summer holidays coming to an end, how are we feeling..?

We've actually had a great one, partly due to me getting time to myself, well still had Big fish but he's a doddle considering, being away for three weeks meaning no time for Twisty fish to be worrying about technology, playing out, etc., and he is definitely maturing.  Only two full on major meltdowns, the rest all manageable controlling, verbal pedantry which we all started zombie dabbing to when it got too much.  Ready for starting the stress that is school ands the 4-5 hour driving daily horror again.  Actually got Shrimp staying tonight (in foster care, 13) and both boys have played well, enjoyed Country show and both went to bed at 9pm after only 5 times of asking and both asleep now.  They are doing their traditional surfing session tomorrow so they are both too knackered to think about school tomorrow night!

I wish I could be as positive as you guys.

Monkey Boy has been extremely challenging and has driven us to the depths of despair. He has been on a mission to annoy, defy etc and there has been regular violence. No amount of therapeutic parenting has been able to reach him and patterns/ triggers have been hard to find - other than he can't cope with change and a holiday is inevitably different to term time.

Back to school tomorrow. Hopefully he will settle down a bit!

Mouse, on the other hand, has been a delight. Sad not to be able to be more even handed, but that's how it is!

Thanks Esty. I get what you're saying. But I don't feel much better!

I suppose, one of my problems is, I did adopt to be a Mum. Another is, that nearly 6 years in, we are still struggling so much (with a child who was described before placement as 'doing fine' and having 'no problems'). We're 2.5 years in to therapy/ NVR and DH and I work so hard to provide Monkey Boy with therapeutic parenting, structure and firm boundaries but it's hard to see fundamental changes. His disorganised attachment, anxiety and ODD still drive really challenging behaviour. The very limited progress may be down to 'organic' things going on (perhaps a cognitive impairment, maybe ASD, maybe ADHD, maybe FASD). But it might just be that the trauma and neglect he experienced was so great that progress will be very limited and very slow. 

In the meantime, his behaviour makes it impossible for DH, Mouse or me to live normally. Everything, every moment that Monkey Boy is up and in the house revolves around him or is in response to him.

This sounds harsh and unloving. It's not. But it is the bald truth.

In reality, I think Monkey Boy needed to be an only child and probably with a single parent, as he can't cope with the dynamic of family life. 

That is why I go away for three weeks. We travel around visiting places with routines within that. It means that I don't have the endless fight fover what we are going to do. There are no technology fights as there is no technology, No arguing about going out with other kids, no bedtime fights because we're all so knackered we all go to bed around the same time. He's also a contained being for philosophical talks whilst driving. By design the carers we take are like family members who are all into mindfulness so there is a lot of spoken and non spoken appreciation of being in the moment and celebrating life as it is.
With Big Fish I knew Inwas getting a very physically disabled child but I didn't know I was getting one that would scream for hours over 6 years, and then one that has major life threatening breathing and swallowing difficulties. My life is not anywhere near normal but I appreciate the good bits in it even if few and far between. There was a period in May when it was all too much but I made myself step back and organised a good period of time where Twisty Fish was elsewhere so I could fullybrecharge my batteries. Life feels so much more positive now even though its the same life.

And breathe.....

Monkey Boy is relieved to be back to the routine of school and is calmer and less antagonistic as a result (still managed to shout "I hate you" repeatedly at me at breakfast time, and threw Mouse's sandal across the room just..... because he could).

I celebrated by going to the office yesterday (I normally work from home) and spent the morning at the gym, followed by making a king prawn green curry for my lunch. Yum!

Now down to a quick bit of work before picking up Mouse from nursery!

It's been awful here. Monkey Boy has just started secondary school and despite all our transition efforts he became very stressed towards the last 2 weeks of the holidays. This coincided with the time when I had to manage him and his brother at home as there were no suitable day camps. We had the return of the "in car violence" making us all terrified - we have not had that for years! We have had lots of locking self in the bathroom and refusing to comply with any need to go out as a family making stuff hard for Jealous Dog. JD has been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD as well as all his trauma and neglect stuff. Good to have diagnoses as there are good treatments but lots to deal with. MB has had numerous physical health hospital appointments. I am totally wiped out. 

Glad to hear there have been some positive experiences for others. We did make it to day 7 of the family holiday before rundad said "I don't know why we bother it's a total waste of time." He usually says that after 10 minutes so progress even if it's just his tolerance.

Daffin really feel for you! Horrible day yesterday MB gave another boy a huge kick in the park and then whipped him with his tie. Visit from the Mum  - another child filmed the whole thing she made me feel like a piece of scum. Feel like we can't let him out of our sight. I think we need a "manny" but it's a hassle now as you have to set up pensions for them etc grrrrr. Just cream crackered physically and emotionally. Hope you've had a better couple of days x

Thanks Moo. Today was a bit better. But we have said Monkey Boy cannot go out to park without an adult and he is v cross about this. He just marched off today saying he was going anyway so I had to grab Jealous Dog and follow him. It's going to be a mission keeping him out of trouble. Feeling bleak but less bleak than Friday.