hn80
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Post by hn80 on Jul 26, 2019 8:00:52 GMT
Hi All, I completed introductions last week which went well.Nearly at the end of week 1 of our first week together. I'm a single 40+ new Mum. I was expecting it to be challenging but I've founded it tougher than I imagined and am struggling a bit, not that I'd give up or wish I hadn't done this. I think I'll just be glad when we have a routine, he's in school and has friends he can play with. The heat has been horrid and I'm so tired. Please tell me this is the norm?
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Post by leo on Jul 26, 2019 8:47:34 GMT
Hello and welcome.
Yes, perfectly normal. I spent the fist six months in shock I think.
Maybe you could make yourself (and Bob) a visual timetable - or a written one because that's much easier.
In our early days I had a rough plan for each week - very similar. So Monday was cooking, Tuesday was shopping, Wednesday swimming ... it really helped. We had that stuck up on our kitchen wall and I think it helped all of us to feel there was at least some structure.
Each day then had a more detailed one - only 3 or 4 things on but it helped to map our day, contain my feelings of hopelessness and enable my boys to go to bed knowing what was happening the next day. It simply had things like - walk to the park, play with bubbles, bake cookies, on it so nothing posh or detailed.
At times, for me to cope, I had to break the day down into half hour chunks - and just know what the next half hour would be. I couldn't manage thinking about a whole day, too scary!
That said, try to enjoy the time alone with Bob before school starts as it can get chaotic once it does.
Also, make sure you have kind people who bring you round a take away one evening a week after Bob's bedtime so you have some adult company.
Take care,
Leo
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hn80
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Post by hn80 on Jul 26, 2019 8:56:21 GMT
Thank you Leo, some good ideas to put into place there. I'm glad it's all sounding normal. I've planned today and a friend is coming round later to suggest a walk in the park. I like the planning to give structure and to add stability. I've just looked at different days out inc free days out locally, going to one this afternoon.
Did you have any bedtime struggles to begin with? I've had 2 nightmare nights maybe heat being an issue so bought a fan yesterday and had quiet time for an hour and he went to bed at 8, up when he heard me at 6.45am though, I was hoping he'd stay in bed till 8am!
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Post by moo on Jul 26, 2019 9:06:31 GMT
Welcome great advice as ever from leo...
I too had a routine quite quickly & also 'chunked' the day down... mine loved being skwerted with the hose pipe on hot days?! Still do & the hose has been upgraded to a snozzle end that twists to different skwerts!! Such fun.... over the years it has evolved to jumping on the trampoline at the same time!! ( net obviously around trampoline 🐄 )
Drawing with crayons was favourite here in the early days... got great one on one time together & I felt good eye contact too....
Have you a local playpark... that too was great for us one very local plus the small ball pit became a must... helped boys let off steam & tired them out for a good nights sleep xx I was lucky tgey slept well as I needed down time... It soon became a mission of mine to tire them out the most I could to keep them sleeping well & in a routine.... Duck feeding at the park was a big hit! 🐬 ... some big geese caused a few scares early on but it was soon a big favourite...
Such a hard time but one where great memories are started... Keep posting for tips xxx
Congratulations..... wonderful news xxx
Don't worry being in total shock is completely normal xxx
Xx moo xx
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Post by leo on Jul 26, 2019 10:14:22 GMT
Bedtime issues? Sleep?
Well I don't want to scare you ... 9 years on we still have many sleep issues (although much better and I don't very often get woken at their default time of 5.00 any more).
Find a routine that works for you - bath was always good for play and relaxation. Stories were a must as well. Then I used to sit in the room while they settled - early days probably average 3 to 4 hours.
Actually after several months of hideous bedtimes and lack of sleep, my sw suggested pull out beds in my room. We did six months of that - helped hugely for them but nearly killed me - then returned to own rooms.
Heat is definitely not helping sleep currently so hopefully it is that for you.
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Post by moo on Jul 26, 2019 10:31:36 GMT
HaHa.... sadly as I was typing that I was acutely aware that I am sooo so so lucky to have achieved sleep.... & down time xxx I was hoping to give a glimmer that it sometimes can be done xxxx
Hugs leo you know I think you are amazing... sleep deprivation is in my view the worst ever torture xxxx
Hope your day goes well, all at least someone has turned the dial down xxx bit cooler today xxxx
Xx moo xx
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Post by leo on Jul 26, 2019 19:19:21 GMT
Ps. I am impressed. It has only just sunk in that you said, 'at the end of our first week'.
At that point I was barely coherent when talking and way off being sane enough to post on a forum!
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hn80
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Post by hn80 on Jul 26, 2019 20:43:57 GMT
I'm really struggling with these bedtimes as I'm not sure where the line is between providing reassurance and not being played. I'm so tired right and upset, it's just me, the last few weeks have been very intense. I've tried everything that others have advised me to try and, even though I've had him running round all day and looking exhausted the second he goes to bed he's wide awake. I'm a bit confused by a couple of comments, 1 seeming like I'm lucky it's taken a week to post it but the other seeming to laugh that ive asked something after so little time as it will go on for months. I'm feeling really carppy that I feel like I'm struggling with something already and was just hoping people would say yes I felt like this, experienced this or offer some advice but not be judgemental with it.
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Post by leo on Jul 26, 2019 21:32:48 GMT
I am so sorry, I really am not being patronising or judgemental, it was a truly awful time for us and I was trying (badly) to say I understand. I do think you are doing an amazing job. The first few weeks are extremely tough and it is normal to feel the way you currently do. It will pass with time and with the two of you getting to know each other.
Have you got anyone who can come round in an evening to look after you and make you feel more human again? I think a big part of our identity (perhaps especially as a single adopter) gets swallowed up in caring for the needs of a virtually unknown, traumatised child. You need support right now because you are giving all you have to Bob - so someone needs to give something back to you.
With regard to bedtime, whether Bob is playing you or not, you can only fall back on the certain knowledge that he is currently a very scared and traumatised child who desperately needs you to show him you will be there no matter what. That is easier said than done when you are exhausted.
Are you getting good support from your sw and do you know if Bob was ever like this with FC?
Other things that may help -
- Bob having something of yours (a top you've been wearing) or something sprayed with your perfume with him in bed
- singing lullabies or nursery rhymes gently
- if he gets up or cries out ... reassuring him that he is safe and that you will still ne there for him in the morning
- could he be missing fc - have you had contact yet? That may help him settle a bit?
- not sure if it is the getting into bed, falling asleep or staying asleep that is most difficult? If you can identify that you may be able to see if there's a particular trigger?
- going to bed very soon after he has finally settled - he may feel safer with you upstairs and you must be exhausted and in need of sleep
Stay strong, in many ways it is a good sign that he is not just meekly accepting this massive change in his life and he already feels safe enough with you to show his distress.
Please keep posting. There are a huge amount of supportive people on this site and they will be along soon with better ways of putting things across than I have done.
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hn80
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Post by hn80 on Jul 26, 2019 22:44:48 GMT
Thanks Leo, sorry I prob took it a bit personal because I'm just feeling really carppy tonight. I feel like I'm getting bedtime really badly wrong. I've been trying different things but get frustrated that they're not working and end up in the kitchen crying not really knowing what to try next, composing myself to up again. I obviously just need to try different things. It's the start of the school hols and I'm trying to only introduce people slowly and for not too much time each time. I'm getting lots of text messages from friends but I think I'm jusr feeling overwhelmed and a bit isolated. The last few weeks have been very intense with introductions and so I've gone from coming and going as I please, doing whatever i want to a fulltime Mum with a confused/traumatised 4 year old on my own. I completely want this this, he is a cracking little kid and I knew it wasnt going to be easy and there was going to be challenges ahead but it doesn't stop it being overwhelming and s bit scary when it does happens. I am seeing the SW next week and she's happy for me to contact her anytime too.
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Post by serrakunda on Jul 26, 2019 23:18:41 GMT
hello and welcome
I think most of us have been in your shoes, any laughs are probably hysteria at the memories.
The first weeks are like being hit by a bus, add on the insane heat and its going to be a struggle.
Things take time to work and get established. You say its your first week and you have been trying different things. Can I suggest that may be part of the problem at the moment. You arent really giving anything a chance to work. Its confusing for him if things keep changing. Pick a strategy and stick with it, at least for a few weeks. But to be honest it would be a very rare 4 year old who stays in bed until 8. My son has always been an early riser, I'm not a morning person, it nearly killed me.
The primary focus now is building your relationship, he is a scared little boy, think younger, what would you do for a 2 year old or a baby in distress? Pick him up, cuddle him, reassure. Give him what he needs,which is your attention. Stay with him.
A few small tips in no particular order
TV is not the enemy - I spent many an early morning flaked out on the sofa whilst he watched cartoons. If it gives you time to have a cup of tea, make a meal - use it
Pick your battles - save your energy for the big stuff
Lower your standards, a bit of dust doesnt hurt, fish fingers and chicken nuggets have a purpose in life.
Get into that routine, agree with the visual timetable
Swimming is really good for bonding
You can take funneling too far
I hope some of this helps. Its tough, its grit your teeth and dig in time. But it does get easier
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Post by flutterby on Jul 27, 2019 4:18:56 GMT
Butterfly, although younger at the time, could and to an extent still can't cope with going to sleep on her own. We're 6 years in.
Lie down on a mattress next to him or move a comfy chair into his room so you can stay until he falls asleep. At the mo, you just dont know what triggers him and presence is best for reassurance. He is not playing you, he is fighting for survival.
Keep everything as much the same as you can. Read to him, sing to him then lights out, with enough light around, so he wont get scared in the dark. You can keep some soothing music on in the background if you like, even just for your benefit! Accept that you won't get an evening as you used to, but you can still read a book yourself in that comfy chair of yours. Tell him you've had your story, now I'll have mine. Its too boring for boys, so I will read it quietly. I'm still here and looking after you. Do not get drawn into conversations. Just keep repeating, time to sleep in a gentle voice. That in itself tells him you are responsive to him and that you have not abandoned him.
Ignore behaviour as much as possible. If he keeps sitting up in bed, you can still read your book. Remind him every so often that you're still there. Eg. Stroking his hair, cheek can be very sleep inducing in a lot of children.
He is probably too scared to want to go to bed. Will you still be there in morning? Were there (euphmism alert!) unsafe people at bedtimes in the past, imagine yourself being that age and how you would have felt being taken away from all you know and placed with a stranger and told youre going to live with them now forever! How traumatising and scary is all that?
Also, try and distinguish between his problems and yours. What I mean is, what is triggering you because you're exhausted and just want/need him to sleep so you can get a breather? What is triggering you because you may feel disappointed in yourself at seemingly being less able to cope after just one week? Is this about your needs or his, basically?
We can all beat ourselves up for "not being good enough". Well, you are, and always remember that. But your world has been turned upside down too and the reality and the trauma (his) that is seeping into your subconcious can wreak havoc with your mental health. So guard it, do whatever it takes to help you. Ask people not just for "support" but for practical support too. Get someone to cook and bring a meal around for you, help with cleaning or just a shoulder to cry on.
When people have a newborn, after a few days they get the blues, that is hormonal as much as exhaustion from birth and lack of sleep. Well, tbh, you've got even bigger fish to fry, no wonder you're overwhelmed! And people often do not appreciate this, they think, well it's not as if she had to give birth, they have no idea what you're really going through. There are so many big feelings that can come up for us and they must not be neglected. So give yourself permission to not get everything right, there are things you cannot change at this point, so embrace them rather than fight them.
If you can describe what exactly happens in the evening it will be easier to give advice on how to handle the situation. But, correct me if I am wrong, your main issue seems to be that of neeeding support yourself, being really understood and cared for.
And the first few months are the hardest and the only thing that can make things better in time is getting to know each other, predictability and routine.
They need to know what comes next, I still spend some days where I am constantly talking like this: now, we are going to have a snack, then we will wash our hands. Now we are going to wash our hands, then we will dry them. Now we are going to dry our hands then we will do a puzzle, now we are going to do a puzzle then we are going to tidy it away again.
Driving me insane, but is such a useful tool. LO will know at all times what's next at micro level, you are teaching him language skills, to him your focus is on him and it also distracts him from having to think too much himself. It builds attachment over time. Voice in very simple language how he must be missing his old home, people, let him own his own grief.
Please keep posting, people here are really caring and Leo definitely wasnt trying to minimise your issues. We all mean well here and we know how hard it is. Xxx
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hn80
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Post by hn80 on Jul 27, 2019 7:02:40 GMT
Thanks for the comments. It's actually comforting to know that this is pretty standard to begin with. At his previous place he settled very easily, when he stayed here the first time he was calling me and I went up to him, when I spoke with the foster carers it was raised eyes and well you see how we deal with bed times here and we don't have problems with him sleeping. I think that has prob stated in my mind and then I'm getting frustrated he won't do the same for me. I do tea and clear up then he has his bath, we come down and draw the curtains and we watch some tv and then he goes to bed for 8. I read a book if he wants one. I had to stop him falling asleep in the car last night as he was tired from running around and his eyes looked heavy when he was watching tv, might I have been better letting him fall asleep there and putting him up to bed or his he better going up at 8 and then as you've mentioned staying with him till he falls asleep? When I stay with him it starts laughing and giggling and saying I'm not going to sleep. I try and explain about the next day what we'll be doing and mention breakfast, I ask him to put his head on the pillow and try closing his eyes which he'll do for a second and then start laughing. I think this is what I struggle with. He'll have the fan on and say he's too cold so I'll turn it off and then he came me to say he's too hot so I come up and put it back on and try and stay with him again but it all starts again each time. He will at some point then say he his missing everyone and feels sad so then we'll go through his memory book. All this can go on for hours, once he is asleep that is it till morning which is great. I've asked a couple of mum friends and they say if you keep going up then you make a rod for your own back, the SW says he will need lots of reassurance and bedtime as he has no distractions then from his thoughts. I'm trying (badly)to find a balance that will get him into a routine at bedtime. Last night was boiling bug he decided he wanted his dwelling dressing gown on, I said he will get very hot in that but he was very insistent. I have been giving him a bath each night to try and cool him down, he used to have 1 or 2 a week at FCs, this seems to wake him up rather than relax him to, I put lavender foam in too. I don't leave him there alone I stay with him while he has his bath but usually I'm getting him out and he's saying he wants to stay in longer, what does everyone else do with baths.
Other than the above the days are going really well and we might go for a walk and include the local park for a play or he's had his pool in the garden, he's likes doing an activity like drawing sometimes. After breakfast while I'm getting a shower and having a tidy up he will watch the tv for a bit until it's time to do whatever we've planned that day.
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Post by moo on Jul 27, 2019 7:20:51 GMT
So so sorry hn80 I really hope I havn't added to your stress....
Some wonderful answers from leo, serrakunda & flutterby...
I personally go with flutterby with voiceing the next steps of what will happen next... I found it tuff at first but eventually realised the boys needed to hear my voice over theirs to feel us inclusive somehow... It stopped the babble & struggle to see who could get my attention the most!
I found it hard at first what/how to say... I then decided to be the David Attenborough character, giving a commentary of what I was seeing & ' guessing' what would happen next... It really helped & I soon found myself talking more & more..
The guessing was the best because I could say things lots like..... great here comes our winner in the splashing in the pool competition, here he is baked bean eating champion..here he is the bubble blowing hero.... all sounds mad hn80 but the talking helped with stress & helped vying for my attention coz they knew they already had it iykwim ...It stopped anxiety & stopped stress, screaming & hyper questioning.... from memory it was a turning point & boys quickly calmed because they knew I was talking about them to them....
You are so not alone... this in my view is just the hardest hardest thing I have ever done..... as you already know it is isolating & at first so scarey because you have to evolve to be a whole new you managing completely alone .. it is hard because we have to stand alone & totally lose all sense of self we want to be mum but worry that we are good enough you so are you can di it it is tufff because it so important & never been given to your son before xxx you are his rescuer....xxx hugsxxx you really will be fine & your sons salvation xxx
A comfy chair for mummy at bedtime was crucial!! 😶 with 2 sharing a room it was tricky to get both to sleep oir the first while... loving flutterbys tips... I too continued my David Attenborough commentary.... wgen reading tgere story doing voices & growls & skweeks... stroking cheeks was a hit here... skweek was easiest as he didn't have an afternoon nap (23 months) baa took a while & key was keeping chat down to not wake skweek.. so like flutterby I kept resasurring by say sleep now... skweek a winner he is snoring....
Boys loved the animal voices at bedtime & it helped lots as I could say things differently to me coz I was now a zebra a tiger a giraffe.... it really really helped xxx I love whale calls & used to play them at bedtime... really helped relax me but boys loved it too....
I like flutterby had to think younger & was ofter wrapping them in blankets & rocking them... awful coz its too hot just now to give a try xx
Bubbles in the garden greatest hit... paddling pool... playdoh.....
Please please keep posting.... we have all been thro the hell you describe xxx we want to help....
We are rooting for you, believe me we do understand & I personally am horrified that you feel unsupported...
Sending yiu many gentle hugs xxx
Just read your update we crossed posts!?
Your son is obviously very intelligent & he wants you 200% because he knows you are his mum xxx baa was like this & I had to watch & comment on everthing he did.... he really knew at 3 that he had not been cherished by anyone so far... he seemed to immediatley know he 'had' me & I was going to be fighting his corner... the bond for him was more to do with his need but his intelligence was heartbreaking in that he knew he had never had that before xxx
Your son sounds just the same he needs you, he wants to trust you, he is testing you, he is on you 24/7 xxxxx he is also dragging things out making excuses to keep awake & you with him xx try to be firm he will need definite do & don't's at bedtime xx
Xx moo xx
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Post by serrakunda on Jul 27, 2019 8:32:36 GMT
Unless your mum friends are adopters, you are going to have to learn to ignore them. You will be parenting very differently to them.
Their 4 year old securely attached birth children are not the same as your very scared little boy who has lost everything he knows. This is also a different situation to what the foster carers where dealing with.
Personally the one thing I might do differently is once you are upstairs stay there. So tea, wind down in front of TV, stay with him, washing up can wait, upstairs for wash/teeth, bed and story, stay till he'e asleep.
I think you do need to factor in the extreme heat at the moment, we have fans, I find the room gets cold after a while, so I turn it off for a bit, so I can understand that.
Your days sound lovely, its easy to forget whats going well when you are dealing with difficult things
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hn80
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Post by hn80 on Jul 27, 2019 8:47:34 GMT
Thank you serrakkunder. I will do what you suggest tonight and see how it goes.i suppose it's just hit me like a tonne of bricks this week.Ive just to persevere and hope for the best. Thanks for all the comments to my post it helps just knowing others have/do struggle and it's not just me! X
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Post by serrakunda on Jul 27, 2019 11:08:38 GMT
Its also worth thinking about control issues
You are both discombobulated and trying to exert control over your situations.
You knew this was going to happen, you chose him, the decisions were yours, and you are struggling to exert control
But he wasnt given any choice, and he is trying to exert control as well.
Don't make it a battle of wills because it won't get you very far
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hn80
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Post by hn80 on Jul 27, 2019 20:34:14 GMT
I took all your advice today and messaged my closest friends to say I'm struggling and could really use some support. A friend came for the afternoon who he'd already met and we did painting....hand prints and arm tattoos! While they carried on I got the washing put away and had a shower. We all had tea together. DS had a bath and the 3 of snuggled on the sofa, she suggested he has his own blanket which worked a treat.He has a cuddly cat he has named and I gave him some hot chocolate too. She left and we snuggled till bedtime I took him up and stayed till he finally slept about 45mins or so later. Far less stressful for me while hopefully providing him with some reassurance and building his feelings of security.
A few friends offered support with meeting up with their children and getting planned dates in, one starting tomorrow, just at the park (when they just happen to be there).
Thank you all so much for your help and advice. Obviously it's only day 1 of this and it's the start of a long road ahead but I feel positive today and like a little corner has be turned today xx
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Post by moo on Jul 27, 2019 20:41:27 GMT
Great news well done.... wonderful support xxx
You sound happier so pleased its been good xxx sending hugs xxx
Keep posting xxxx we are here xx
Xx moo xx
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Post by leo on Jul 27, 2019 21:41:49 GMT
That's great news!
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Post by serrakunda on Jul 27, 2019 21:49:45 GMT
Snugglepower 😁
well done mum ! Day at a time is all you need to do right now
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Post by chotimonkey on Jul 28, 2019 15:24:06 GMT
Hi...
Just wanted to say hi and welcome...
The first bit is so strange and weird and nobody knows how anything works yet...
sounds like you’re doing so much better than you think you are.
Sounds like last night went better too and nice for you both to have company.... it can get very intense when it’s just the two of you .
The best piece of advice I had at the beginning was to try and see whatever I was finding hard as something hard just at the moment and not over think it into an issue that would run forever and panic.
Anyway... keep posting... we’ve all been there
Xx
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Post by chotimonkey on Jul 28, 2019 15:38:38 GMT
Also heavily echo that the tv is your friend... you’ve spent all day together... it’s fine for him to have something on and you both to zone out for a while...
Also what can you do for yourself once he is settled that makes you feel like you and feel good about yourself...
Be very very kind to yourself, spoil yourself, you definitely deserve it x
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hn80
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Post by hn80 on Jul 31, 2019 20:58:07 GMT
Hi All, just wanted to update, things hav3 settled a bit more, bedtime is much better and far less stressful. We've stayed with the tea/bath/quiet time (childrens film) with hot chocolate/bed routine which has gone well, I have stayed with him at bedtime which has taken anything from 30mons to an hour. Last night I introduced a reward chart which he loves and has gone to sleep so much quicker. 2 nights in and asleep within 15mins! Not sure how long it will continue but last night he slept 11 hours, it was pure heaven! X
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Post by moo on Jul 31, 2019 21:11:20 GMT
Inspired! 😄 well done mum
In my experience never knock it if it works!.. 😉
Worked well once when I used it ....strawberries were the reward xxx
Keep on keeping on xxxx keep checking in it is wonderful to have your updates xx
Xx moo xx
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Post by chotimonkey on Aug 2, 2019 11:18:12 GMT
so lovely to hear that its feeling more settled. its still such early days for you both... its weird with adoption, because you have all the panic and insecurities of any mother with a new born, but because they aren't babies, other people forget that mothering is still new and brilliant and terrifying and unknown for us no matter how big or small they are.
you're both doing so well!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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hn80
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Post by hn80 on Aug 6, 2019 21:21:01 GMT
Reward chart success only last two days.His eyes can look heavy on the sofa and then he'll go up at bedtime and be completely wide awake. I read him stories, if wants to we go through his FC albums, but he gets hyper(is this hyperarousal?).I stay with him and eventually he burns himself out of energy and goes asleep, I just have to keep telling him to get back into bed as he finds all sorts of reasons to get out of bed. We stick to the same routine every night so I'm just hoping once school starts it will provide a better overall daily routine and of course he'll make some little friends too, although im trying to provide support, love and comfort its all so new to him and he must be a lonely confusing place right now. Learning every day! I think we are bonding though which feels nice. Getting there slowly but surely.
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Post by flutterby on Aug 7, 2019 4:01:00 GMT
It will be difficult for both of you at times, like an arranged marriage. You have been thrown in with a stranger and now have to make it work. I am glad you are feeling more positive, you sound much better. I take my hat off to you, I was in such a state and you sound like you afe doing much better and are more ecfective than I was in the early days. Tbh, reward charts do not work for adopted children. Your little boy cannot do cause and effect thinking, does not understand permanence. And it gives them an opportunity to try and be controlling. I think we all tried them and quickly realized they were not for us. It is not about behaviour management, but bonding, like you said, which in itself will make things easier.
Just another thought re bedtime. Can you bring it forward by an hour? He won't know the difference, you will still spend the same amount of time putting him to bed, but it won't be so late into the evening then and you might still get some time to yourself that way before crashing out.
Personally, I found that when we had a strict routine (what I mean is not deviate from it come what may) of dinner, soothing lavender bath followed by reading stories in bed, and singing lullabies we fared much better. Telly last thing at night would only hype my little girl up enormously. Same goes for life story/fc book. Maybe make a point of looking at it at a certain time during the day every day and thats his special book time. - I used a lot of telly to keep me sane, just not at bedtime. Might be different for your child of course, so just a thought.
Mine used to jump out of bed and run around and I would say time to go back to bed. I will carry on reading once you are in bed. Same with everything else where they try and take control at bedtime. Just keep reiterating that it is time for bed. Do not engage in their control games. It took me ages not to fall for this. And it seems counterintuitive, you feel like you are not dealing with their pain and anxiety. However, you are giving them much needed boundaries and most of all sleep. There is no worse combination than a tired traumatised child and an overwhelmed parent who is burned out from 24/7 caring. You give him so much during the day.
Keel posting, so good to hear how you are getting on.
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Post by moo on Aug 7, 2019 6:44:52 GMT
Fab advice from flutterby xxx
Mine too needed to be gently directed & I needed to be aware of control & manipulative getting out of bed or keeping talking about tomorrows treats ( highs & fun stuff) or todays laughs.....It was so hard to not take away from their need for security in 'good' stuff that gave them hope & strength from longevity & safety of their new forever home.....
Like flutterby I brought long bath & story routine forward... It really helped & boys didn't notice.... I already had blackout & thermal curtains & blinds.... that was the tricky bit as boys knew in summer it was still daylight.... by having lights on upstairs & blackout in bathroom & bedroom helped when they were little to forget!
I too used fc book but only 'downstairs' in daytime... memories etc needed to be managed imho & it could encourage ds to stay awake if reading at bedtime....
You will soon get to be able to read ds & have a clearer understanding of his motives & possible manipulation xx...... it sadly is such a fine line... I well remember spotting it in baa he had a tilt of his head.... often before he ever said or did anything.... still does it today.... harder to spot at 13 tho as he towers above me! ( 6ft 2ins tall wtf)..... sorry to digress
Hang in you really are doing an amazing job xxxx school routine is good but that too can bring its own distractions xxx
Keep on keeping on it is so good to hear your successes... ( please quietly think about them I often overlooked how many there were & how far we had come in only a few weeks xxxxx)
Keep posting I am loving your updates xxx
Well Done Mumxxx
Xx moo xx
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hn80
New Member
Posts: 13
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Post by hn80 on Aug 7, 2019 17:42:00 GMT
Thanks for your comments and advice. I think bringing bedtime etc forward is a good idea and I will take the FC albums out of his room and try and encourage looking at them downstairs during the day too. Bringing bedtime earlier and bath time etc I think should help, even if it's just me getting some time to recoup a bit before bed, I do feel almost burnt out. His behaviour changes the following day too as obviously still tired and then I feel like I'm spending most of the day saying don't do that and explaining why he shouldn't do whatever it is, vicious cycle! Keep on going though!
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