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Post by caledonia on Feb 23, 2015 11:10:47 GMT
Morning all Had DD at CAMHS on Thursday for the third time in two years having been referred back by the GP. Turns out there is nothing wrong with DD - its just that I can't parent her and we need to go to RELATE so I can learn how to be a better parent. Oh yes, and DD has to stop having temper tantrums and saying she hates school and wishes she was dead because that's just silly. so the person I saw last year who said DD had attachment disorder and I was to carry on what I was doing because we had a great relationship was wrong. If only I had known I was a carp parent all would have been well/ Cale X Ps the fact that we say the lady for 40 minutes, her opening gambit was 'so you have been here twice before and there was nothing wrong' (to which DD said yes, you don't know what you are talking about), she did not know DD was adopted and she told me I was wrong when I said I was not married and never had been tells me she did a thorough assessment and knows what she is talking about.
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Post by pluto on Feb 23, 2015 11:47:00 GMT
That must be a relief . Another case where going to 'the professionals' add nothing but annoyance and stress. I stood in your shoes and just took my child somewhere else where 4 diagnoses were added. Nothing was wrong because he could hop on one leg and his head was normal (just inside the low normal). So I was the stupid one, look how alert he is and the beautifull smile. That he started fires in the middle of the night was nothing to be concerned about, or that he was lightyears behind, or that he needs supervision levels of a 3 year old, or that his balance is weak etc, etc. Do never go back or find someone who knows the inns and outs of neglected kids, otherwhise it is a waste of energy, you have my sympathy.
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Post by corkwing on Feb 23, 2015 12:03:46 GMT
Well, Cale, if you don't even know that you've been married at some point in your past, then you're obviously suffering from severe memory loss at the very least. I'm not sure that RELATE could help with that, though.
The sooner they set up specialist services for adopted kids, the better, because things like that are... no, I don't think I can express that fully so I'll just stop here.
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Post by doubletrouble on Feb 23, 2015 12:08:03 GMT
Oh Cale, I just want to scream on your behalf - perhaps we can go out in the wind and scream together to our hearts content- I find that helps. The fact that DD was there too must just make things so much worse. I would write a complaint to the head of the dept. I would demand a second opinion, a proper assessment of your daughter and an appt. without her to discuss her very real problems.
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Post by peartree on Feb 23, 2015 12:45:41 GMT
Oh cale! What a joke. Do complain x
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2015 15:18:37 GMT
Reading your replies would be funny if they weren't so true. Once again CAMHS dish out expert wisdom and advice, in otherwords, "we haven't got clue so blame the parenting". Welcome to the club Cale. And they wonder why we call them Can't be Arsed to Make Any effort to Help Service!!! I'm afraid having experienced what CAMHS has to offer I can only offer sympathy and advice to get as far away from them as possible. Ask for an urgent meeting with a senior PAS SW. Go in there all guns blazing, spell out what life is like living with your DD, don't spare anything. Spell out how you are at your wits end, spell out how you are about to give up on her if you don't get help and soon. Research in your area before this meeting. Find out who and where adoption trained counsellors are. Insist your PAS SW finds the funding to get this counselling and soon. Tell them you cannot continue without help and soon, in other words SPELL IT OUT IN CAPITAL LETTERS. That in my experience is the only way to get any help. Being nice and coping and reasonable doesn't work. You have to make yourself the mother from hell to get anyone to sit up and take notice and do anything and I speak from experience. Once you start mentioning disruption to PAS SW they start to listen and if you have a good one they should suddenly find the funding. Remind them of the new Government scheme coming in in may for adopted children, insist your child is at the top of the list for this funding for specialist adoption trained counselling. Good luck. Let us know how you get on. A lot of us have been there and are still going through it as it doesn't end even if your child does become Section20, the battle still continues although at least you get a bit of a break, but it's still a battle to get the right sort of support even when they are in care.
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Post by doubletrouble on Feb 23, 2015 22:36:09 GMT
Don't know that that government scheme is up here in Scotland JMK
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redbush
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Post by redbush on Feb 24, 2015 7:57:43 GMT
Just to chip in to the universal disgust with CAMHS, as my DD (14) is not very "good with words" and can't explain or respond verbally, there is nothing to offer - except an art group for looked after teens. When I asked what the aims and objectives of the group were, no response. We were warned though that DD might pick up more bad habits from the other kids there, and might hook up with more difficult kids, so infact things would probably get worse. Needless to say, we declined.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2015 9:01:24 GMT
Even if the government scheme isn't running in Scotland, why don't you get together and lobby them about it. There are needy adopted children in Scotland too.
And there must be adoption trained counsellors there as well, but that's what I meant by you have to find them yourself and then go to PAS and say "I want this person who is qualified to help my child, not the ordinary counsellor you have offered who has no experience of loss/trauma/attachment".
If you don't fight for it, they won't pay for it and will try and fob you off with what ever they have used before whether it is appropriate or not that's the problem.
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Post by caledonia on Feb 24, 2015 11:41:38 GMT
hi all
I am sitting here laughing an crying at the same time after reading all your responses. Its so, so sad that so many of us have to go through this and that our children have to suffer.
jmk thanks for your advice - I hear what you say and know I need to do this but at the moment I am so flat and despondent that I don't have much energy.
I am at the stage that I don't like the person I am being turned into by DD and DS behaviours and although I know that it is not their fault its hard to stay calm and therapeutic all the time. DD is begging for help and I am failing her. DS doesn't want any as he knows best!
I have done some web-searching but so far have found nothing. Does anyone know where I can find information about adoption trained people? does Adoption UK have a list? Scotland it seems is not geared up for support for adoption - I seem to remember Shadow struggling with this years ago when looking for help for Shadette.
I knew my memory was bad but forgetting being married is an all time low (or is that high?) for me! Perhaps I have forgotten it as a result of the party afterwards as tokoloshe suggests.....Perhaps I need another wedding party to being back the memories!
Anyway onwards and upwards good people - this morning we only had three strops before DD left the house so thing are perhaps looking up!
thanks again - this is a wonderful place.
Cale x
PS feeling the need to vent on the ARF page but not sure I can meet the giddy standards you have all set.
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Post by doubletrouble on Feb 24, 2015 12:01:16 GMT
We are in the south of Scotland and haven't found anyone. CAMHS gave us a community nurse who had 'experience of adopted and LAC' children and he was useless. I ended up complaining and now we are seen by the head of dept. I have given up on looking for someone adoption related but have found people who are experts in the mental health field my children have a problem in - luckily or not our two both have a diagnosis of ADHD and a few other things now so I concentrate on getting help for them through that. I have found a very interesting person in Northumberland who does Therapy (including Equine assisted learning)and specialises in adoptive families so hope to get funding to see her soon.
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Post by mayan on Feb 24, 2015 13:56:03 GMT
Just sending love and strength - sorry that you have had enforced membership to this prestigious club however at least you know you are far from alone in what you are faced with.
Look after yourself first and foremost. If services are pretty thin on the ground perhaps there are some gatway organisations that might signpost you to more creative help auk scotland may know or even a local church may have links _ which may be better received than ss channels which teens run circles round in any event.
Mx
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Post by oogleschnook on Feb 26, 2015 15:59:34 GMT
Notre Dame centre in Glasgow do counseling for children affected by trauma. Not used it though so can't give any feedback, just came up once when I was looking at what was available around the country.
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Post by shadow on Feb 26, 2015 20:29:36 GMT
so I guess you are married to the invisible man
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Post by caledonia on Mar 4, 2015 11:36:51 GMT
that's what it is Shadow - don't tell DD or DS or they will start blaming him for all the things they do wrong. I wish he would help out more!
Cale X
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Post by pingu on Mar 4, 2015 17:17:46 GMT
Can recommend Notre Dame They have several types of therapy. They will see and assess what type they think the child will benefit from most. They have a very good reputation for dealing with traumatised kids and if they decide they can help, will take referrals from sw, school , doctor, or any other relevant professional Personally I would steer clear of CAHMS.
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Post by caledonia on Mar 5, 2015 11:18:53 GMT
Oogleschnook and Pingu
Thanks for the recommendation of Nortre Dame. I will look into them in some more detail.
I am definitely staying away from CAHMS!
cale x
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Post by caledonia on Mar 10, 2015 8:19:34 GMT
Well, and I am whispering this so as not to tempt fate, I think I might have found somebody to help DD. Spoke to him yesterday and he sounded great - just waiting to hear back from him. 400 mile round trip but it'll be worth it.................
Cale X
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redbush
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Post by redbush on Mar 10, 2015 16:09:45 GMT
It's so exciting when you feel you may have made a breakthrough of some sort. I do hope it turns out to be helpful. ..xxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by corkwing on Mar 11, 2015 14:19:53 GMT
400 mile round trip................. Maybe your invisible husband could take her?
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Post by caledonia on Mar 12, 2015 9:26:40 GMT
oh Corkwing that did make me laugh! It'd be like that advert where the man disguises himself as a car seat and goes through drive thrus
Cale X
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