No Matter What - by Sally Donovan (as recommended by Bop)
A well written, insightful, moving and inspiring book about a couples adoption experiences. From coming to terms with infertility, to the realities of parenting 2 traumatised and vulnerable children.
I love you, no matter what. This book tells the uplifting true story of an ordinary couple who build an extraordinary family - describing Sally and Rob Donovan's journey from a diagnosis of infertility to their decision to adopt two children who suffered abuse in their early life.
Writing with incisive wit and honesty, Sally Donovan movingly describes the difficulties of living with infertility when friends and family have no idea, and the emotional process of arriving at a decision to adopt. She recounts the bewildering logistics of adoption and, after finally Sally and Rob are joyfully matched with siblings Jaymee and Harlee, how their joy is followed by shock as they discover disturbing details of their children's past. Determined to heal their children, Sally and Rob realise they will need to go 'beyond parenting' to give them with the help they need.
By turns heart-rending, inspiring and hilarious, Sally and Rob's story offers a rare insight into the world of adoptive parents and just what it takes to bring love to the lives of traumatised children.
What every Parent needs to Know - by Margot Sunderland
Explains the science without losing sight of the realities of raising a child.
"It’s time to re-write the rule book on raising a child. Based on over 700 scientific studies into children’s development, award-winning author and child psychotherapist Dr. Margot Sunderland explains how to develop your child’s potential to the full".
"Find out the truth about popular childcare tactics, how touch, laughter and play build emotional well being for life, and the strategies for effectively dealing with temper tantrums and tears."
"Essential for any parent adoptive or not: a practical parenting book which give you the facts, not the fiction, on the best way to bring up your child".
"Building the Bonds of Attachment" is the second edition of a critically and professionally acclaimed book for social workers, therapists, and parents who strive to assist poorly attached children. This work is a composite case study of the developmental course of one child following years of abuse and neglect.
This work focuses on both the specialized psychotherapy and parenting that is often necessary in facilitating a child's psychological development and attachment security.
It blends attachment theory and research, and trauma theory with general principles of both parenting and child and family therapy in developing a model for intervention.
This work is a practical guide for the adult - whether professional or parent - who endeavor to help such children.
Kate Cairns is a social worker by profession who has also, over a 25-year period and along with her husband and birth children, fostered 12 other children who remain part of their family group.
In this compelling book she draws on the wealth of her personal and professional experience to offer a vivid glimpse into family life with children who have experienced attachment difficulties, loss, abuse and trauma, and shows in a range of everyday situations how the family responded to the powerful feelings and difficult behaviours the children displayed.
Drawing on knowledge and ideas that helped her make sense of this experience, the author includes suggestions for carers and professionals on what may be observed in children with unmet attachment needs and post-traumatic stress disorders, and what can be done to promote recovery and develop resilience.
Inside I'm Hurting, provides educational professionals with a much-needed classroom handbook of new strategies, practical tools and the confidence for supporting these children from an attachment perspective, thus promoting inclusion in the school system.
Contents include: how attachment difficulties can affect a child's ability to learn; providing an 'additional attachment figure' in schools; the benefits and challenges of getting alongside children who have experienced trauma and loss; transitions during the school day; permanency and constancy; being explicit; regulating arousal levels; handling conflict; wondering aloud; lowering the effects of shame; working with transition from primary to secondary phase; developing effective home/school partnership (includes a photocopiable initial meeting prompt card); providing staff support; recommendations for future action.
Why Love Matters explains why love is essential to brain development in the early years of life, particularly to the development of our social and emotional brain systems, and presents the startling discoveries that provide the answers to how our emotional lives work.
Sue Gerhardt considers how the earliest relationship shapes the baby's nervous system, with lasting consequences, and how our adult life is influenced by infancy despite our inability to remember babyhood. She shows how the development of the brain can affect future emotional well being, and goes on to look at specific early 'pathways' that can affect the way we respond to stress and lead to conditions such as anorexia, addiction, and anti-social behaviour.
Why Love Matters is a lively and very accessible interpretation of the latest findings in neuroscience, psychology, psychoanalysis and biochemistry. It will be invaluable to psychotherapists and psychoanalysts, mental health professionals, parents and all those concerned with the central importance of brain development in relation to many later adult difficulties.
"Nurturing Attachments" combines the experience and wisdom of parents and carers with that of professionals to provide support and practical guidance for foster and adoptive parents looking after children with insecure attachment relationships.
It gives an overview of attachment theory and a step-by-step model of parenting which provides the reader with a tried-and-tested framework for developing resilience and emotional growth.Featuring throughout are the stories of Catherine, Zoe, Marcus and Luke, four fictional children in foster care or adoptive homes, who are used to illustrate the ideas and strategies described, the book offers sound advice and provides exercises for parents and their children, as well as useful tools that supervising social workers can use both in individual support of carers as well as in training exercises.
This is an essential guide for adoptive and foster parents, professionals including health and social care practitioners, clinical psychologists, child care professionals, and lecturers and students in this field.
Parenting the child who hurts - by Caroline Archer
This text approaches attachment and developmental issues arising when the child is in your care. It offers practical, sensitive guidance through the dark areas of separation, loss and trauma in early childhood.
It reassures that no problem faced as a result of the child's early experiences is insignificant or undeserving of a solution. Neither is the reader patronized by assumptions that some matters should already be common knowledge.
It sets out purposefully to encourage confidence and thereby to enable enjoyment of the young life in your care.
A Child's Journey Through Placement - by Vera Fahlberg
Children who are cared for in an out of home placement are in need of support and stability.
This classic text offers information and advice for professionals and carers on how to help these children, who will often have attachment difficulties. Vera I. Fahlberg, M.D. shares her experience and expertise, outlining the significance of attachment and separation, the developmental stages specific to adoptive children and providing guidance on minimizing the trauma of moves.
The book also features practical advice on case planning, managing behavior and direct work with children, and throughout are case studies and exercises which provide opportunities for further learning.
A readable, compassionate and practical text, "A Child's Journey Through Placement" provides the foundation, the resources, and the tools to help students, professionals, parents and others who care to support children on their journey through placement to adulthood
Bubble Wrapped Children - How social networking is transforming the face of 21st century adoption, is a `must read' for teachers, social workers, doctors, police, solicitors, youth workers and of course, adoptive and foster parents - in fact, everyone involved in working with children. The book is well researched and has a life, vitality and understanding that can only come from someone who has lived with `bubble wrapped children' and experienced first-hand the issues dealt with in the book.
The author, an adoptive mum, has taken a subject which has wide implications for our society and education system and covered it in a powerful and informative way in a book illustrated throughout with clear and helpful diagrams. It's an `easy read' in terms of its clarity and style whilst the issues covered and some of the personal stories shared, are incredibly difficult .
The book covers so much more than the influences of social media on adopted children -the affects and legacy of early traumatic experiences are covered expertly and anyone wanting a clear and balanced explanation of the reasons why some young people present with challenges which are often difficult to fathom, will find many of the answers they need here.
The final chapter provides a strong message and some practical strategies for dealing with this subject. I hope it gets into the hands of some of the main decision makers and helps not only to change the course of adoption in the UK as well as giving new insights to adopters and foster carers but that it also gives the professionals working with some of the most traumatised children and young people in the country a real grasp of the effects of `toxic' parenting on our children.
There's a great use of metaphor, making some complex concepts so much easier to grasp. BWC provides a wonderfully clear map for anyone needing to understand the vulnerable and challenging children they live and work with.
Plus it's on kindle And first chapter PDF is free on line
Bryan Post speaks to parents about the challenges they face when dealing with behaviors that are often present for adopted, foster and many diagnosed (ADD, RAD, ODD, Autism Spectrum) children.
He helps parents and professionals with a radical new understand the impact of early life trauma and the impact of interruptions in the attachment process. In his compassion for parents and children, he offers hope and solutions for the challenges families face.
Many parents of adopted children express their fear not only for their child’s present behaviours, but for what will become of them in the future. Bryan’s straightforward, truly love based, family-centered, clear-cut approach has created peace and healing for hundreds of families; families who once operated in fear are now experiencing love.
"All parents should read this book, especially those with children who are out of control".
Ross Greene presents a loving, rational, and research-based approach to dealing with problems that most parents have either felt were their own fault or were unsolvable. I could not recommend this book more highly."-- Edward Hallowell, M.D.
What's an explosive child? A child who responds to routine problems with extreme frustration-crying, screaming, swearing, kicking, hitting, biting, spitting, destroying property, and worse. A child whose frequent, severe outbursts leave his or her parents feeling frustrated, scared, worried, and desperate for help.
Most of these parents have tried everything-reasoning, explaining, punishing, sticker charts, therapy, medication-but to no avail.
They can't figure out why their child acts the way he or she does; they wonder why the strategies that work for other kids don't work for theirs; and they don't know what to do instead.
Dr. Ross Greene, a distinguished clinician and pioneer in the treatment of kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges, has worked with thousands of explosive children, and he has good news: these kids aren't attention-seeking, manipulative, or unmotivated, and their parents aren't passive, permissive pushovers. Rather, explosive kids are lacking some crucial skills in the domains of flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving, and they require a different approach to parenting.
Throughout this compassionate, insightful, and practical book, Dr. Greene provides a new conceptual framework for understanding their difficulties, based on research in the neurosciences. He explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don't work with these children, and he describes what to do instead. Instead of relying on rewarding and punishing, Dr. Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving model promotes working with explosive children to solve the problems that precipitate explosive episodes, and teaching these kids the skills they lack.
From a distinguished clinician, pioneer in working with behaviorally challenging kids, and author of the acclaimed The Explosive Child comes a groundbreaking approach for understanding and helping these kids and transforming school discipline.
Frequent visits to the principal's office. Detentions. Suspensions. Expulsions. These are the established tools of school discipline for kids who don't abide by school rules, have a hard time getting along with other kids, don't seem to respect authority, don't seem interested in learning, and are disrupting the learning of their classmates.
But there's a big problem with these strategies: They are ineffective for most of the students to whom they are applied.
It's time for a change in course.
Here, Dr. Ross W. Greene presents an enlightened, clear-cut, and practical alternative. Relying on research from the neurosciences, Dr. Greene offers a new conceptual framework for understanding the difficulties of kids with behavioral challenges and explains why traditional discipline isn't effective at addressing these difficulties.
Emphasizing the revolutionarily simple and positive notion that kids do well if they can, he persuasively argues that kids with behavioral challenges are not attention-seeking, manipulative, limit-testing, coercive, or unmotivated, but that they lack the skills to behave adaptively. And when adults recognize the true factors underlying difficult behavior and teach kids the skills in increments they can handle, the results are astounding: The kids overcome their obstacles; the frustration of teachers, parents, and classmates diminishes; and the well-being and learning of all students are enhanced.
In Lost at School, Dr. Greene describes how his road-tested, evidence-based approach -- called Collaborative Problem Solving -- can help challenging kids at school.
His lively, compelling narrative includes:
• tools to identify the triggers and lagging skills underlying challenging behavior. • explicit guidance on how to radically improve interactions with challenging kids along with many examples showing how it's done.
• dialogues, Q & A's, and the story, which runs through the book, of one child and his teachers, parents, and school.
• practical guidance for successful planning and collaboration among teachers, parents, administrations, and kids.
Backed by years of experience and research, and written with a powerful sense of hope and achievable change, Lost at School gives teachers and parents the realistic strategies and information to impact the classroom experience of every challenging kid.
An attachment specialist and a clinical psychologist with neurobiology expertise team up to explore the brain science behind parenting.
In this groundbreaking exploration of the brain mechanisms behind healthy caregiving, attachment specialist Daniel A. Hughes and veteran clinical psychologist Jonathan Baylin guide readers through the intricate web of neuronal processes, hormones, and chemicals that drive—and sometimes thwart—our caregiving impulses, uncovering the mysteries of the parental brain.
The biggest challenge to parents, Hughes and Baylin explain, is learning how to regulate emotions that arise—feeling them deeply and honestly while staying grounded and aware enough to preserve the parent–child relationship. Stress, which can lead to “blocked” or dysfunctional care, can impede our brain’s inherent caregiving processes and negatively impact our ability to do this.
While the parent–child relationship can generate deep empathy and the intense motivation to care for our children, it can also trigger self-defensive feelings rooted in our early attachment relationships, and give rise to “unparental” impulses.
Learning to be a “good parent” is contingent upon learning how to manage this stress, understand its brain-based cues, and respond in a way that will set the brain back on track.
To this end, Hughes and Baylin define five major “systems” of caregiving as they’re linked to the brain, explaining how they operate when parenting is strong and what happens when good parenting is compromised or “blocked.”
With this awareness, we learn how to approach kids with renewed playfulness, acceptance, curiosity, and empathy, re-regulate our caregiving systems, foster deeper social engagement, and facilitate our children’s development.
Infused with clinical insight, illuminating case examples, and helpful illustrations, Brain-Based Parenting brings the science of caregiving to light for the first time. Far from just managing our children’s behavior, we can develop our “parenting brains,” and with a better understanding of the neurobiological roots of our feelings and our own attachment histories, we can transform a fraught parent-child relationship into an open, regulated, and loving one.
How many parents have found themselves thinking: I can't believe I just said to my child the very thing my parents used to say to me! Am I just destined to repeat the mistakes of my parents?
In Parenting from the Inside Out, child psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and early childhood expert Mary Hartzell, M.Ed., explore the extent to which our childhood experiences actually do shape the way we parent.
Drawing upon stunning new findings in neurobiology and attachment research, they explain how interpersonal relationships directly impact the development of the brain, and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories, which will help them raise compassionate and resilient children.
Born out of a series of parents' workshops that combined Siegel's cutting-edge research on how communication impacts brain development with Hartzell's thirty years of experience as a child-development specialist and parent educator, Parenting from the Inside Out guides parents through creating the necessary foundations for loving and secure relationships with their children.
Explores the extent to which childhood experiences shape the way people parent, and offers parents guidelines on how to raise compassionate and resilient children.
20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew - by Sherrie Eldridge
Best-Seller Since 1999! Required Reading by Many Adoption Agencies
Why your happy child runs a 102 fever on her birthday
Why adoptees resist talking about adoption with parents
How to Gain Entrance into the child's world/not gain entrance because each adopted child is unique, the reader is cautioned not to take the title literally. It is mainly a springboard for parents to become proactive in recognizing their children's unspoken needs and thus become their child's no.1 cheerleader in life.
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family.
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child and within the adoptive home.
A very honest true account of a family who adopted three children and how their children's needs were underestimated by the authorities.
"This book offers a heart rendering, no holds barred account of adoption that is remakable for its searing honesty and is immediately engaging in that it offers a rare insight into the perspective of the adoptive parents of older children.
A compelling and controversial read" Evening Herald.
jmk says:- Have read this book and whilst I found it very interesting, being an adoptee myself, I don't think it is that relevent to modern day adoption as the author was a relinquished baby adopted in the 60's.
Children these days are rarely relinquished and I think their searches for re-union with their birth parents will be very different to re-unions from the 60's relinquished babies like myself.
Interesting read all the same, but not current to modern day adoption IMO.
Essential reading for all adoptive parents, those considering adoption, and the professionals who serve these families.
A lot of prospective adopters are recommended this book by their social workers as they go through the process of becoming adoptive parents.
Packed full of information and though at first glance it can appear heavy and more of a textbook, it's split into handy themes that are thoughtful and can be read as individual pieces. his book recognises the concerns and loss that a prospective adopter may be having and the section on waiting for the process to be completed (pregnancy without adue date) really strikes a chord with most people.
Because the book covers from pre process to parenting and adopter to adoptee its one that can be used for many years in the future and still be relevant.
What to expect when you're adopting - by Dr. Ian Palmer
"As would-be parents cycle through the adoption process, they balance anxiety and fear with the life-altering decision of adoption. The emotional toll of this dance can be completely overwhelming and can confuse parents while navigating the decisions of how to expand their families".
"Drawing on extensive research and the author's own experience of being adopted, What to Expect When You're Adopting... does not gloss over the realities of the adoption process, but rather leads parents through the many stages and emotional aspects involved and offer practical and sensitive advice allowing you to make crucial decisions with confidence."
Despite a successful City career, there is a void in Beth s life, a void that only a child can fill.
Newly on her own, she is confronted with the inevitability of a childless future and so embarks on a journey to adopt the child she has always longed for.
Poignant, honest and intimate, Dear Mummy, Welcome is the true story of one woman s fight against the odds, and a little girl s journey to find a mother.
Born in Cardiff, Bethany Hallett moved to Wolverhampton when she was nine. At twenty, she joined the diplomatic service and was posted to West Berlin, Kathmandu and Bangkok, before commencing a career in the City of London. She left in 2005 so that she could adopt, as a single parent, a four-year-old girl of English and Bangladeshi origin.
Julia Wise gave up a high-flying career and a hectic life in London to move to the country and pave the way for what would be a life-changing experience - adopting a child on her own.
In this heart-warming and humourous account, the author lays bare her mistakes and misconceptions and shares practical advice and top tips - never apologise for being a single parent, develop your laughter muscles, buy a good aluminium ladder, and much more!
Inspiring and accessible, this book describes the realities of life on your own with an adopted child.
This book is full of the techniques that we have used successfully over the years. Many we have adapted to suit their needs and many we have made up ourselves. What we have become particularly good at is not giving up!
A mother of two adopted children, Celia Foster has written "Big Steps for Little People" as a personal 'insider's guide' to parenting adopted children.Drawing on the hard-won wisdom gained in her own family life, Celia offers a thoughtful account of life with adopted children and examines the issues that many adoptive families encounter, including the development of children with attachment problems and how to tackle behavioural difficulties.
She combines real-life anecdotes with suggestions and strategies that other parents can put to use.
This book will be a great comfort and help to all adoptive families and offers insights for the professionals who work with them.
The Essential Adoption Guide - by Rebecca Maxfield & Iain Dickinson
(Kindle edition £2.00)
This booklet has been written to give you an understanding of adoption, the assessment process and how you may be 'matched' with the right child for you.
In this booklet, you will find the answers to the most commonly asked questions and misconceptions about adoption.
We will also look at the difficulties in the adoption process and the problems you might face. In reading this booklet, you will be given information on how adoptions break down, why they do so and what you can do to prevent it happening.
Although this sounds ominous, by showing you what can go wrong, we can equip you with the tools to help everything go right.
This guide is based on the experience of many adopters and assessing social workers.
In this booklet, you will find real life case studies, simple guidance, practical tips and other useful information.
We have included a glossary of useful terms to help you cut through the ‘social worker-speak’ to find out how the adoption process will work for you.
In reading this booklet, you will hear from social workers, adopted people and others to gain an understanding of:
· How adoption works
· Your assessment and what the social worker is looking for
· Tips on becoming more involved in your assessment
A Short Introduction to Attachment - by Colby Pearce
This excellent book is a concise description of the core characteristics of early attachment experience and how this impacts on children's expectations of themselves, of others and of the world in general.
Attachment disorders are described in detail with recommendations for interventions which facilitate more hopeful development. It is relevant to those working with children in any setting, but in particular to carers of children whose early life has been affected by adversity. --Dr Heather Geddes, Educational Psychotherapist, The Caspari Foundation, London
This book presents a short and accessible introduction to what 'attachment' means and how to recognise attachment disorders in children.
The author explains how complex problems in childhood may stem from the parent-child relationship during a child's early formative years, and later from the child's engagement with the broader social world.
It explores the mindset of difficult and traumatised children and the motivations behind their apparently antisocial and defensive tendencies.
"A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder" includes case vignettes to illustrate examples, and offers a comprehensive set of tried-and-tested practical strategies for parents, carers and practitioners in supportive roles caring for children
The Boy Who No one Loved - by Casey Watson (Foster Carer, true story)
We’re hungry,’ his brother kept repeating. ‘We’re hungry, Justin. Please find us some food.’
Justin was just five years old; his brothers two and three. Their mother, a heroin-addict, had left them hungry and alone, while she went to get her next fix. Later that day, after trying to burn down the family home, Justin was taken into care.
Justin was taken into care at the age of five after deliberately burning down his family home. Six years on, after 20 failed placements, Justin arrives at Casey’s home. Casey and her husband Mike are specialist foster carers. They practice a new style of foster care that focuses on modifying the behaviour of profoundly damaged children. They are Justin’s last hope, and it quickly becomes clear that they are facing a big challenge.
Try as they might to make him welcome, he seems determined to strip his life of all the comforts they bring him, violently lashing out at schoolmates and family and throwing any affection they offer him back in their faces. After a childhood filled with hurt and rejection, Justin simply doesn’t want to know. But, as it soon emerges, this is only the tip of a chilling iceberg.
A visit to Justin’s mother on Boxing Day reveals that there are some very dark underlying problems that Justin has never spoken about. As the full picture becomes clearer, and the horrific truth of Justin’s early life is revealed, Casey and her family finally start to understand the pain he has suffered…
About the Author Casey Watson is a specialist foster carer. She has been working in this field for six years after giving up her position as a behaviour manager for a local school. During this time she has welcomed 14 difficult to place children into her home.
As a specialist foster carer she works with profoundly damaged children, seeing each child through a specific behavioural modification programme, at the end of which they will hopefully be in the position to be returned either back to their family or into mainstream foster care.
Casey combines fostering with writing, usually late at night when the rest of the family is sleeping. Casey is married with two grown-up children and three grandchildren. The name Casey Watson is a pseudonym.
This is Casey’s first book. Her next title is called Crying for Help.
Damaged - by Cathy Glass - (Foster Carer, true story)
Although Jodie is only eight years old, she is violent, aggressive, and has already been through numerous foster families. Her last hope is Cathy Glass. A Number 1 Sunday Times Bestseller.
At the Social Services office, Cathy (an experienced foster carer) is pressured into taking Jodie as a new placement. Jodie's challenging behaviour has seen off five carers in four months. Despite her reservations, Cathy decides to take on Jodie to protect her from being placed in an institution.
Jodie arrives, and her first act is to soil herself, and then wipe it on her face, grinning wickedly. Jodie meets Cathy's teenage children, and greets them with a sharp kick to the shins. That night, Cathy finds Jodie covered in blood, having cut her own wrist, and smeared the blood over her face.
As Jodie begins to trust Cathy her behaviour improves. Over time, with childish honesty, she reveals details of her abuse at the hands of her parents and others. It becomes clear that Jodie's parents were involved in a sickening paedophile ring, with neighbours and Social Services not seeing what should have been obvious signs.
Unfortunately Jodie becomes increasingly withdrawn, and it's clear she needs psychiatric therapy. Cathy urges the Social Services to provide funding, but instead they decide to take Jodie away from her, and place her in a residential unit.
Although the paedophile ring is investigated and brought to justice, Jodie’s future is still up in the air. Cathy promises that she will stand by her no matter what – her love for the abandoned Jodie is unbreakable.