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Post by amberle on Jul 2, 2014 21:26:43 GMT
Hi all.. Well we did it we got through day 3.. Not without its expected hitches but got through all the same. So FC comes to our house and stays for a few hours, LO is happy. She had slept perfectly through the night without a problem. So I have asked with FC about concerns/ comments etc..in a very diplomatic way..as I would not ever question FC. . LO was a little more grizzly this morning, than usual but after a little TLC was her usual sunshine self.. Anyway LO was at our house and happily playing toys. ( ones we had brought over the last few days) but there was noticeably a difference with LO playing with us but keep looking to FC for reassurance..which obviously she got..anyway after a few hours FC decided she was happy enough to leave LO again for a few hours, so she went off for some lunch and have a look around some shops, far enough away but near enough if needed. Anyway it went well..in fact was just perfect..my little family all at home. We had lunch together..which was lovely..it was..eh it was like it had always been, the radio in the background, LO in high chair and DH eating lunch with her and me pottering..it was like a fairy tale ..then it hit me..the tears, the emotion the realness of it all..now don't get me wrong,it is all happy stuff..but wow what a shock to the system that was. I went into the garden for a few minutes and cried, cried tears of the deepest happiness I could ever feel. Pulled myself back together and carried on..lol. So anyway things were still going well..we were in contact with FC who was enjoying the shopping I think, anyway we decided. Little walk to the park would be nice, so we did and had a little time in the play park..was brilliant. And who knew row row row could be sung so many times..DH is almost unrecognisable..singing with his daughter..which may not sound much but for someone so usually shy in public was brilliant. And then it happened .. another mum in the park, happily pushing her little girl when she asked .. yes she asked .. Oh that's very posh buggy, where did you get it? So before I got a chance to even take a breath for a reply .. DH provided all the information (and more) about the buggy .. I have I really have married a buggy nerd .. lol. It's not posh .. she had the same make just a different version, OMG is this what outings are going to be like .. I better start swotting up .. lol. Anyway whilst he's doing that LO and I are having a great time on the swing..anyway all too soon it was over. We went back home and sorted ourselves out as it was time to return to FC.. We left LO fell asleep in the car, and we headed back. When we got back we did tea, bath and stories then left..at this time we could see LO before playing with us checking for FC to see all ok.. Then it was time to go, LO waved us goodbye..we even got a cuddle each. And we left. Today was the day that we actually left not wanting to leave without LO..tears in eyes as we got in the car..but yes you guessed it happy cheesy grins.. You have got most of the hours today, I know possibly an abridged version..but everything I can think of.. Off to bed now xx
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Post by lovelybee on Jul 2, 2014 21:35:10 GMT
Lovely day! Hope you get a good nights sleep. Hope the next few days continue to go well. Love reading about the formation of your family.
Lots of love LB x
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Post by knight on Jul 2, 2014 21:37:01 GMT
Sounds like you're both doing really well: building memories starts here !! x
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Post by serrakunda on Jul 2, 2014 21:48:53 GMT
Glad things are going well, all those work emails a distant memory ?
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Post by nomoretears on Jul 2, 2014 21:49:06 GMT
Perfect!
I too hated "performing" in public until I began fostering. Now even singing time at mums and tots groups doesnt phase me!
Hope all continues well tomorrow x
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 3:32:47 GMT
Awh sounds like it's going fab Amberle. I so get the tears bit. I remember having a meltdown in the FC's kitchen, think it was they day before we took DD's home. Intro's are soooooo emotional - your dreams coming true and the guilt of removing them from their home, but remember it is hopefully your LO's last ever move, until she leaves home of course of her own accord. Good to hear LO was looking for FC today for reassurance, sounds perfectly normal to me at that age. You really will have to post a photo of that buggy - Does it have "L" plates?
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Post by amberle on Jul 3, 2014 7:06:36 GMT
And so here we are in day 4.. Surprisingly chipper for how tired we are. But the sun is shining, birds are singing and we are 3 days away from bringing are daughter home forever..what's not to be happy about. So today is a day split into sections..morning is meetings/ update on how intros are going. Afternoon is " our time" then evening is tea, bath and bed at FC's.. if I am honest I am a little nervous about the meeting, not because I think we have done anything wrong..just because..eh we can't believe our luck, it's really happening..so still have a little protection device running for us..probably makes no sense..but hey that's the emotion. anyway off now to day 4.. Catch you later xx
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Post by loadsofbubs on Jul 3, 2014 12:48:10 GMT
I get stopped every time I go out with my coach built prams, particularly the twin ones! occasionally people notice the babies in them! every person I meet had one 'just like that' even though many of them, like myself, were probably not even born when they were made (I like the old ones from the 50's) and the ones I have are very rare now and weren't that common then either!. had a very elderly gentleman in tears one day a few years back (he was in his 90's) who relayed to me how he'd pushed his daughters in the 30's and 40s in a coach built pram, even reeled off the make and model of the pram, so it must be a bloke thing to know the specification of their children's chariots! slight digression there, just amused me that your hubby knew so much about the pram you have!
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Post by moo on Jul 3, 2014 17:42:57 GMT
Oh wow Amberle ....
Such a wonderful recount of day three.... I can picture you three happily strolling thro the park ( mind you I have never met a pushchair / pram nerd so I can't quite get anoraks out of the equation even tho here it is boiling.... Certainly not anorak weather !! )
Understand your tears... I remember feeling so very very very emotional myself... Never quite cracked but came oh so close!?,
Hope day four is another triumph.... Mid way progress meeting should be a breeze.... Seems you are quite the pro's...
Can't wait for tonight's update..... Xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by amberle on Jul 3, 2014 19:20:29 GMT
So we made it through day 4 it's official LO moves in Sat. Was a tough day for me today, as I was rejected all day except for feeding and nappies..knew it was coming but still hard to deal with. But absolutely loves her daddy.. really tired tonight, so will update in the morning...but yes officially mummy and daddy from Saturday... Could not be happier xxx
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Post by chotimonkey on Jul 3, 2014 21:34:25 GMT
Goodness amberle it all seems to be going so fast, not long now, you sound like you are doing so well! If it's any help... I did three sep sets of intros and in everyone during intros (with female FC as primary carer and similar ages to your Los) all of my Los found it easier to be with dh during intros. I think it's v odd for lo as whilst they are still in FC care, they still belong to them, so are free to adore Dh, but are a bit unsure about having an established FC mum and a new mum. When I got home all babies became mummy'schildren (even though dh had a v generous 3 month paternity leave for each) as they were more used to a female carer and they clung to me for comfort in the early days... All bonded with me first, then branched out to dh, then slowly slowly to other key family members. Curious george funnelled himself, he would only let me look after him at first, now he is gorgeous with both me and dh, will tolerate my mum and dad holding him briefly but will completely turn away from any other adult, howler was the same. It's really normal for a newly placed child to pick (for whatever reason, it varies) one person and attach to them first, it mirrors the way babies form attachments first to their primary care giver in the first few months of life and then branch out. Love reading about how much you love your lo... You sound like a wonderful little unit
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Post by chotimonkey on Jul 4, 2014 5:56:39 GMT
Oh and a good trick for stopping people wanting to hold lo until you feel it's ok is to pop them in a sling, lovely and bonding for you and stops people trying to pluck a wee one from your arms, also people didn't always understand what I was trying to explain to them about funnelling, but they did give me a lot of indulgent smiles when I said I've waited x amount of time to be a mummy, I just don't want to put them down yet
One more day!!! So exciting... Don't forget to take a crossing the threshold of your house pic... Squirrel has hers in her life story book and loves it...
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Post by amberle on Jul 4, 2014 7:18:13 GMT
Hi Choti, thank you for the tips and love the idea of the crossing the threshold photo..just brill. Xx So had an extremely early night last night, and all slept on and off ( due to the heat) feel a lot more civilised today. So will fill you in on day 4 before we get to today... So as I said previously I was a little nervous about mid week planning meeting, not because anything was wrong..but just because I was. Planning meeting was little different to the first one, the first one was all around a table..this one was everyone on the floor scattered round the room. LO thought her Christmases had all come at once, she was chattering away, smiling, climbing, and dancing..albeit she kept looking for reassurance, but still loved the attention.. Anyway forms signed everyone happy.all the SWs left, and our little family were off..off to a large baby and toddler store to pick up some bits we realised we needed..I have come to realise as prepared as you think you are you will always miss something. . so we are wandering around the store, little one chattering away, when we pass yes we pass the famous buggy section..it is like an omen, as we pass a lady says to us ..I am looking at this buggy, (yes same one as ours) that LO is in..can you tell me what you think..well queue DH..blah blah blah..me and LO wander off and leave him to it.. Seriously you could not make it up..anyway about 5 mins later he reappears, all smiles, he had answered all her questions, and she was going to buy the buggy..I think I need to contact the company and ask for some commission..lol. anyway we had lunch in there, not really a lot to chose from for a specialist baby store for LO..note to self, be more prepared. And we went off to play in the play area. Played for a bit, because it was midweek..LO had the place all to herself...just as a sideline, as first time I have been to a soft play..I thought the toys were disgusting, I mean filthy and no I am not a " ooh my child should never get dirty" type person, seriously there were bits of what I only hope was old food stuck on toys, the toys I don't think had ever been wiped down..ugh. So we did not stay there for long, thankfully LO was only interested in a couple of noisy toys. so then we got back in the car and headed to a big park...we walked around there's, looking at the ducks, swans geese, cows ( yes cows) and dogs splashing in the water.. just saw time, need to go part 2 later have a good day xx
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Post by loadsofbubs on Jul 4, 2014 7:40:16 GMT
on a positive note amberle most soft play places are cleaner than the one you went to! and echo the sling advice.
I have no problem these days offending people who want to steal my babies but in the early days of fostering, before I really discovered the added benefits of slings, I got seriously fed up of saying no so often!
as a new mummy people are likely to be indulgent to you in this respect (if you can stay strong enough to maintain it!) but as a foster carer people seem to think my little charges are public property and didn't always take no for an answer and I have (literally) had babies taken from me by some professionals, and had friends/acquaintences remove children from buggies when my back is turned.
so I sling them or carry them in every public gathering, like church or playgroup, so they are never off me and hold on tight when there are professionals around who look like they might want to take them from me!
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Post by moo on Jul 4, 2014 8:12:29 GMT
Great Amberle ( still got anoraks in my head when you tell of dh & the buggy 'chats ' hope commission pending...!? )
Really shocked to hear how dirty you found the soft play.... As a farmer I too am not & never have been bothered about boys getting dirty... Deffo draw the line at a soft play tho.... You are deffo unlucky ....
So pleased all going so well... I took great delight in having wet wipes & stashes of tissues.... So very 'real mummy'!?!.
You put the cows in just to please me didn't you!! Thanx for that (!!!!) I am very impressed .....
Roll on to-day..... Xx thanx so for sharing....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by nomoretears on Jul 4, 2014 10:15:46 GMT
Amberle, you need to think of a nickname for Lo....! Agree with LOBs that most soft play centres are quite clean (some cleaner than my house... ) and you can usually see staff wandering round with steamers in hand. I always have baby wipes on hand for wiping things down if needed though. Has your husband started timing how quick he can dismantle pram to fit it in the boot yet? He can't officially be a buggy nerd until he's under the minute mark. And it doesn't count if you're lucky enough to have a boot big enough to fit the pram in without removing wheels/seat units...
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Post by loadsofbubs on Jul 4, 2014 13:09:47 GMT
which is why I own a citroen c8 nomoretears! coz without the two extra seats in the boot is actually big enough for a twin pushchair without removing the wheels!
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Post by amberle on Jul 5, 2014 4:59:45 GMT
Day 4 part 2. Yes there were cows, all very bizarre as been to this park previously and never noticed cows..but it was a few years ago, so anyway LO loved it and that's what matters. Also watching the dogs swimming..completely mesmerised by that. A few hours in, the grizzlies started, all very normal I know .. but that when I became the devil incarnate. I could not even look towards LO without a cry, screech etc .. but daddy no daddy was chief clown, entertainer and general good guy. Except when her nappy needed doing, then I was favourite ... anyway this went on for the remainder of the day. The car journey back was interesting, as clearly not being flavour of the day meant I was far too close to not cause a drama .. anyway dropped LO back .. did bath time, and then left. My emotions today are all over the place, as you so know it is going to happen, but being rejected by a LO I can safely tell you hurts. Hurts deep .. again another emotion, that you never thought you could feel .. now don't get me misunderstood .. we were happy that DH was sill in favour and thought (well I did) that I had prepared ourselves/ myself for it but no.. The drive back home was a quiet one, I was sooo tired again, DH was a star and just hugged me when we got home. Then the tears started what if she hates me? What if this was how it would always be? How will I cope with being forever rejected? All completely irrational, all completely sane... Oh I don't know I am just sooooo tired, nothing makes sense anymore...so off to bed I go..not sure what time it is, early really early but I need to sleep....
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Post by amberle on Jul 5, 2014 5:16:16 GMT
Then day 5 arrives. I have slept solidly through the night, and I wake up like a new woman. I feel great yesterday's feelings a long and distant memory. So we get up, have breakfast and leave and head off to collect LO. Today we have decided to bring LO home to our house. As she moves in tomorrow and thought that a few hours here today would help..so off we go. We get to FC house, I am not going to pretend that I was not apprehensive about today's reception, but I need not have worried. I got the biggest smile as we went into the living room .. yes I was back in favour .. life was back on track.. So whilst DH loaded more things into the car, I played with LO. FC just told us she was struggling today, so was off in kitchen with back to all just pottering .. We finished loading things and said our goodbyes and left. At home LO was good as gold, played laughed and was just generally a crazy 1 year old, after lunch it was time to head back as FC family were having a little family tea for LO. Dropped LO one off and left.. Now today DH was all tears and emotion .. after we got back in the car for the long drive home, we had a little chat. DH was on the guilt train today, it was again we know part of the process, but being a "bloke" thought he would be ok and able to handle it. But it had got him, we chatted and talked, and when we got home I just pottered around moving LO's stuff in. Just gave him space, to get himself together. Both really tired, so hit our bed about 9.30... Oh huh how rock n roll are we..lol x
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Post by moo on Jul 5, 2014 5:17:16 GMT
Awwwww Amberle such a rollercoaster of emotions..... Hugs for you xxx.... So hard to manage as you say no matter how prepared one is we are just never ready for the new love of our lives to reject & ignore us quite like this....
As our wonderful f/c friends will tell you this is really very healthy..... It is showing healthy bonding to move on.... Xxx still no help right now I am sure.... Please hang in & trust us all xxx
So close to move in day.... Sleep on it & before you know it you will all be having a family lunch around your own kitchen table!?
Hugs hugs hugs xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by amberle on Jul 5, 2014 5:24:13 GMT
:DAnd so people.. We have made it... Today is the day..we have been waiting for what seems like all our lives.. Today is the day we get to be a family forever..as you can see I have been up a while, can't sleep too excited. Can't sleep too nervous, can't sleep scared I will oversleep..lol just generally can't sleep..lol. ( you get the picture). Not sure i will be posting later for the last day of intros..will try, but will definitely update as soon as I can. Just to finish this diary.. have a good day xx
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Post by moo on Jul 5, 2014 5:32:54 GMT
Oh oh cross over posts....
So you have done it.... Intros over today is the day.... Ta da.... First day of the rest of your lives.... Fantastic....
I remember hand over day so very very clearly.... Long drive to f/c house... Arrived speedy handover between me s/w & f/c... Loaded boys up & left for home forever......
Drive to f/c usual arduous.... Arrival usual arduous but leaving.... WoW oh WoW.... The champagne corks were going off in my head..... We sang songs ( mummeee fighting back ( unsuccessfully )the tears ) drove & talked & drove & talked more... I felt dizzy, sick ,exhilarated,ecstatic....
I had just won gold/the biggest lottery pay out ever.....happy happy happiest of any memories thank you for reminding me & bringing those feelings flooding back.... I am sat here with leaking eyes with that exact same feeling in the pit of my stomach...... Unbelievable....
Enjoy your day it truly is magical & a complete "stop the world " moment......
xx thinking of you xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by knight on Jul 5, 2014 7:09:32 GMT
Oh, momentus day...big emotions I imagine; hope all goes well, amazing and wonderful to read your intros diary. x
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Post by lovelybee on Jul 5, 2014 9:33:23 GMT
Thinking of you on the first night of your lives together as a family of 3! Lots of love and luck LB x
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2014 9:43:51 GMT
ooh so sorry I missed recent posts, was too tired to come on here last night.... Anyway loved catching up with your intro's. LO rejecting you Amberle - hard but oh soooooo normal. She knows something is going on but can't quite work it out as she is only a baby - is probably noticing that she's not seeing that much of FC at the moment and is probably wondering who this nice but slightly insane grinning new woman is? Poor little mite is just confused, but it is a really good sign. This is why we were concerned earlier in the week when you posted that she woke up from her sleep and looked around and didn't seem bothered when she couldn't see the FC. Although it seems upsetting to you it is really healthy and normal for her to be like this and she may be like this for a while when she comes home favouring DH, so please do not take this personally, she will be just wondering where her primary carer/FC has disappeared to and will be distressed looking for her, but this won't last, so lots of hugs cuddles and sling carrying needed as she works through this distress/loss. Also it was good to read that DH had a little meltdown too. Intro's are sooooo emotional. This is what we try and tell approved adopters beforehand it is such a mixture of emotions and is sooooo tiring but is actually good preparation for what's to come when you won't be getting much sleep and Sunday morning lie in will become a distant memory LOL. Can't believe today is homecoming day - It seems to have flown by .... Please don't disappear completely like some members have done once LO comes home. We know you'll be really busy and we won't be expecting daily updates as you will be so busy getting to know your LO, but the odd update from time to time would be lovely as we'll all be wondering how you are getting on and poor Moo will be bereft until the next set of intro's, so maybe once a week if you can?
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Post by chotimonkey on Jul 5, 2014 11:53:53 GMT
Homecoming!!! You're really a mummy now... Congrats... I don't often quote friends but this seems apt... Welcome to the real world... It sucks.... But you are going to LOVE it!!
We are still here for help in the early stages and beyond... I loved the first stages with all my littlies, but still needed a bit of help getting my head round being a mum, people don't tell you how many different emotions you go through and motherhood tends to kick up anything that is unresolved in you.
How old is wee man, mine aren't long out of your age group and I have lots of ideas of stuff to do if the days at home start to feel long after dh goes bavk
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Post by amberle on Jul 5, 2014 14:50:49 GMT
So we are all home..DH just taken LO over to the swing, she loves the swing. Still has not quite sunk in, don't worry off there too.. Just ran Hoover round, said it needed doing so a bit f daddy bonding..lol.
Any ideas on meals for a one year old would be great, as currently my menu choices for her are limited..lol..give me something to do once LO in bed.
Thanks all for posts, promise will be back to update on today xx
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Post by nomoretears on Jul 5, 2014 15:28:29 GMT
Hoovering??? Now I know you are nuts! If you get a minute to yourself you use it to grab a hot drink, not Hoover! I can't repeat often enough - 99% of the children I've moved on have bonded with daddy first. Absolutely normal, but understandable that it hurts. Meals for a 1 year old? They should be eating whatever you and your husband eat, but at first I'd stick with the food their FC fed them (even if its processed rubbish) as they've had enough changes already. Anything familiar will help during these first few weeks. Please please please don't forget to send FC a quick text or two over the rest of the weekend. They'll be at the other end of your see-saw high at the moment.
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Post by ladybug on Jul 5, 2014 15:43:38 GMT
Congratulations on your little family all get home together!! X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by lovelybee on Jul 5, 2014 17:50:46 GMT
Yay! So happy LO is home!
Meals wise she can probably eat most of the things you do. There are quite a lot of toddler cook books out there. I like some of the Annabel Karmel recipes. Think you can get some online. My SIL still uses some of her recipes for her family and her kids are now 15 and 12!
Good luck! LB x
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