Post by lilyofthevalley on Mar 18, 2018 9:16:49 GMT
This used not to be an immediate concern for adoptive families. Rather it was a possibility that in adulthood the adoptee at whatever age might seek to find the birth mother and where possible the birth father. One sees such searches on television programmes. But social media has changed everything.
My AS and his wife have had 6 children over the years. They have all been taken into care, the youngest two over the last few months. My AS suffers from ADHD and FASD. Although of normal intelligence, it is very clear to me that he is brain damaged. My daughter in law fits the profile of someone who suffers from an antisocial personality disorder. My children's birth parents were both chronic alcoholics. My DIL's mother had 8 children, all of whom were taken into care.
A couple of weeks ago my oldest grandchild, now aged 14, who is in long term foster care with her sister, found her birth parents (my AS and DIL) on Facebook. She made contact with them. It was stated that the social worker would set up supervised contact for her to see them at her request. I have only a minimal Facebook presence through my son and DIL's page. Last night she made contact with me on Facebook. It is the first contact I have had with her in 8 years. I used to have a close relationship with her.
Clearly I do not know all the facts. She has been in a stable caring foster home all these years. I used to have contact with the foster parents. They are a lovely couple. But there is clearly a lot of stress because I gather that the girl is currently in respite care. It seems that there are efforts to cut off her social media options - but she still made contact with me last night. I am very worried about the situation. The contact has been made by the girl, not by us. I have the highest regard for the foster parents and no one wants to sabotage the placement. But I feel that her wish for contact is not being facilitated and that she is rebelling. What has happened may not be desirable but it has happened. I think that allowing her to resume contact with her birth family would not undermine her placement but would strengthen it. I fear that, if obstacles are put in her way rather than treating the situation with sensitivity, there could be a breakdown of her placement with awful repercussions for all concerned.
Lily
My AS and his wife have had 6 children over the years. They have all been taken into care, the youngest two over the last few months. My AS suffers from ADHD and FASD. Although of normal intelligence, it is very clear to me that he is brain damaged. My daughter in law fits the profile of someone who suffers from an antisocial personality disorder. My children's birth parents were both chronic alcoholics. My DIL's mother had 8 children, all of whom were taken into care.
A couple of weeks ago my oldest grandchild, now aged 14, who is in long term foster care with her sister, found her birth parents (my AS and DIL) on Facebook. She made contact with them. It was stated that the social worker would set up supervised contact for her to see them at her request. I have only a minimal Facebook presence through my son and DIL's page. Last night she made contact with me on Facebook. It is the first contact I have had with her in 8 years. I used to have a close relationship with her.
Clearly I do not know all the facts. She has been in a stable caring foster home all these years. I used to have contact with the foster parents. They are a lovely couple. But there is clearly a lot of stress because I gather that the girl is currently in respite care. It seems that there are efforts to cut off her social media options - but she still made contact with me last night. I am very worried about the situation. The contact has been made by the girl, not by us. I have the highest regard for the foster parents and no one wants to sabotage the placement. But I feel that her wish for contact is not being facilitated and that she is rebelling. What has happened may not be desirable but it has happened. I think that allowing her to resume contact with her birth family would not undermine her placement but would strengthen it. I fear that, if obstacles are put in her way rather than treating the situation with sensitivity, there could be a breakdown of her placement with awful repercussions for all concerned.
Lily