redbush
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 37 
|
Post by redbush on Mar 29, 2015 18:53:20 GMT
AD, 14, year 10, attends school sporadically, and is currently on a 2 hour a day timetable plus a day a week at a local college doing a Level 1 course in animal care.
Before xmas she was excluded for taking weed in - so couldn't argue with that - it was a tough lesson, but she took it on board. However, she has now been excluded again for a week, for rudeness. It is so frustrating as I had spoken with the secretary, and emailed twice to contact the teacher to discuss ADs needs and that she was really struggling with the teacher's communication style (eg sarcasm and shaming). I now find that they didn't contact me because they will only deal with the school who are responsible for her, and not directly with the parents.
We now have a meeting set up for after Easter, and this is her last chance to, as they say "make the most of the opportunities available to her".
How can I make them understand that she has the emotional age of a 7 year old, with zero self esteem, when what they see and hear is a lary loudmouth, who will not accept authority or discipline. They have a copy of her statement, but I really don't think they "get it".
|
|
|
|
Post by pingu on Mar 29, 2015 21:20:26 GMT
Hi redbush, that is hard, but i rather think firther education collegs ( which i presume this is) dont tend to have the same provision and training for coping with statmented kids, as actual schools have. And tutors there dont have the same level of teacher training as schools. When i worked in one ( as a technician) many of the tutors were ex industry or further education college educated themselves, at a time when all school teachers around here were university educated. That may have improved but Its a more practical and work based environment. And since they are non compulsory education level, they tend not to be used to dealing with hassle. They tend to treat the kids as adults and expect them to have some responsibility for their own learning and work , which is , of course, not always possible for every child to manage, especially as 14-16 is really below the normal age for further education day release ( i did day release from work to upgrade my qualifications and it was mostly young adults 16-21 ish .) But given that they seem to have some arrangment with the school, maybe the school could speak with the college. Is the meeting with the school or the college? Also, what does AD say or think, does she take on board the need to sing low and do as asked, if she wants to keep her place. Well done to her for taking on baord about the weed, it shows she can alter what she does if unacceptable to he college.
|
|
|
|
Post by pluto on Mar 30, 2015 6:51:43 GMT
I think that the problem is much bigger than a bit of big mouthing. Your daughter is involved with the wrong friends, why does she otherwhise even know what weed is, let alone having it in her possession. You may even conclude that she is a drug user herself, (or at least experimenting) you just don't know at this moment how deep she's into this stuff. Where is she when she is not in school? you say she attends sporadically? Weed leads to hard drugs, so experimenting especially if you are high risk mental health (what most our kids are) or even have adiction in your genes , it is a very dangerous game to play.
What you see now, that society gives it's own concequences, is unavoidable. How do you know the teachers communication style? Can you trust your daughter to tell the truth?
The reality is ofcourse that the world will not change, your daughter has to learn to accept authority. So I would fully support the school, rudeness is never allowed. Is the statement still being used in such school? Is it being implemented? That is something you can fight for.
I would have a serious thought how I could get my daughter away from drugs and back into a (boarding) school what is fulltime and can deal with her needs.
If your daughter only goes 2 hours to school every day she has way too much time on her hands, what is she doing during all those hours?
How is your daughter at home? does she follow your rules? does she listen to you, does she communicate with you in a pleasant manner?
Could you for example help her to follow an education at home? Take her totally out of school and home school her?
If you have not already done so I would start to search her bedroom when she's not home (and when home ask her to empty her pockets, or check when she is not aware) to see or you find evidence of drug use.
Maybe it was a one off situation with the weed, you need to know.
|
|
redbush
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 37
|
Post by redbush on Mar 30, 2015 18:33:24 GMT
Thanks Pingu - I think you are right, that the teachers don't have the training on SEN - but it could be argued that they shouldn't offer these courses and accept statemented students onto them, if they don't have the skills to deal with them. AD has huge problems with executive functioning and reasoning, as well as managing her anger, so it's not as easy as just telling her what the consequences are if she doesn't conform. She needs therapeutic parenting and therapeutic teaching as well.
Pluto - bit surprised by your comments when you don't know anything about the background! Do you really think a boarding school would make things better in terms of her self esteem and view that everyone hates her? I am dealing with the weed thing, but the issue is more about how she handles authority and rules, and how we still need institutions to understand her needs. She is not yet in the world of work, and needs a lot of support to get there - which is what this day release is meant to be doing.
|
|
|
|
Post by kstar on Mar 30, 2015 22:23:33 GMT
Is her actual school supportive of you? They have the power here, because they will be paying anything up to £70 a day for your daughter to attend, so in effect they are the "customers". FE colleges make a huge amount of money from these day release programmes, so they do need to be held to account. Does she have a statement? If so her provision is valid until the age of 25 and they need to be acting on the advice within it - we have had students go out who have received 1-2-1 support for example. Connexions may have suggestions to offer - ours are great and they are particularly keen to support with the education of SEN students because they get funded to track them up to the age of 25!
Could the school be using some PPG money to send someone with DD for at least part of the day?
Have you tried someone like parent partnerships or the local virtual headteacher?
Sorry these might all be really obvious, I am trying to put my head of house hat on to see how I would feel if it was one of my ducklings!
|
|
|
|
Post by pluto on Mar 31, 2015 8:11:04 GMT
Yes I do think that schools with boarding facilities are good options for school refusers. That is the nature of messageboards you get replies to the message you write, and maybe I was reading to much between the lines?
|
|
|
|
Post by pingu on Mar 31, 2015 8:28:40 GMT
I do sympathise about teachers not always being therapeutic. I had to ask my younger sons French teacher not to shout at him if he doesnt appear to hear / understand first time she tells them something. It just freezes him and makes it worse. ( she had asked me to suggest what she could do to help him , as he wasnt doing as well in her class as expected given his ability and performance in other subjects, so she was actually open to suggestions ! )
I wouldnt want FE colleges to stop offering these courses as so many kids who dont cope well with school do thrive in the free - er atmosphere of college.. And if they excuded statmented kids they would be rightly accused of discriminating against them. It would be good if 121 or learning support provision was available but that maybe makes the classes less viable costwise and FE have to cover their costs these days.
i would agree with Pluto though, that for some kids boarding school gives the structure they need and cant cope with at home. But you know your own child best. My younger boy also has massive self esteem issues and boarding is the last thing we would want, but one of the many plus poimts wen we were considering his school was that it has a boarding option and if we ever couldnt cope with him at home ( we sill have teenage years to face and he sometimes struggles with agression when he " loses it" ) then it would be better than him having to go into care.
Kstar has some good ideas, hope you can find a way forward
Best Wishes
Pingu
|
|
|
|
Post by twoplustwo on Mar 31, 2015 8:36:42 GMT
Sounds as if she needs more support to help her manage. How do school feel about the situation? Can you discuss it with them before the BIG meeting to ensure you and school are in agreement about what your AD needs in order to make this work for her?
If your AD is to manage in the world of work then she'll have to develop strategies to help her cope with people with 'unfortunate' styles of communicating -sadly there are a lot of them about. However she is only 14 and, given her emotional age, I think it's unrealsitic to expect her to show the level of maturity that your post implies college is expecting. With the right support she will gradually develop the skills necessary to deal with difficult situations.
I agree with you, if they can't offer sufficient suport to SEN students, then they shouldn't be taking them. It's setting them up to fail and then blaming them because they can't cope.
Having said that, it is very difficult for teachers to maintain discipline if one child appears to be 'getting away with it' all the time. Some balance has to be found otherwise all the students will lose out.
For the BIG meeting I'd advise you to take someone 'official' with you (eg parent partnership/social worker/virtual head) - in my experience parents have no 'clout' whatsoever.. Liaise with school and agree between you what your AD will need to continue, (write it down) then present a united front at the meeting.
Hope it works out.
|
|
redbush
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 37
|
Post by redbush on Mar 31, 2015 19:18:31 GMT
Thanks all. The school are supportive, and if she is allowed back, they will send a TA with her for a couple of weeks. But I feel the "damage is done" now. Really useful insights re the FE college position. Only thing I am not sure of is what a "virtual head" is. I know there is a virtual school but only for those under LA care.
|
|
|
|
Post by pingu on Mar 31, 2015 19:39:39 GMT
I hadnt heard of a virtual head myself, so a googled it, and it appears to be somebody appointed by the local authourity, to prmote the educational acheivment of all children looked after by that authority. All such children, although scattered round the different real schools geographically, are on a virtual school roll.
|
|
|
|
Post by kstar on Apr 2, 2015 8:08:47 GMT
And their remit now includes children who have ever been looked after :-) I have found ours really helpful, and I know Starlet's school have accessed their advice too.
|
|
|
|
Post by gilreth on Apr 2, 2015 16:35:06 GMT
And their remit now includes children who have ever been looked after :-) I have found ours really helpful, and I know Starlet's school have accessed their advice too. that unfortunately depends on which LA you are in. Ours currently only supports LAC (from day 1) but not those who have left care on adoption or SGO. Pushing but as always money is issue - or lack of it up here. |
|
redbush
New Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 37
|
Post by redbush on Apr 3, 2015 9:39:21 GMT
That's so helpful - just looked it up and found that the virtual school here supports children in care, and there is a brief mention of 'and adopted children'. I think they are trying to keep it quiet! So pleased I have found another route to go down - it always gives me a bit of hope that there might be something helpful out there that can make a difference. thanks all.
|
|
|
|
Post by pingu on Apr 3, 2015 9:54:33 GMT
It always pays to read the small print with SS.!!!!!
Let us know how it goes
Best wishes
Pingu
|
|
