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Post by flutterby on Jun 1, 2019 18:28:15 GMT
Had a horrible afternoon today with lots of violence, swearing, threatening behaviour. It was relentless but I think I dealt with it as best as I could. Even after almost 6 years with us, LO is fighting not to attach. To her I can be this scary monster and she truly believes that I just want to hurt her. Then when all this does not work on me, she goes into 'I don't deserve anything', stripping her bed throwing all the stuff at me, lying herself down on the floor, 'I'm just a stupid girl, I hate myself'. Tried to soothe her which resulted in her kicking me in the stomach. An hour later she was finally tucked up in bed and clinging onto me. I made sure I lay down with her until she was asleep. Glass of coping juice next to me, I am so angry at what has been done to her to make her so frightened of adults.
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Post by moo on Jun 1, 2019 19:23:40 GMT
Hugs flutterby my heart goes out to youxxxxx
As you say how terrifing when you consider your poor ad to be so so fearful of adults xxxx
Well done you I think you handled it brilliantly xxx so so tuff... here I know as mum I never feel I get 'it' right xxx but you so havexxx wow to get sleep.... well done that woman fab resultxxxx
Sending more coping juice your way xxxx
Xx moo xx
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Post by scaredycats on Jun 2, 2019 10:55:02 GMT
So sad to read this and a massive well done for keeping on going and parenting her as therapeutically as you can - sending hugs and prayers too xx
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Post by flutterby on Jun 9, 2019 4:57:50 GMT
Well, it's been a gruelling week. I am beginning to understand why things have been happening and the way they have, and it's not good.
We now live in a small village, tiny school of just over 50 kids, all sounded very idyllic and surrounded by forest wherever you go. Put it bluntly, they have not got a clue. School itself ok, but a h supervision- or lack of- is done by untrained locals. Sounds awful, snobbish and racist. However, we are the international family round here and I am the only one who was actually born in this area.
They have a 'policy' of ' of not forcing children to play with each other' . What this boils down to is, they are quite happy for kids to systematically exclude and bully others, where whole groups of them gang up on say, my AD (there are other children on the receiving end of this too) ridicule her and when she is trying to tentativiely make friends with other children, they get pulled up by the alpha kids and get reminded that they are not to play with her but must join in with them and their horrible behaviour or else.
It is so sickening. I cannot send her elsewhere, there are no other facilities by the looks of it and I cannot afford not to work. Despite all the hopes I had that we would finally get the right support, we have less than zero here. People are ignorant around adoption, are not interested in learning and do not seem to think it is their responsibility to help or pull the kids up on their behaviour.
If it was not for school, things would be great as there is a lot of resources in terms of getting diagnoses, medical support etc, and I was so hopeful that we would be given the right support. Sadly, if all the worm is bein undone at school I can't see how we can turn things round. Butterfly's behaviour at home has gone back to the old days, we are all terribly homesick and generally feeling sorry for ourselves. It's been 10 months since we moved and I had hoped that we would slowly find our feet by now, but it is an uphill struggle.
Older babe is turning 18 soon, will attempt to go to uni if we can finad supported living accommodation as Aspergers, depression and anxiety make it impossible for them to go into student digs. So one feeeling the nest soon - although I am not sure how long for as they have tried to access edu stion outside the home for a few years now but have failed to cope each time. Still, I live in hope with this course as it is Art and their one passion in life.
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Post by moo on Jun 9, 2019 6:21:04 GMT
Oh no flutterby.... this sounds truely horrendous.....
Any chance of dd coming home to you for school lunchbreak....
My 2 spent last 3 years at failing idiot led school coming home to re-group & feel safe for afternoon lessons... A real tie for me but a godsend forthem ... really helped with regulation, aleviating stress & shame....
I am stunned to hear about the untrained folk so called 'keeping an eye'... our dinnerladies were dire but not even they managed this level of abuse xxxx sending many gentle hugs to you & dd...XXX I hope eldest finds the right supported accom for her Art college course xxxxxx
Tuff times for you many hugs xx & coping juice winging its way xxxx
PS could you volunteer toO & lead from the front in teaching these Little t¥€es the error of their ways...😨
Xx moo xx
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Post by leo on Jun 9, 2019 9:36:03 GMT
Sadly I have seen this happen. It's not just confined to small schools - but they do of course have less options for 'escape'.
The twò major times I saw it as a professional, where staff had very little ongoing impact on changing it, were both when it was being led by the parents. Not overtly, but once we began to really dig into it we found that was the root cause. Educating the parents and getting them onside was key to resolving the issues.
Is there any way you can 'kill them with kindness' and tackle the parents on a charm offensive? Even writing that though, I know how little energy, capacity and time I had when very similar happened to us in Hurricane and Tsunami's first school.
Is there a chance of the professionals who support your daughter coming to speak to staff and getting them onside as supporters?
I am so sorry this is happening and you feel so home sick; being rundown and tired through trauma is enough to cope with on its own.
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 9, 2019 14:34:47 GMT
is returning an option ? I'm struck by you saying you are all homesick.
what are the benefits of staying compared to the costs ?
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Post by flutterby on Jun 12, 2019 16:37:38 GMT
Sorry, I have not had time to respond before. Thanks for all your suggestions, I will have a good think whether and how I can make use of them. I will report back when I know more.
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Post by mudlark on Jun 13, 2019 21:32:36 GMT
good advice already, so just to say...it sounds familiar!
and hope something helps to make the right decision. x
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