Homework ....your submissions please

Thank you PT. Moo, just to be clear I'm not intending to publish on line or to give names, identities etc. Just need to address these issues across county and am seeking views to offer the ed services. AUK also have a questionnaire request from govt body looking at ed for looked after and adopted children.

Due to his early life my LO missed a lot of early schooling so is missing some of the basic fundamentals that his peers use automatically. Not helped by the fact he is bright enough to know that he is behind his friends.

Submission

I think it is important to remind them that many of these children have low self-esteem. Whilst my LO hides his disappointment at school when he gets something wrong I get major meltdowns despite trying to be the best supportive and therapeutic mum I can be. Now we have weekly maths and spellings homework, it means that at some point over the weekend I am going to have to deal with a major fallout. Please consider where possible individual acceptance criteria, setting the same level of homework for all children and having the same expectations won't work. I had a little boy that was really chuffed he got 9 out of 10 in his maths homework, I got a message that he should have tried again until he got 10 out of 10 ... grrr.

Caroline Archer in her books for adopters talks about "scared kid super kid" Basically many of our children need to believe that they can fly/rule the world/be the best at everything - if they are no or so they believe they will be rejected.

When they start out on something they cling on to that "I am super kid". When reality says something else it tends to send them into a spin particularly if the primary attachment figure has seen that they are not actually the best/perfect. This happens no matter how much therapeutic parenting we put around it - although with a lot of intensive input we found we could minimise the meltdowns some of the time.

We find this not just with homework but also hobbies - they might start karate believing that within 2 weeks they will be slicing blocks in half and running vertically up walls. When they cannot achieve this (however well they do in reality) they don't want to go anymore.

If any child his this sort of world view any homework is likely to be of no use at all and if it's of no use why do it? We used to suffer the meltdowns and try our best to tick the box then we realised there were more developmental things we could be doing with our children.

That said as our eldest has grown and developed he is now able to do some homework but it really has to be at his level. Vygotsky (Russian Psychologist well known in educational circles) calls it the "zone of proximal development" - what can I do with no help then what can I do with a little help building my confidence so I can then have a try on my own. Homework needs to be right "in the zone" with the teacher helping at school and preparing the child to have a go at home independently. Sadly this rarely happens. Our eldest has severe dyslexia and can't cope with things like learn to spell the french numbers from 1-30 by Friday or read these two pages and answer these questions about metal oxides. He needs learn to say the french numbers 1-30 and here is an audio to information about metal oxides - we battle on but that is not happening at the moment.

I'd say try and make the homework suit the child, if possible. Snooz finds it hard to sit and read but he'll read anything and everything while out and about. Treasure hunts with clues to read work here where reading a book is just hard work. It's about helping them learn right?

One size does not fit all!

We cope with it here. Yes we have had tears and tantrums at times and oldest needs support with organisation and self belief but she has gradually become more independent in doing the tasks. Youngest is a bit of a perfectionist - her issue can be having grand plans about what she wants to do and how to present it, but then finds it all takes ages - she gets upset but still wants to finish so I have had to complain to her teacher for giving her too many tasks at a time (4 last weekend, to be done in 3 days - 2 of which were lengthy!! I got a defensive reply but note the quantity is much reduced this week!)

The positives have been:

For older dd who is inattentive in class etc. That reinforcing concepts through one to one help at home has moved her on significantly. I have done extra work with her at times eg in year 3 school were obsessed with her learning joined writing. She was in a fine motor skills group but when I saw the appalling quality of the work done there, I taught her myself (and school tried to take the credit!). In year 8 her maths levels jumped when I started working with her at home, using plans sent by the teacher.

For youngest. She loves maths (I know many adoptees find this difficult) and through school has had access to several online sites she chooses eagerly to use at home. She also loves creative projects (which I don't and wouldn't encourage so much at home) and gets really caught up in these - her school often set them.

I hate having to nag mine to get on with it, I hate having to find the time for it, but I do enjoy supporting their learning when they get an appropriate task and they are happy enough to do it.

the biggest issue I have is that I cannot be both teacher and his mum. Simba is very keen but needs a lot of support with homework, yet he finds it difficult to accept help from me. At the moment I need to focus on being his mum and trying to support him through a difficult time. We are due to start some therapy in the next few months. That's my priority, not spending two hours on both Saturday and Sunday attempting to help him.

Our children usually have other things going on in their lives. Homework is an added layer of stress. Its not that I think he shouldn't get any homework, but the volume and expectations that are sending me over the edge. And he's only done half a term at secondary

Ds1 was quite motivated, and did his worksheet most days, but it would never have worked for ds2 who is too lazy to .be self motivated. Him, we just told that he was having a tutor over the summer once a week , like it or lump it, as he clearly had some maths needing revised before secondary ( we knew he was the kind would be too embaressed to make a fuss with a stranger at the door) We also sent him to a school where he will get detention if he doesnt do his work. That worked with him because he would rather do homework than spend extra time at school, when he could be playing with friends or on ps3 - but he still tries to get out of maths whenever possible . Fortunately this year he has a teacher who beleves in minimising the maths homework unless they dont work at school.. He knows this and so tries his best in class but it does stress him into a bad place at times.

However i would say this is just my kids. Some on these boards, clearly have kids who cant handle any form of homework, at least for me its mostly just maths. Problem is that the reality of mainsteam schooling is that homework is often an expected part of that. I know there are educational arguments about its necessity but in some subjects it definately builds and reinforces class learning. And any kid not doing their homework is going to be disadvantaged. and we had to balance the worthwhile therapy with the missing school ( which exacerbates the feeling of inadequacy, and in our case caused the maths phobia) Relationship with mum versus homwork done is no contest, but we were fortunate enough to manage both with a bit of strictness and fuss and backing from school, though we did have some major blowouts on a few occassions. We also reinforced the fun after work rewards. But other adopters seem to fare better by not pushing homework and defending this at school, though it is really hard as you are swimming against the tide. It depends on the child and you know your own kids best. But teachers have to be even handed and have 4-6 classes a day in a big secondary school. so there is always going to be this tension.

One thing that helped our oldest boy was the dyspraxia diagnosis from occupational therapist, because the pupil support staff at his school kept him organised about homework until he learnt to do it himself eventually at 15 , they even liased with the subject teachers over any issues, which was good because the teachers  listened to their fellow profs. more than they would to us ! Ds2 was in a small class for last year primary ,with a teacher who had more time and taught him a few basics of organisation. We still need to be on his tail, but he is coping having had that help.

Sorry to hijack your thread, Lankelly. I'll shut up now !!

Tokoloshe already working with it? I have not seen the games but the website looks too busy to my liking. I find that I have all sorts of educational apps and barely use them. Maybe an added difficulty is that I do not trust him with my ipad (he has broken the glass from my oldest ipad, jealous). I do love the starfall apps, good to learn to read.
I also find that the exitement of 'working on the ipad' quickly dies down. I think old fashioned 'pen and paper' might be more beneficial as pencilskills are also practised. 

Sorry to come late to the party, only just spotted this.

As a teacher, I used to think homework had its place. Now I have started to question whether homework is appropriate at all, apart from in exam years where it is essential just to get through the ridiculous amount of content.

In our case, homework is often a battle which can result in major meltdowns. It's difficult to do homework with her without becoming her teacher, which she sees as me being "bossy". This leads to arguments and both of us get stressed. She finds it very difficult that her friends can produce huge volumes of homework, especially written work, whereas she struggles to complete simple tasks at all. She associates home with relaxation and being able to be herself, so having to become "school starlet" at home is really challenging. We have discovered that she finds it easier to do homework anywhere else but at home and with anyone but me - at after school club, at grandma's, at a friend's house. There is clearly an attachment issue around not wanting to fail in front of me, and not wanting me to see how much she is struggling. There is also the very territorial attitude she has to our home - it's our space where she should be allowed to have some freedom from stress and where she should feel safe.

We have discovered over time that she is much happier with homework if she can pick it up and do it on her own without any help from me. I don't even look (sneak peek while she's in bed maybe). The pits of despair for us are project type home works where we have to do it together - particularly as many of her classmates' parents clearly do the work for them looking at the end product!

Thanks for posting this update Pluto. I am really pleased to hear your son has be doing so well with Kumon. I always regret not having had the time to get ds1 up to speed properly ( he didn't come to us till age 10 ) Update at our end is that he did manage to get a level 4 pass in 4th year, and ds2 is recovering his confidence thanks to better teachers and smaller classss ( hence more individual attention ) at his new school.
Cheers
Pingu

I'm upset that I only got a B in Sprat's last English homework. Also a bit upset that the teacher didn't explain the mark or how I could do better next time.

A 4 year old homework?