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Post by pingu on Mar 25, 2016 10:01:03 GMT
As some here know, one of my sons has a bursary, and to keep it has to make " academic progress" and be involved with supporting the school. He is 12 and quite smart, if lazy. The school is smalish and he feels safe there and his confidence and happiness have progressed by leaps and bounds since he started , so we want him to keep going there, while also being happy, not stressed.
Until recently he was doing most homework at home, while we used to have to remind him often to get on with it, and occassionally had last minute panics or missed bits. last year he played rugby and this year , when they were all encouraged to do so) he joined a Few lunchtime clubs. This year he chose to NOT do rugby, dropped out of one club as it was all girls, second club because it changes to after school. Th third club is relevant to the area of work he wants. To go in for, but he now says there is nobody else in it, though it is still being advertised on the daily bulletin. For most of the last term he has been almost all doing his homework at lunchtimes . He is not isolated, still has plenty friends and comes home muddy from playing with them, we have had no complaints so far of missed homework and now have a more peaceful after school time. Many of you would say that all sounds good, but we now have to wait till may exams and next parents day to be reassured of his performance, we cannot remind him to correct things and we have no idea what he is doing well or badly in. This mattered last year as we picked up that he was still struggling in Maths and extra tuition overbthe helped that. Also recently he was on a writing scheme to get him holding his pen correctly as he had picked up an awkward hold and it was slowing him down. He says he is now holding his pen correctly but dont know if he is just saying that to get us off his back because all we see is him doing stuff on his ipad.
Are we worried about nothing, should we sit back, not interfere at all and keep our fingers crossed that he is doing ok academically and that his lack of social involvment wont matter to the burser.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
Pingu
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Post by milly on Mar 25, 2016 10:18:12 GMT
Can you not arrange to meet with staff or arrange a phone call to check on what's happening? Seems unreasonable that you have concerns but have to wait to find out if they are valid - especially if his place depends on it.
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Post by serrakunda on Mar 25, 2016 10:26:38 GMT
I'd give them a call now, I'm sure they wouldn't mind, though I expect if there were problems wouldn't they have contacted you ?
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Post by pingu on Mar 25, 2016 21:33:40 GMT
Some good ideas thanks. I dont want to be seen as a helicopter parent , and he does appear to be settling and doing ok( but possibly as little as he can get away with and skimpy homework on occassions) I just would t want to sit back and then be picking the stuff off the wall behind the fan in a months time. i guess I am just a bit of a worrier, no news is bad news sort, as it was for a while. The school does know how well he has come on. Its an all through school and his last year of primary teacher, who could see how much he had improved, is in touch with secondary teachers and did speak to his head of S1at start of year, with a heads up about him but its maybe a good idea if I " mention " his further improvment to his year teacher when I get a chance and ask her to reassure us on progress.
....That's i I can get a minute of thinking time ! finallly got some part time work till end of April , in an outdoor shop ( much more my scene than any other work that has been advertised, and there hasnt been much even of that )and I am putting any spare mental and physical energy ( and a few prayers!) into trying to do well there,as I would love it if there was further work in the store at a later date. Ds1 's adoption allowance finishes soon and I need some decent income for the next year, or we wont manage the bursary gap and mortgage.
Thanks for all your thoughts
Pingu
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Post by mooster on Mar 26, 2016 7:48:07 GMT
This year I moved from parent to teacher at the same school and realised how little I was in touch with the school compared to some parents, I thought I spoke to them quite a bit. I wouldn't worry about catching up with a few teachers just to check what is really going on, it is very hard when homework is suddenly completed out of sight and I think we all have a natural fear and suspicion whether it is being done in a good enough way! If they were really worried about something they would/should have been in touch with you directly.
It was interesting for me that the subjects my AS did best at were where I had most communication direct with teachers.
Good luck with the new job and I hope it leads to somewhere new for you.
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Post by pingu on Mar 26, 2016 16:15:34 GMT
Thanks Mooster
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Post by fruitcake on Mar 26, 2016 16:58:02 GMT
From another worrier, I sympathise. I would definitely contact the school, to put my mind at rest, hopefully, or to sort out any problems before they escalate. The very fact he has changed his routines I think makes this reasonable.
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Post by esty on Mar 26, 2016 18:43:44 GMT
Do they know his background? If so I would have thought they would be encouraging a closer link? Or it would be seen as fully acceptable that you enquire after him.
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Post by pingu on Mar 27, 2016 16:05:48 GMT
They do know his background, thanks ! Earlier in the year , after a couple of issues with writing , and homework / organisation, I wrote an email to head of year, expanding on what the
primary section head would have told them at start of year about his performance and stress levels. The head of year asked me if it would be ok to discretely share this with some of his teachers as she said it was a real help to them to understand where he was coming from and why he might behave in certain ways ! They also agreed to implement certain strategies. Since then all has been " quiet on the western front" as it were, so it could be that I am worrying about nothing and the approach is working well. He is on holiday now for a fortnight anyway. However I think you may be right that they probably wouldn't judge me for enquiring given the circs, and I am probably justified in asking about the effectivness ( if implemented) of said strategies. It is one of the advantages of small classes that they will know how he has been doing , in more detail than big class teachers would, I suspect, have time to notice. Also, of a private school as the class teachers won't know about the bursary so are keen to keep parents onside since they think we are paying customers !!!!
I am actually very proud of ds2 he has done so well this year, coping with the adjustment to secondary school and learning much more steadily, not getting into trouble or panics and sustaining good friendships. I don't want to put too much pressure on him, that, to be honest, he wouldn't have if it wasn't for him being on a bursary. I wish we had the money that he could just grow up , continue to be as happy at this school as he has been, and be able to mature at his own pace. I wish I could just stop worrying and let him do his own thing !!!
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Post by pingu on Mar 27, 2016 16:10:27 GMT
Meanwhile poor ds1 is missing his girlfriend , who is away on holiday with her parents for a fortnight, and he is also finding college with placements that are long hard days work, hard to get used to. I expect him to be fine, but its not an easy adjustment so the pringles and coca cola consumption rate has escalated !
It doesn't help that starting this temp work, and my mental energies need to concentrate on doing well there at the moment, leaving little time for thinking out what to write or say to various people including school ( that is why I appreciate you all thinking this through with me) and a friends and family 18th party for ds1 and prep for various scout related events . Slow down the world and let me catch up !!
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Post by milly on Mar 27, 2016 16:16:27 GMT
With dd1 we're just grateful when a few days goes past without school contacting us...! But dd2's school do so only rarely as she is mostly fine at school. But I never hesitate to contact them if she's got any anxieties etc. As a teacher myself I feel no qualms. They are there to provide a service for your child and you have the right to ask for an update. I don't think anyone would see that as being OTT. It would be different if you were on their case every day. I'm sure many other parents are demanding a lot more. He's more likely to get what he needs if you raise any concerns TBH.
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Post by pingu on Mar 27, 2016 16:20:55 GMT
Thanks Milly, particularly coming from a teacher , that's a helpful perspective.
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Post by esty on Mar 27, 2016 20:48:50 GMT
From what you say I'd be taking the 'what an amazing thing you are doing for my son' routine and highlight where they are succeeeding and asking whether you could share their success with interested parties. I would be highlighting that it's the school home link that you feel has been very successful. Thereby making the message that home/school link is important and also if it does all go pear shaped (though from what you've said I think you may be worrying unnecessarily) I had ammunition against them if needed. Though to be honest it sounds as if all is going well from an outsiders viewpoint.
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Post by pingu on Mar 27, 2016 22:02:01 GMT
Thanks Etsy, that sort of approach sounds like the way to go. , though I am not clear what you mean by interested parties.( unless you mean here !)
I know you probably all think I am worrying over nothing but his S1 exams are at beginning of May and I am aware that some of his earlier modules this year have been poorer performance than the more recent ones and he just will not get down to any work ( revision if not homework) at home. His best friend said his mum was making him revise half an hour each day. We would just get a major upset if we tried that. Ds1 has apparently tried to pursuade him as well, to no avail. Annoying that ds1 , who put in so much work, was so disadvantaged by his missed primary schooling before coming into care, his deprivation in the early years and his dyspraxia,and physical restlessness, so stood little chance of high academic results, while ds2 who questionably has the mental and intellectual ability , and quick/sharp brain, and who has said on a number of occassions that he wants to go to a good university and do engineering, and is much less damaged (except emotionally)and who impressed the school into giving him this bursary, will not take on board that he needs to work harder if he wants to acheive his ambitions,and just wants to coast. I actually wonder if there is an element still of the self esteem thing and thinking he would not be able to master improving his maths and English,particularly though I think a bigger part of it is the work involved . I would let it go, and let whatever will be, happen, but if he has to move schools we know his self esteem and behaviour would deteriorate which would cause all sorts of misery , not least for the rest of the family as he has the potential to revert to his early agression and violence if things become difficult. We saw him barely restrain himself at teatime when ds1 pointed out he should offer stuff to me first before helping himself !
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Post by esty on Mar 27, 2016 23:10:13 GMT
They don't need to know which interested parties just a vague hint. Though if you needed to name some, here, Adoption Uk, thingy timpson, any 'intereated' party will do ;-). Sound like you've done an avazing job. Relax for a couple of weeks and then relook at it.
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Post by pingu on Mar 27, 2016 23:22:46 GMT
I see what you mean now, Etsy, thanks again
Pingu
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