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Post by imp on Oct 31, 2017 19:02:31 GMT
Now that I have some enforced free time I can work on my book
Some of you have already given me some info but for those who haven't I would really appreciate your experiences of Introductions---good and bad
My book is to be for Adopters (and dare I say it SWs) as a guide through Introductions from a FCs viewpoint
Obviously I have experienced many Intros, and have knowledge of others, but anything you feel would be important/ interesting will be very welcome
All experiences will obviously be totally confidential, and I will be dedicating the book to all my Adopter friends, whether in the flesh or within my computer
So, 'From me to you with Love' will hopefully become a reality in 2018
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Post by esty on Oct 31, 2017 21:09:35 GMT
It is really scary You may have huge doubts Remember to take photos surreptitiously or get someone else to take photos Do not underestimate how awful this is for child and FCs, even with lots of preparation. Do not give gifts apart from perhaps one small keepsake as child will associate you with giving gifts. Start therapeutically parenting from first minute. Have someone you can unload to, not necessarily partner. Explore the area prior and visit places where you may take child. Work out all risks and benefits Keep majority of activities low key. Sorry misread Introductions were ok but because really experienced with children I don't know (teacher). I underestimated the emotional toil of how huge the commitment was going to feel (this was with second intro). There was no first intro - Big Fish landed on my doorstep with SW and previous Adopter (with advance warning). Two hours later they left and that was it me and Big Fish. I had been his respite carer previously.
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Post by serrakunda on Oct 31, 2017 21:39:46 GMT
oohh exciting project
For me the first meeting with FC is critical, and can set the tone for intros.
I first encountered, I can't use the word met, FC a few weeks before intros at a planning meeting. She completely ignored me and proceeded to have a raging argument with the SWs about the plan. The second time we met she just about acknowledged my presence and cried buckets.
On the second day of intros I was plonked with Simba in the playroom and was joined by the 3 year old who was also placed there. Of the three hours I was there, she spent an hour on the phone, and an hour dealing with a customer who came to the house, she ran a business from home. She consequently did not take in key information about what time I was arriving on day 3 and had Simba ready an hour early and she complained about me to the SW. On day 4 she started to defrost a bit. By day 8 we were on reasonable terms.
Simba had been with her for 4 years, she had never moved a child on to an adoptive family. I know she loved him very much. I felt she wasnt supported by her SWs, even her husband left before the end of intros to go on holiday.
Could have been worse, but could have been better
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Post by imp on Oct 31, 2017 21:59:42 GMT
Ouch Serrakunda xx
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Post by moo on Nov 1, 2017 6:27:26 GMT
Ooohhh imp I could single - handedly fill your book!
Our intros were dire... Very long serving fc who clearly considered herself the only 'important key figure' in all this.!! ..... Boys had been there 4 months. She had spent that time warring emotional blackmail on baa... For example she withheld meals as a conseqence of any skewed perseived wrong doing either boy did... this was anything from him demanding attention, crying, or wanting to play! or wanting food placed at eye level but denied to him....This is for 2 very small toddlers who had been food deprived & had been scavenging! She famously recanted the story of the evil brother who disrupted her fc get together coffee morning... His crime I hear you ask.... rage & tantrums because the highly visible plate of choccie bikkies on a coffee table were not for him how dare he try to eat them fc guests only?!! He was sent to bed for tantrum & manners !?!!.I ask you... all this & he had only arrived a week previously!
She couldn't cope with baa his tantrumming was 'impossible, he clearly has something very wrong in his head' It became obvious ( luckily) to me that she was the problem battling with him & actively setting him up to fail by teasing him with things he would obviously want & then refusing for him to have.... When I met her at intro meeting first day of intos prior to meeting boys, she openly said to all at meeting ( senior sw boys ss my sw & iro) "This match will not work imho why was I not consulted baa needs 2 parents I do not support this match...." we all were gobsmakked & open mouthed... senior sw calmly carried on saying all had been ratified & boys sw considered it a very good match intos must continue & she might feel differently!!
On the way to her house ( I had to drive her after that!!) In an unfamiliar area to boot! We arrived & baa came running down the hall yelling Mummeeeeee... He was delighted that I was there & kept trying to ask if I was really going to be his new mummy! ..... fc kept interrupting & told me " its just a word he doesn't know what it means!! " Intos as you can bet were more than tense.. Her mission was to set me up to fail with boys... baa particularly... for example when I was giving them meals she insisted baa wear a bib... she knew he would go cazy. She was clear I had to insist he wear it... she wouldn't leave us & stood over me enjoying baa screaming! Suffice to say I managed to distract him & got over it & he calmed, she stalked out of the kitchen & then we were able to have a 'fun' mealtime. At review day she tried to manopolise the phone call, luckily sw wanted to talk to me. Boys had nightly meltdowns when I had to go & leave them... gleefully fc reported a couple of missed meals because baa was in meltdown because I had left him. I could happily go on with very many attempts of fc to disrupt intros, getting me to do stuff that would inflame baa.
If you like I could pm you with a list!!! I seem to have stayed off topic & written far too much already!
Best was her trying to stop sw handing boys over on handover day!! she was still trying!!!
We as you know have never looked back, whilst tricky baa was obviously suffering severe trauma due to fc. He was 200% ready to move on & eagerly embraced me as him caregiver. sw was spot on he would have disrupted a couple as he would have play each off against the other as he has to get the most attention!!!
Xx moo xx
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