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Post by mooster on Jan 22, 2015 16:46:46 GMT
Feeling wobbly today…. Nearly had to remove myself from a meeting today with SS and a housing support association as after almost 11 years to the day that I first met my AD I couldn’t believe I was sitting there listening to other people discuss how they were going to support her in her quest for independent accommodation.
I really thought that was going to be my job as Mum and we would be working together to make her life as simple and fun as possible. Instead she is choosing really difficult paths thinking she is grown up and we are having to stand back, fingers crossed, that nothing too horrible happens.
Anyway, gave myself a stiff talking to in the meeting “we are where we are” and smiled sweetly at the answers my AD gave to some of the questions about her abilities to cope on her own. Every so often I get hit by the mother/daughter relationship I imagined and the one I currently have – this was reinforced today by my Mum, who knowing I struggle with SS meetings took me out to lunch – we had a lovely time – one of her friends then commented how going out with your daughter is one of the best things a Mum can do……….wish I felt like that……….maybe one day, keep hanging in there!
I am however making the most of my Mum who is brilliant.
Mooster x
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Post by mudlark on Jan 22, 2015 17:20:03 GMT
...Thank God for Mums. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2015 18:03:24 GMT
Awh hugs Mooster, I get that too, that I seem to be parenting by comittee and I too find it hard sitting in reviews having other people make decisions about my child, especially ones who don't even have any children of their own, but would obviously be far better parents than I am (or at least they think they would be).
Enjoy being a daughter with your mum, doing normal things and who knows, maybe one day your DD will get it and will realise how much you have done for her.
We live in hope xx
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Post by lilyofthevalley on Jan 22, 2015 21:19:08 GMT
Things can improve over time as they mature. My daughter went to a residential school and then supported accommodation and a council flat. There were some very difficult times. She self harmed, took overdoses,behaved irresponsibly, was in violent relationships, had eating disorders. On three occasions I sent the police to visit her on account of mental health concerns. Our relationship at times was fraught. But very gradually she has settled down and matured. She has worked as a carer in a nursing home for several years now and we have a great relationship. She is very affectionate and loving towards me and I enjoy her company very much. So things can improve over time. She has just had her 29th birthday.
Lily x
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Post by kizim on Jan 23, 2015 13:48:23 GMT
Brought me to tears mooster...could have written it myself apart from the support part.
So glad your Mum can have that relationship with you xxx
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Post by peartree on Jan 25, 2015 23:00:11 GMT
Oh mooster you did so well in that meeting. We are facing the same challenges into "independence" with a very uncertain future, our blossom, oh Lordy it's hard to look at any of the future options as positive. Her needs are just so great but I seem to be in a surreal universe where a child with 24/7 care who struggles to cope is suddenly likely to be shunted off on her own and no one seems to find any real issue with that at all! Apart from us, and we just hope, well actually frankly we hope and close the lid on some hope and trust none leaks out and we keep it in storage ... i had a challenging relationship with my mother, we are so close now. buried the hatchet in my mid twenties, we both had counselling seperately. i'm thinking atm that our young people's paths are perhaps an extreme version of this ? greatly encouraged as ever by lily x
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Post by mooster on Jan 26, 2015 9:59:54 GMT
Thank you all for your replies - parenting by committee rang some bells although often it seems to be parenting by strangers who think the lovely young woman sitting in front of them is mature, capable and honest - actually I am not sure anyone is able to parent her.
Sometimes I see myself as the person who is trying to make sure others are doing their job properly to support my daughter, perhaps that is what a parent is or at least what my parenting role is in this situation. Not easy when you feel hurt and rejected.
Lily, you give us all hope. I know I am not alone in this situation and my heart and good wishes go out to you all.
Mooster x
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