|
|
Post by mudlark on Feb 22, 2016 21:48:14 GMT
This morning I was rushing to get Lapwings book bag ready for school when I spotted a hand made envelope securely selotaped down with a boys name on the front, stashed away at the bottom. I had a moment of indecision but before she saw I removed it. Later on I opened it despite the word 'privit' on the front !
It was a home made valentine card to a boy in her class. It said....
Dear X, This is the first time I have written to you. I love you so much. Do not show your mummy this card, do not tell her about it. I have not told my mummy , and I wont tell her about it. Love from Lapwing. followed by a million kisses and hearts etc.
I have two dilemas.
Firstly I have opened it and read it without her knowledge as I felt uncomfortable letting a six year old hand over something which I had no idea what it was. How do I justify this to her...do I need to?
Secondly...I am not happy with the ' don't tell your mummy' stuff ..if she came home with a letter from a a boy saying the same I would be a little concerned.
I know it sounds crazy as she is only 6, well nearly 7 now. But she is often deceitful, secretive and controlling...this seems like a new thing...or am I over reacting.... should I leave it....or have a chat with her about it....
|
|
|
|
Post by jmk on Feb 22, 2016 22:35:12 GMT
You opened it, does she need to know, no.
Secondly, Valentines day has been and gone and she obviously didn't give it to him, just wrote it and then changed her mind, so I would put it back in her bag and say nothing if I were you.
She is only 6, she didn't pluck up, the courage to give it to him, so why make a big deal of it. If you try and talk to her about it she will be offended that you read her 'privat' letter and she will not trust you.
Regarding 'not telling your mother', that sounds completely innocent and normal for a 6 year old with a crush on a boy in her class IMO.
|
|
|
|
Post by serrakunda on Feb 22, 2016 22:51:12 GMT
It sounds very innocent to me, she just wanted to keep the card secret, isn't that what valentines is about, having a secret admirer ?
I wouldn't tell her you've opened it
|
|
|
|
Post by nancydanfan on Feb 23, 2016 4:54:50 GMT
I would photo copy it but place it back in her bag and not mention it at this stage but read anything else you discover she has written.
It might build up a picture that will be helpful in the future.
|
|
|
|
Post by esty on Feb 23, 2016 20:51:40 GMT
I would photocopy it then three months/weeks/however long it needed down the
Line I would find some way to explore the subject of not telling mummies. I wouldn't even link it to valentines. I would say I saw on the news or it was on the internet that some children were telling other children to keep secrets and not tell their mummies about sweets/ school work/whatever then I'd be asking very casually did she think that was a good thing? If so why? If not why? And then link it to something that you wouldn't want her to keep secret. And practice how she could tell you.
|
|
|
|
Post by mrbop on Feb 25, 2016 13:48:19 GMT
I might have the conversation about keeping secrets at another time but I'm with JMK and Serrakunda; I'd never own up to taking and opening her "privet" mail behind her back. Just file in mind and keep any future conversation disconnected from this.
Mr Bop
|
|
|
|
Post by topcat on Feb 25, 2016 14:18:39 GMT
Mudlark - I found something similar not so long ago...I slipped it back in its hiding place and as far as I know it has never been moved on to its intended recipient. It was a useful clue to some of her behaviour and distraction around friends and we were able to have a chat one evening about "what's a crush?" - friends were accusing her of having one...
("Is it, like, when you can't stop thinking about someone even when they're not there?"...oh crikey yes, my love, it really is)
It's scary to think of them having these feelings so young but it is also rather lovely (I think) and I'm hoping a down to earth and open approach can help BB through the minefields ahead...I think more than tackle the "keeping secrets" thing have a conversation about "special feelings" or your first boyfriend and see where Lapwing takes it. I also introduced BB to the idea of a diary though she's not really taken it up just now.
|
|
|
|
Post by mudlark on Feb 25, 2016 14:34:02 GMT
Well the subject has not arisen and she has not asked again about where it is......I shall as suggested keep hold of it and will talk to her about 'secrets' at another time when I can introduce it in a natural way.
Topcat..I agree it would be sweet if Lapwing's relationships were in any way ..I struggle to find the word..but you know what I mean...if they were 'normal'....but she is so 'disorganised and confused about relationships..and this boy is a very dominant and highly intelligent and slightly 'alpha male ish' she is like a fairy cobweb in comparison! (other than when she is like a whirling wildcat I mean!)
We are having a big tusstle over 'feelings' at the moment..her refusal to talk about them, deny them, battle me with them and then eventually collapse in a sobbing heap....so feelings of all sorts are high on the agenda of things for me to work on with her....
I did actually wonder whether her pouring out of her feelings for the boy were a kind of displacement for at the time her very isolated from me and the family state of mind....desperate to feel love but to scared to receive it....anyway I ramble......thanks for useful thoughts.....
|
|
