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Post by peartree on Apr 28, 2015 13:49:45 GMT
Blossom has been involved with birth family The professionals have arranged a great reunion behind our backs They are a big risk But they know best! Awful awful but we have lost her Horrible set of horrible meetings. Cannot do this anymore and so we have withdrawn from all things Blossom. She's about to go to BF and we can't just allow her to continually hurt us, hurt us all. There's absolutely nothing we can do about any of this. It's so sad.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2015 14:23:39 GMT
OMG PT I can't believe SS aided and abetted a reunion without telling you, how dreadful. I know Blossom may have wanted it, but to not tell you anything about it is disgraceful. I don't know quite what to say except you are in my thoughts and I hope and pray Blossy will make her way back to you when the novelty wears offf and she sees them for who they are.
Massive, massive hugs to you and Mr. PT xxxxxx Please look after yourselves, you do not deserve this.
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Post by poohbear on Apr 28, 2015 14:30:57 GMT
Oh no, what a terrible situation and so very heart breaking for you. Hugs and prayers for all in the Orchard xx
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Post by flossie on Apr 28, 2015 15:39:45 GMT
So sorry to see this, take care of yourselves xx
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 28, 2015 15:42:50 GMT
((((((((((((((((The orchard))))))))))))))
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Post by mooster on Apr 28, 2015 15:53:31 GMT
Very very sorry to read this, been thinking about you lots over the past few days, will be thinking about you even more now. Look after yourselves during this very difficult time.
Mooster x
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Post by mudlark on Apr 28, 2015 16:06:22 GMT
Oh how awful....Thoughts and prayers for you all. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by lilyofthevalley on Apr 28, 2015 16:08:52 GMT
So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you.
Lily xxx
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Post by esty on Apr 28, 2015 16:43:35 GMT
She's not 18 yet, she's still legally yours. They have no right surely to do it without your input/permission. If so none of us shouyld adopt as theyre not 'ours'!
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Post by damson on Apr 28, 2015 16:50:05 GMT
So sorry to hear your news. I hope the charm of BF wears off and somehow you can have a safe relationship without risk of BF.
Xxx D
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Post by larsti on Apr 28, 2015 16:56:07 GMT
PT that is awful and very scary. After all you have been through with Blossom :-(
Sending a huge hug.
Love Larsti x
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Post by daffin on Apr 28, 2015 17:22:19 GMT
So sad. I'm so sorry!
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Post by peartree on Apr 28, 2015 17:38:01 GMT
Ss have decided that she's going to be supported and has a right to have her information kept secret from us. They have no sense on if it's in her best interests only that she wants it As we have given our whole lives to trying to rescue our young people from their hideously abusive birth family it's very very difficult to say the least. Blossom has made it abundantly clear she does not wish to see us, only her brother, on his own which he won't do because of her false allegations she makes. She doesn't care if pip or us are hurt or sad Things are over
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Post by Ad-minnie! on Apr 28, 2015 18:05:35 GMT
Peartree - I am so very very sorry. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult and sad this is for you as a family. Thoughts and prayers for you all xxx xxx
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Post by sooz on Apr 28, 2015 18:37:25 GMT
Words fail me, really they do!
Sending hugs and hopes that things may eventually work out for you all xxxx
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Post by milly on Apr 28, 2015 18:41:16 GMT
How heart breaking. It's awful that ss have gone behind your backs and don't understand.
Hope Blossom will see sense and get in touch.
Hugs xxx
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Post by fruitcake on Apr 28, 2015 18:56:12 GMT
Stupid, stupid social services! I think you are right to prioritise the safety of your other children by stopping contact while Blossom is involved with this dangerous family. You must be devastated after all you have done for her. I'm so so sorry.
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Post by pirate on Apr 28, 2015 20:17:19 GMT
Sending my love & hugs to you all. Terrible situation to be in. Your still mum, and have done your best xxxxxx
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Post by wibbley on Apr 28, 2015 21:14:20 GMT
Oh my PT. words fail me on SSs 'wisdom'.
How utterly painful for you all
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Post by leo on Apr 28, 2015 22:00:09 GMT
I am so very sorry. Thinking of you and your family.
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Post by sivier on Apr 28, 2015 23:08:03 GMT
You have been and are the most brilliant mum to Blossom. Cannot imagine your hurt ((((((((peartree)))))))
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Post by peartree on Apr 29, 2015 7:40:26 GMT
I don't think ss or the 'professionals' have the least idea what they've put us through. They consider our concern as controlling They've got it all wrong but have no grasp of what it is to be adopters
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Post by nancydanfan on Apr 29, 2015 7:45:04 GMT
So sorry to hear what you are going through pear tree.It sounds like we may have quite a bit in common with you.
If blossom is a convincing liar as our dd was SS could well have a negative view of your family.Our idiot SWs also had a stupid mantra of " she is 16 she can make her own decisions".They were completely unable to see the vulnerability she had.Did was also able to call all the shots as to what meetings we could attend under a section 20 and what information we could be given.It is such a shock when you go from intensive parenting to no contact and no information.
You deserve better than to be hurt all the time but you love her and it does hurt.You are not the problem here.You have survived so much and you can survive this.
I am finding life is getting easier.I now wonder if dd ever was really mine but maybe she was so damaged she could never truly belong.
Big hug to you and take care
Ndf
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Post by corkwing on Apr 29, 2015 7:55:40 GMT
I don't think ss or the 'professionals' have the least idea what they've put us through. They consider our concern as controlling They've got it all wrong but have no grasp of what it is to be adopters I think you're right: they have no idea of the reality of our lives and feelings. Sending you big hugs.
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Post by kstar on Apr 29, 2015 8:13:58 GMT
I am speechless. That doesn't happen often. Why are adopters always bottom of the heap in this crazy world we live in.
Lots of hugs xxx
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Post by caledonia on Apr 29, 2015 8:30:59 GMT
Dear PT
I frequently think that I cant possible here another story about SS what makes me rage - but so often I am proved wrong. I have no words to express how sad, angry etc I feel for you all. As others have said, you have done everything and more for both of your AC and it is beyond insulting that they should question your love for them. Sadly as we all know, adoptive parents are at the bottom of the heap in all stages of the process and I cant see it every changing.
The orchard needs to stand back and look after themselves and allow Blossom to make this journey on her own. I have no doubt that deep down she knows that you are her family but the romance of the 'birth' family is taking over, being encouraged by SCUM. I am so proud of Partridge for taking the stand he has and it shows what an amazing job you and Mr Peartree and the Cavalry have done with him.
Take time to lick your wounds but always remember, nobody could have done more for Miss B than you have, and she will in time, god willing, see this.
love and prayers
Cale x
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Post by pluto on Apr 29, 2015 9:09:36 GMT
I think our expectations are too high, why would we even think that sw's and professionals who have never lived 24/7 even for 2 years with a child with brain damage, asd, fasd, ad(h)d, and all the problems those kids cause, really understand. Their practical experience comes out of books mainly, and we all know we live in a time where we have gone from not listening to kids to now taking their wants and wishes too seriously and giving them way too many rights at an age where they are still children with immature thoughts and still in the growing process. Not only that, everyone is be tarred with the same brush and has the same rights. A stable 16 year old with good school results and a saturday job and never in trouble has the same rights as another 16 year old who dropped out of education, has taken drugs or is drunk every weekend, is not able to even keep their own body clean, has had a brush with police, etc, etc.
We as society (social services, because they are 'neutral') allow our youngsters too much freedom because society decides the values and norms. Might work for neurotypical kids in some cases because their concious is developped, it doesn't for hurt children.
Simply their delays, often low intellect, their trauma and hurt, prevent them from making the right decisions. And that is so difficult when children are placed under S20, whether you like it or not the child is given way more choices and freedom than is good for them. A two edged sword, the child can no longer live at home because of challenging behaviours, and where the child moves to is often not ideal and as a parent you do not have the last say in matters. And I pressume accepting that is what hurts most. Objectively we fight as hawks for many years and than ending up in a position where you are legally still the parent but with no powers.
Disagree and take the child home, that is an option..... but in reality not of course.
I do not believe those birth family meet ups are often succesful, they last for a while but there is little to recognise for the child. The newness probably wears thin after a short period by birth family as well, as they now no longer deal with a fantasy child but one what can be moody, makes snippy comments, does things differently than in their family, etc, etc And does not give them money.
You never know of course but I would emotionally step back for a while and concentrate on the rest of your family. I pressume she will be back because at the end of the day nobody really cares about her, not the unit (they go home after each shift and will have forgotten her in 5 years time), not her birth family (their needs always came first otherwise those kids did not end up in care), not her friends ( they will drop her as soon as something more interesting comes around) etc, etc.
She has you and you have a track record of caring about her happiness and interests, that can never be taken away from her and for that reason I think it will not be that easy to cut every connection.
Have some trust in the situation, and do not need her to be happy yourself. Give it time and do not expect her to care about your feelings or the rest of the family, I think she is probably not even able to (I remember she has asd?) at the moment. Those kids often mature late, in time things might develop.
For now wishing you strength and health.
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Post by nancydanfan on Apr 29, 2015 10:36:07 GMT
Very well put pluto
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Post by peartree on Apr 29, 2015 11:06:02 GMT
Very big hugs to all. I've got a lovely set of flowers, Messages and real life hugs too. It's just so sad. So First I ate a bar of fruit and nut for breakfast I've had soreen for lunch and in a minute I'm going to do some sewing and watch a rerun of the darling buds of May.
#self care
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2015 13:16:29 GMT
PT you will survive this, you know you will, but it might take some time.
Blossom has to do what Blossom has to do and no one, least of all you, can stop her. She will have her honeymoon period with 'fantast real family' and it may well work out for a while until the gloss wears off, until the damage they did to your DD before she came to live with you starts to show through. Then you will find they will start to distance themselves from Blossom, they will be less available to her and will start to see less and less of her as they go back fo their own chaotic lives, putting their needs first etc. Bloss will eventually realise that they are not the 'perfect' people she thought they were, she will hopefully see their failings for herself. Sometimes our kids have to learn the hard way.
In the meantime we have to look after ourselves. You have a good man, a son who wants to live with you even though he is old enough to go, and little Pip who adores her mum. You have a lot to celebrate and you need to focus on them and yourself for the time being. Try and distance yourself from what is going on, let SS deal with it and let them take the calls when it all goes pearshaped and then if they contact you, as they probable will, you can always have the satisfaction of saying 'I told you so, but would you listen?'.
Small comfort I know, but really there is nothing more you can do for now but hope and pray that Bloss stays safe.
Hugs to you and pass the chocolate. Xxx
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