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Post by mudlark on Jun 7, 2019 9:41:59 GMT
Hi All, Peewit has asked if I can go in and do a talk to his class about adoption, he is fed up with being questioned/made to feel different by some of his classmates. School have tried to deal with it but have failed. The thought of losing your parents is every childs' greatest fear and maybe this is what driving their persistent curiosity.
I am not over the moon about having to do this as I am quite a private person about my personal life but am happy to do it for Peewit. Has anyone done this and do they have any tips! Also can anyone think of famous people that a class of 9 year olds have actually heard of that were adopted. I have a list of people that I have heard of but need some names that are a little more contemporary a football player or pop star would be ideal! I am not using fictional adoptees for as Peewit pointed out, 'they're not real mum, and my life is real' ..point taken Peewit. This school just are not sure how to handle it, and I feel for them as it is hard to strike the right tone with young children but I don't want Peewit to suffer a further two years of intrusive questions. Thanks for any ideas/ tips.
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 7, 2019 12:47:53 GMT
Dele Alli springs to mind - not a traditional 'legal' adoption but an interesting story.
Can't remember which club he plays for but is in the England team
Obviously you wont be getting too personal about Peewits story or frighten them too much, could you maybe start with a version of the Todd Parr book about different types of families?
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safia
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by safia on Jun 7, 2019 12:51:22 GMT
I know Delli Ali was in foster care. I've just had a quick look and 50 Cent comes up - also JR Tolkein - are those suitable or too obscure? - I'm sure there must be many more contemporary ones. Most listed are American and so a very different system. Such a difficult thing to do too as its such a minefield not knowing how they will interpret things - can you get advice from any professional - specialist teacher or SW - what does your son want to be understood by them? As you say it is children's greatest fear so leads them to unexpected interpretations of what they hear
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Post by moo on Jun 7, 2019 15:08:14 GMT
Dawn French famously adopted a 2 week old little girl with then husband lenny...
My most favourite tho is kinship adoption of.... John Lennon...
Still the most beautiful ( imho) woman in the world.... Marilyn Monroe...
Will post more later ...
With you about being private & not really wanting to... surprised school cannot police all the unwanted Q's from peers tbh....
Xx moo xx
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Post by mudlark on Jun 7, 2019 15:41:59 GMT
I think Peewit wants me to do a positive spin and for his friends to see that I love him like a 'normal mum' !
I think its beyond the schools imagination to understand how he feels, they just keep talking about respecting difference which for a class of 9 year olds in sort of 'bland' and tells them nothing.
I have the list of some amazing adoptees but none apart from Delli Ali ( didn't know that) which would connect with the children.
I think I am going to start with asking them what they think adoption is ….I get the feeling they are all a little confused. I guess it's good to get out of my comfort zone!
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 7, 2019 17:24:49 GMT
if you google Adoption UK ambassadors there is a West end actor, BMX rider and an Olympic athlete which might be useful
Steve Jobs might connect
in the event that any of them are interested in politics there is of course Michael Gove
How about the Timpson family - most of them should at least have seen a Timpsons shop
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Post by chotimonkey on Jun 7, 2019 17:50:31 GMT
Was thinking of the main focus is to make peewit happier rather than an info session Could you do something generic at the beginning and include about all the building bricks of what a child needs and all then look at all the different types of families there could be. Could enforce that when you become an adoptive parent it’s like the unbreakable vow on Harry Potter and you bond yourself to that person for life. And show a celebration hearing pic and say you promise in front of a judge that you’ll be there forever parent. You could come back to what makes a parent is what they do to keep you safe, happy and help you to be the very best person you can be Have some pics of some of the things you do together and get other kids to comment on what they do to make things see the same things happen in their families. Maybe? I haven’t done one so this is just some random ideas x
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Post by leo on Jun 7, 2019 22:22:38 GMT
I think your starting point is finding out what they are asking Peewit and what they are doing that makes him feel different. (And maybe why school are so ineffective at dealing with it!)
From my years working in schools, I would say it is unusual in a primary school for children to continue asking questions for such a long time (assuming he has been at the same school all through). In my experience, children ask questions early on, then either lose interest or simply accept whatever it is.
What is happening/being said that in some way is perpetuating the feeling of difference and the need to ask questions?
If you can identify that, maybe it will give you a focus for the talk?
I would also just be cautious over talking about 'good parents' and what children need to thrive. You won't know which of those children may currently be living with domestic violence or which ones have social services involved in their lives.
It's lovely that he wants you to go in and talk to them, that he has such trust and confidence in you. He has come a long way; well done.
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 7, 2019 22:47:29 GMT
mudlark a thought has just occured to me - I was reading a blog earlier by Carrie Grant, parents at her adopted son's school ran a facebook campaign to have him excluded. Have you had any negative reactions from parents - could the children's continued interest stem from the parents?
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Post by mudlark on Jun 8, 2019 13:18:11 GMT
I am not sure why there is this persistent curiosity Serrakunda, some of the parents are very closed minded and it might be coming from them passing on their own lack of knowledge about adoption to their children.
Peewit is very sensitive and feels things very deeply so their comments are given additional power through his own insecurities and anxiety.
I have thought about the impact it might have on other children Leo, and I will be careful not to make emotive value judgments but it is hard not to make some kind of judgment as there were reasons why Peewit was adopted.
I am now thinking of reading them 'Nutmeg gets adopted' a very good book which goes into the subject at about the right level and see what questions this might provoke. It might be easier to use the transitional story of Nutmeg rather than directly talk about Peewit.
The school have previosuly spoken to the children who have said the hurtful comments to Peewit, but I think Peewit himself needs/wants his friends to hear me say that I love him. This is my gut instinct and thinking about it I wonder whether some of this is about Peewit wanting to know I do love him, that I am prepared to say it in public.
Lapwing would die of embarrassment if I went into her class and did this, and would have done even at her brothers age, they are so different!
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 8, 2019 19:34:46 GMT
oh bless him Mudlark,
When he was younger Simba was very keen to claim me very publically as his mum, now he's 14 of course he won't be seen with me in public in daylight hours !
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Post by leo on Jun 8, 2019 19:40:13 GMT
Sorry Mudlark, I didn't mean to imply you'd be insensitive; you always come across as very calm and thoughtful.
I think using a book and staying away from his personal story is a very good idea.
I'm sure when the other chikdren hear you talk about how much you love Peewit they will see the heartfelt truth of that shining in your eyes and I hope it will help them be more accepting of his differences.
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Post by moo on Jun 8, 2019 21:36:28 GMT
Mudlark... Our favourite here is 'A blessing from Above' by Patti Henderson... It is a truely beautiful book....I read it to my 2 a gazillion times when they were tiny .... They loved it & still talk of it today.... Do check it out... Arm yourself with tissues I remember reading it alone first xx 😶 My 2 loved it xxx
Xx moo xx
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Post by mudlark on Jun 8, 2019 22:00:20 GMT
Leo, no need to apologise, it was a good point. One I had only thought about it at the same time you posted!
Moo, I thought I had read all the relevant books but have not come across that one, will look it up, although as I am definitely a crier at sad stories....might be one to read at home?!
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Post by moo on Jun 8, 2019 22:08:58 GMT
I found it sad as it was so beautiful, spirtual, all based on animals...
A kangaroo who longed to be a mum xxx Please try to read it before you do your talk as I feel sure you will want to share it wth peewits class.... Tell him you love him you're own special baby bird ( very apt as it goes xxxx)
Good Luck xxxxx
Xx moo xx
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Post by mudlark on Jun 14, 2019 14:51:37 GMT
I did the talk in front of his class today, it went well, but I am so glad I had prepared and thought through my responses to difficult questions, as of course all the questions you wouldn't want them to ask they did!
Peewit was hyper throughout, but we shall see if it had had the desired effect, which was really for his friends and peers to see me as 'real' and to respect the fact that peewit had shared with them some personal and difficult stuff. I am glad it's over!
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 14, 2019 20:57:20 GMT
well done, hope it helps him
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Post by leo on Jun 14, 2019 21:04:08 GMT
Well done.
I hope Peewit is proud of his Mum and that the nosy children have heard enough to make them change their ways.
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Post by rosie on Jun 15, 2019 20:53:27 GMT
Hope Peewit has had reassurance he needed and his friends stop keep asking questions.
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Post by chotimonkey on Jun 22, 2019 16:40:18 GMT
I was wondering how it went... so glad you felt it went well. How’s peewit now the dust has settled a bit on it
Xx
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Post by mudlark on Jul 2, 2019 21:18:45 GMT
It did go well, and the dust has settled. Peewit is certainly going through a process of change. Facing and beginning to process information about adoption and being adopted in a way he has been unable to so far. It's good, it feels as though the talk has ironed out something for him and he seems more resolved in himself, more at home in his skin. Since the talk at school he has had some big chats with me about birth mum, which would have been impossible a few months ago. I am so pleased for him. Not plain sailing, but at least a calm pond for a while!
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Post by moo on Jul 3, 2019 9:41:24 GMT
Oh wow brilliant news.. so well done peewit & mum....
I am always so amazed when my 2 make great strides & mature or just look at 'stuff' in a more considered or accepting(ish) way xx so pleased this has obviously helped so very much for peewit xx
What do you all think of 'A Blessing From Above'??
I plan to dig ours out over the hols xx
Xx moo xx
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Post by mudlark on Jul 11, 2019 12:26:13 GMT
I loved it! Haven't read it yet to Lapwing or Peewit, I'll let you know. It does make me choke up though! thanks for suggesting it. x
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