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Post by homebird on Apr 29, 2015 13:56:23 GMT
I wonder sometimes if Social Services take the easy option. My nephew was allowed to go back to birth mum at a very young age despite his siblings being adopted away from birth family with no contact with birth mum and only letterbox with siblings.
I think it best not to torment yourself with trying to work out the why's and wherefore's. Step back and just be there if the time comes when she needs you again.
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Post by giggles on Apr 29, 2015 14:38:38 GMT
Such a painfully sad situation. Much love to you all.
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Post by bop on Apr 29, 2015 15:07:24 GMT
((Hugs))
FWIW I think you are right to take a step back.
Sadly the situation is all too similar to our DD1 last year - after she left us to go to foster care (at 14!), she made contact with her BF and met with them on several occasions, mostly with SS knowledge and a couple of times without. However, several months on she has know fallen out with them again after they didn't meet her fairytale expectations and is no longer in touch with them.
Things are still difficult with us - like you she wants to see her sblings but not us and like your son, they only want to see her with us due to her desire for them to also make allegations, so DD puts up with me being at contact (and makes it obvious how she feels about that!).
Hopefully Blosson can explore her relationship with her birth family and with good support find our for herself the reality of why she was removed. I've managed to get to a place where I see DD1's exploration of her birth fmaily as a positive thing - she needs to know that part of herself and it would have been far harder if she has done it within our family.
I must say I am with you on the professionals, who seem to think they know best and disregard any input we may have on our children, even when we have been caring for them for many years and know them best.
Bop
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Post by damson on Apr 29, 2015 15:40:48 GMT
Thinking of you, hoping that Partridge can stay safe, and you have no unexpected visitors to the Orchard.
Time to teach Wonderdog the Guard Dog series of tasks.
xxx D
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Post by vickyvixen on Apr 29, 2015 20:10:28 GMT
So sorry to read this. I hope you are taking care of yourselves and sending you more virtual hugs x
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Post by kizim on Apr 30, 2015 5:08:46 GMT
((((hugs PT)))) İ really do empathise. İt sucks....all of it....and it hurts too
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Post by mrbop on Apr 30, 2015 11:32:26 GMT
So hard and the pain lingers but you have to remember you didn't do the damage and you have done so much to repair what you could. It is a race against time and hormones to put some stability and foundations in place. The good you did will sink in at some point, we all just have to hope and pray nothing irrepairable happens in the meantime in these situations and hold onto the fact that none of us ever signed up for sainthood, just to do the very best we could - and that we actually did and continue to do exactly that.
I'll avoid any comments on SS as that just sets me off on one ;-)
Take care
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Post by twoplustwo on Apr 30, 2015 12:58:44 GMT
Appalling. No words for how dreadful it is.
One thing I'd do in your position. You may have done this already but if not I think it would be wise.
Document in WRITING as briefly as possible that you are against this meeting and the reasons why. I'd make sure that the danger to Pip and Partridge as well as Blossom is clearly stated alongside the threat to you and Mr P. Send it to SS and make sure it gets added to Blossom and Partridge's files. Then ,when it all goes terribly worng, you'll have clear evidence that you were against it and that you, and you alone, were acting in the best interests of al yoru children. maybe send copies to the 'high ups' as well - MP?
I worry that if you don't cover yourself they'll claim it was with your knowledge and consent.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 14:00:36 GMT
Good point from Two plus.
Also I would inform your IRO of what has happened against your will.
it does make a joke of Section20 and saying you have "full parental responsibility", when SS go ahead and do these things without any consultation with your or DH.
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Post by mrbop on May 1, 2015 7:33:31 GMT
Good point Two plus - the other point that just struck me on that one is that whilst the law is "child focused", some children are more equal than others and the safety and well being of the younger two will, in extremis, trump those of the older one who is closer to adulthood. At least that's how it plays in Scotland. I doubt it will stop SS in their tracks but it may prove useful to have up your sleeve at a later date. Document everything and keep all emails sent and received, confirm anything you discuss by phone with an email too: just to confirm key points obviously ;-)
As for the "full parental responsibility", well that seems limited to biting lips and gritting teeth to avoid saying "I told you so" when it goes pear shaped.. SS seem to take the view they know best because they are the professionals (no laughing at the back there!) and you as the parent are to blame,obviously being bad parents (you're not!!) and therefore they will not treat you with anything resembling respect until such time it has blown up in their faces a few times.. and even then don't hold your breath (cynical? moi?)
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Post by damson on May 1, 2015 10:14:45 GMT
Dear PT
I am with jmk on this one.
Celebrate the end of horrible meetings,(here is a glass of virtual champagne raised to you and DH, veteran meeting attenders) pull up the drawbridge and let them get on with it.
Teach wonderdog to snarl on command, and put the phone on answerphone.
Blossom will re-surface at some point, but in the meantime, breathe out.
xxx Damson
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Post by larsti on May 1, 2015 14:53:24 GMT
Yes look after YOU PT and focus on the rest of the family.
(((((PT)))))
Larsti x
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Post by haze on May 4, 2015 18:56:30 GMT
Dear PT, {{hugs}}.
I am so sad that this has happened to you.
Plse take care of yourself.
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