It can be very hard to maintain, but try and frame things in a positive, not negative way
so instead of saying stop running, you say can we walk nicely
another thing to bear in mind is that often children, and adults for that matter, only hear the first few words of what you are saying. So try and keep things as brief as possible
In our house its often single words, so wash, teeth, dressed, shoes, school bag, out, rather than please will you go and clean your teeth and get washed because we are going out. They've stopped hearing after teeth, and forget the rest.
Mum to the 'hansom' Simba, age 19 and 40 now retired teddy bears and FC to Special K, age 12
Ok thanks for that tip. That's a good idea for the no's/donts to word them differently and in a more positive way, will be better for us both. Don't always realise how you come across and the effect if that. I am trying not to beat myself up so much about getting things wrong or not quite right, it's a massive learning curve. I think the first time I posted I felt like I just cocked it all up and was completely hopeless but I feel far more positive now (youve all helped me loads with your replies) and I haven't cried or had a hidden meltdown for a week, I think that's progress! X
Hi, it sounds like you are doing amazingly well. You are right, it is such a steep learning curve - and unlikely to be one any of your friends or family have gone through so I think that makes it all much more isolating and difficult.
I think it's natural to always feel you 'could do better'; I've learned that it seems to come with being a parent! The reality is though, that you are getting far more right than you think and it is not a race - you have your whole lifetime together and you will continually learn, grow and tweak what you are doing. However, over time, it gets much easier and there is less angst and more sense of security/knowledge of your child.
I have two children. One. Hurricane, needs a lot of nurture and a long, slow bedtime (but we have a strict routine - TV only ever before bath, bath, into bed, one story, quick chat about the day or the upcoming one, hugs, reassurance that I am still there for him in the night and will still be there in the morning, then lights out). Even now though, heading for ten years in, I stay upstairs for about 10 to 15 minutes so they can hear me moving around/know I'm there. My other son, Tsunami, needs a much quicker routine with very little stimulus and a very brief kiss on his forehead before removing myself from his room.
In the early days, they shared a room and I sat with them as they settled. I'm trying to remember things I said or did to help with the endless getting in and out of bed, giggling, running over to me to hit at me, taking pyjamas off …
- one was definitely to say to them that I was going to be quiet now because I loved them and I knew that they needed to get to sleep (they would panic easily if I didn't answer their every call back then) but that |I would still be there and I would see them in the morning
- I remember sitting and holding Hurricane's hand as he lay in bed
- mine responded better to quiet rather than lullabies - I think for them it was too much 'relationship'/too much stimulation
- our therapists told us that a red night light is better for sleep than any other kind because it does not stop melatonin production (as teenagers they still sleep with a red light on!)
- I think there was maybe ten minutes or so each night before I hit the 'I'm going to be quiet now' stage where I would be very empathic and do all the, 'I can see how hard this is for you', 'I can see you are struggling to settle in your bed, perhaps it still feels very new', 'I wonder if you are worried I may not be here when you wake up as I know that's happened to you before - but I will be, I am here for you forever and will not abandon you'. (I used to find that hard when my body and mind were desperately crying out for peace, rest and some sense of sanity!)
You will get there, it is still all so new for you both. You're sounding more confident and happy than you were so that's a massive step forward.
Hi Moo, Its been going pretty well. Bedtime is pretty sorted now, usually asleep within 10mins! Going school has helped with that though. He's doing well at school and settled in really quickly. He's started to pick up a few things from school such 'that's not fair, standard stuff really. He makes stuff up quite a lot and says he has some sort if ailment on a daily basis, makes it difficult to know when there us genuinely a problem but other than that I think we're settling into our lives together. How is everyone? Since school started the weeks are flying by! X
Great to hear from you have been thinking of you both lots!
Congratulations on getting thro the summer hols... so thrilled school routine is proving a hit & good routine xx
My 2 were little sponges & always managed to bring home some of the tricky comments & disruptions from school, never seemed able to identify with the 'good' easy responses somehow!?
You are doing brilliantly be proud of yourself xx it is so tuff in the early days switching to the new role of Mummy... 'grown up ! ' I still cannot believe it myself when I feel my shoe size, so helps my understanding when boys do the same 😉😤 ...
Sending many hugs & high fives your way xx please keep posting it is great hearing about your success xx
Xx moo xx
Proud single adoptive mummeee to brothers baa & skweek 17 & 16
( 38 & 23 months at placement together ) WoW Where Did The Time Go?....