ruby7
Bronze Member

Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Mar 8, 2015 20:09:53 GMT
Hi all, well...after an emotional year with 2 sibs falling through we were approved for 2 differnt kiddoes and intros start very soon!!  Wondering what the eating situation might be at FC? Particularly on the long days when we are there before zig and zag wake up and then we do the bedtime routine. When they have their 'tea' (called dinner in the ruby7 house) Do we eat with them, or do we have our dinner when we go back to accomdation? If we eat there, should we be contributing to the food shop? Thought I might offer to cook one day or something? ( zig is a girl of 6 and zag is a boy of 3 ) what do y'all think?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2015 20:24:00 GMT
Oooooooh how exciting, imminent intro's Moo will be pleased.  I'd just ask the FC if it were me. She will know you've not done intro's before so you don't know what's what and all FC's are different and have different routines so it's best to ask what you should do on day one. That way you can plan ahead. Maybe have a small tea/snack with the kiddo's, as they probably have tea quite early at that age, and then eat something more substantial later on when you get back to your lodgings. Are you commuting or staying in a B&B or self catering? Do remember you will both be knackered at the end of the day and it will be quite late by the time you get the kiddo's off to bed, so takeaways or microwave meals or something fast will be called for. I remember going to bed at about 9pm everynight as we had such early starts and were so tired. Love their user names by the way. Can't wait to hear all about them. 
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Post by serrakunda on Mar 8, 2015 20:34:38 GMT
Congratulations.
You should get an intro plan so you will know what to plan for.and what meals you will have with the children. I only had one meal at FC, tea on day 3, I was there for simbas breakfast on day 4 but had already had mine at the hotel. Other days I took Simba out for lunches and dinners and I i paid for them.
Have fun!
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Post by knight on Mar 8, 2015 20:58:26 GMT
Oooohhh, imminent intros.... very exciting; wishing you all the best x
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Post by loadsofbubs on Mar 8, 2015 21:46:35 GMT
It will differ from person to person to be honest. with the babies I have moved on it is always made clear during the planning meeting when meals are to be shared with fc. Personally I could not easily sit and eat a meal knowing I have people in the house who I are not eating with me, its just rude, so I always invite prospective adopters to share any meal that they are sharing with a child and therefore me, becoz I eat meals with my children. With teenys who are not yet weaned parents will share meal times with me if they are in the house over meal times. so far all but one family have shared meals with me. One famiky refused, didnt want to 'put me out'. But it did put me out becoz the meals had been planned with them in mind and it also made me extremely uncomfortable to eat while they were not and was therefore unable to eat myself. so moral of story, aks at planning meeting if not brought up, if invited (and in my home its more a condition than an invite!  ) then please do not throw it back in fcs face, if not invited then apologies from me on the poor manners and lack of hospitality of your fc. Hopefully you will be welcomed in the home like any other guest though. on the question of who pays then its the fc. I am always offered, tho never take it, expenses to cover meal costs if i want it. Hope all goes well.
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Post by moo on Mar 10, 2015 9:59:16 GMT
Ooohhhh intros.... yay excited for you.... please try to do a diary... I just love 'em... it brings all our own happy memories come flooding back..... happy happy happiest times.....
Just love lob's reply but yep it is always so very child / f/c specific.... lorry loads of luck to you....... such exciting times....
Xx moo xx
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Post by kstar on Mar 10, 2015 21:35:37 GMT
My intro plan clearly showed one breakfast and one evening meal with the foster family but I wasn't offered either and it was made clear I wasn't welcome :-( the evening meal in particular was a killer because I was supposed to be putting Starlet to bed, which I really wanted to do, but they clearly weren't going to eat (or let Starlet eat!) while I was there so I had to leave. Starlet was starving and kept asking to be fed, but they just kept saying later (I gave up about 8 when it became clear I wasn't going to be allowed to do bedtime). I hadn't made other arrangements for food so had to go for a takeaway before going back to my cottage and eating after 9!
So I would say go with the flow and see what happens... But be prepared!
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Post by loadsofbubs on Mar 11, 2015 8:15:09 GMT
I just don't get how some people can be so rude kstar, gives the rest of us a bad name.  hope ruby's are more polite and professional enough to follow the plan (even if they don't like sharing their dinner!). maybe I just don't have enough company over becoz I enjoy sharing my dinner with other people!
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Post by nomoretears on Mar 11, 2015 8:49:15 GMT
I agree with LOBs - I expect new parents to eat with us too, and will have spent time planning what to feed everyone. I think it's also important for the child that you eat with them.
It should be specified in your intro's plan Ruby, but otherwise I'm sure FC won't mind you checking.
Good luck!
ps - just seen your idea re offering to cook which could be a great idea with a 6 year old, it's something you could do together? My last 6 year old loved cooking with me.
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ruby7
Bronze Member

Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Mar 11, 2015 18:24:21 GMT
All sound advice, will think about how toolitely bring up in planning meeting
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Post by damson on Mar 13, 2015 10:10:18 GMT
We ate supper with the children at the foster carers home on one evening, but the fcs didn't eat with us. Nice to be fed, but it did feel strange! In my own family, everyone who is home, eats together. We didn't contribute to the food shop.
In retrospect, it would have been very helpful just to have had a quiet phone conversation with the foster carers after the planning meeting, to talk through the plan from their point of view. They would not have minded, and we'd have dealt as ordinary people rather than people with social workers watching. (Hope that makes sense.) I think we just thought we were not supposed to be a nuisance. We'd have been less of a nuisance if we'd know the fcs better.
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ruby7
Bronze Member

Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Mar 13, 2015 19:23:26 GMT
Mentioned all this to our sw and she will gently bring up at planning meeting, but I like the idea of trying to have a little conv with the FC.
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