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Post by imp on Jan 27, 2016 2:57:14 GMT
I am on facebook page that is focussed on the refugee crisis and sending aid both to France and to other parts of Europe, especially Greece---which is my particular area of concern.
What I am seeing though are lots of very well meaning people saying that they desperately want to 'rescue' and give a home to the unaccompanied children who are in the camps, and may be given permission to come to Britain.
While this is very laudable, do you agree with me that these children will be traumatised and need far more than love?
I have tried to give information about the process to follow to be assessed as FCs---as many people quite naturally think that they can just put their name forward and be allocated a child.
I have also tried to emphasise the effects that the trauma that they have experienced may have on the children's lives, and the effects that it may have on existing children and even marriages.
I know that I am speaking to the converted (unfortunately some of you really have experienced the extremes) but this has really brought it home to me that our experiences and understanding is alien to the vast majority .
Hope you can follow the waffle, it's late but the brain won't switch off
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Post by serrakunda on Jan 27, 2016 7:39:04 GMT
What those children will have witnessed and experienced, not to mention language, cultural , religious barriers, possible hostilty and prejudice to face here
Little but of love will sort that all out in no time
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Post by corkwing on Jan 27, 2016 9:28:21 GMT
I think you're right, Imp. There's a range, of course. Older children, who have had a "good" early life will probably have been less damaged by their experiences. Young ones who have been brought up in what is essentially a war zone, seen things that no one should ever have to see, had parents, siblings, relatives and friends die... They're going to need a lot more than a little bit of love!
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Post by bop on Jan 27, 2016 10:24:24 GMT
Its a really tough one - nice that people want to help, but the reality is unlikely to be what they imagine and I also wonder why these people are willing to help Syrian kids but not British ones - everywhere needs more foster carers!
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Post by jmk on Jan 27, 2016 10:57:44 GMT
Totally agree with you Imp, I have had the same thoughts/concerns.
I think the vast majority of people have no idea of the effects of trauma and loss on children. They are well meaning and are upset at seeing these chikdren live in awful conditions on these holding camps, but to remove the children, take them away from their parents to be looked after by complete strangers while the politicians take years to sort out the mess, is probably the worst possible thing they could do. Far better to try and sort the camps out, provide reasonable living conditions, education, medical facilities etc and leave the children with their parents as removing them will cause so much more trauma to them.
Also as you so rightly said, these well meaning people need to become foster carers, have proper training and know how to deal with the effects of trauma and loss.
Love is not enough as we know only too well.
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Post by mudlark on Jan 27, 2016 11:11:55 GMT
It's a an interesting post Imp.
It's a very difficult issue isn't it, as many people see children in desperate situations and their knee jerk reaction is to want to rescue and help, which appears to be great as these children do need help right now, but placing them with people who, however well meaning, do not have the expertise, experience or knowledge of the impact of trauma on children could be a disaster for the child and their new family.
Sadly it is not always possible to rescue people even when you really want to...and we all know that from our own little ones, who we would love to 'rescue' from their trauma, but we can't.
We do not live in a fairy tale world where these poor children from war zones can be whisked up and showered with love, the government need to think again about how to support and fund the existing services for children so that the proffessionals and experts in this field can in turn support the children and existing and new foster carers in the specific challenges these refugees will demand.
And while they are at it they could look at how poorly children's mental health services are resourced and think about the 'time bomb' waiting for them when children who have been poorly served reach adulthood.
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Post by caledonia on Jan 27, 2016 13:00:35 GMT
My heart goes out to these children and I agree that they have to be traumatised to some extent or another depending on their ages and what they have seen. Well meaning people will not be able to cope with their issues.
As mudlark says, the UK's children's mental health services are so poorly resourced and so unable to help the vast majority of the UK's children, like ours, who desperately need help. I am concerned that given all the publicity about the plight of the refugees, they will fly to the top of the waiting list meaning our children will be left unsupported for even longer. I have seen the same with housing where refugees are put to the top of the waiting list and housed while UK citizens are left in bedsits for months at a time. I am not saying that refugees should not be helped, they should, and I don't know the answer but I do worry that this government, and many others in Europe are going to find themselves at breaking point and I am worried about what happens then.
I realised that some people may take offense at this and I am not for any second saying that refugees should not be helped, I just see this as a disaster waiting to happen.
Cale
x
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Post by elderberry on Jan 27, 2016 13:26:47 GMT
My father was an unaccompanied minor who didn't speak English when he arrived in the UK in 1939 on the Kindertransport. Though he hadn't exactly experienced war, he had experienced the fear and oppression of being a Jewish child in Nazi Vienna. He never saw his parents again -- they were killed by the Nazis in 1941 -- and he was raised by foster parents.
Like presumably the majority of the current migrants, my father had a perfectly good genetic background and had not experienced neglect or abuse at home. He learnt English, passed his 11-plus and was sent to boarding school. He grew up into an apparently productive and successful member of society.
It was only late in his life that I discovered that my father had suffered bouts of depression all his life. It was only after he died that I discovered that he had spent three years in prison for embezzlement before I was born and that throughout the 40 years he was married to my mother he had disappeared off for days at a time and came back having gambled away all the money he could get his hands on. My mother had to remortgage the house eventually.
My father was very proudly British. He believed that Britain saved his life when it let the children in. But he wasn't given any help to deal with the things that happened to him, and it had a long-lasting effect on both our family and on this country. I don't think I worry that refugee children will take away services from my daughter, but I certainly worry that many refugee children will never get the help that they need, just as my father didn't, and that the problems are being stored up for the future.
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Post by damson on Jan 27, 2016 20:51:14 GMT
I have friends who foster unaccompanied asylum seeking youths. It is anything but simple.
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Post by bop on Jan 27, 2016 22:08:18 GMT
"It's a very difficult issue isn't it, as many people see children in desperate situations and their knee jerk reaction is to want to rescue and help, which appears to be great as these children do need help right now, but placing them with people who, however well meaning, do not have the expertise, experience or knowledge of the impact of trauma on children could be a disaster for the child and their new family"
Just a few thoughts and not meaning to be critical to anyone....
I've been thinking back to when we started out and this paragraph could have been us - but we have learnt along the way as that love we felt for our kids gave us the motivation to find out and to change how we approached parenting...?
Its not been an easy ride and we have more challenges to come, but we were able to learn and maybe that's also true for those who are considering helping just now? Perhaps its a way to recruit more foster carers - start by considering refugees and move on the kids on the care system here?
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Post by corkwing on Jan 28, 2016 8:04:21 GMT
Good point, Bop.
I was thinking last night. I guess I'd rather the children be placed with unprepared people who nevertheless wanted to take on the challenge than left in a refugee camp.
Interesting story, Elderberry. Though I think a lot of kids brought up in wartime Britain were affected by trauma and there was no support or therapy for them. My dad hardly saw his own father between the ages of 2 and 8. His mum was frequently away working - you know in wartime films where there's a big table and people pushing markers around to track enemy planes? That was what she did. So he was pretty much feral from the sound of it. That may explain, at lesat partly, why he became an alcoholic.
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Post by pluto on Jan 28, 2016 9:09:39 GMT
A young Swedish refuge house worker in one of the 'children's houses was stabbed to death by a 15 year old this weekend, reasons unknown. Most of those 'children' are young men, that's the impression I get anyway.
I wonder how many of those children are girls.......
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