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Post by daffin on Sept 22, 2016 11:44:08 GMT
Hello all
Monkey Boy is feeling anxious about school at the moment (and when anxious, his behaviour escalates 🙁).
Just before the end of year one the teacher introduced cursive handwriting. I know it's part of the new national curriculum and Year 2 kids will be tested in their handwriting at the end of the year. The problem is, Monkey Boy was only just beginning to form his letters properly using un-joined up writing and this leap in demand has put him off writing and damaged his self-esteem. He has SPD and poor fine motor skills, so it is harder for him than some other children.
This sounds petty, perhaps, but it's bothering me that the school is (being forced to?) push all children to work beyond their ability. I think it could really put him off writing. Already this week he's refused to write in 2 birthday cards - something he used to do with pride.
The other school thing is that his best friend is being really unpleasant to him - calling him names (eg you're stupid, you've got nothing in your brains), getting other children to call him names and threatening to hit him if he plays with other children. Monkey Boy is clearly very upset about this (I know after some nasty violence from him, some accurate guessing from me on Monday and again this morning, and the fact that he has been saying to me that he is stupid and has no brains).
I spoke to the Senco on Monday. My DH spoke to the class teacher this morning and I'm talking to her again on Friday. Whatever the Senco did on Monday (not sure what, if anything) hasn't helped MB feel safe.
Do you have any suggestions about what I should be saying to the class teacher on Friday, and what else - if anything - I should be doing?
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Post by runmum on Sept 22, 2016 12:56:57 GMT
1. Additional needs or no additional needs the behaviour of MBs "best friend" is bullying. It cannot be tolerated and it needs to be managed. School need to work with you to understand how best to do this. You may be after reconciliation or you may feel that MB needs to select some more helpful friends or both. Maybe MB was relying too much on this child and having a wider range of friends might help.
2. MB does have additional needs and so the impact on him is even greater than it would be for another child without these needs. This means that the support they offer MB needs to reflect his poor self-esteem and the impact it is having on you at home. You may not want to talk to school about how MB is at home but we always felt these things had to be understood. We were absolutely clear that it in no way reflected on our parenting and was a consequence of our MBs ADHD and almost certain foetal alcohol/drug effects. Our LA helped us explain to school how these behaviours were not of our making and how what they did at school made our MB worse at home. In all honesty they still don't get it at all but at least we feel supported and it stopped all the teachers making comments behind our backs such as "what on earth is going on in that family" - Our LA explained that what was going on in our family was that 2 highly skilled very compassionate and thoroughly resilient parents were managing the needs to 2 children damaged severely by their experiences before they joined us.
3. Our MB still doesn't do cursive in year 6. He also has poor fine motor - but selective - he's great with a screw driver mending things but rubbish holding a pencil. However our Ed Psych who does seem to know what she's talking about says that cursive helps muscle memory and can significantly improve writing. MB is having a 1 week intensive cursive hand writing support week to see if they can get him going with it whilst relieving him of the stress of all the other interventions he usually does just for that short period. Maybe they could try the same. Our MB is doing all this away from other kids with a really lovely very supportive TA using lots of fun activities.
Hope this helps
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Post by daffin on Sept 22, 2016 20:58:33 GMT
Yes, it is bullying. I didn't want to be over dramatic in my post!
I think the idea that school should work on building Monkey Boy's self-esteem is an interesting one. I will talk to the SENCO and see if this is something that they will consider.
I doubt that the school will do anything at all about MB's loss of confidence around writing. We struggle getting them to take us seriously. Let's see!
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Post by esty on Sept 22, 2016 21:40:44 GMT
Daffin you wrote name in post did you mean to?
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Post by mudlark on Sept 22, 2016 22:11:44 GMT
Daffin, I quick reply as its late. But yes it is bullying, Peewit has had similar from a close 'friend' who is dominant , controlling and manipulative but who none the less Peewit is drawn to. I am working with the school on this and its taking along time to work out as its a complex friendship that replicates in many ways the trauma bond he has with his sister. I think adult intervention, from a TA or play worker, to facillitate and supervise other positive peer relationships might be helpful.
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Post by daffin on Sept 23, 2016 7:20:53 GMT
Thanks Esty. Sorted!
It's a good idea to ask the school to help facilitate other friendships. I'm not sure they will be motivated to, though, as their constant refrain is that MB is 'fine'! I'll see what the class teacher says later today.
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Post by gilreth on Sept 23, 2016 8:22:48 GMT
The writing is our concern with Sqk - they have started with cursive from the word go (in terms of putting tails on etc.) but he is still struggling lots so am very interested in what people suggest.
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Post by serrakunda on Sept 26, 2016 21:11:56 GMT
I dont think its a petty issue at all. The poin is they are trying to force him on to a higher level activty when he hasnt mastered the first level. Same principle applies to all subjects
I'm not even sure why they bother with cursive writing. The world has moved on. Of course they need to be sble to write, but printing should be acceptable. I only ever print now, I spend all my working life on a computer, drafting straight on to the screen
I find it really odd that kids todsy use so much IT in all lessons, but no one teaches them keyboad skills.
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Post by gilreth on Sept 26, 2016 21:35:13 GMT
As far as I can tell cursive is what the national curriculum says they must do. I was talking to a deputy head & a year 2 teacher at weekend (my sister in law and her partner) and they were complaining about cursive as well as many of the other changes. My sister (as a secondary teacher) is not happy either - as she says they need to be able to write legibly and that is it. We are struggling on and just trying to get Sqk to write full stop.
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Post by daffin on Sept 27, 2016 4:28:50 GMT
Yup. It's in the national curriculum.
I think it's crazy to push them to write in joined up writing before they can form their letters. I can vividly remember still practicing my letter formation aged 8 and 9. I don't think I was behind. It's the stage everyone was at.
School have put MB onto a remedial spelling programme, so at least there's some recognition that he needs support. Unfortunately it's home-based and we have challenges getting him to do anything for us at home, so there you go, they don't really get it.
I made an appointment yesterday to look round 2 other local schools. Both over-subscribed and I'd need to feel that it wouldn't just be more of the same to risk the upheaval of moving him.
At least the bullying/friendship problems seem to have been resolved for now......
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Post by gilreth on Sept 27, 2016 17:47:02 GMT
Agree with you over craziness - as does virtually every primary school teacher I talk to - as well as secondary (and I know a fair few thanks to being the daughter, sister & sister-in-law of teachers). Hoping by the time these students reach me written exams will be a thing of the past at uni....
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