Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 7:28:57 GMT
As posted by Lily of the valley elsewhere on the site
FAS Tips
Fact or Fantasy: Children/Adolescents with FAS/E
The Issue:
Knowing what is fact and what is fantasy can be very difficult when dealing with a child who is affected by FAS/E. It may often seem that the child is lying, over and over again about many things. This can lead the parent to mistrust the child and can result in a lack of closeness.
What you might see:
1. The parent asks if the child has brushed his teeth. The child says that he has, though it is obvious he has not (e.g. toothbrush is dry). The parent becomes frustrated by what is seen as a willful and deliberate lie on the child’s part.
2. One member of the family has lost $20 while doing laundry. The rest of the family has been told that the money is missing. The next day another member of the family, who has FAE, finds the money. She insists that this $20 was not the one that had been lost, even though it was found in the laundry room.
What is happening:
1. The child/youth is telling the truth as he sees it. In the case of the toothbrushing incident the child is being truthful when he says he brushed his teeth. He HAS brushed, many times in the last month. He will not necessarily connect your question with something that has happened in the last half hour. The answer the child gives reflects a real difference in the way those with FAS/E process things.
2. The child/adolescent with FAS/E may believe she is telling the truth. In the case of the lost money, the family member with FAE will not connect the money she has found with the lost cash. After all, in her mind that money is lost - the money she found is not.
A child with FAS/E often has great difficulty sorting out the difference between fantasy and reality. Those with this kind of brain damage may become so involved in a fantasy that they truly believe it. As well, the child who is affected is often eager to please and will say what he thinks the adult wants to hear. These types of situations can leave a parent very confused, not knowing what is truth and what is not.
Persons with FAS/E usually have a developmental age that lags far behind their chronological age. Knowing this can help parents to understand that their child with FAS/E may not be making the same logical connections as others in their age group.
What can be done:
Be careful not to set your child up to lie. Learn to give specific instructions ("Go brush your teeth please."), rather than asking questions that might be confusing to your child.
Remember that your child’s short term memory is poor. He/she may ‘fill in the blanks’, if what really happened cannot be remembered.
Even when something seems obvious to you, make a conscious effort to fill in the gaps of understanding for your child with FAS/E. For example, when talking to your child about a situation like the one in which money was found in the laundry room, ask questions like, "Do you think it’s possible that _______’s money fell out onto the floor when she was loading her clothes? Could this be her money? Could you have found ______’s lost money"?
Encourage your child to tell you what is true, not what they think you want to hear.
Provide supervision and an ‘external brain’ for your child whenever possible. This way you will know what really happened and be able to guide your child to remember the facts.
Help family members and school staff to understand that your child may not remember things as they happened. Be positive about it if you can - and suggest some of the ideas mentioned here. Do this BEFORE there’s an incident, if possible.
Thanks to Kim Skidmore for many of these ideas.
Prepared by the Saskatchewan Fetal Alcohol Support Network, Mar. 2002 Box 9744, Saskatoon, SK, S7K 7G8.
Email: fas.esupportnetwork@sasktel.net
Please feel free to photocopy and distribute at your discretion.
Production of this document has been made possible by a financial contribution from the Canada Prenatal Nutrition Program, Health Canada. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the official policies of Health Canada.
© 2002 by the Saskatchewan FAS/E Network, Inc. All rights reserved
FAS Tips
Fact or Fantasy: Children/Adolescents with FAS/E
The Issue:
Knowing what is fact and what is fantasy can be very difficult when dealing with a child who is affected by FAS/E. It may often seem that the child is lying, over and over again about many things. This can lead the parent to mistrust the child and can result in a lack of closeness.
What you might see:
1. The parent asks if the child has brushed his teeth. The child says that he has, though it is obvious he has not (e.g. toothbrush is dry). The parent becomes frustrated by what is seen as a willful and deliberate lie on the child’s part.
2. One member of the family has lost $20 while doing laundry. The rest of the family has been told that the money is missing. The next day another member of the family, who has FAE, finds the money. She insists that this $20 was not the one that had been lost, even though it was found in the laundry room.
What is happening:
1. The child/youth is telling the truth as he sees it. In the case of the toothbrushing incident the child is being truthful when he says he brushed his teeth. He HAS brushed, many times in the last month. He will not necessarily connect your question with something that has happened in the last half hour. The answer the child gives reflects a real difference in the way those with FAS/E process things.
2. The child/adolescent with FAS/E may believe she is telling the truth. In the case of the lost money, the family member with FAE will not connect the money she has found with the lost cash. After all, in her mind that money is lost - the money she found is not.
A child with FAS/E often has great difficulty sorting out the difference between fantasy and reality. Those with this kind of brain damage may become so involved in a fantasy that they truly believe it. As well, the child who is affected is often eager to please and will say what he thinks the adult wants to hear. These types of situations can leave a parent very confused, not knowing what is truth and what is not.
Persons with FAS/E usually have a developmental age that lags far behind their chronological age. Knowing this can help parents to understand that their child with FAS/E may not be making the same logical connections as others in their age group.
What can be done:
Be careful not to set your child up to lie. Learn to give specific instructions ("Go brush your teeth please."), rather than asking questions that might be confusing to your child.
Remember that your child’s short term memory is poor. He/she may ‘fill in the blanks’, if what really happened cannot be remembered.
Even when something seems obvious to you, make a conscious effort to fill in the gaps of understanding for your child with FAS/E. For example, when talking to your child about a situation like the one in which money was found in the laundry room, ask questions like, "Do you think it’s possible that _______’s money fell out onto the floor when she was loading her clothes? Could this be her money? Could you have found ______’s lost money"?
Encourage your child to tell you what is true, not what they think you want to hear.
Provide supervision and an ‘external brain’ for your child whenever possible. This way you will know what really happened and be able to guide your child to remember the facts.
Help family members and school staff to understand that your child may not remember things as they happened. Be positive about it if you can - and suggest some of the ideas mentioned here. Do this BEFORE there’s an incident, if possible.
Thanks to Kim Skidmore for many of these ideas.
Prepared by the Saskatchewan Fetal Alcohol Support Network, Mar. 2002 Box 9744, Saskatoon, SK, S7K 7G8.
Email: fas.esupportnetwork@sasktel.net
Please feel free to photocopy and distribute at your discretion.
Production of this document has been made possible by a financial contribution from the Canada Prenatal Nutrition Program, Health Canada. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the official policies of Health Canada.
© 2002 by the Saskatchewan FAS/E Network, Inc. All rights reserved