Recommended Books - for Adopters to read

Help for Billy - by Heather Forbes

Heather Forbes has published a new book on educating the child who has suffered trauma

www.help-for-billy.com/index.html
Kindle version now on Amazon. You can use the 'look inside' feature to see the contents.

www.amazon.co.uk/Help-for-Billy-ebook/dp/B00B5JQEW8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359574753&sr=8-1

Why Can't My Child Behave? - by Dr. Amber Elliot (as recommended by Haze)  

Parenting a child who doesn't know how to be parented is the most difficult job in the world'

This book provides friendly expert advice on how to respond to difficult behaviours and emotions for parents of children with developmental trauma. Each chapter focusses on the common difficulties faced by carers or parents and features quick, applicable ideas with exercises and illustrations.

How do you react to a child's difficult behaviour? How do you deal with your own negative emotions? How do you know when to be empathic?

The book looks beyond the traditional punishment/reward strategies and aims to provide an explanation for such questions whilst helping the child in the process.

This book will prove to be an invaluable resource for parents, foster carers, social workers and professionals working with children who are adopted or fostered.

How to talk to an Autistic Kid - by Daniel Stefanski (age 14)

How To Talk To An Autistic Kid is a very endearing picture book with wonderful suggestions on how to speak and interact with an autistic kid in a more respectful and kind manner. The book highlights the importance of really accepting and treating autistic kids just like any other kid, because even though they are different in some ways, they are very similar in other ways. It also teaches kids to not be afraid of befriending an autistic kid.

Written by a 14-year-old autistic kid himself, this book offers a unique point of view that you really won't get from mainstream books about autism that are more impersonal and make you feel like you are just being given information. What's great about this book is that you can put a face to this autistic disorder, of someone who is actually experiencing it first-hand. I don't know if you can get any more sincere than that!

How To Talk To An Autistic Kid really personalizes the whole reading experience in an extremely engaging way. Daniel tackles a sensitive subject with grace as well as humour at times. This book offers priceless advice in a fun, very approachable, easy-to-read set-up, with easy-to-follow tips, and includes many colorful illustrations to reiterate each point. And by the end of the book, you really feel like you got to know Daniel, who is more than just an autistic kid.

Daniel does a great job of really pouring his heart out in this book in an effort to help make the lives of autistic kids a little easier and better socially, not only at school, but any place where they are among non-autistic peers. Adults will also find this book helpful and it will heighten their understanding of autistic behavior in kids and learn what to do in certain situations. I am really glad Daniel decided to write this book. By doing this, his contributions to the autistic society will be endless. And even decades from now, autistic kids as well as non-autistic kids will still be benefiting from his words of wisdom, and he will have touched so many lives because of it. Daniel is truly an inspiration.

So whether you are a teacher, classmate, parent, sibling, relative, friend, librarian, or neighbor of an autistic kid or you just want to learn more about autistic behavior and communication, I HIGHLY recommend that you read this book. Because if you don't, you will really be missing out on something very special and important.

If you are a parent of an autistic kid, let your kid's school know that this book is a must have. It will really help your child feel comfortable and accepted by their classmates at school.

Anyone recommend Parenting for Peace by Marcy Axness?

If we really want to change the world, let’s raise a generation hardwired for peace and innovation. Marcy Axness details a unique seven-step, seven-principle matrix for helping children achieve self-regulation, self-reflection, trust, and empathy. These qualities are the result of dynamic interactions between genetics and environment, beginning before the child is even born: foundations for this level of health begin forming during the prenatal period, and some aspects of optimal development are influenced as early as conception.


Is it worth getting or not?

Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting is every parent’s goal.
But when our kids don’t listen to us or do the simple things what we ask them to do, it’s easy to lose patience and to nag, repeat, yell or threaten.
There is a better way.

This revolutionary program gives you 5 simple and wildly effective techniques that make your kids want to listen to you and to do what you need them to do without having to remind, repeat or yell. When you use these positive and practical parenting strategies, your child’s behavior will improve and family life will become calmer, easier and happier.

Review:- 
This book aims to provide parents of children from other countries and cultures, from troubled backgrounds or on the spectrum of special needs with a toolkit to connect the child to parents. Thus the book's aim is provide parents with safe strategies for parents to promote connection with their children. Specifically written for adopted and special needs kids, the book offers advice ALL parents can access. In terms of adoptive families, the book offers post-adopters tools and prospective parents some hard things to mull over pre-adoption in terms of helping children `connect' safely to parents.

So, what is a connected child? Essentially the book`s thesis rests on the theory of behavior modification, with the key that parents can only change poor behaviours if the child trusts. Parent and child therefore must work to make the connection work. We learn that for a child to become connected, that child has to respect us as `family boss', fair in our dealing with them. Kids acting out do so because they haven't had a protective nurturing parent. Therefore, to connect and heal their behaviours our parenting must be grounded and strong.

It's a book with well developed steps to connection and nurturing. Each topic covered is matched with modules suggesting how we parents can modify our children's `skewed' responses to every day occurrences. So we are staged through dealing with tantrums in the supermarket, hurting other kids, poor choices, dealing with not wanting mum to go away (or pushing for it that she very much does go away!). The tactics are simple and sure. Poor behaviour should be seen as an opportunity to help our kids connect AND achieve better ways of responding. The strategy of allowing`re-do' of a poor choice or behaviour is prioritised, where the child gets to retry a poor choice. Eye contact and gentle connecting touch are requisites when re-directing a child's behaviour. Offering defined choices, and consequences that happen if a child doesn't play fair and do as promised, are highlighted as strong parenting. Sensible social strategies are offered. Parenting style is also covered, with parents advised to understand and deal with our own responses to challenge and stress. A parent who isn't personally grounded is not going to be the rock a challenging child requires.

There are other books that offer parents advice on re-directing poor behaviours using behavioural modification - a useful one being Transforming the Difficult Child (Glasser and Easley).The Connected Child adds to the literature both in offering up to date advice on the neurology of behaviour, plus is attractive in its pocket handbook size, its easy-read layout, and its helpful charts and bullet pointed strategies. A drawback is its assumption that behavioural modification will always work. It offers no alternative views, unlike another `toolkit book', Adoption Parenting ( MacLeod and Macrae) from EMK Press where the strength lies in many `voices' offering differing strategies to deal with issues. Nonetheless this new book is a welcome addition to an adoptive parent's bookshelf.

See more by clicking on link below

www.calmerparenting.com/

Welcoming a new Brother or Sister through Adoption - by Arleta James

Adoption is a big step which can change the whole dynamics of the family. It is crucial that parents understand the impact it has when new sibling relationships are forged and an adoptee becomes a part of the family.

Welcoming a New Brother or Sister through Adoption is a comprehensive yet accessible guide that describes the adoption process and the impact of adoption on every member of the family, including the adopted child.

It prepares families to have realistic expectations and equips them with knowledge to deal with a host of situations that may arise, addressing difficult questions head-on: 'Did we make the right choice by adopting?', 'How is this affecting our birth children?, 'Will our adopted son or daughter heal?' are explored and solutions discussed in detail. All this is accompanied with real life stories and direct quotes from children, which make it a realistic and insightful resource.

This book is vital reading for adoptive families and professionals who work with them including social workers, counselors and psychologists.

About the Author
Arleta James, MS, PCC, has been an adoption professional for many years. She spent several years as a caseworker for the Pennsylvania Statewide Adoption Network placing foster children with adoptive families and then as the statewide Matching Specialist.

She now works as a clinical therapist at the renowned Attachment and Bonding Centre of Ohio, providing services for attachment difficulties, childhood trauma and issues related to adoption. She was the 1999 Pensylvania Adoption Professional of the Year.

The Colours in Me:- Writing & Poetry by Adopted Children & Young People - edited by Perlita Harriss BAAF

A wonderfully insightful book that gives adopted children the long awaited platform to express themselves as never before.

Perlita Harris has managed to bring to the fore the thoughts, feelings and voices of children, adolescents and young people. Within the pages of this book the reader hears children's and young people's thoughts and feelings about their birth parents, birth siblings, adoptive families, post adoption contact (and lack of contact) and so much more. As you read you can hear their voices!

The book is divided into sub-sections, each relating to an aspect of adoption such as what it's like being adopted, separation from significant people and re-visiting birth place, etc. At the end of the book are messages from some contributors to other adopted children, adoptive parents, social workers and therapists. Read and take action! Finally, a bio paragraph about each contributor (along with a photo in some cases) is included at the back making each piece of writing and artwork all the more `real'.

The statements, narratives, poems and artwork reflecting each child's and young person's experience of adoption are touching, thought provoking, enlightening and encouraging. All those involved in care planning for children including social workers, Independent Reviewing Officers, Family Court Judges, anyone considering adoption or fostering, students and tutors of social work along with all adopted children and young people MUST read this book!

Brilliant! Well done to the children and young people, Perlita Harris and the British Association for Adoption and Fostering for yet another pioneering book!

For those of you in Scotland, I have just seen a new book advertised on the BAAF site
"Adopting a Child in Scotland" by Robert Swift
As there are some differences in the process, particularly the legal side, it could be worth a read

The unofficial guide to Adoptive Parenting - by Sally Donovan

Excellent, practical book, full of useful strategies, by an experienced adoptive parent.

The book is very helpful but also "real": no-one can be the perfect therapeutic parent at all times, but this book will help you to do your practical best for your children.

Highly recommended.

I Don't Know Why - by Annice Thomas

You often hear adopted children saying “I don’t know why” after they have done something that just doesn’t make sense.
Through the characters in this book this question will be explored and hopefully enlighten both parent and child.

This book has especially been written for the following: • Adopted children. Meet Fiona, Yasmin, Jakub, and Shaniquia, who share their adoption stories.
They will tell you how they feel about being adopted and how they feel about not living with their birth parents.
As you read you will discover that parts of their story may be similar to yours.

• Adoptive parents. This book is for sharing with your child. As you read together, it will prompt conversations around your own child’s birth history and adoption story.
• Professionals. This is a valuable tool to use when undertaking life-story work and direct work with adopted children.

It is aimed at children between the ages of six and ten but can be adapted and used for older or younger children.

Topics include: • neglect • contact • bedwetting • multiple placement moves • death of a birth parent • neglect and mental health issues • stealing • bullying • feelings of not deserving anything good • negative feelings towards the adoptive mother • destructive behaviour

Banish your Body Image Thief - by Kate Collins Donnelly

Review

The book is full of case studies and exercises... The book is aimed at boys and girls aged 10-18, though I think it could be used by slightly younger children (perhaps 8+) with support and guidance.

It starts off by helping young people to understand what body image is and why it's important before considering negative body image and the impact a negative body image can have... The activities and case studies are all presented in an accessible and friendly style. The book is beautifully presented and I can imagine a young person being very motivated to complete the activities.

Whilst it is designed as a self-help guide to be completed sequentially from beginning to end, I think there is plenty of scope for confident parents and practitioners to cherry pick relevant activities or sections where time is short or where there is need for a rapid and specific focus... therapists, school counsellors, pastoral staff and parents may find that it is a useful addition to the recovery toolbox. (Pooky Knightsmith In Our Hands blog)

Katie uses her expert knowledge to help children develop a positive self- image... This book offers useful self-help activities to banish negative thoughts about your body. As a wellbeing mentor, I have found this book to be extraordinarily helpful; it has been used with some of my clients and I have started to recommend it to parents. An invaluable book, all young people should read. (Wellbeing Mentor blog)

Book Description

A fun CBT approach to promote positive body image in young people

About the Author

Kate Collins-Donnelly has worked as a therapist, psychologist, criminologist and anger management consultant based in the UK for many years. She presently runs a successful independent consultancy practice which provides cognitive behavioural therapy, counselling, coaching and training, and is head of the Psychological and Criminological Research Division. She is the author of Starving the Anger Gremlin, Starving the Anxiety Gremlin, Starving the Stress Gremlin and Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief.