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Post by aprilshowers on Oct 31, 2014 7:27:19 GMT
Not her decision but littly has decided that she wants a new one, we feel that the new FC has something to do with this decision, SW states that she would normally weather the storm with littly but she too struggles with this FC, from what I can glean (SW far to professional to talk about it) they have crossed paths in the past and as SW should have let littly go over 6 months ago, advocated with her managers that she should stay on the scene till at least littly was residential in college, then getting funding for this private fostering placement...then littly asks for a new SW stating that this one is very negative about her and her achievements and is still contemplating legal action, because SW refused to let her have permission for an overnight stay with her brother........the facts of that last statement are, I said no, there was not enough time given for a proper check and assessment and he is homeless.
SW came to see us in her own time, she wanted to tell us face to face, we have all worked together for over 2 years, she has been one of the longest we have had, she has always gone above and beyond the call of duty and has really put in effort and consistency with our children.
It will take a while, her own dept is all changing again, she states that she will be looking at retirement. It appears that littly will be placed with 16+ team, her sister is under them, and their standard is a 6 weekly visit. SW also states that as she had to go to panel for this fostering placement...remember this is the one littly wanted as she refused to go residential college, should this placement fail then littly would not be considered again for FC but would have to go to unit, and that really could be anywhere and dependant on if she is still at college.
SW has already passed on college matters to YOS as littly wont speak to SW, so it is likely that I will be well out of the loop, our SW always kept me informed and vice versa, the current FC has not made any attempt to contact me and blanked hubby at the last review meeting.
So sad times afoot, as much as I want littly to do well, we are seeing the cracks, there are already issues at college and she has only been there five weeks, she has already had a run in with FC and she has been accused by her brother of stealing from his girlfriends flat when she did stay over there without permission, she has been caught lying to her boyfriends family and its all looking very shaky. But at her age she has the power and control so she is using it.
We know from experience that the more deeper she gets in with these people then their expectations will need to be met, and this is when it will go wrong, and as she is wantonly spreading lies and allegations about us we know that these will be coming thick and fast, and sadly there will be no SW on board that actually knows what has gone on.
People have lost sight of why littly was accommodated (as well as her sister) and I do understand that we should not dwell on the past but look for the positives and plan for the future but the latest from FC is that she wants to support littly through university...god give me strength......as much as my heart would swell with pride ad I would grin from ear to ear waving littly off to university she got F and E grades in math/English...surely this is setting her up to fail, she is doing only the minimum at college and refuses to accept the help for furthering her math/English.
SW says we have to look at ways of letting go, and maybe her leaving will help as we most definitely will be out of the loop, but how do we let go? I don't really expect any answers to that one but we will have to do what we can and as WE all say "What will be will be" |
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Post by ham on Oct 31, 2014 7:39:52 GMT
Oh ((((((April))))). So sad.I know it does not help you but could you write a letter to sw bosses thanking her for her work.
How short sighted of fc to think at this moment in time university is a viable option.a big set up to fail.
Sadly we have to let our children make choices we are not happy with and we just have to bite our tongues and hope they survive.
All my love
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2014 9:01:33 GMT
How unfortunate that the one person who gets you/knows you may be about to leave. That's so hard.
I don't know if Littly has the "right" to demand a new SW, I doubt that it works like that TBH, so as a parent, I would insist she keeps this good long term SW for as long as she is still at work. Allowing DD to have even more power/control will do her more harm than good as I well know from personal experience how they try and control everything and veryone around them to get what they want.
it is a shame SW is due to retire. Could she not do a write up on you and DH and how well you have worked with her over the years, kind of a reference if you like to go on DD's file for future SW's so that they get the whole picture and don't just take what DD says at face value. I think they have to do this as part of handover when a new SW is taking over, but having something written up and on file is better as there is no guarentee your next SW will be arou d for the next 2 years like the present one. They seem to change and move on regularily in my LA.( Have just found out ours was only on contract and her contract is not being extended due to finances).
Sounds like the new FC is doing more harm than good. She is not doing much to rebuild relationships between you and DD at all, but interesting that you said DD and her have fallen out, so maybe the honeymoon is over?
Regarding the lies and allegations about you, I wouldn't worry too much about those, SS are used to hearing that from kids. If they thought there were any grounds for them, you wouldn't be allowed contact. They know it is just kids lashing out against the people who love them most and if the FC is stupid enough to believe DD's stories then that is her problem. It doesn't help though that FC is not working with you. Blanking DH at the review is hardly professional and won't help anyone's relationship at all. It really is vital that DD is in a good supportive placement.
My EDD as you know was in a failed Ofsted children's home for 10 months and she was all over the place, refusing to even speak to me let alone meet with me as she was in a chaotic environment and was absorbing the atmosphere around ber. She has only been in her new FC placement for 7 weeks now and the change in her is amazing. She is so much calmer and is now able to reflect and think straight and has written me a lovely letter apologising and admitting she treated me unfairly etc. She is now talking to me for hours on the phone and we are about to meet tomorrow for face to face contact at her request. I really would not have believed this was going to happen whe she was in the childrens home and I had almost resigned myself to walking away and leaving her to it. I know it's harder for you as your DD is nearly 16 and will have more "rights", but really it does sound like her FC is not being remotely helpful which must be so hard for you and DH.
Hugs to you, I really feel for you. They don't get it, that even when our children are being vile and hurtful, we still love them and we still want to be kept informed even when they refuse to see us. Xx
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Post by peartree on Oct 31, 2014 9:42:32 GMT
April
I just think you feel abandoned and once more a whole new bunch to convince
Get alongside etc
Flipping exhausting
Much LOve xx
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Post by corkwing on Oct 31, 2014 19:12:38 GMT
Hi, Aprilshowers -
Sending you big hugs. It's all such a mess, isn't it? There's no sense to it: the idiocy of letting kids make decisions where they don't have the capacity to understand the ramifications; foster carer who knows it all - we had one of those; and all the rest. It's not fair to you, who have put in such a huge amount.
Love and rant on your behalf,
Corkwing
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Post by moo on Nov 1, 2014 6:35:15 GMT
Hugs April xxx{{{{{{{{}}}}}}} as ever system beggars belief....
Sorry no words of wisdom just Mahoosive hugs & support coming your way.... ( damson gin too.... Yum bumper year againxxxx ) {{{}}} xxxxxxxxx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by shadow on Nov 1, 2014 11:15:12 GMT
its awful when you loose the good profs who value your part in our childrens lives - esp when they are becoming young adults who can make their own choices so sorry you are loosing this SW  |
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