|
|
Post by ladybug on Oct 25, 2014 18:49:13 GMT
In respect of what skills are needed to deal/cope with challenging behaviour specifically aggressive behaviour, impulsive and no fear of danger, frequent temper tantrums, poor concentration, poor attitude to school and learning and says I can't quite often?
The court wants us to put in writing what skills we think we have to deal with these behaviour issues. Spent all last night researching behaviour to see if I can put into writing what we can offer. Been reading a lot about positive parenting, traumatised child behaviour and how to deal with it, time in vs time out, building self esteem etc... My brain is frazzled
I'd really liked to know how some of you deal with challenging behaviour, what works for you and what doesn't.
X x x Ladybug x x X
|
|
|
|
Post by leo on Oct 25, 2014 19:56:35 GMT
Bit scared to be the first one answering so hope I don't get this wrong...
I'd say, for most of it - keep them close! For me, regulating their bodies/emotions by keeping them with me is the most successful strategy (although does not work quite as well with Tsunami as it does with Hurricane).
Lots of 'paired' time (both of you colouring in, both of you playing with bubbles - not just the child with you watching/engaging) - this can really help with concentration/sticking to an activity.
Can't remember the correct terminology for it but lots of pure focus on the child and what they are doing, talking through what they are doing 'I see you are picking up the yellow crayon...'
Aggressive behaviour (not sure I can really comment as still a big issue in our house!), becoming attuned with your child and their triggers, pre-empting, empathy for 'big feelings', keeping close and firm hugs, saying things like 'Your behaviour is telling me that you're finding getting dressed too difficult so I'm going to help you with that'.
Treating as a much younger child - both for nurturing and for expectations (including things like feeding, washing)
Lots of calm times, not too busy a lifestyle, use of a visual timetable to give a predictability and routine to the days.
Creating a 'safe space' (mine have a pop up tent filled with toys of different textures, soft cushions, a fleecy blanket) that they can go to when they want some time to calm down or be on their own.
Limited choices and very clear boundaries.
Always holding hands before opening the front door, when walking on the pavement, in car parks - limits the dangerous behaviours and the impulsiveness.
Giving them something to carry when you are visiting places where being impulsive or touching things would be a big problem (or just avoiding them altogether!)
Realising that 'I can't' quite probably means 'I'm too scared to give it a go'. Realising that a poor attitude to school may well mean they are completely overwhelmed by it.
Creating a scarp book of things that have gone well and things you have enjoyed together to look through when things are tough and they need a bit of calming and reflection time.
Teaching them an emotional vocabulary - and using it yourself regularly throughout each day.
Time, love, nurture, acceptance and empathy - ad infinitum!
|
|
|
|
Post by daffin on Oct 25, 2014 20:55:11 GMT
Lovely list from Leo.
I'd add that you need to show you have ways of keeping calm yourself, or returning to calm having got upset by your LOs behaviour (mindfulness, singing, gym, going for a walk, laughing with a friend) and that you know that your life will never be the same again and you are still up for it.
That you are willing to ask for advice.
That you are not frightened of getting professional input for your kids.
That you are willing to give up work in order to look after scarred and scared children.
That you have a fabulous family and social network, who will give you space to form an attachment with your kids but be happy to step in and provide support.
That you know about Family Futures, PAC, the Child Mental Health Centre and you have been looking at their courses, and that your reading list includes Bryan Post, Dan Hughes and Margot Sutherland.
Oh, and that you've got private health insurance, which will provide an additional safety net, should you ever need it (re funding therapy etc).
|
|
|
|
Post by moo on Oct 28, 2014 6:35:35 GMT
Great replies....
My boys seemed the most receptive to nurture & secure happy feelings via puppets & favourite toys appearing to talk iykwim.... In the car being the most relaxed... I used toys very often to tell happy stories & re-inforce the importance of family & belonging safely together.... Hope this makes sense & not too touchy freely ( or impossible to get into your report xx)
xx. moo. Xx
|
|
