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Update
Dec 10, 2018 5:23:32 GMT
Post by flutterby on Dec 10, 2018 5:23:32 GMT
Didn't want to hijack Imp's can't believe it thread, but it has got me to post after along absence too. Been lurking, but but felt unable to post.
Lots has happened. Sadly, because of all the uncertainties Brexit had caused for me we took the decision to relocate elsewhere. Although we have moved to the most beautiful house I've ever dreamed of living in, it pales it to insigificance, when thinking about what we have been through and are still going through
I am terribly homesick, to be expected and I can manage.
Little one has integrated into her new life better than expected. My middle one, however, is still in intensive therapy, needs hospitalisation for their own safety which has led to the family to be split temporarily. I'm abroad with LO, hubby has stayed back in the UK to ensure continuity of care for middle one. It was not an easy decision, but we felt that to give LO the best chance of settling here she would have to start school in line with everyone here. Since they only send the to school aged 6 or 7 here, she had to start in September. Otherwise she would have been the new one and we have seen in the past what a difference this can make.
So we e been keeping in touch via modern technology and weekly visits here and there and now I am praying that middle one will be well enough to be here for xmas.
We have lost a few more friends on the way and gained others. Very difficult emotionally, when even adopters get sucked into your child's charming behaviour to the outside world and will not believe what home life is like - other than presuming that we must be at fault somehow and can't I see how sweet and beautiful she is? Yes, I do see this and I also see the flipside of the coin on a daily basis and it does take a toll on the whole family.
That said, I do think in a strange way this move has done LO good, she seems more receptive and able to be her own person at times rather than the trauma-ridden child we have seen for so many years.
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Update
Dec 10, 2018 9:25:57 GMT
Post by moo on Dec 10, 2018 9:25:57 GMT
So good to hear from you flutterby....
Sorry things have been so tuff & continue to be so..... so so hard moving alone with lo, great respect to you for putting her needs first.... Thank heaven for tech ( never thought I would hear myself think that ) At least dh & middly are clic away.... so not great but you are both clearly moving heaven & earth for your brood {{{{{}}}}} ....
Xxxxxx Sending very many gentle hugs your way xxxxx Good Luck & Please Keep Posting xxxxxx
Xx moo xx
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Update
Dec 11, 2018 8:39:53 GMT
Post by topcat on Dec 11, 2018 8:39:53 GMT
Hey Flutterby - much love for difficult times but I like imagining you and LO in your new place. Wishing your middle one everything to get better. Big hugs x
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Update
Dec 11, 2018 19:22:55 GMT
via mobile
moo likes this
Post by flutterby on Dec 11, 2018 19:22:55 GMT
Thank you so much, Moo and Topcoat. Well, we did have some good news today, we've exchanged contracts on our old home in the UK, so at least that's one load off our minds. Am sad about as it had been our home for 12 years. Well, we still have a holiday flat there. Anyone fancy a holiday near the sea, please let me know. Or if you want to swap the beaches for the mountains and plenty of fresh air, that's where we can be found now.
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Update
Dec 12, 2018 15:04:56 GMT
Post by serrakunda on Dec 12, 2018 15:04:56 GMT
lovely to hear from you, big moves - hopefully in time they will pay off for you
xx
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Update
Dec 12, 2018 21:40:43 GMT
Post by rosie on Dec 12, 2018 21:40:43 GMT
Difficult situation for you all; but hopefully it will eventually be beneficial to you all. Hope you can all be together for Christmas.
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Update
Dec 19, 2018 5:24:11 GMT
Post by flutterby on Dec 19, 2018 5:24:11 GMT
Well, what can I say. I am struggling with school club provision, very 1970s in their approach BUT here is the good news:
I am sure LO is dyslexic amongst all her other struggles. Obviously has not been screened, but I am keen to get this done. Spoke to class teacher who said, just go to your paediatrician to get this organised. I had completely forgotten how good health care is here. No child under 18 is ever seen by a GP, you go to a paediatrician, of which there are countless, as people enjoy a trip to their doctor's here. ;-) so I called Friday, was given an appointment for Monday morning to attend without LO, so we could talk in peace and not talk about her in front of her as if she was not present. I arrive, explain about LO s background and dyslexia. He patiently listens, asks lots of questions whether she has been screened for xyz, the list seemed endless. I said no to all. He seemed horrified. Then goes on to say, well, I think you and I understand each other very well, I have two adopted children myself. (At this point I started feeling tearful, as I now knew I was genuinely being understood). He then said that he would send LO and me to a specialist clinic, which is 10 minutes up the road from us. There we will stay from Monday to Friday 24/7 whilst they will do all assessments, emotional, psychological, learning disabilities, underlying physical problems which may contribute, asd, adhd, epilepsy just to name a few. They will monitor her sleep, brain activity, basically, check for everything you may or may not have heard of. Then write a report and ensure the right help will be forthcoming. Waiting times to get a place in the region of 3 to 4 weeks! OMG, you should have seen me when I left that surgery, I was so elated, gobsmacked and thankful. So now I need to arrange for some time off at work so I can accompany LO.
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Update
Dec 19, 2018 7:46:21 GMT
Post by moo on Dec 19, 2018 7:46:21 GMT
OMG flutterby pinch me is this us sharing the dream I bet you almost don't believe it yourself!
WoW oh WoW.... I feel a house & country move myself coming on any room at the inn??? .......
Many many congratulations & good luck ( not that it looks like you need it ) Please keep us posted....
Xx moo xx
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Update
Dec 19, 2018 12:22:34 GMT
Post by flutterby on Dec 19, 2018 12:22:34 GMT
Moo, as long as you bring no more than six of your four-legged friends from the farm, you're more than welcome here. Plenty of space, fresh air and nature for kids to tire themselves out. I feel for the first time there is a real glimpse of hope.
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Update
Dec 19, 2018 12:24:17 GMT
Post by serrakunda on Dec 19, 2018 12:24:17 GMT
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Post by flutterby on Mar 30, 2019 6:03:44 GMT
So, we went to hospital, turned out they felt a one week stay was not long enough to monitor so we stayed for two. The nurses were absolute darlings, looking after LO really well, so much so that I was able to go back to work part time after four days, as they ran a school from hospital too. It seems, physically there is not much wrong with LO, they've arranged for orthopaedic insoles for LO. She has some issues, so will get speech and language support as well as occupational therapy and they have referred us to a childrens psychiatric clinic, apparently one of the best in the country, which is about 45 mins from us. So we could do sessions as well as residential there. LOs IQ is fairly low, but whether she is being held back by her hyper vigilant behaviour or whether this is a real snap shot of her abilities, they said they could not tell. It just gives us a pointer where she might struggle for whatever reason, short term memory good, long term struggling massively. Questions were raised re possible brain damage from drugs/alcohol but to be further explored at the other hospital. There was a meeting at the end of our stay with all professionals agreeing that LO exhibited massive controlling behaviour, some of them looked quite frazzled when they reported back, to which I nodded my head and said, yes, I've noticed that too, been living with it for the past 5 1/2 years.
Various paths to possible respite were suggested, also long term options should things not improve with support, e.g. boarding school. It was good to be taken seriously and as an equal player, where all adults work together to try and find a way forward, no condescending platitudes, or 'mum reports...' kind of phrases. They all knew my name and found me wherever I happened to be to discuss matters further, with a nurse on hand to take LO to some exciting place, so we could talk in peace.
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Update
Mar 30, 2019 14:05:35 GMT
Post by moo on Mar 30, 2019 14:05:35 GMT
Wow flutterby what a wonderful read xx
So so thrilled for you, amazed by the wonderful levels if support & expertise astounding so brilliant to hear it can happen.....
Your l/o wil reap amazing rewards from this, so so deserved congratulations mum xxx
Sending many high fives & hugs your way xxxx
Xx moo xx
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Update
Apr 7, 2019 21:10:59 GMT
Post by leo on Apr 7, 2019 21:10:59 GMT
So glad you finally have understanding and knowledgeable professionals who seem ready to support your LO and your family. I remember well the feeling of finally realising we were on the cusp of receiving the therapy and help we really needed. It was an agonising wait for it to be finalised and a little while for the effects to start to show - but I was carried through all that by the euphoria of knowing people finally understood and accepted what I was saying as the truth. I hope it's the same for you.
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Update
Apr 8, 2019 0:35:54 GMT
via mobile
Post by nzhb on Apr 8, 2019 0:35:54 GMT
My goodness - what a system. What country is this? Well done fir getting all of this sorted.
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Update
Apr 8, 2019 13:19:27 GMT
via mobile
Post by flutterby on Apr 8, 2019 13:19:27 GMT
Nzhb, we moved to Germany. I am not sure if everyone gets as much support as we have been getting. But - we have been very lucky in that when we first went to our local paediatrician, it turned out that he was an adopter himself and head of the regional fostering network for over 20 years. That said, the system does work much faster here.
Here is to hoping that all this support will lead to actual change. The weekend has been gruelling and although we have had fewer violent episodes, they have become more planned, sophisticated and scary as time has gone on. LO hates herself for what she has done afterwards, but she just cannot control herself when it does happen. Yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel, I felt so exhausted. Today is another day where I am trying to talk myself into a better frame of mind.
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Update
Apr 8, 2019 19:24:59 GMT
Post by moo on Apr 8, 2019 19:24:59 GMT
Sending hugs flutterby xxx
Xx moo xx
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