The first month

It was winter time for us so it was easier to stay home and just play in the garden & home, but we never met up with family for 2 weeks and even then it was just grandparents popping over for about 1/2 hour must say after 4 weeks I think we all had cabin fever. But I think it helped them bond with us better and they always look for us for comfort and reassurance I do have friends that never followed the advice of SW and their LO talk and go to compleat strangers. I don't know if keeping LO to our self helped or they would of been like that anyway but I did not wont to risk it. But I must say it was not easy xx

No not that strict. We weren't really aware of the need when dd1 came to us over 12 years ago. It wasn't long till Christmas and we took her to visit both sets of gps and extended family. Wouldn't do that if I had my time over but not actually sure it caused any issues as dd coped with it and DH and I did all the caring for her. She was over familiar with strangers / people she hardly knew for a long time - in some ways she still is, or at least, will still occasionally develop over familiar relationships with eg staff at her school - but I was aware of the implications of that and worked on it. But I see it as a symptom of her attachment issues not an issue in itself - and those issues are not easily overcome.

We were much more aware with dd2 but it was tricky to avoid people for too long as it was the summer holidays and dd1 couldn't be kept cooped up at home all the time. Anyway in the first four weeks we had 4 different sws visit us (due to their holidays etc) so I couldn't see why friends and family couldn't meet her too - but did limit it. Also found out early on that what dd reacted to was OTHER people's houses - she was ok if people came to our house or if we met at the park - I think she was scared of being left at someone else's house (because she had had several moves and respite carers)

Personally I think it is very hard to be home alone with no contact with family and friends for a long time - so I think you have to be aware but realistic too. Also I don't believe the bond is formed in the first month - I know it took my children longer than that. With dd2 it was developing for years. You can't avoid others for that long! Dd2 has never had an issue with going to strangers - I think the tendency is formed early on and has nothing to do with what happens in the first month of the adoptive placement.

For some children its probably very necessary and for others less so, but unfortunately in that first month you're not going to know your LO well enough to know which camp they fall into so its pot luck really which ever course you take. 

personally, as a fc, it would make my life completely impossible if I funnelled with every child that comes into my care, its simply not possible, but I do think that making sure that you, as a LO's primary carer/s need to be the one who does all care, gives comfort, feeds, holds, cuddles etc.  none of that would exclude you from meeting other people.  I do it by meeting others for myself and not the child, ie that the child is not the focus of the meeting.  I know people want to show off their beautiful children, but in the early days I find it better to keep little ones very close, to introduce them vaguely and not as the main focus of peoples attention, and to not allow others to hold them. 

Hi very strict. Funnelling was drummed into us at prep group. Drummed is the wrong term but I hope you Know what I mean. Endorsed would be better word. 

When my BS was born my niece was 10 months old. My SIL & MIL came most days. My SIL had had 10 months with her kid and knew what she was doing. I had a baby who I was soooooo keen to breast feed & I and the baby hadn't a clue. Everyone and I mean everyone had a discussion about the baby and it's loss of weight and I felt my boobs and my inability to feed him. It was bl**dy awful and I groaned every time I saw the car pull up. Now I love my MIL (my SIL is another post  ) but I just wanted to be alone ! 

When my second arrived at 15 months I was delighted with the term funnelling. If he cried and I didn't know why then just I was there to see my panic. I really got on with the fc and should of called her for advice. 

So in answer to your question I was glad to be "alone" to figure things out.  

Has it made a difference ? None of us will ever know. 

AUK do a fab leaflet explaining funnelling & why we perhaps discipline a certain way & I'd suggest you contact them for it. You can always pick & choose what you release to your family & friends. 

No experience on older children & I can't work my screen to see what age we are talking about so please feel free to ignore me

congrats btw 

hi
we were different with each...with howler (8 months at placement) and curious george (10 months) we had the older sibs needs to balance out with the new babies. all our children came from busy foster placements with a lot of coming and going, so they were maybe less phased by bustle then a baby coming from a very quiet place.

we had our own version of funnelling that worked for us. family did visit but focused on the other children, leaving me to play with new bub, and we did get out and about... but only to quite chilled out places... we met fc at a soft play not long after curious george was placed and it completely overwhelmed him.

i had george and howler in a sling a lot when they arrived... having them tucked right into me was v bonding for us both, and with their faces nestled into my shoulder i felt i could keep them away from well meaning people.
we stuck to their fc routine absolutely...we were never out at nap time, always made sure their food was ready 10 mins before their normal feeding time...
no one but dh or i (for months and months and months) fed/ changed/dressed/ bathed/ comforted/ put lo to bed
kept everything safe and repetitive, books, music, food, songs, toys etc i read each child three books every night, and when squiirel was first placed i read her goodnight moon every night for about two months, mied in with two different books on the rocking chair with a blanket, and tucking herself up on that chair swith a blanket is her favourite thing to do if she needs resetting
i did start taking lo to groups by the end of the first month, but chose stuff like swimming where you have lts of skin to skin, holding and trust buildng

i think its different for everyone, you have to be mindful of the needs of your new child and also mindful of what makes you a better parent... i was better for seeing other people.. if it was just me at home after george was placed with three children of 10 months, 23 months and just 3 i would have gone postal!

you can carry them for ages in different slings... if you google sling meet, they are local groups where you can go and try on lots of different slings and see what works for you... you can also change slings as they get bigger, or the way you carry them... also if you have any problem areas...eg my friend who is pregnant has v dodgy hip so they have recommended a sling for her that shouldn't hrt her hip.

i used a tricotti - 2 bits of material that you wear in a criss cross (no tying) with george and howler...they were both huge babies and i slung them for quite awhile

now i have a maitai (im sure thats the spelling for the cocktail) and still wear my nearly 4 year old on my back on occasional times...

when they were getting too big to walk long distanmces i still used the slings around the house... curious george (17 months and a big boy)was ill recently and didn't want me to put him down at all fr three days straight, so he went back in the sling around the house so i could still do crafty stuff with the girls and make dinner etc

i don't know if you have thought about buggies... i have a single that i take george out in (that fits a buggy board big enough to squeeze the girls on in an emergency) but i can switch the seat from rear to forward facing and thats quite handy, sometimes i have him facing me and chat to him, but sometimes he wants to face outwards and see where he is going, i have also gone shopping with george in the sling so i could put more stuff in the buggy!

you just need to avoid slings that let the feet and legs on the baby dangle becoz there is no hip support for them which looks uncomfortable for bubs and is definitely uncomfortable for the person carrying them. you also need to carry them quite high, new slings and wraps will come with instructions on different ways to carry the bubs, but the higher up your chest/back they are the more comfy for you. I gave up carrying my eldest in a sling at 6 weeks old becoz I could only get the crotch dangler kind and he was a big baby but weighed about 12 lbs when I stopped.  since I discovered wraps and meities I have been able to carry children up to 3 years old with little problem on front and back despite having hip and back problems, its actually easier than trying to carry them in your arms which can give you quite nasty backache particularly when the babies are new to you and you're trying to get them comfortable at the expense of your own arms and back!

To add we were very strict though on no one doing primary care for a very long time. We feel very comfortable that this helped our LO and are glad we took no notice of family/friends who said it was all mumbo jumbo. (they said it nicely!)

Thought I'd posted on here but obviously didn't.

We kept all personal care to just me or ex for about 3 months. Only ex's mother visited about once a week, staying for only about 30mins. DD's were terrified of her and used to cling to me like limpets, they cried every time she visited for about 5 months, (MIL is obese and has a big loud voice, demanding kisses and is not at all maternal, doesn't have a clue how to relate to kids).

We took them to Ireland to meet my family, but only after they'd been home about 3 months, prior to that it was mainly me and their father and one or two close friends, but we did all their care.