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Post by peartree on Aug 17, 2014 21:24:37 GMT
Mr pt and I have done something about the troubled teens in our lives and let them fly a little
mr pt is unwell with the stress of things and my health is struggling so
really we are going to be no good as shells of people the ARF and the SCUM controlling the money for support have destroyed, and no good as parents to young Pip or the arf actually.
knowing that our partridge is 19 and that his gf is very high maintenance because she has a great deal of paranoid behaviours, he seems to like the attention of 20 texts an hour on a quiet day.
the lying and deceit, guessing that that's still continuing at a level although he explains he's trying not to. He does at least have a couple of things to come back for. A mental health appt face to face being one and we got him to book a driving theory test
Apparently the land of milk and honey with gf's family holiday up north, is not quite what it seemed and there are some rules although they're not explicit about the rules so he doesn't know he's broken them until it goes belly up so he's treading very carefully. Must be very stressful for him.
a couple of texts from him have appeared and then he rang, he sounded very small this evening, he feels a very long way from home. The mud the joys of British camping up north are starting to be less appealing as the family seem to do car boot sales and lots of odd job things rather than have a plan so it's really hard. And he loves his mummy and I love him
if I'm honest I want to wrap him up in cotton wool.
but I said (voice as steady as I could) that it's his choice to go, if he want to come back there are coaches and trains and I'm sure someone would help with the outlay even if he needed to pay them back. he said it was so very far and things were very different. I said it's your choice love and at 19 it's what you wanted.
you never know he might learn from this? do you think?
hmmm I just hope he decides to come back and comes back safe
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Post by serrakunda on Aug 17, 2014 21:38:49 GMT
I think he may well learn some very valuable lessons.
As you say he loves his mummy. I think he will be back
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Post by peartree on Aug 17, 2014 21:43:16 GMT
Yeah, me too. I sometime feels drat! I wish o I wish I could start again with him being small. Tbh, smaller than he came. So I could snuggle him up more and hold him tight. But he'd never have let me. And If I'd given birth to him (which I secretly want more than anything) then I could have held him And he was born to 2 others, Without them he would not be partridge
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Post by damson on Aug 17, 2014 22:20:32 GMT
Oh dear. Will he rush home, or will the gf family get fed up of him and send him home? I think you said a 2week holiday, and that is a very long time to be dependant on gf family's goodwill.
He may be home soon, trailing muddy clothes disconsolately. Will the relationship with gf stand the strain?
xxx D
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Post by lilyofthevalley on Aug 18, 2014 7:08:55 GMT
I hope he learns something from this and comes home safe. My experience has been that they tend to mature and behave more responsibly in their twenties: my daughter would have been about 22 and my son in his mid twenties. I think a lot of birth parents too have a lot of problems as their young people grow up. Mind you a lot depends on their circle of friends and their choice of girlfriend/boyfriend/partner. They can make very poor choices here. My son's girlfriend/later wife was someone with a very troubled background, with a mother who was a terrible role model, who had been in and out of care herself as a child along with her siblings, with a poor education and a very difficult personality. She has been a very poor mother to their children and they have lost their children mainly due to her behaviour. She is somewhat better now and there is only the one child to care for. So things can improve as they get older but other factors come into play.
Lily x
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Post by corkwing on Aug 18, 2014 7:33:25 GMT
Hi, Peartree -
My guess is that he won't learn much, unfortunately. But you've learnt that you're the rock in his life and that his home is meaningful to him.
That's a good thing!
Love,
Corkwing
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Post by pluto on Aug 18, 2014 12:11:25 GMT
What you do is good, let him sort out his own problems and learn from the concequences. You are priority number 1, never forget that! You need to be fit to parent your youngest daughter who needs you as much (and at this stage maybe even more) as the other 2. Living with such a needy teenager who creates huge amounts of anxiety and stress in the parents is going to impact on your daughters development. If she feels she is always 'second' (not saying this is the case at all!!) than trouble might brew later on. Concentrate on her needs and try to detach from the chaos your son (and daughter)are creating. Just being for them when the need arises is really enough at this stage. You are not responsible for the choices he makes or the amount of happyness he feels, do not let him impact your life so much that your health is suffering. Your worries are not going to improve the situation, it is just not worth it. That he has such a negative impact on you and the rest of the family. His birth family damaged him, do not let them have influence on your family indirect through him!
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Post by shadow on Aug 18, 2014 20:50:19 GMT
wow he can say he loves his mummy - what an amazing mummy he has - but you and mr PT need to make sure you are also OK - if you both go down the rest of the orchard will too -try and have a break from your adoptees massive needs - you have been so strong and such amazing parents to your children - you deserve some care for you - wish the "services" would give you the support you deserve -and some kindness and care as well
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Post by moo on Aug 19, 2014 5:27:03 GMT
Hugs pt xxx hope he is ok & learning.... ( we can but hope ) xxx
Try & find some time for you & mr pt xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by damson on Aug 19, 2014 5:55:22 GMT
((((PT and Mr PT))))
It's all a case of 'Killing with Kindness', but the wrong way round. Do you remember the old saying 'you'll be the death of me'? Usually used as an exasperated joke. Hang in there, and every time your instinct is to rush in an support, repeat that tiny mantra.
xxx D
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Post by kizim on Aug 19, 2014 12:02:18 GMT
So hard to go against all our maternal instincts....to save others from facing the consequences of their own thoughtless actions....when we can see their lives would be so much better, if only they learned from their mistakes.
Hold back a bit more. Try to keep them out of your head.
Ä° am talking to myself here as much as you ((((Peartree)))))
No news from enigma for 11 days now. Most of the time Ä° keep her out of my head too apart from last thÅŸing at night and 1st thing in the morning...but the last 2days have been harder and my thoughts have covered a wide range of scenarios - not good. Like Partridge, she is safe enough right now. They have someone looking after them to a degree. They know where we are if they need us - altho sadly Ä° feel enigma would not turn to me with a problem because she seems more determined than Partridge to prove she does not need us.
Hope you are enjoying some good times with your little one. Maybe make some plans that can happen with or without Partridges presence. Switch off your brain and take a break.
Ä°'ll bring the trashy magazines
xx
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Post by peartree on Aug 19, 2014 19:11:38 GMT
Not heard all day. Decided to say under my breath that no news is good news. Had time with blossom today and funnily enough since all that information about the bf came to light, she's not been interested in contacting them further. Hope that this means it will fizzle out. Mr pt is starting to pick up. He even did a carp joke today, must be doing better
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Post by shadow on Aug 19, 2014 21:25:36 GMT
sending many thoughts and care to you all
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Post by peartree on Aug 23, 2014 10:13:56 GMT
Thank you all. Mr pt had a struggling day and then has been a bit more himself. It's going to take time.
In the meantime partridge has rung up and I think it's not been the land of dreams as he thought. He might be going to come home....
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