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Post by sockthing on Jan 19, 2016 18:53:14 GMT
kipper was prescribed glasses 6 months ago, he is very myopic and has astigmatism, and they have recently increased in strength, which of course means the lenses are thicker, and I think, a bit more noticeable.
A mum of a little boy he plays with (in Reception, and Kipper is Year 1) came up to me in the school playground today to alert me that her son has come home using the phrase "four eyes". She says they've pulled him up on it in no uncertain terms. Her son wouldn't say who he has heard saying it, but she thinks she can guess it to be a certain boy in year 2 who's mum she is friendly with. She wanted to alert me because its a small village school - only 70 pupils - and as far as we know there isn't another boy that low down in the school that wears glasses.
im not sure what to do - the assumption is that Boy 1 has heard Boy 2 calling Kipper four eyes. He has been very out of sorts, hyperactive, impulsive, explosive, sleep talking and grinding teeth all night, calling me names. But all of these could be down to any number of stresses.
On on the face of it, it's a minor concern, but Kipper is unlikely to tell anyone including me if he is being called names, besides which it's a concerne WHOEVER is being called it. Im worried that this is how bullying starts if it's not nipped in the bud, especially for vulnerable kids like Kipper who are a bit "different" , eccentric, quirky, emotional, fragile. He has also been calling me "scaredy cat" a lot recently.
It's all a supposition and guesswork.
what do I do?
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Post by gilreth on Jan 19, 2016 19:53:49 GMT
Hard one. As someone who suffered from emotional bullying for many years - triggered in part by wearing glasses from a young age as well as two hearing aids I know how hard it can be. All I can say is possibly talk to school - at least this is recognized as bullying now which it wasn't when I was a kid. It is good that the other Mum told you and is pulling up her son on it now.
I ended up in counselling before we were allowed to go to prep group because of my issues - and I was a fairly well-adjusted child who had never been through what our children go through.
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Post by mudlark on Jan 19, 2016 22:33:20 GMT
Peewit who is also in year one has been on the receiving end of some bullying and initially I was going to talk to the parents of the boys concerned but thought better of it and went to have a private word with the teacher. The teacher thanked me for allowing the school to deal with it and indeed the teacher spoke to the whole class about the issues I raised and also spoke to Peewit about always being able to tell a teacher if anything happened that made him scared or worried. This was only last week so I am still waiting to see how things pan out. But I am glad I went to the school to sort it out rather than tackling it myself.
Even if it is supposition and guesswork I think you should speak to the school about everything you have written about here and ask if they can help you to ensure Kipper is not on the receiving end of any verbal bullying. You do need to nip it in the bud and I know Peewit was pleased when I told him I would speak to his teacher about it all.
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Post by milly on Jan 20, 2016 6:08:05 GMT
Definitely talk to school. They are in a much better position to deal with it than you and it's at school it is likely to happen. As a teacher, we always tell parents to come to us with these things. Tackling a parent without hard evidence, or even with it, tends to be a messy business, plus even if the parent is sympathetic,they are not there at school to monitor things.
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Post by corkwing on Jan 20, 2016 8:25:05 GMT
Totally agree with the others: talk to the school.
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Post by topcat on Jan 20, 2016 8:52:42 GMT
Yes - talk to school. Brains has fairly steady ribbing about being small. I talked to the school about his low confidence and about how, even though he may look like he 'takes it on the chin' at school, he was turning into a monster with me and his sister as soon as we got home. Our school organises little 'clubs' for the children to come together and talk about friendship/playing nicely/team work, they call it their 'Rock Group', as if they were setting up a band. They are also not afraid of being proactive about who plays with who and shuffling up peer groups which has been useful. We are a big school though.
Kipper is still very young and clearly needs all your support. I have tried to help Brains indirectly as he gets angry with me if I say anything negative about his so-called friends - the ones putting him down. I've found age 7 to 8 the children all start jostling for 'position' and, while they can be really horrid, there are survival strategies learned at this point which might help them as adults say with the bully in the pub or in the workplace. I think this especially with boys - Brains is never going to be a tall man.
I look for positive role models for Brains and I took him to the doctor for some official reassurance on his height (he really is fine). Brains cannot voice directly what has been happening or even that he doesn't like it but his behaviour is much improved from last term. I suspect the ribbing still goes on but hopefully he feels our unconditional love and support so he is weathering it better.
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Post by caledonia on Jan 20, 2016 13:53:28 GMT
I'd agree with the others - talk to the school.
I am not sure if there is an age appropriate book about bullying that you could read with him and see if this prompts any conversation about what types of things people can be bullied about and what to do about it?
Cale
x
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Post by caledonia on Jan 20, 2016 13:58:03 GMT
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Post by sockthing on Jan 20, 2016 14:13:19 GMT
Thanks everyone. I am definitely going to talk to the school. I remembered in the night that last term his "Avengers" glasses case came home with a broken hinge and footprints all over it. At the time I thought it was odd but he's very scatty and always in a hurry so I assumed it had been dropped in the chaos at the peg. Now I'm not so sure. He also went through a phase of saying a certain boy said that the Avengers was babyish, and he insisted on wearing his football patterned glasses to school instead. Worryingly, the boy that said about the Avengers is not the same boy that this other mum mentioned.
I haven't mentioned it to DH yet because he will go off the deep end. Another worry I have is that Kipper will just not tell anyone anything negative about school (even though I know from his behaviour and moods he finds it tough in various ways). I'm going to emphasise to the teacher that they can't assume that he will mention anything.
It's also a little tricky to know how to address it with Kipoer, because he has been calling us mean names at home, which we are perpetually trying to address, but he also has toxic shame and if the school handle it wrong I'm worried he will think that he himself is in trouble.
At the moment at least I think the phrase "four eyes" will be meaningless to him and he won't yet realise it relates to wearing glasses but that could change any moment of course.
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Post by sockthing on Jan 21, 2016 7:50:17 GMT
Cale, thanks so much for this, I have ordered one.
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