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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 4, 2013 19:47:25 GMT
We mastered bedtime in no time at all tonight! Huey straight off Dewey responding well to the no attention for getting out of bed! He is quickly learning that we aren't really disciplining bad behaviour but more that it gets no attention at all and that good behaviors gets lots of praise and good attention! And he's getting it!
Both have gone to bed tonight very excited about coming to visit their new home tomorrow! Xx
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Post by knight on Oct 4, 2013 20:14:03 GMT
I'll be coming to you for tips Daisy !!!!!!!! I bet they'll be so excited tomorrow and running around your house like headless chicks (couldn't think of a duckling comparison) Try and get some sleep tonight x
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Post by spideress on Oct 4, 2013 20:31:22 GMT
well done Daisy :-)
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 4, 2013 20:40:33 GMT
Thanks all for the support
I wrote this diary on here so we can look back at it as and when times might not be as easy!
Tips, haha! I'm winging it! DH is fantastic with the fun and tag teaming play but he says I have all the strategies for routine, he hasn't yet worked out I'm winging it super nanny style! I know many of you long term adopters may think I'm crackers but the boys are young and used to good routine, the FC and sw said they would thrive on firm Boundaries and structured routine so this is the way we are trying it! Therapeutic is my next technique if this fails but so far so good!
On a side note does anyone out there have a first class whiner? Dewey is very much a whiner! No tears just mini paddys when he isn't first or getting his own way! Now I suspect a lot of this could be typical 2 year old behaviour however it can be wearing as gorgeous as he is! At present we are ignoring it and it is reducing but still makes frequent appearances!
Daisy! Xx
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Post by kstar on Oct 4, 2013 20:51:22 GMT
Starlet is a whiner - when she doesn't get her own way, I get two yo style tantrums! Complete with baby voice (I call it the guinea pig voice cos it's all high and squeaky), foot stamping and the works. It is very wearing yes, but I have to say in the four months she has been here, though they are just as frequent, they are MUCH shorter and she bounces back a lot faster. Now it's minutes rather than up to an hour. I try really hard to stay calm, repeat the same phrases over and over saying things like "use some words, tell mummy what's wrong" and if all else fails I wrap a blanket round her and grab hold of her tight until she relaxes.
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Post by kstar on Oct 4, 2013 20:53:07 GMT
The bath is also helpful, I resorted to putting her kicking and screaming into the bath a few times, she finds water very soothing!
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Post by moo on Oct 5, 2013 4:10:51 GMT
Hey daisy...... Sounds like you are doing so well.... Well done for keeping this as a record...... It is so magical & amazing to keep remembering..... A whole lifetime of amazing in 1 short week!!
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 5, 2013 6:42:27 GMT
Love that idea toko! Will try that one today! The ignoring is going pretty well but I feel mean for ignoring him! However Often it is done purely to detract attention from Huey! Will have to gauge why it's being done and where appropriate ignore and where appropriate try and joke him out of it! This parenting lark is a balancing act requiring lots of skill isn't it! Haha! Xx
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Post by imp on Oct 5, 2013 8:53:54 GMT
You're doing really well Daisy, especially already recognising why behaviour is happening, but being able to be cool about it. Sounds as though you have 2 delightful little ones who are going to keep you on your toes----but also bring you great joy
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 5, 2013 17:17:13 GMT
Day one in new home today is done! Huey and Dewey loved it! The new sand and water picnic table went down a treat, the trampoline was an even bigger hit! Huey loved lying on the trampoline when mummy was bouncing on it as it kept flying up in the air! Lol
Both didn't really want to go but a little persuasion saw them go willingly! Haha! Huey is going to miss his new doggy and Dewey is going to miss mummy!
Xx
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2013 19:48:21 GMT
Not long now and he ducklings will be home for good.
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Post by moo on Oct 6, 2013 7:30:52 GMT
Ooohhhh trampoline.... Such memories.... The unexpected brilliance of it was when all bouncing we got to hold hands & squeal together..... It then meant we could each have direct eye contact while we squealed..... It was amazing for Xtra bonding.... The boys loved it ( never had one before) but the eye contact Really enforced the bond connections.... Loving hearing your news... Thank-you.... ( baa was a nightmare to leave so glad you are not having those awful upsets when f/c collects to take back ).....
Keep posting PLEEEESE!!
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 6, 2013 18:55:44 GMT
Day 2 at our home, day 7 of intros!
10:30am-3:30pm... We decided to attempt our first family Sunday lunch in the middle of a chilled day at our home!
The first time Dewey has had a meal without a high hair (he is 2 but not far off 3) and we ditched Huey's bib (he is 3 but 4 this coming week) and it was fab! Huey miraculously only dripped one drop of gravy on him and Dewey loved his new booster seat! I'm such a proud mummy I can't stop commenting on how wonderful they are!
However it's not all pretty and easy... Boundaries are severely being pushed now... Dewey will quite happily ignore what we say whilst looking us straight in the eye... And today he has met his new friend (the time out step) mummy cried in the kitchen whilst he cried out for me but I stuck to my guns and carried through with it whilst daddy played with Huey!
Reassurance is a major factor in settling Huey! He will Quite happily tell the FC he is leaving for good soon and will say how excited he is, but he isn't sure 100% on trusting us, if he asked once he asked 30 times (I kid you not) if him and his brother would have tea with us, what it would be, where they would sit, would they be allowed pudding! Why I wasn't playing out (I was making tea) why Dewey was in the time out spot, would he have to go there, when can they sleep here, it's relentless any and every question he can think of gets asked! I could go as far as to say he asks more questions than a sw during homestudy! It's a shock to my system! I love him dearly and know that patience and reassurance is all that will see us through this now!
Well I'm going to sleep to prepare me rest wise for tomorrow
Daisy xx
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Post by moo on Oct 6, 2013 19:16:50 GMT
They will soon be settling in with you forever.... It is so confusing for them right now.... Well done for the amazing culinary skills..... Sleep Well....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by leo on Oct 6, 2013 20:10:50 GMT
Sounds like it's going so well; the challenging behaviour is a good sign!
Make sure you get plenty of rest while you can, the first few weeks after intros can be so exhausting.
Hope the coming days continue to be happy family memory days. Leo
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Post by spideress on Oct 6, 2013 20:33:18 GMT
This is a general question for anyone here who has experience but also for you too Daisy if the SWs have discussed it with you. At present we understand that the FC treat "Incy" with "time out" when he is being naughty as they are such a busy household they have no choice but to use that method with him. However, we have been told by them to use "time in" with him instead of "time out" because he has such difficult attachment issues that "time out" is only re-enforcing those issues in him (or so they say). They say we should do "time in" with him but we are not likely to see "time in" demonstrated at FC of anywhere really so we wondered how that actually "works/is structured?" From what we can gather the idea is that if he is being naughty he is taken away from the place he is being naughty and put in a "quiet area" which is the "time in" area (it could still be the bottom of the stairs etc) but instead of leaving him alone one of us goes and sits with him for "time in" at which point I am not sure if we are supposed to actually SAY or DO anything..........or if we are supposed to talk through what went wrong or "do" any cuddling of him etc. So if anyone uses "time in" or had it explained to them can you enlighten me please?
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 7, 2013 5:54:56 GMT
Spideress I think time in is the same as the calm down technique, reflection spot they are all much of a muchness!
With Dewey I don't remove him if he is naughty! It's about picking battles, if he is whining or acting up in a negative way for attention I tend to ignore it and turn my attention in full to Huey which Dewey hates, he is not excluded and can join us when ever his whining stops, I also give lots of praise and fuss when he does stop whining or acting up so he can see that he hasn't been 'naughty' but that mummy can't understand what he wants when he whines"
We use time out for unacceptable behaviours ie. hitting Huey or kicking Bonnie or as it was yesterday putting himself in danger, i won't tolerate these behaviours and as such yday for example he pushed Huey, I knelt down and calm but firmly said "you must not hurt your brother, it isnt kind, if you do it again you will have to sit in time out" of course he doesn't know if mummy means business yet so poor Huey got a whack in the face. With time out I explain why he is there ours is a step in the living room so if im in there he is in the same room if not i am always in earshot! however Dewey doesn't have a negative view on time out and being left along so I believe time in moves around to be within a few feet of yourself! Once in I DO NOT talk to him! It's hard and hurts like mad as a new mummy but I need to show him from the off what we view as acceptable and not!
I have to say I have let lots of little things go as its not ideal to be excluding them in the time of bonding but some battles I can't let go when it means Huey is getting hurt as I don't want him thinking he is allowed to be hurt and mummy do nothing
I suppose you can take advice from FC on what works in their household but when incy arrives at yours instincts will take over and you will find your own way! You may find as he will be an only child with you it may be less of an issue I lots of it could be a fight for attention and survival of the fittest so to speak!
Good luck with any method you try but just bare in mind with all his upheaval already in his short little life some things aren't worth dealing with initially as it will Stem from insecurity and knowing if he can trust, I'm sure you know all of this though! Xx
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Post by moo on Oct 7, 2013 6:33:55 GMT
Some great advice from daisy..... As daisy says pick your battles..... Some lesser stuff will come with time.... Consistancy is def the key..... It will indeed be slightly different as you will be able to give undivided attention with your ds....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by imp on Oct 7, 2013 9:06:23 GMT
When I have cared for toddlers and older I have used 'time in' In our home this means the child sitting on the floor next to me, wherever I am, for a reasonably short length of time (the minute/age guide is a good one). I just carry on with whatever I am doing, no conversation , then a big hug when the time is over. As already mentioned, there will be some things that you can't ignore, but in the early days you LOs will be scared and confused, no matter how well Intros are going, so a degree of leniency is best.
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Post by leo on Oct 7, 2013 19:36:06 GMT
Our time out works by them holding my hand for the alloted time and coming with me/doing whatever I am doing. I still chat to them and just say that they need some Mummy time to help them feel safe and calm down.
If it's a whopper of a tantrum and needs more than hand holding then I sit down with them and give them a tight hug/hold whilst singing lullabies or telling them they are safe here.
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 7, 2013 20:19:37 GMT
Hey munchkinsmum hijack away its all good stuff!
Fantastic... Yeah we are still in the bubble that social workers keep telling us will burst! It's Huey's 4th birthday tomorrow and I've just put all his presents out!
I spoke with FC at length about this as we didn't want to overwhelm him but he is settling well and loving going through pics of new family members he is mithering to meet grandma and grandad and one cousin in particular! Anyway he was asking if all these people love him and we were doing the whole, of course x loves you! The cheeky little monkey only came back with "well will x want to sing happy birthday and give me a present" he's too cool this one!
So we have set all his presents out following the discussion with sw and FC who think they are fine and we have attached a pic of who it is off on each present! Just so He can visualize who it's from in relation to his family scarp book!
Today has been a much calmer and less boundary pushing day! We have played jigsaws and cars, farm house and zoo! I've declared both of my sons "dustbins" they eat anything and everything and even more so actually enjoy it!!!!
Bedtime was a great success no little feet out of bed for the first time! We stuck to very relaxed wind down bedtime, and both respended really well!
Well I'm sure ill have stories and possibly sagas tomorrow on the birthday adventures, in sure Dewey will push boundaries as he isn't in the lime light but we have everything planned to keep him at the forefront as well! He even has a couple of presents to open!
Night all daisy has a bday cake to collect at 7am so I'm off to bed!
Xx
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Post by spideress on Oct 7, 2013 20:24:52 GMT
It sounds like you have had a really lovely day xxx I hope all goes well for the birthday tomorrow!
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Post by knight on Oct 7, 2013 20:50:35 GMT
Hope you all have an amazing day tomorrow, I'm sure you will: Happy Birthday Hewey x
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Post by moo on Oct 8, 2013 5:25:05 GMT
"HappyBirthday Huey".....
Xx. moo. X
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2013 11:02:18 GMT
Happy Birthday Huey - Hope you take loads of photo's today!
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 8, 2013 20:22:40 GMT
Photos have been a plenty! We have taken them opening presents, having birthday tea party, playing with new toys, meal out with FC's and the infamous cake and singing happy birthday! Bedtime was a little later and he is sound asleep at FC's
Me and FC were talking tonight and both feel the boys are now ready but no point in changing anything as moving day is in 36 hours not that I'm counting or anything
How's everyone else's intros going... Off for a read of your posts! Xx
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Post by leo on Oct 8, 2013 20:48:45 GMT
That sounds so lovely Daisy. How wonderful that you have been able to make that first family occasion/happy family memory so early on in their life with you. What a brilliant thing to be able to look back on in the future.
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Post by moo on Oct 9, 2013 6:45:57 GMT
Ooohhhh daisy things are sounding amazing & perfect....
The rest of your life is so nearly here.... The driving away forever is just the best,scareyiest,most terrifying,delirious feeling EVER.... Enjoy your last day..... Xxx
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by gilreth on Oct 9, 2013 8:00:55 GMT
Sounds like it is all going really well Daisy.
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Post by daisy1985 on Oct 9, 2013 19:20:57 GMT
Hi everyone!
Well tomorrow is moving day!
Huey spoke about tummy mummy today. Well we both with he needed a little help understanding why I he was moving again! How do u do that to an only just 4 year old!
Well it went something a little like this...
"Mummy I've had lots of houses will I have to move again soon?"
"No Huey of course you won't, mummy and daddy will look after you forever and ever"
"Why did I need a new mummy and daddy and FC x"
"Well you see your tummy mummy and daddy loved you very very much but they couldn't look after you well enough so you went to live with FC x until they found you a forever mummy and daddy and we are who they chose. So we will look after you the best we can now for every! You know you can talk about your tummy mummy and daddy and FC x when ever you like we can share stories if you like"
"Oh right ok mummy, I just want you to look after me"
And that was that!
Now Dewey tested me in a way I found so hard to deal with today... He spat at me! Yes spat at me! All because I didn't open the stair gate the second he wanted it opening as I dared to need to have a flippin wee! Lets just say its one behaviour I can't tolerate. So I counted to 10 quietly but my lip and shouted "Donald please can you take over here" Donald was fab! He explained it was very dirty and not allowed in this house! He made Dewey sit and think About it and then apologise for his erm rather unsavory behaviour!
On a positive note both were so excited for tomorrow,,, so tomorrow is the start of a new chapter and to celebrate we have just grabbed a quick meal in a friends restaurant to celebrate our last night of freedom!
Daisy xxx
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