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Post by nzhb on May 10, 2016 21:01:33 GMT
Our last placement at secondary school has been a big failure. AD only allowed to stay at school for 1/2 days and not allowed in the playgrounds. None of the assertions about what would be available to our child has been forthcoming. Exclusions escalating, child self harming at school & we are told she did it 'with an offensive weapon' ( a camping bottle opener type gadget) and that she self harms 'to get attention.' Also told that some other parents wanted her removed from the school ! This is a school that prides itself on knowing all about attachment disorder, Dan Hughes etc. I gave them some up to date info re attachment and was greeted with -'We already know about this condition, but I suppose it might be of use to have something else'. I have been criticised for being 'too kind and too nice' to my AD, and was told by SEN dept that she wouldn't get to behave like this in their home - if they had her for a week they would get her sorted out.
Suffice to say, we have taken her out of school, but were still reminded that she was close to permanent exclusion anyway.
She has only been there 2 terms and they were fully aware of her difficulties before they accepted her.
Anyway she has now been out of school for 5 weeks and I have just discovered that said school haven't forwarded any of the papers to the LEA so we can get new education in place for our AD.
Does anyone know what we can do if either of the schools the LEA has suggested for our daughter accept her, but we don't feel it is right for her. Do we have to accept it and wait for another failure? Or can we push for a special school , even though this will be more expensive for the LEA ?
Any knowledge gratefully received.
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Post by serrakunda on May 11, 2016 7:27:28 GMT
If you know of a school that you think is right for her, argue for that know. The cost of a special school isn't your problem, if you think the special school is right, go for it now rather than risk another failure
Those remarks from the SENCO are completely unacceptable
I would be writing to the LA, listing all the things that the school has failed to provide, they have failed to provide her with an education by only allowing her to attend half days, I would complain about the SENCO. Describe the damage that this has done to your daughter, remind them of their legal duty to provide her with an education, name the school you want with reasons why you think it will meet her needs
And copying to your MP and local councillor doesn't harm either.
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Post by jmk on May 11, 2016 10:00:46 GMT
Agree with Serrakunda. You need to record exactly how the school is letting your daughter down. Every child has a right to education and they are effectively refusing to educate her and keep her safe.
I don't know if you have Parent Partnership in your area. You could contact them to ask for advice/help. Also contact IPSEA. They will provide advice by phone and maybe able to help you fight to get the right school for your DD.
Hugs xx
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Post by larsti on May 11, 2016 13:00:36 GMT
Also the school has to inform LA that child has been deregistered (don't know the time scale for that though). Assuming your DD is being home educated pro tem?
They have let her down badly  |
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Post by nzhb on May 11, 2016 13:34:47 GMT
No , she is not deregistered yet - she is on authorised absence. I can't home ed her - there is no way she would co-operate with me to do this. Also we still have a mortgage & so I work, hubby works,but we are in professions that allow some flexibility with hours. I am mainly working evening & w/e as hubby home then. I have had to relinquish my previous FT permanent post as could not accomodate the school hours - which we had not been warned about.
I feel that I should be doing some sort of home ed but when you have a 13 yr old that just yells at you if you ask her to help with anything, refuses to come anywhere eg dog walk or the vets and just wants to sit in front the TV all day and snarl at you, it is very hard to garner the enthusiasm for teaching. She has always refused intervention with homework, won't read, bedroom is a mess etc etc
We are just aiming for survival currently.
My preference is for a weekly residential school - her needs are so great, we can't meet them all and ourselves are beginning to sink.
I have no idea how we acheive this.
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Post by serrakunda on May 11, 2016 13:49:44 GMT
Elderberry's daughter is at weekly residential school - why don't you message her
sending hugs, very tough situation
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Post by elderberry on May 11, 2016 15:24:27 GMT
nzhb and I have discussed this a couple of times in the past. Not sure I have any further advice to give. I had an outstanding PASW who worked the miracle for us. I also had the school's support -- or at least, they wanted to get rid of DD -- which allowed us to do it as a managed move, with no period out of school at all. And I had letters of support from the therapists and the CAMHS psychiatrist. It was jump-started with an emergency statement review meeting at which everyone told the SEN officer from the council that this was what had to happen. I felt a little sorry for her at the end of it; I know she isn't the person holding the purse strings.
Parent Partnership (SENDiass) were pretty much useless with us. They did come to one meeting but couldn't advise me of anything. I never called IPSEA, but I have occasionally considered it. Looks like they might be better. It was our adoption social worker who made a nuisance of herself with all the departments at the council and finally got it done. I'm aware that not every SW is as great as ours. But if you have any very specific questions, nzhb, I think you know you can contact me.
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Post by larsti on May 11, 2016 20:17:53 GMT
Sometimes survival is a good goal nzhb. One day at a time!
I know its not exactly relevant but when children come out of school to be home educated, for whatever reason, there is something called 'deschooling' which people are advised to do (if they read up a bit). Basically there is a need for healing for the child and parent if the school has let them down, or if there has been bullying or other reasons for taking them out of school. Even if it is a positive choice, there is a big adjustment taking place. So be gentle with yourselves as your situation is similar.
Also just wanted to say, there is probably something going on in your DD even if it looks like all she is doing is watching TV and not engaging with anything. So she has a little window of opportunity not to be stressed at school. Don't beat yourself up about what she's not doing (if you are!)
Are you part of the potato group? I bet someone on there has been there and done that.....unfortunately 
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Post by milly on May 11, 2016 20:41:14 GMT
We're not in a very different position ourselves though our dd is 15 and is still at her school. They tried to persuade us she needed something more therapeutic - we agree in a way, though we don't know of anywhere and no one has suggested anything.
She likes school though and there are positives, so we prefer to try to keep her where she is for now. We have found Sendiass helpful and the SEN officer is on our side as school is not fully implementing her EHC plan - though we have been waiting weeks to have a meeting with all parties in order to properly go through the plan. (All school meetings lead to them whinging about her ongoing difficulties but also saying they can't do x or y (things in plan))
Recently things have improved since DH has been taking her out at lunchtimes. But having said that, she had a one day exclusion today for threatening a TA! So it's two steps forward and one back.
We've decided that if all else fails she can be tutored at home for year 11 - hoping the EHC money will cover at least some of that. DH works from home so it is doable though not what we want (nor dd)
Don't know what to advise but just to say you're not alone. X
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Post by nzhb on May 11, 2016 21:05:17 GMT
Thank you every one.
It is comforting to see that we are not such an unusual family after all. We have had years of this school stuff and are at the end of our tether with it all. If there isn't a suitable school, then we may be forced to home educate. How we would ever engage AD I don't know. She has ODD and this can be truly oppositional when she wants to.....she is v difficult to read. Surly all day today and not wanting to speak, but perked up when she came into work with me this eve & made drinks for some of the staff & helped tidy up, whilst I was working.
Much happier on the way home & now throwing her weight around as I dared to watch a bit of TV with her and it is now bedtime.
I can't imagine having this 24/7........
Hubby isn't coping with having her at home all the time - he is tending to disappear into the garden or do blokey jobs that AD isn't interested in helping.
Friends of mine have home educated their non adopted offspring & I know it is a 'way of life' and different friendships emerge. But most of their kids have been bright & motivated .
I was expecting to wind down from my career & retire in the next few years, not be forced into early retirement & start a new 'role' , just because there is no school available that suits.
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Post by serrakunda on May 11, 2016 22:11:30 GMT
I know from the aggro I get with homework I could never home ed Simba, it's not for everyone,
Personally I think I would investigate what schools are around, think very widely, special, free schools, private, residential. Then work out how to get it.
Do you have post adoption support involved?
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Post by elderberry on May 12, 2016 13:21:43 GMT
No chance of home education here either. I am the last person in the world who should be teaching DD. I can't even manage to get her to read with me.
To be honest, DD should have been excluded in mainstream far more often than she was. It was only because we had a responsive school that recognised how hard it would be for me to have her at home that she mostly hung on in there, with far more support than the statement was paying for.
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