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Post by aprilshowers on May 30, 2015 9:46:36 GMT
Wobbly is more me than them, but we have got through one a big one middly 18th, she did not want her siblings there, but family attended a meal and all was very pleasant. Littlys is soon, hubby has not seen or spoken to her since December, I have only seen her once since December at a review meeting...she is still saying that I put her in care...that I don't keep I touch and that I made her childhood miserable......its amazing how short and long their memories can be at the same time...what is even more frustrating is that so called proffs and carers just gloss over the actual facts of why I am a section 20 parent.
So what will happen for littlys birthday...well as normal I will invite her and one friend of hers to a meal out, I wont invite the sibs and it is likely that extended family wont come...some might but they too have been at the brunt of littlys allegations.
Bigglys birthday will be overshadowed by the arrival of his second child (different girlfriend) so its likely that it will just be a card and gift and maybe a quick lunch.
In the middle of all this is mine...well from experience I wont be holding my breath for a card etc from two of them, middly likes to make a effort but its hit or miss how it goes depending on her mood...personally I would gladly ignore all birthdays...Christmas and any other holiday that requires effort and cards. |
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Post by milly on May 30, 2015 12:29:11 GMT
Sending hugs, sounds horrible.
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Post by nancydanfan on May 30, 2015 14:56:56 GMT
Thinking of you at this yucky time
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Post by lilyofthevalley on May 30, 2015 20:09:55 GMT
Good to hear from you. Life can be very hard.
Lily x
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Post by peartree on May 30, 2015 23:22:38 GMT
Hugs xx I wish it was different. It isnt. Suggest you and Mr grumps do something lovely for yourselves x
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Post by damson on May 31, 2015 3:09:16 GMT
It's a fierce choice, to either ignore all birthdays/ Christmas/ anniversaries/ mother's day(!) so your 3 can't fail, or to re-set to expecting nothing from them but still quietly mark your birthday for yourself. I'm with PT, time to do something nice for yourself with DH.
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Post by moo on May 31, 2015 5:15:59 GMT
Hugs to you xxxxx
Sorry to hear about how tuff things are xxxx
Hang in & I 'third' peartrees suggestion.....
Xx moo xx
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Post by ham on May 31, 2015 7:31:12 GMT
I have a house that needs cleaning.....
Self care and lots of it. Celebrate your day with hubby .as for the children you are keeping communication channels opening by offering something on their birthdays and it is their choice if they take it up on you.
With regard to SW glossing over issues it is the easiest option for them. You have given your all for your family with little support , and you love them which is why you are having a wobbly -birthdays in the real world are celebrated and plante adoption is often a very different kettle of fish.
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2015 12:28:49 GMT
I'm with you on that one April. I hate birthdays now.
In the space of less than two months, I have both DD's birthdays, my birthday, a week later my wedding anniversary, the next day my deceased BS's birthday and less than 2 weeks later my BD's birthday/anniversary.
I am always glad when those significant dates are over all be it in less than two months, but at least I can breathe for a year.
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Post by mayan on Jun 2, 2015 12:20:06 GMT
Oops lost my post - probably a good thing as it was a long one ,
Just wanted to send gentle hugs and kind thoughts as you negotiate these complex and painful milestones. Your post came at a time when we were dealing with some off behaviour from our dd regarding our wedding anniversary - part because it's a happy day to remember and thus we are happy and no matter what we have done over the years sometimes she just feels a sense of exclusion more and therefore rejection - not as if we make a big thing in any event but also part due to another year rolling around and by default getting older. She has avoided dh's birthday today by working and leaving a card and voucher on the stairs early this morning - last year ds came to his birthday bash - this year like other intermittent years in the past no card no phone call - (and at least dh, dd and I can say we have all been equally ignored this year!) we have tiptoed round all of this for years and like others variously began to dread looming dates so have often just not done birthdays on the day itself to various levels of success till we realised how this was eroding our sense of self - so we find ways of marking things and try to find positives even amongst the complexities or absences. Dd couldn't do being here today but she did give him a kiss and wish him yesterday somehow not being the day makes that easier (not something she has done before and I think possibly some interesting reflection following discussing a recent post about the five languages of love as we walked the dog).
Enjoy your birthday April inspite of everything and raise a glass to your sheer indomitability
Cheers to you girl!
Much love and strength
Mx
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Post by kizim on Jun 6, 2015 10:14:27 GMT
Having just wobbled through Enigma's 19th (no contact/ blocked us from most social media) Ä° am empathise April.
Seemed to be yet another milestone puts another metaphorical mile between Life before....and Life now.
Whizz graduated from Middle School yesterday which brought on another few wobbles - sad that she was not there for her sister....and memories of her High School graduation last year.
How do you manage to keep any form of contact and stay objective enough to not be manipulated again. Ä° know littly like enigma has made many false allegations and caused great anguish - how are you able to overcome your feelings about that and still maintain some kind of relationship?
You are very special people and Ä° hope you celebrate your birthday. Ä° didn't celebrate mine this year - but Ä° intend to celebrate it this summer instead.
Hugs
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Post by aprilshowers on Jun 18, 2015 10:34:34 GMT
Well still in birthday season...littly did not send a card or make contact on my birthday...but four days late a card came through the post, biggly sent a FB message again three days late...middly came to ours with cards and gifts...littly birthday came she did not answer our texts or calls so we just sent cards...at the same time middly is take into hospital again...operation needed for burst cyst on ovary and appendics...she is supposed to stay with us but instead went to stay at boyfriends...we had invited him as well by the way...so now the next ones are fathers day...sons and hubby's birthdays and in the middle of that our second grandchild is due (sons and new girlfriend)..exhausted by it all....what gets me still is how it all affects me...I know what they are like...I know that they cant do certain things and when our obvious concern for them is showing they just do what they want with no thought or regard to us whatsoever...need too work on my acceptance..because as sure as eggs are eggs they are not going to change anytime soon.
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