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Post by rosie on Mar 8, 2015 23:31:21 GMT
We lost our old cat in December and dd was devastated. We had prepared her that he probably wasn't going to get better but we soon realised we had really under estimated how attached she was to him. He had been here when she first came to us 6 years ago. She said to me' I don't think I can go on without him I told him everything.' She always said he was her best friend, if anyone asked. We are now into March and we are still getting her in floods of tears if something sparks a memory of him, and several times she has been upset at school. It seems very obvious that she is still grieving. Coinciding with this we have had a real down turn in behaviour and things have been very bad since Christmas. I guess losing her loved pet has triggered lots of other memories and made her feel very insecure again. She has had lots of loss in her life but as far as I know not experienced losing a relative or friend. We have had lots of discussions but nothing seems to help. She just says we don't miss him like she does; which isn't actually true, as we were very fond of him too.We saw a lovely rescue cat in the paper and although it was a bit soon for dh and me we did bring her home as dd was very keen and we thought it might help. She is very fond of the new cat who is very lovable I have to say but she is still grieving for the other cat constantly. It is very normal to miss a person or pet when they die, but I am unsure how to help her. We are also struggling with the behaviours which I am sure are connected. Has anyone else had a child react in this way? I would be grateful for any ideas how to help her move on.
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Post by peartree on Mar 9, 2015 0:55:15 GMT
I guess you are so right that she's being impacted over and over by that hideous loss, maybe like all her losses crashing into one. We've had odd bits of this from our as when we've had to leave friends made on holiday etc. The death of a friend caused huge upset for a long time.
Winstons wish has some good resources. Can you plant a shady bush that kitty would have liked in memory of her? Have you considered getting a kitten together as kitty wouldn't have wanted her to be without a cat to call her own?
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Post by moo on Mar 9, 2015 6:13:35 GMT
Hugs rosie xxx
Your poor dd losing her confidant.....
The boys have taken losing pets very hard too..... it took them awhile to adjust to the loss & the hurt them not being there caused.....
I so hope the new puss starts to fill them boots xxxx
Xx moo xx
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2015 8:49:11 GMT
We have had this with my two DD's when we had to have our old cat put to sleep a few years ago due to an aggressive tumour. We prepared them for him going and handled it sensitively but they were still devastated when he went, as was I, as he saw me through losing my BC. We waited a few years before replacing him by re homing a cat that needed a new home and although they do love Honey, they say she is not as good as our old cat, because they still say there will never be a cat as good as him, so we acknowledge that Sid was very special, a one in a million cat and that Honey is a different but also lovely cat. EDD in particular still says she misses confiding in Sid as she used to tell him all her worries.
One cat doesn't replace another but it does help and the love grows over time. Just acknowledge that you still miss your old cat and hopefully eventually your DD will settle and find the new cat gives her comfort.
Hugs to you too. x
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Post by shadow on Mar 9, 2015 10:06:50 GMT
I had to have my lovely magnus (aka magpuss) put to sleep while shadette was at school and I didn't tell her beforehand as I knew she would probably school refuse and I would have to take her to the vet with us and she probably would have tried to stop the vet doing it - can you imagine what would have happened? my most precious boy deserved a dignified and peaceful end - it wasn't good for my DD but I do some preparing as he was obviously failing and was 17
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Post by rosie on Mar 10, 2015 17:21:50 GMT
Thanks for your posts. I think I just have to give her more time. It is fine for her to be upset at home but hopefully the incidents at school will happen less. I would hate her to be teased. I think having the new cat will help.Although nearly 2 she is very small and kittenish so loves to play; which dd loves. Hoping too that as she calms a bit the behaviour too will improve.
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redbush
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Post by redbush on Mar 10, 2015 20:26:49 GMT
We got a cat each for our 2 when they were about 5 and 9 yrs. AD doted on hers, and was devastated when a neighbour came to the door one morning before school to say her cat was dead in the road. It was a difficult time to say the least, and we tried to replace the cat several times until we ended up with one who would tolerate her intense affections! we now have 4 cats, but AD still lists her first one as her favourite, and talks about her as being "her life".
I think the idea of planing a shady bush for her or something would have been great - as it was, we didn't do anything as at the time we knew nothing of trauma and therapeutic parenting.
Time and some memories to treasure w
ill probably help. xxxxxxxxxx
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Post by esty (archive) on Mar 10, 2015 21:53:43 GMT
My horse died last February 20 14 nd I still well up at the slightest thing. II'd had her 18 years. I would say she probably needs more time. However having a new horse has changed my outlook on life completely.
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