|
|
Post by mudlark on May 31, 2018 22:39:17 GMT
This is I guess things moving on as they hit pre teen years.....One of the things I don't like is intentional rudeness. I can understand actual violence, hitting punching etc, that is communicating , albeit physically , how they feel.
But this week, half term, I am not liking the 'mooning' … where they have got this from I don't know. But they do it to each other, and then after I had said please don't do it, I caught Peewit , pulling his PJ;s down, 'mooning at his Dad behind his back, sneering and laughing, this 3 minutes after Peewit had been rocked in my arms, calling me mama and drinking from his baby bottle.
`Mr M feeling very hurt, and I am pretty cross. Is this just normal, ( within the normal adoptive spectrum) pushing pre teen boundaries......it feels calculated, if you know what I mean, sometimes things our kids do are designed to get a reaction...I fear we may have fallen into a trap. Peewit, dry eyed and #### you attitude when asked about it..... same boy who wants a mummy hug 10 times a day…. any experiences or thoughts very helpful!
|
|
|
|
Post by larsti on Jun 1, 2018 10:17:07 GMT
Not sure if my instinctive thoughts are any help (have no direct experience of this) But I think if it was me I would ignore it totally and expect it to stop happening pretty quickly. But also I think I might say, when Peewit wants a hug soon after mooning at his Dad, in your shoes I might say something like 'come back for a hug after you've said sorry to Dad and I don't want to see any more of that behaviour' Or something like that. Is it just his brother and his Dad he does it to?
I think I would turn around and turn my back on him and pretend I didn't see.
Ignoring it in the moment but letting him know you're not happy in a tangible way?
Your post has reminded me that the thing that really pushes my buttons if spitting and that has all but disappeared now....yay!!
|
|
|
|
Post by runmum on Jun 1, 2018 11:28:28 GMT
I think it depends on what else is going on for you all right now. In our circumstances this sort of things would go straight into the "let it go" basket because I have a whole heap of pretty awful stuff in the "this has to stop" basket and quite a lot in the " prepared to work on a compromise" basket. I might add a fly by comment " ah yes I see your bum again. Bums should be kept private" The just walk away. But as I say your situation will be different. Sorry if that's not much help x
|
|
|
|
Post by serrakunda on Jun 1, 2018 17:24:40 GMT
do you think he's doing it to get a reaction? I think I'd be inclined to ignore it and see what happens. Or maybe say something like 'seen one bare bottom, seen them all, put it away before you get cold darling' and walk away
|
|
|
|
Post by esty on Jun 1, 2018 22:12:28 GMT
I'd be saying wow thats a great bottom! It's not normal, I don't know of any birth child without disabilities that would do this sort of thing. The fact that it is so close to connection makes me think he cannot cope with the connection. Can you pre-empt it by wondering whether cuddling dad makes him feel a bit funny and to manage the funny feelings he has by being a bit silly?
|
|
|
|
Post by mudlark on Jun 2, 2018 22:20:30 GMT
Yes Larsti, you're right it is what pushes your button...what particular behavior gets to you. and yes, spitting is on the list as is, the previously unknown to me, 'snotting' and now add to it 'mooning'... it pushes all my buttons, I cant stand it. However thank you for reminding me , to humour it, ignore it and let it go......i will try to......!!
|
|
|
|
Post by mudlark on Jun 4, 2018 21:46:52 GMT
I am posting again, because I know that it is very hard for parents to deal with violence or extreme behaviour, it is a roller coaster, and when you are in the middle of that ride it is hard to think rationally or calmly, it is difficult to see the behaviour for what it is. Even 5 years in, I am still left reeling by behaviour.
So a week after the last behaviour, which escalated over a couple of days, things have calmed down, as they always do. Reflecting, and helpfully reading replies here, as ever I forgot how emotionally young Peewit is, I failed to address his two year old needs, so...its basically back to where we always seem to find ourselves, ( that is the children and me) about 4/6 years younger than they actually are....
|
|
|
|
Post by larsti on Jun 5, 2018 8:37:58 GMT
Yes I totally understand. I so often forget where Dash is coming from. It doesn't help that he is now a teenager and wants to be more grown up/independent but the toddler is still inside.
|
|
