I've just dug out my PAR when I was approved for Simba
I really don't recognise the person it describes
How do you think adoption has changed you ?
I'm greyer, fatter (!!), more stressed, more openly affectionate, my relationship with my parents has changed dramatically for the better I've definitely found my inner tiger momma, I'm more passionate and determined. I know more about rugby and F1 than I wish I did
And I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love the hansom one
Good idea.... should dig out my par..... think I would be unrecognisable too!!
Deffo know far too much about F1 esp what coloured tyres mean what & boxboxbox ruling 😨
Like you I am shocked at how much I adore my boys & how truely fierce I am about what I consider their best interests or due 😤
What I am certain of is I am more happy than I dared even hope & that they are too 🍨...
I look 50 years older & feel it! But know if I had my time over I would do it again in a heartbeat...
My life is unrecognisable but totally fulfilled.... I was an uninteresting, disorganised, bored daydreamer... Now I am a proud happy Mum of 2 spectacular & wonderful boys who have the world at their feet....WoW who would have believed it.... 🍦
I am a much stronger person than I used to be, more able to deal with confrontation and stand my ground, I too have become fiercer and incredibly protective of my two little ones. I am far more willing to step out of my comfort zone, try new things, and put up with stuff that I thought I couldn't.
Having adopted has been the very best thing we have ever done, Mr M and I both agree, despite the fact our marriage has been tested to the limits over the years.
I am more patient, tolerant of some things, and less patient and intolerant of others possibly not in the way I thought I would be.
A good question, that I shall think on some more!
Mum to DD Lapwing (11) & DS Peewit (10) Married to Mr Mudlark
I am more able to say no at work and considerably more open about the suspected autism. I am fierce about getting Sqk what he needs but also very honest about his needs. And yes I love him so much .....
I am also fitter than I have been in years (Sqk has a fast turn of speed) and finally lost weight I put on. DH on the other hand has put weight on (he needed to as was very much underweight). Yes marriage has been tested but more by jobs than Sqk although we have our moments.
Married to Droroin, Mum to DS Sqk (9) moved in Oct 13
I love this question... I’ve discovered I’m fearless and resourceful when it comes to getting myself into rooms that I need to be in to help my kids (also won’t leave once I’m in 😜) But at the same time I’m softer than before... I’m moved more easily by things that happen to others/ world events/ newsp I can go far longer than most without sleep... misspent youth does have some benefits! Although I tend to start clipping curbs or reversing into posts when I’m near burn out. My marriage is very different, strong but different. I’ve filtered down friends into people I really want to see who make me feel good about the time we’ve spent together. Filler friends aren’t so important. I’ve discovered I need to be around or connected to people who get it... adopted or special needs parents. I’ve filtered down spare time things into big loves like reading/ writing/ wild swimming. Although I’ve discovered that I need to keep pushing myself in challenges outside being a parent I’ve become far happier and secure in my own company I’ve discovered I have to think very hard about my own childhood experiences and hold my stuff separate from my children’s... not always easy I was very fixated on parenting a baby... sounds obvious but I’ve realised that the baby bit is v quick and every stage is amazing (and has its own specific frustrations) My capacity to love and experience the love my kids give is galaxies above anything I could’ve imagined.
Mummy to DD Squirrel Monkey (9), DD Howler Monkey (8), DS Curious George (7), DS Silverback (not quite 1)
Post by gibsonlespaul on Jan 14, 2020 21:44:06 GMT
As previously a shy girl growing up and not brimming with confidence, I found that parenting my birth sons changed me a lot. I learned how to stand up for myself much more when my/our decisions etc were challenged. There were many times when I had to 'fight' for their needs and really stand their corner.
But... parenting an adopted child knocks all of that into a cocked hat!! It's been one long 'fight' to get the best for my daughter and even when the odds were stacked against us we couldn't give up. Pertaining to her education for example, I plodded on when things weren't right for her- it was almost like I needed to demonstrate that this girl is ours and I'll do whatever it takes; even risking being unpopular if it got her what she needed. ''You won't get a statement Mrs GLP; she's not ''bad'' enough' (whatever that meant) So I applied myself.. got it "She needs to learn a modern foreign language Mrs GLP"- what??? when she needed help with basic English/Maths eventually removed from MFL class.
You do risk being an ''awkward" parent. Remembering bullying, sexting, pushing, ridiculing, mocking, being sworn at- my poor DD. I thought I would explode with anger and frustration. Some parents even said that it was a shame that DD got into a very good school when some 'really bright' kids hadn't got a place!!!!!!! I found out how cruel folk could be when i became an adopted parent and lost friendships.
But it takes its toll- I am stronger, more confident and more able- even more so than when I had my birth sons- but my own mental health has suffered, The constant grind is exhausting, for all the family. I know this has impacted on my birth sons too, though they love their little sister very much. Adoptive parenting deserves its name as "extreme parenting" it really does. Best wishes GLP
Really good post GLP. I totally subscribe to what you have said. Though I am not sure adoption has made me stronger. Different, yes, and sometimes not who I would like to be. I would love to be able to hold "normal" conversations again, but feel I always gravitate back to our circumstances, it is all-encompassing. Hence my new year's resolution to achieve just that and carve out some time just to be me.
Married to Bumblebear, 3 1/2 kids, a mix of adopted and home-made.