleaning his house and doing the washing. Make sure you get attendance allowance for him so you can get help with cleaning and wonder if you can get disability living allowance if you have not already done so for one or all of the monkeys. Take care xx
Mum to DS, Jealous Dog (13) and DS, Monkey Boy (11), married to Rundad
Sad news Choti, so hard on so many levels when parents become ill. Sounds as if you have family, sister, brother all nearby, could you devise a rota. They must also be aware that you have your own challenges at the moment, your newest little one will need your time! Any help they can offer will help to alleviate your worry about your Dad. Will they rally round and help? Thinking of you. x
Mum to DD Lapwing (11) & DS Peewit (10) Married to Mr Mudlark