|
Post by spideress on Aug 26, 2015 14:15:56 GMT
We are almost 2 years in to our AS being home with us and have just approached our SW to see if we could be considered for approval as second time adopters (we also floated the idea of foster to adopt). Her instant reply was that there are still very few children in the system for adoption and as a result the adoption team staff have been massively reduced (with the kinship care staff being massively increased) and so are having to prioritize assessments on couples who can take sibling groups, older children or more complex children. However, she did say she would speak to her manager and let me know for sure next week (I think the fact we have a fairly successful adoption via them already we are of slightly more "interest" to them). I have tried to "keep my finger on the adoption pulse" for the last two years and I know from friends that the court ruling (even though the intent has since been clarified) has meant that it has been virtually impossible to remove children for adoption and instead they have been "forced" into a "kinship care" route. I have one or two friends though who have finally been matched with a child though their adopter assessment was 18months/2 years ago so I had hoped that the system was finally reverting back to "how it was" and children were finally coming up for adoption at the rate that they were before the court ruling but is this not the case? 
|
|
|
Post by pingu on Aug 27, 2015 1:17:19 GMT
I dont think it is back to what it was. We were in a similar situation to you. Two years in from first adoption of older child, we asked to adopt again. Actually our sw was wary at first , but my son convinced her ! It might be worth your while contacting a few agencies, as you say, you are experienced,. Also,, you could point out to la sw that your second tme around assesssment will not need to be so long as a lot of " first time round" stuff can be re hashed. But also look on some of the posts here about pros and cons of taking on a second child . There has been a lot of talk about sibling relationships, and while some of it relates to birth siblings asopted together, other parts are relevant you. My older boy, despite being desperate for an adoptive sibling, struggled with the realiity. Still does. and big age gaps are often recommended. With your child being only six, it doesnt leave a lot of gap , some authorities might suggest you wait a few years. Good luck Pingu
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Aug 27, 2015 9:33:06 GMT
Thank you. I am expecting there to be conflict between the two which is one reason we were hoping to wait for a girl this time although AS is convinced he wants a brother (I think he is looking to replace the relationship he had in FC with a younger boy) but I have a feeling they are going to force it that he will have to do most of his growing up "alone" before we have a chance at a sibling and since we are older anyway (hubby 50 and me 5 years behind him) I do not think we have "that much time spare to wait".
It is a good idea for me to mention that the assessment should be a lot quicker next time though I think they are just thinking that if there really are no children that are not sibling groups, much older or with "difficulties" there is no point at all in assessing us then maintaining us on a "waiting" system for years. We may approach a few other agencies to see how the land lies there but DH is not keen on going with anyone else as he has medical issues which our current agency understand and do not have issues with (he feels other agencies might reject us out of hand due to them and then that might block our future chances with our current agency) plus he really likes and trusts our previous SW so the "relationship" is already there and he is not one for easily opening up and building new relationships with a new SW.
I was trying to work out the age gap between yours but if one is 17 and one is 11 then I assume that is a 6 year gap so your first son was 13 when your second (age 7) was placed?
|
|
|
Post by serrakunda on Aug 27, 2015 13:06:09 GMT
I replied to your faith post
|
|
|
Post by pingu on Aug 28, 2015 15:36:40 GMT
Hi Sipderless, My elder boy is actually 17.5 He was 12.5 when younger boy ( at almost 7) arrived, so there is almost 5 1/2 years between them. We too are older adopters and thats why we didnt wait any longer,. There are still people on here and auk forum coming on to say they have been matched, so their are kids out there still needing adoption. I would try and get a definitive answer out of your sw as to whether a) they will definately re assess you And b)what the chances of a placement are I dont know if you are with a local aithority or a voluntary agency but maybe worth asking a few to see what their situation is like. When we had been approved the first time, we waited ages, because the only child our la had as a possible for us, was going to be ages being freed for adoption as there was a long legal case, and as first timers , we didnt feel we could risk taking a child who was not yet freed for adoption. We found ds1 via the cww magazine and probably the fact that he was 10 on placement got us our chance. With ds2 i think we were lucky with our timing as they had a kid needing a place. They were quite quick with the approval and matching, probably because they had a child in mind. If social work have a kid they need placed, they can move fast enough (!) which is why i say ask around, you may get streamlined though one particualr authority if what you can offer suits what they are looking for. Find put the options and see what hubby thinks about it Best Wishes with your search
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Aug 28, 2015 21:12:03 GMT
Thank you Pingu...........particularly with point a) and b) that is very good advice. I have already taken you first advice and done an additional email to my SW mentioning that it should be quicker 2nd time around and also making them aware that we are open to taking another 4 or 5 year old which might be considered an "older" child. Ideally of course we would have liked age 3 or below but with our ages taken into consideration we might just have to accept that it is not our "lot" to ever get to experience a "younger" child and be grateful for a) the one we have got (which we are) and b) grateful if they will take us for a 2nd even if the 2nd is 4 or 5
|
|
|
Post by pluto on Aug 31, 2015 8:37:15 GMT
I think there might be more than 'children avaliable'. At this stage it is very difficult to judge how succesfull the first adoption will be long term. The argument wanting a sibling is very weak as adding a child is complicated and in certain ways it gets easier, more hands to do the washing up, in other ways it gets more difficult as there will be interaction between the children. Often how closer in age how more complicated the relationships. It might be wise to wait another 3 years or so, than your oldest has had more 1:1 time, I just pressume he's hurt as he was older at the time of adoption and probably has had several placements and rubbish experiences. I think you need to let go of the dream child in your head, the little babygirl who is compliant and loving and causes never problems. (do we not all somewhere deep down that perfect child, often for the illusion to be bursted the first day, lol).
Even if your oldest does not present as a special needs child, he is, just because of the trauma's he experienced, you have to prepaire yourself to add another special needs child, do not think of missing limbs or downs or something else visual, think brain damage, asd, fasd, adhd those sort of things. Often at placement those kids are 'normal' just a bit delayed because of neglect, than over time the diagnoses flow in. Not saying this is always the case, just be prepaired and ready to accept such child as well.
So I can understand that ss are reluctant to place a child just now, as the last thing they are waiting for is disruption or destabelising the current placement. I have not read all your posts and I have no idea what your work experience is with sn children, maybe what I write does not count for in your situation. Anyway I would advise to wait, even with your husbands medical issues. If those issues are so big that he will not be fit in say 5 years time than questions arrise or adding a child will not be too much for you as the main carer (i pressume, your husband might need at least mental support, so than you have 3 people around you who rely on you).
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Sept 2, 2015 9:40:14 GMT
I just pressume he's hurt as he was older at the time of adoption and probably has had several placements and rubbish experiences. I think you need to let go of the dream child in your head, the little babygirl who is compliant and loving and causes never problems. (do we not all somewhere deep down that perfect child, often for the illusion to be bursted the first day, lol). He is not particularly "hurt" he only had one (and very good) foster placement when he was nearly 3 (which lasted the 18 months or so until he moved in with us) and was with his birth family up until that point. We do not have a "dream" child in our head, certainly not a "little baby girl who is compliant". We have no particular "desire" for a "baby" though AS is assuming the sibling will be a "baby" even though we have told him this would be unlikely. Ideally we would like a girl this time and ideally I would like a year with her before she goes to school but we have already told SS that we would be happy to take on another child who was 4.5 or 5 ish as we did with our AS. I am hoping that we are not forced to wait but if we are then we are. I might look at other agencies to see if we have any options there if our original one cannot take us now but if all doors close then we will have to keep applying maybe on an annual basis etc and our son will have to "get on and make do" with being a single child whether he likes it or not.
|
|
|
Post by pluto on Sept 2, 2015 10:38:23 GMT
I also pressume he was not taken away from his birth parents because he was wearing dirty socks. Do not underestimate the trauma done by neglect. In fact the first 2 or 3 years in a child's life are the most important when it comes to building a healthy brain. If the family was 'lovely and caring', why was he placed for adoption? for sure someone in the extended family could have taken him. This is all not the case, he was taken from his parents, he lived with foster carers from where he was moved again, it does not matter how good or bad foster care was, he could not stay there, that is another 'hurt' for a child. And the biggest trauma was removal from the birth mother, even if he has it 10 times better now. It is great you do not experience any of the behaviours hurt children display, just keep in mind that if he has a best new friend every month, if he becomes very angry, if he lies or steals, if he is very charming and friendly to everyone especially strangers, etc, etc, it might be more than just 'a rubbish friend', just a bit of anger because his bike is broken or any other excuse, there is no excuse for lying and stealing, red alarm light need to flash is a child is too good to be true outside the home and quite challenging at home. Loads of things you can see two ways, the controling child 'has a strong personality, is a natural leader', when a child hurts it's survival, not healthy and escalated easily in less desirable concequences.
Ofcourse you can adopt a second child, but do not do it to get a 'friend or sibling' because your oldest wants that so desperately. Often children want things and can not oversee the concequences. Gender preferance? There are a lot more boys in care than girls, more people want girls than boys. You need to look for the child best fitting in your family, the gender is not a deciding factor here. I would say you need an age gap more than anything, to prevent competition, fights, etc. You need to have exclusive time with your oldest, nothing is better than 90 minutes later to bed than younger sibling.
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Sept 2, 2015 11:37:39 GMT
I also pressume he was not taken away from his birth parents because he was wearing dirty socks. Do not underestimate the trauma done by neglect. In fact the first 2 or 3 years in a child's life are the most important when it comes to building a healthy brain. If the family was 'lovely and caring', why was he placed for adoption? for sure someone in the extended family could have taken him. This is all not the case, he was taken from his parents, he lived with foster carers from where he was moved again, it does not matter how good or bad foster care was, he could not stay there, that is another 'hurt' for a child. And the biggest trauma was removal from the birth mother, even if he has it 10 times better now. It is great you do not experience any of the behaviours hurt children display, just keep in mind that if he has a best new friend every month, if he becomes very angry, if he lies or steals, if he is very charming and friendly to everyone especially strangers, etc, etc, it might be more than just 'a rubbish friend', just a bit of anger because his bike is broken or any other excuse, there is no excuse for lying and stealing, red alarm light need to flash is a child is too good to be true outside the home and quite challenging at home. Loads of things you can see two ways, the controling child 'has a strong personality, is a natural leader', when a child hurts it's survival, not healthy and escalated easily in less desirable concequences. Ofcourse you can adopt a second child, but do not do it to get a 'friend or sibling' because your oldest wants that so desperately. Often children want things and can not oversee the concequences. Gender preferance? There are a lot more boys in care than girls, more people want girls than boys. You need to look for the child best fitting in your family, the gender is not a deciding factor here. I would say you need an age gap more than anything, to prevent competition, fights, etc. You need to have exclusive time with your oldest, nothing is better than 90 minutes later to bed than younger sibling. I didn't say he does not say we do not experience any of the behaviors hurt children display I said he was not "particularly" hurt. He seems particularly resilient and whilst his behavior is not perfect it is nothing like as bad as I have read other adopters going through. Gender preference is because we think he would "handle" a sister better than a "brother" as a "brother" might well be to like direct competition for him. I am aware there are more boys than girls in the care system though from what SS and others seem to be telling me there are hardly any girls OR boys in the adoption part of the care system at present. I am part of a couple so both children would get exclusive time with each of us. I like the idea of oldest going to be 90 mins later than younger sibling. At the rate it is going though oldest will naturally be going to bed very late anyway as he will be virtually grown up before a sibling may or may not come.
|
|
|
Post by vickyvixen on Sept 6, 2015 13:46:58 GMT
Looking at the other forums - AdoptionLink & Adoption UK - there are still loads of people waiting for matches and very very few single children. Another issue you may have is the age gap between the kids as I know my LA is still after a 3-year gap between children; this doesn't help as this then puts you into the most competitive group wanting a lo aged 0-3. Anyhow you know all this - if I were you I'd wait until your lo is a but older and hopefully for you the situation will have improved. Good luck with it all :-)
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Sept 7, 2015 9:06:45 GMT
Looking at the other forums - AdoptionLink & Adoption UK - there are still loads of people waiting for matches and very very few single children. Another issue you may have is the age gap between the kids as I know my LA is still after a 3-year gap between children; this doesn't help as this then puts you into the most competitive group wanting a lo aged 0-3. Anyhow you know all this - if I were you I'd wait until your lo is a but older and hopefully for you the situation will have improved. Good luck with it all :-) Thanks. We have a meeting with our SW next week to properly discuss it all but I think it is going to end up more like a "not right now, wait for a while" situation and we are trying to "brace" ourselves for that situation. We are definitely blessed beyond measure to have "Incy" and if we do have to end up waiting for him to get older and hopefully the situation improving then that is just the way it will have to be. We met with a group of adopters who we have met along the way recently and those who are ready to adopt again have reported a similar situation, they have phoned every LA who they (and we since we are in the same kind of area) could approach and have been told by everyone of them to wait a while and phone back again in 6 months or maybe a year etc.
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Sept 9, 2015 15:09:16 GMT
We had a meeting with our SW yesterday and she was saying that our agency aren't recruiting anymore adopters at the moment as they have 18 potential adopters and only 3 children which they can't be matched with due to ethnicity! She also said that now is more difficult to adopt than this time last year due to lack of children. In the area most children who don't go back to birth parents are under a special guardianship order and either stay within birth family or are cared for by friends of birth family so parents will still maintain PR! They are hoping it will change but who knows. Hopefully the situation will improve over the coming months and years for prospective adopters.
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Sept 10, 2015 12:10:24 GMT
We had a meeting with our SW yesterday and she was saying that our agency aren't recruiting anymore adopters at the moment as they have 18 potential adopters and only 3 children which they can't be matched with due to ethnicity! She also said that now is more difficult to adopt than this time last year due to lack of children. In the area most children who don't go back to birth parents are under a special guardianship order and either stay within birth family or are cared for by friends of birth family so parents will still maintain PR! They are hoping it will change but who knows. Hopefully the situation will improve over the coming months and years for prospective adopters. Thank you that is very interesting information and shows that it is likely to be a wider issue than just one or two local councils. I think it is a countrywide problem at the moment. We see our SW next week but we are not feeling very optimistic about what she might have to say. However, our agency manager did say that she could not foresee any real changes in the system to get it back to where it was before the ruling - at least not anytime soon. Perhaps it will take 5 years or more to see some proper statistics on the outcomes of the arrangements for these children before a proper assessment and review can be done.
|
|
|
Post by pluto on Sept 10, 2015 17:44:06 GMT
I am sure I 'missed' something, what has happened with a ruling?
I think the uk is the only eu country where stranger adoption for looked after children is possible. The rest of the Eu it is long term foster care or special guardian orders and variations from this order, not adoption. Maybe they move slowly to the eu model?
|
|
|
Post by pingu on Sept 11, 2015 9:20:12 GMT
Fascinating post about b-s case Tokoloshe. Thanks for that. It does sound as if the judge(s) think that good practise has not always been followed and that previous judges have not always tested submissions as rigourously as they should. My kids notes outline alll the reasons why placemnt outwith family and without siblings were the only and best options. The social workers come accross as putting the kids best interests at heart, butalso give full expalnations for why they consider adoption the only and best option in this case. The courts would have been able to see from the submission why adoption was considered the best option. I am giessing that the non adoption options dont need justified to a judge in the way that adoption does ( long term fostering and guardianship are internal dept decisions afaik, so are easier for sw than putting together a case for adoption. But i think it is also right that they should make sure adoption is the right option for each child . There are a few cases on these boards where adopters have questioned the justification for their child. If it is not then the potential is there for traumatic stuff down the line and inappropriate placemnt or treatment. Not necessarily that there should be less adoptions, but definately more thorough assesment and prep of each child.
|
|
|
Post by imp on Sept 14, 2015 0:21:09 GMT
I was talking to one of our Adoption SWs a few weeks ago, who confirmed that there are very few children available for Adoption, as the majority are all being pushed into some form of kinship care.
As a FC I find this very difficult to manage, especially as the Family Support SWs, who are the ones who work with the LACs and their families, have little experience or understanding of 'best practice' for introductions
Of course, we also have to see 'our' LOs moving back into the family that they came from, where even though the new carer 'promises' that they will keep them safe from the parent/s, it often isn't possible to do so.
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Sept 14, 2015 9:53:20 GMT
A while ago I read a study that found worse outcomes with kinship carers - the researchers suggested a combination of lower standards of care were accepted from kinship carers, plus they asked for/received less support than non-kinship. Makes sense - children are left with birth family in conditions that would never be allowed from an unrelated FC or potential AP. I'll try to find it, but it was about 5 years ago that I read it... I had read such on my friends blog (I think special guardianship orders are what are granted to kinship carers) www.lifewithkatie.co.uk/2015/08/special-guardianship-orders.html ................this bit in particular "Worryingly the breakdown figures for SGOs, whilst relatively low, are significantly higher than for adoption (5.7% over 5 years compared to 0.72% for adoption over the same period) raising the question of whether this is due to pressures within the family and/or lack of support with specialist parenting issues. Some might also argue that an SGO is a cheaper option than keeping a child in long term foster care and the already patchy assessment criteria might mean inappropriate orders are granted. The report notes that adopters are far more likely to seek post adoption support from the LA and partner services than a Special Guardian. Is this because adopters are better prepared to accept that help may be necessary and there is less stigma attached for us? Another concern is that over time courts are also seeing more SGOs challenged by birth parents. The Order is considered permanent but some Orders have now been successfully challenged which I'm sure will lead to anxiety amongst SWs when seeking these sorts of Orders"
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Oct 1, 2015 21:18:36 GMT
We have met with the SW. Even though we are prepared to take on a 4 or 5 year old that is still not enough eligible criteria for the agency (an LA in consortium agreement) we wanted to go through (the ones we got Incy from). She confirmed that statistically there are 4 adopters for every child in the system, the number of placement orders has fallen by 40% but the number of approved adopters has risen 1%. She said there really are just next to no children in the system unless you can take a sibling group, ethnic minority group or a child with "serious issues" and since we have Incy to consider none of those catagories would apply to our situation. There are therefore no children who they could place with us and so have refused to give us a 2nd assessment. We were told it was OK to contact them in a year (6 months they said was too soon) just to see if the situation has changed any. She said kinship care is the big thing followed by more children than ever going back to birth family hence why they are not coming up for adoption.
|
|
|
Post by moo on Oct 2, 2015 4:52:17 GMT
Wow spideress havn't replied been too sad for you.... back when I started going thro the system this is what I got told too..... no children coming thro only sib groups... I was lucky coz obviously a sib group was what I wanted.... lets hope like back then it is a short lived 'glitch' they say persistence wins the day hugs to you all xxxx
Xx moo xx
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Oct 2, 2015 5:22:22 GMT
Wow spideress havn't replied been too sad for you.... back when I started going thro the system this is what I got told too..... no children coming thro only sib groups... I was lucky coz obviously a sib group was what I wanted.... lets hope like back then it is a short lived 'glitch' they say persistence wins the day hugs to you all xxxx
Xx moo xx We always wanted a sibling group too. So much so that in 2006 when we originally applied to become adopters we were told by the same LA that we eventually got Incy through that we needed a 3 bedroom house in order to be eligible for a sibling group. We therefore sold up, moved, spent the next 6 years trying the get the new house with a considerably increased mortgage into a condition that they would accept as "good enough" to have a child in. We did all of that only to find that when we eventually applied again (6 years after the first time) we were told by the same agency that whilst we now met the bedroom criteria we STILL could not have a sibling group due to "lack of childcare experience". We had "lack of childcare experience" the 6 years back, they could have told us that then in which case we would have applied to adopt a single child way back then and in 2012 when we started for Incy he could have been our 2nd single child adoption. We would have had our family "complete" by now had it not been for their misdirection and obstructiveness. We would have just "missed" this current "kinship care is Lord of all" situation prospective adopters now find themselves in.
|
|
|
Post by moo on Oct 2, 2015 9:04:24 GMT
Oh how grim I had no idea ......
Here's hoping things return to a more common sensical situation....
Hang in who knows in 6 months things may be back to 'normal' xx
Xx moo xx
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Oct 2, 2015 13:51:14 GMT
I have approached a different LA today one that is not in the consortium of the LA we used for Incy just incase their children situation is different. They are going to speak to our SW at our existing LA to confirm the conversation we have had with her and if that all checks out (hopefully she has not "other reason" that she has not disclosed to us) we might be allowed to apply to this other LA and their manager will then consider if we have any chance at being assessed as 2nd time adopters with them. Our SW is not available until mid-next week now so they will not be able to speak to her about it for a little while.
|
|
|
Post by bop on Oct 2, 2015 15:50:51 GMT
You sound as though you are finding this situation really difficult - and I'm not surprised I'd be frustrated too.
You said you are a Christian, so I'd say hang on in there - just remember nothing is impossible with God and He can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine - so He can work this out...or maybe he has another even better plan for you...one to prosper and not to harm you?
Bop
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Oct 2, 2015 16:31:39 GMT
You sound as though you are finding this situation really difficult - and I'm not surprised I'd be frustrated too. You said you are a Christian, so I'd say hang on in there - just remember nothing is impossible with God and He can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine - so He can work this out...or maybe he has another even better plan for you...one to prosper and not to harm you? Bop We had prophecy nearly 20 years ago now that "there is a boy and a girl in it as a sign of your healing" and so we are holding firmly onto that.........we have the boy we are waiting to see if He brings forth the girl.
|
|
|
Post by bop on Oct 2, 2015 17:20:41 GMT
You sound as though you are finding this situation really difficult - and I'm not surprised I'd be frustrated too. You said you are a Christian, so I'd say hang on in there - just remember nothing is impossible with God and He can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine - so He can work this out...or maybe he has another even better plan for you...one to prosper and not to harm you? Bop We had prophecy nearly 20 years ago now that "there is a boy and a girl in it as a sign of your healing" and so we are holding firmly onto that.........we have the boy we are waiting to see if He brings forth the girl. Keep trusting - if its His plan nothing can get in the way..... If its not, the alternative is better. We had a prophecy (on a totally different matter) a few years ago and we are still waiting - not sure it will happen but we trust and wait patiently.... Bop x
|
|
|
Post by lemonade on Oct 22, 2015 10:24:20 GMT
The re: B-S ruling. This was the hearing of the appeal by a mother against the refusal of Parker J. to grant leave to oppose the adoption of two of her children. Giving a unanimous judgment, Munby P. spends some time surveying the case law, all of which emphasises the point that the severance of family ties inherent in an adoption without parental consent is an extremely draconian step and one that requires the highest level of evidence. This must be read alongside the principle in both the Children Act and the ACA 2002 that the courts are to adopt the least interventionist approach when dealing with the upbringing of children. Basically SWs have to do their job properly, and show that adoption is in the child's best interests. Has been interpreted as 'try anything at all costs not to have the child adopted'. Of course it's easier for the SWs to make an arrangement agreed by BPs - then their work doesn't get challenged. Went to a workshop last night, to discover being given by a sw, dh & I knew from our first approached adoption agency, which we ended up not going with as they had very few children to place - this was 1990 - 96! Agency has since closed and SW is now independent and works for herself. Spoke with her asking about adoption today, which was quite an eye opener, she mentioned a court case which is probably the one you have quoted Toko ? and how it has changed adoption for the worse. She said there are about 100 families going after each child, as few children are coming through the adoption process now. They are being placed with extended family etc. She said it is very competitive X Factor style where SW feel they have to push / gazump to get their adopters to get them noticed by SW who have the children available for adoption She felt it will all come back to bite us in a few years when the pendulum swings back the other way and these children who should have been placed up for adoption will be suffering from being left in birth extended families.
|
|
|
Post by spideress on Oct 22, 2015 13:58:52 GMT
The re: B-S ruling. This was the hearing of the appeal by a mother against the refusal of Parker J. to grant leave to oppose the adoption of two of her children. Giving a unanimous judgment, Munby P. spends some time surveying the case law, all of which emphasises the point that the severance of family ties inherent in an adoption without parental consent is an extremely draconian step and one that requires the highest level of evidence. This must be read alongside the principle in both the Children Act and the ACA 2002 that the courts are to adopt the least interventionist approach when dealing with the upbringing of children. Basically SWs have to do their job properly, and show that adoption is in the child's best interests. Has been interpreted as 'try anything at all costs not to have the child adopted'. Of course it's easier for the SWs to make an arrangement agreed by BPs - then their work doesn't get challenged. Went to a workshop last night, to discover being given by a sw, dh & I knew from our first approached adoption agency, which we ended up not going with as they had very few children to place - this was 1990 - 96! Agency has since closed and SW is now independent and works for herself. Spoke with her asking about adoption today, which was quite an eye opener, she mentioned a court case which is probably the one you have quoted Toko ? and how it has changed adoption for the worse. She said there are about 100 families going after each child, as few children are coming through the adoption process now. They are being placed with extended family etc. She said it is very competitive X Factor style where SW feel they have to push / gazump to get their adopters to get them noticed by SW who have the children available for adoption She felt it will all come back to bite us in a few years when the pendulum swings back the other way and these children who should have been placed up for adoption will be suffering from being left in birth extended families. Yes, I do think it will come back to "bite" the country in years to come and it is tragic for the parents and children who could have had adopted parents but who "missed out" in those years. By the time it might come back to "how it was" many adopters might be just "too old" or unable to put their life on hold for such a long time so could end up remaining either childless or with whatever children they already have be it birth or already adopted. So far we have been turned down by two agencies on the basis "sorry we are full" type comments. We have another agency coming to see us early November so we are hoping they might take us on but it will have to be an older child ie 4 or over so we have already had to give up hope of having the 3 or below just to experience that time with them before school. However "Incy" was 4 years 8 months old when placed so we have evidenced that we "can do it once" with that age range so hopefully that will go in our favour this time. It does feel like a very bleak situation "out there" though.
|
|
|
Post by gilreth on Oct 23, 2015 11:48:49 GMT
I am coming to suspect that Sqk maybe an only child. Not what I want but DH is still unsure about adopting again and with the current climate it would be difficult. However given we need an age gap of at least 3 years and given I would go for approval for 0-4/5 this time round I suppose I do have another 3-4 years to consider things as Sqk is 4 currently. So landscape could change again - it si annoying we were not allowed to go for sibling group ourselves but that was down to my health issues mainly.
|
|
|
Post by chotimonkey on Oct 23, 2015 12:11:42 GMT
Friends of ours who have just adopted are considering starting the overseas adoption process in a year or so to hopefully give 3 ish years between placements... I don't know if it's something you'd consider. I think the focus on kinship care is so damaging! It's always bfamily needs before the child's and the early years damage done as we all know is not reparable
|
|