Hi, I was the same as you, emailed a few - got a response from one but for the others who didn't reply - I just took the view that it wasn't "meant to be" as a potential friendship. But, have made good friends from the Info evening, we chat quite a bit and share each other's journey, very supportive of each other; day-dream about future playdates for the kids, etc., so that's been very positive. Are there any people from the boards near you who you could meet up with? Does your LA organise any coffee mornings/social events? I met a couple on a course a few months ago and then chatted again at a recent social event our LA put on (which was very well run). Even if those acquaintances don't come to anything, it's enough for a natter at any events and you don't feel quite so isolated when going on a course or similar. Hope some of that helps x
I'm not in touch with anyone from my prep courses. Everyone was ok but to be honest I had nothing in common with any of them, other than wanting to adopt so I can't feel it as any great loss. I don't think I'd ever reply to an circular email that I wasn't interested in getting them, a bit blunt and unnecessary, I just delete. Because it's so 'easy' it's become the done thing now at the end of any sort of training course etc to swap email addresses. I could be on about 20, but it's too much, I cant keep up with them. If there is anyone I particularly click with I stay in touch with them, not try and keep on with the whole group.
I went on a course for parents of children with ASD/ADHD, there were about 14 of us, i volunteered to do the email list. I organised a get together, four other people came, the four that I thought would come. For a few months I emailed the whole group with details of the next meet up. No one else ever replied so I stopped emailing them, now it's just the 5 of us and we meet every month or so. The others don't want to be involved, that's fine, it doesn't bother me. As you move through the process you will find people. One of my newest friends is someone I got chatting to in the sauna, she isn an adopter but has a soon with ASD/ADHD and I just overheard her talking to someone else about him and we just got chatting.
Mum to the 'hansom' Simba, age 19 and 40 now retired teddy bears and FC to Special K, age 12
I think email can be fairly impersonal and group emails in particular are things people just ignore if they are not interested. If there is someone in particular who appealed to you, it would be better to contact them individually.
Our prep group was at a time when email wasn't so prevalent (seems strange to think that now!) so we were given a list of addresses and phone numbers. At first I thought I'd get in touch but never did and no one contacted us. I didn't especially feel anything for some of them anyway, but also felt wary that they could be ahead of us in the process, which I would have found difficult.
We still live in the same area and have I been to many adoption courses and meet ups in the years since - only once have I knowingly met with one of the families from our prep group - and that was by chance at a farm.
You'll meet other people along the way, adopters and non adopters. Being a parent makes you mix with others in a different way. If your LA holds post adoption meetings, like ours does, that's a better way to meet the kind of people who are interested in defining themselves as adopters - some just want to blend in with the general population and never seek out other adoptive families. AUK groups are another way to find like- minded people. (Although adopters are just as varied as anyone else, of course!)
On our prep training we all swapped emails and phone numbers was surprised that initially the lady who initiated swapping details didn't reply but did eventually. I have had responses from all that I have emailed or text in the end! We only reach keep in touch with one or two but one of those is more than the other, we have met up with that couple once since for a meal and a chat. We quite often keep in touch via Facebook but haven't heard from her for a while. We just share our experiences of our journey so far and how we are feeling. It's almost a year since our prep group training.
Mum to SD Lollipop (23), AS Babybug (5) came home in April 2015 and AD Little Ladybug (1) came home July 2019. 4 cats!
Really sorry to hear that your group didn't keep up the contact (try not to take it personally - people have loads of reasons for not emailing etc.), but hoping you will find some special supportive friends through other avenues. Our experience has been positive so far: DH and I are in touch with all of our little group from Stage II training by email. And I have met up several times with 2 of the other women on the course who live near us, which has been really nice. About to meet up with a 3rd woman today and one of the couples is holding a BBQ for everyone in the summer. We all had very close Approval Panel dates, quite a few were even at the same place on the same day, and we all got the emails rolling very quickly after the training course. We swap emails about books, courses and other resources and updates on any potential matches etc., and how people have found the profiling day we had recently. I have found it really supportive, but maybe we just have an unusual group. Time will tell. All the very best to you :-)
So interesting to read about all your varying experiences....
As a singlie I was always the 'odd one out iykwim '..... We still meet up tho rarely....
I was closest to one particular family & we met up very frequently... I was matched & placed first ( bizarrely as a singlie it was I believed to take the longest to match.... But of the group I wanted 2 everyone else a single child ).... Once they got matched they dropped us like a hot potato.... Still hurts
Well done one scaredycats your group sounds cool
Good Luck all.....
xx. moo. X
Proud single adoptive mummeee to brothers baa & skweek 17 & 16
( 38 & 23 months at placement together ) WoW Where Did The Time Go?....
We keep in touch with one from our Prep Group, the other couple on there got a baby and I hear updates about her from the one we keep in touch with. The other couple on the group removed themselves from the adoption process. I went on an advanced parenting course recently and the one from our prep group that we do keep in touch with was on that so it gave me chance to meet her daughter and for her to see Incy but she does not live particularly close so the ones I have more regular physical contact with are at our Forever Families coffee morning. The advanced parenting group people are organising meets for a glass of wine but I am away for the first one and am not sure I would want to go to something like that anyway as it means leaving hubby at home with Incy - I am more interested in "meet ups" with other adopters where we can go as a whole family and maybe find someone we could share babysitting with..........we look after their child/children and they babysit Incy from time to time.
Mummy to "Incy" (Age 11) who moved in aged 4 years 8 months November 2013 and to "Wincy" (Age 8) who moved in on 10/07/17.
I think meeting at a prep group is kind of un natural if you think about it. You are all completely different people with just one thing in common - you all want to be parents, but unlike a pre natal group, you don't all have the same due date and your children may arrive at different times.
Some will find a child really quickly and some may take ages and it can be very hard if you are the last or only one to not have a child yet, if you have to continuously hear about every one else having a child placed, have to send cards/presents etc and this is the problem.
Also some of you may be enquiring about the same child/children if you are in the same borough and that can cause problems too.
I did meet with and got to know a lady in my local Auk group and realised that I had been interested in her DD. She had been on my list of kids to enquire about, but I hadn't pursued her as my own DD's came through and her DD was a single child and we were approved for two. I never let on to this lady that I had been going to enquire about her DD as I thought it was better left unsaid. This lady did join our adoption toddler group and stayed in touch with us for a while, but once her DD started school she drifted away, despite another friend of ours constantly phoning/emailing her, she just didn't need us any longer and drifted away. I still hear about her from time to time through others in our group and apparently her DD now has a degenerative condition that means she will eventually end up unable to walk, which was very upsetting to hear.
Is there an Auk group in your area? It might be worth joining in with them as most of them organise "girls nights out", family walks, picnics etc and that is a good way of meeting up with adopters where you can suss out those you think you might get on with in a less competative environment than a prep course. I met loads of adopters through our Auk toddler group and am still friends with two of them 12 years later. Some of the others are people I would call acquaintances and it's nice to catch up with them when we bump into each other on courses etc, but we don't stay in touch in between, but the two good friends are really worth it as our children are friends too and we have been on holiday together etc.
One couple on our prep group are good friends and certainly friends for life. They got approved and matched after us. Our children get on brilliantly and we are all clearly very fond of each other.
The rest of the group, we email. A lot of them had issues through the process, so we kept a bit of space between them and us. We had a dream sw, fast process and linked two days after approval. We didn't want to rub it in and so kept our distance.
A tricky one, but definitely worth having people to go through the process with as they really understand it.
We exchanged emails and everyone updated as they were placed, but I didn't meet anyone their I particularly clicked with... Also like jmk says it's not the sane shared bonding exp that something like nct might be because everyone's timescales differed and were placed with diff ages/ needs/ siblings etc so sharing wasn't always relevant. I know I found the end of our approval process v hard, we had one issue that our sw temp manager got stuck on and we had 3 months of delayed panels additional meetings and stress, I know at that time I selfishly could not bare anyone else's good news stories as I felt so far from my own... Once we were approved that changed but maybe it's people just protecting themselves a bit... Also being approved at the same time by the same borough you are potentially up against each other for some of the same Children, our sw had put someone else forward for squirrel before we came along and I'm glad we didn't know them or whether it was someone from our prep. I didn't feel ready to meet other new adopters till after squirrel was placed and I felt like an adopter myself (we had met lots of Exp adopters through making the decision to adopt and talking to everyone we could) Think it prob different for different people
Mummy to DD Squirrel Monkey (9), DD Howler Monkey (8), DS Curious George (7), DS Silverback (not quite 1)
I have kept in touch with one couple and they are now amongst my closest friends and genuinely people I could phone at 2am to vent or cry. They don't live close enough to be part of my day to day support but we get together with the kids at least once a month and try to sometimes meet without (hers are littler so we can talk in front of them, so I often go there while Starlet is say out with grandma for the day or on a brownie trip).
Interestingly our friendship sprang up because they sent an email to our prep group during home study to see if anyone wanted to get together to compare notes and I was the only one who responded.
I've kept in pretty good contact with most of ours. Helps that one couple live so close I drive past their house every time I go anywhere at all - and another live about a mile away in same town. We just all seemed to click and speak quite frequently - although not quite as much at moment for a number of reasons. We are lucky in that we have an LA supported Adoption Stay & Play every week during term time so we often meet there. Slightly less now two Mums are back at work but still meeting up a bit - and planning meetings in summer for all of us to meet.
Married to Droroin, Mum to DS Sqk (12) moved in Oct 13
We speak to a few people from prep course, but that has only happened towards the end of the training. We have bumped into each other at various training s, and got to know them over time. We live right over the other side of the county ...the wrong side from where everyone seemed to live, but we all were at different stages all the way through. 2 singlies now placed, us nearly there and a couple at approval panel in August. We did the email group thing but ( unless they did not sent it to us) I never saw a group email. But then as others hav said I think we were all and still are at different stages of the journey.
Of the 10 that started my prep group only 4 of us have continued - 2 of us singlies and a couple. I am the last one waiting to be approved but I recently celebrated with them as they were approved on the same day. We go out once a month or so and I am so pleased to have these new friends in my life. Things will inevitably change when we have children placed but no one understands the adoption highs & lows like fellow adoptees!
Single prospective adopter with 14-year old BD, approved for a DD (5-8 yrs old)