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Post by serrakunda on Sept 30, 2013 8:51:11 GMT
we argued all weekend. He broke a glass lamp throwing clothes around, we have continual battles about throwing things generally, I had to walk away in the changing room at the pool, I was wetter than he was and I wasnt even in the shower, he windmills his arms all the time, I am tired of getting elbowed in the face, though I know its not deliberate. He wont do what I ask him to do, argues about everything. He hit me this morning. We seem to be going back to behaviour we had got over months ago. I am tired, too shouty and not being very theraputic  |
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Post by shadow on Sept 30, 2013 9:00:52 GMT
it is one step forward and two back at times
hope you have a better week
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Post by ham on Sept 30, 2013 9:09:28 GMT
hugs.
so hard and relentless. so don't beat yourself up when you are not therapeutic.
I tried to get dd to do control throwing eg paper balls into bins .also if she went to hit me encouraged her to stroke my arm instead.I know very hard when there is so much anger around.
try to get some time for yourself
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Post by littlemisscheerful on Sept 30, 2013 11:21:41 GMT
I had a day like that yesterday, so sympathies.
Hope you get a pick me up today, and that things pick up again soon.
In some ways, I find it harder after a good spell, - almost like my guard is down, and then I get really battered!!
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Post by flowerpower on Sept 30, 2013 12:10:13 GMT
Big hugs
When I am having a shouty day we all say lots of sorry and agree that tomorrow is a new day and we will try and be kind to each other. Doesn't always work but usually makes me feel better xxxxx
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Post by sockthing on Sept 30, 2013 13:08:06 GMT
Really sorry you're feeling so fed up. It does sound really tough to deal with and as someone else said you are only human and it's not possible to be saintly therapeutic all the time. You have needs and emotions too...such as personal space, exhaustion, empathy-fatigue. You are a great mummy. Remember Simba said he loved being adopted and having you. Hold on to that thought you do a great job, and not everyone could do as great a job at it as you.
I sympathise greatly with the elbows in the face and Kipper is a lot smaller than Simba I am sure. I got accidentally head butted while typing this! It is very very wearing and you are allowed to feel that and express it.
Hope the next few days get easier.
Hugs
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Post by sooz on Sept 30, 2013 13:21:05 GMT
Poor you, that is so hard, so wearing, and leaves you despairing long after they seem to have forgotten it all.
The only thing that seems to work here is pulling everything back to basics, no extra activities, treats or going out. It's like I think others have referred to as lockdowns. My ds seems to occasionally get into a downwards spiral where any little thing is too much for him to cope with so we pull back, stay in and just lead a really simple existence for a while. Gradually I will add in the odd activity and see how he copes, if he starts getting aggro then we pull it back again. I will say to him, kindly, that I think that was too much for you today so we will try again when you feel able to cope. Sometimes just saying that can be enough to pull his behaviour back, as he sees he will miss a favourite activity unless he can behave, but sometimes he is just too wound up and cannot help it.
It's hard as my overwhelming need is to get out and about, but then having calm outings is far better than stressful ones.
Xx
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Post by serrakunda on Sept 30, 2013 13:41:08 GMT
The lockdown thing never really works with us. We have have had two fairly quiet weekends, just trips to the library and swimming and playing in the garden with the kids next door. No big outings now till half term. If he doesnt keep moving and active he is a lot worse, he just has too much energy to keep him cooped up. I dont think its the level of activity thats the issue, little bro's birthday is coming up, he is missing his daddy and last week at school they did a very interesting lesson on the Kindertransport and how it might feel to leave your family behind   ( I complained to school about that one) he is also really starting to process his history a lot more and is very conflicted about feelings for me and birth family/FC. Some of his behaviour lies in his developmental delay and his autism. his emotional responses are still around age 4/5 but he has the body and strength of a 9 year old so physically he is hard to handle. I'm also looking into some sensory processing issues at the moment. part of the problem is me - now I'm back at work I just dont get the recovery time. I need to find better coping strategies for me. I have a more theraputic plan for this evening, and its cubs so we wont be in each others way so much. |
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Post by sooz on Sept 30, 2013 14:15:31 GMT
Yep, they are all different, and obviously a lot going on for simba right now bless him. And you.
In the absence of any helpful advice from me, I will send you virtual chocolate and large alcoholic beverage, followed by a massage by hunk of your choice xxx
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Post by serrakunda on Sept 30, 2013 15:26:44 GMT
well he hopped off the bus, gave me a big hug and kiss and said he was sorry for hitting me, though I suspect his motivation was to make sure I'll let him go the birthday party tomorrow. We have had a theraputic chat and talked about what we are both going to try and change.
I've been working on trying to get him to understand the that all behaviour has consequence ie you threw something at the lamp, its dangerous, you could have got glass in your eye, mummy doesnt tell you not to do things just to spoil your fun. After a bit of a struggle he has accepted that the consequence of hitting me is that he cant play on the Wii tonight. So he is playing a card game nicely
I went out at lunchtime and bought a ridiculously expensive Champneys bubble bath and body butter. I've got lots of leave to take so thing I might try and take some soon to get myself sorted out
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Post by knight on Sept 30, 2013 20:57:41 GMT
Sorry things have been tough; it sounds like today has been better. Spoiling yourself and taking time off definitely sounds like a good plan to re-charge. Thinking of you. Knight  |
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Post by justbserene11 on Oct 1, 2013 6:56:03 GMT
Hi,
Sorry things have been difficult. I think the idea of taking some time off for yourself is a very good idea. My DH will take AD out on a Saturday and l know it makes me feel refreshed etc again.
Xx
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Post by phoebe on Oct 1, 2013 8:02:33 GMT
Serrakunda, I really hope you are managing to grab some minutes for you. I wonder if you could use up some bits of your accrued time to leave work a bit early and treat yourself to a massage or facial a couple of afternoons before you pick up Simba? They would put you in a good calm place before the evening, and help you feel a bit more loved and nurtured.x
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Post by swimchic on Oct 1, 2013 8:55:15 GMT
Now that bubble bath and body lotion sounds like a great treat and very well deserved.
You sound so caring and loving Serrakunda, please remember that you are doing a great job!
He said sorry and yes, maybe there is another motive to it, but he said sorry and he acknowledged his behaviour..That's a good start.
Sending you a big ((((((((((((((HUG))))))))) and hoping that you are having a better day. :-)
Take care
Swimchic
xx
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Post by moo on Oct 1, 2013 10:00:07 GMT
Hey.... Sorry I seem to have missed this... 
You are so cool you clearly love him sooo much & are a real natural at the tricky therapeutic ' stuff'.... Tricky as only I know when in the heat of triffic tantruming....... 
Be kind to yourself you are great really... Honest....totally....100%.... PLEEEESE believe it. 
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by serrakunda on Oct 1, 2013 10:02:33 GMT
We had a much calmer morning and he went to school all smiles, he is looking forward to the party tonight. Going to do a bit of work on positive consequences this week - ie you behaved nicely - you get to go to the party. As a nice treat for me Simba thinks that while he is at the party I can go to the gym and have a starbucks
Simba is big on anniversaries - it will 18 months for us on Friday so I may treat him to a McDonalds. Mummy is having her freebie facial on Friday so I should be in happy mode
onwards and upwards |
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Post by oysterbabe on Oct 1, 2013 11:55:17 GMT
I hope he has a lovely time and you do too!!
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Post by monkey on Oct 1, 2013 19:33:08 GMT
Pleased that you've had a better day.
MMx
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( I complained to school about that one) he is also really starting to process his history a lot more and is very conflicted about feelings for me and birth family/FC. Some of his behaviour lies in his developmental delay and his autism. his emotional responses are still around age 4/5 but he has the body and strength of a 9 year old so physically he is hard to handle. I'm also looking into some sensory processing issues at the moment.
