I'm just back from AUK's conference, where I heard Bryan Post speak. He was inspirational - and funny, with excellent comic timing. I came way feeling uplifted.
My take away messages from the day:
Breathe. Use breathing technique (described in the attachment) to calm your own stress
Fear and stress triggers behaviours. Negative behaviour from children is triggered by their stress/ fear Find calm. To address your child’s behaviour you need to bring down their level of stress – to do this you need to be calm yourself. Breathe. Slow everything down.
Avoid fear-based parenting
Love. Loving interactions trigger the release of oxytocin, which in turn enables love to grow – crucial for attachment
Thank you so much Daffin. Downloaded straight away to my Mac. Really good revision for stuff done previously but not always put into practice. Loads of this resonates. Have tackled sleep and 60% sibling rivalry. Food and the rest of the sibling rivalry is now my next priority along with getting better and better at being totally calm and helping run dad to do the same (tricky one.) However we have used medication and in my personal opinion the meds for ADHD make Monkey Boy more available to the Therapeutic Parenting. So slight difference of experience there but still it's really helpful stuff. Thanks again for taking the time in your busy life to help those who could not go.
Mum to DS, Jealous Dog (13) and DS, Monkey Boy (11), married to Rundad
Thanks all. I wrote it up on the train on the way home... buoyed up by enthusiasm!
As you say, runmum, it's more a reminder of things we already know, rather than something radically new. I did find his enthusiasm for diet interesting though, and his emphasis on making and keeping a connection with your child (above all else) and the need to slow everything down, so you're not having a knee-jerk reaction to your child's behaviour.
Yes. You are recommended to spend 10 minutes with your child in the morning playing a game / doing an activity of their choice. Then 20 minutes in the afternoon and 10 mins before bed. Hard if you've got siblings but otherwise you'd hope people would be doing this anyway. But the 10-20-10 is a reminder not to get lost in housework and parallel activities but really focus on your child. Whatever their age.