ruby7
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Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Jun 24, 2014 16:49:40 GMT
We were in a battle re finances with LA we were due to go to matching panel on 1st July and intros to start 9 th July. The person covering me at work has resigned from he job and due to start next week. We told them that we were wanting some more assurance of support as feared how we would cope, they mabye felt we trying to have them over a barrel. They have now pulled us from panel...heartbroken, can't cope. they want professionals meeting and mabye we could get to panel on 5 th aug. Just can see how we will get through the next month, we have written them an e-mail begging to go ahead, children are aware as older, we were looking forward to bonding with them over sumner hols- help!
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Post by moo on Jun 24, 2014 17:20:29 GMT
Ooohhh ruby many many hugs for you {{{}}}
This is awful.... Not too sure about the work senario don't really understand what is happening re your cover....
Your request sounds perfectly reasonable to me.... Placing l/a playing with your emotions....
I would try To be calm & it can be addressed by matching panel.... They will insist on financial help for you being in place if it is reasonable... It sounds it esp as an older placement iykwim.... They after all want what's best for you & l/o.... They want it towork...
Please try & post me some more info as to their reasoning for postponing & reluctance re funding hugs for you {{}} xx
xx. moo. Xxx
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ruby7
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Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Jun 24, 2014 17:33:06 GMT
They are giving some funding but it does not cover basic cost so I offered to go back to work after 8 months part time. I'm worried they will think that we cannot meet the cost / needs. To make it worse I feel responsible as we pushed it saying we wanted the extra support to ensure we can nurture them properly. This may have backfired as they now may be thinking we are not up to it which we totally are. If we do not go to matching on 1st July then I will have to go to work for the whole month and the person covering will be out of employment until then as she has left he job.
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Post by moo on Jun 24, 2014 17:50:37 GMT
Oh I see what a mix up.... L/a sadly are notorious for quibbling about finances.....
I don't think you should be worrying un-necessarily..... Your sw should be able to sort this for you.... Get her onTo it fast What is her advice... Perhaps they have changed the date ( such short notice) coz they havn't got all the paperwork up together.... Panel will deffo be looking at things like finances I feel sure they will take your side....
So sorry this is so traumatic....
A friend of mine had similar probs.... She managed to 'play the game' Got to panel & then had to apply for the ao quite quickly so that she could return to work ( placing la were very resistant to her returning to work but like you refused to fund an allowance ) her lo settled well was same as your youngest & established at school by 6 months in..... By going back to work the family stayed afloat....
Hope some other wise ones will be along soon to offer good advise....
hugs xx
xx. moo. Xx
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ruby7
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Posts: 96
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Post by ruby7 on Jun 24, 2014 18:30:35 GMT
Thanks moo, our SW was straight on it and have sent an e-mail to LA through her outlining our plea and asking for a telephone conversation so they can hear , we also sent pictures on intros book so they can see how serious we are etc
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Post by knight on Jun 24, 2014 18:45:49 GMT
oh Ruby, just so devastated for you. I do hope they reconsider (and very quickly of course) and reinstate the July Panel. x
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Post by serrakunda on Jun 24, 2014 18:53:30 GMT
Sorry a bit confused , is this an adoption allowance you are talking about and you are concerned about managing financially? I'm not suggesting you let the LA wriggle out of any undertakings re financial support but have you taken into account things like tax credits? A possible route to take is take what they are offering, get the children home, review the situation about a return to work further down the line. If you feel the children's needs are such you can't return to work you then refuse to apply for adoption order until appropriate support is in place, they will want to keep the children with out so you may have more chance of success.
I went to panel without the level of adoption allowance agreed, figuring I'd make the finances work somehow but fortunately for me they were quite generous, Simba was hard to place for so many reasons, I was still a lot cheaper than FC
I'm afraid this may happen more often as budget cuts kick in.
I wouldn't worry too much about the person coming into your job, they will have a contract with your employer which they will have to honour so it's kind of the employers problem really.
Good luck, hope your SWs is on the ball
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Post by changeisafoot on Jun 24, 2014 22:15:59 GMT
No advice to add but really feeling for you as I do anyone who has matching panel cancelled/postponed. Such a difficult time. Hoping you have a really good relationship with your social worker who will do all they can. Hope you have good news soon.
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ruby7
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Post by ruby7 on Jun 25, 2014 4:17:05 GMT
Thanks everyone, serrakunda I wish we had not pushed for more support at this stage and just got to panel. We made a mistake, social work is good, just worried that time is ticking....heavy heart....
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Post by moo on Jun 25, 2014 4:44:35 GMT
Hang in.....
The placing la will not want to lose you..... Let your SW do her magic...
So you think you made a mistake.... Hindsight is a wonderful but useless thing .... Just concentrate on damage limitation....
To-day is another day..... Good Luck.....
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by cowgirl on Jun 29, 2014 19:26:30 GMT
Hi ruby
Sending you cyber hugs. Behind reading the various posts so late replying
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2014 7:53:12 GMT
Not seen this post until now.
I hope things have been resolved for you Ruby and that intro's are going ahead.
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Post by moo on Jul 2, 2014 5:49:34 GMT
Been thinking of you ruby....
Hope things are back on track hugs {{{}}} xxx
Please keep us posted xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by justbserene11 on Jul 2, 2014 7:08:28 GMT
Sending hugs. Have you thought about contacting the children's guardian? When we were officially linked with poppet in the early summer of when she was placed with us, the original plan was to go to panel in early autumn ......some three months later. Her guardian got involved and pushed that the panel date be fast tracked as they did not agree that a child should stay in FC when a suitable family had been found.
could it be an option for you?
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ruby7
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Post by ruby7 on Jul 2, 2014 21:13:39 GMT
Hi all , they are due to have professionals meeting mid July, so if all goes well and they are assured about our commitment then we should go to panel on 5th aug. Good tip about the guardian, is that the same as the independent reviewing officer? As our SW is thinking of ensuring they attend the meeting. Bit of bittersweet news is we got our first choice school today, just so sad that they will not get to visit it before term ends. Me and the hubby are just trying to enjoy the summer and plan things to do and are looking after ourselves as you all recommended. Thanks folks
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Post by cowgirl on Jul 2, 2014 22:46:31 GMT
Hi good to hear things are moving albeit slowly
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Post by chotimonkey on Jul 4, 2014 5:58:36 GMT
Will have my fingers crossed for you in mid July, it sounds infuriating, but at least things sound like they are moving forward
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Post by moo on Jul 4, 2014 6:07:02 GMT
Thanx for the update.....
Heres hoping all goes well in a couple of weeks.... We are all 100% behind you Well done for staying positive....That will really impress s/w & f/f.... Stick to your guns the Xtra funds will help enormously.... Why not in your pocket & not SS.....
Heres hoping xxxxx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by amberle on Jul 5, 2014 7:04:48 GMT
Let us know when you get a date for meeting. Will have everything crossed for you. Xx
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Post by nomoretears on Jul 14, 2014 18:31:00 GMT
Sorry this advice might be a bit late - I just wanted to clarify that a child's guardian isn't the same as an Independent Reviewing Officer.
The Guardian (ad litem) works closely with the child's solicitor, (should) visit the child to get to know them and their wishes, and writes a report presenting their recommendations to the Court. Their input carries a lot of weight with the Judge. They also have a lot of power (in my experience) whilst proceedings are ongoing.
The Independent Reviewing Officer is there to make sure that the Local Authority is following correct procedures, directions and time limits are being met, and should also be ensuring that the child's wishes are met whenever possible.
Both are independent of the local authority. Both are handy to have on-side!
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ruby7
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Post by ruby7 on Jul 23, 2014 15:04:46 GMT
The professionals met yesterday, and it transpires the children's social worker had not told us everything about the boys behaviour.
It seems that if we had not paused the they would have let the children move in without telling us the extent of his issues. We would have felt it was down to the transition and would have had to fight for support they still feel they can't offer support due to distance ... just can't believe it.
The foster carers now wonder if they can cope with them, they are now putting in the support they should have months ago. They are now thinking about how we would cope.
On one hand I think, wow we have some angels watching over us, but I can't help but think about how these children have been failed and how sneaky they have been by not telling us everything ... I don't want to give up on the children, I just want the LA to tell us everything and put the correct support in place. Also, birth mother contesting and has an initial hearing in aug and likely that judge will allocate an advocate and ensure she is assessed so she has her day in court and prevents anything happening down the road.
In total grief all over again....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2014 16:53:27 GMT
Oh Ruby that sounds so hard. A nightmare actually and as you said I don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing.
This is the problem when SS aren't upfront about everything with adopters from the beginning. I know it is their job to find homes for the kids and as quickly as possible due to Government deadlines etc, but trying to fob adopters off by not telling them the whole story is soooooo wrong. How does that help anyone least of all the children?
You really need to take a step back and have a re-think. If the FC's are struggling, (and I'm assuming they are experienced), how will you and DH cope? You won't get as much help as the FC's will. I'm not saying give up on these children, but do hold back until you see what support package, help, therapy, etc is proposed for these kids, because as we all well know, once they come home and the AO goes through, SW's can't be seen for dust.
Hugs to you xx
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ruby7
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Post by ruby7 on Jul 23, 2014 17:37:19 GMT
Yes good advice, thanks....they have already complained about us as we kept pushing for more information on attachment styles...to be fair there have been little clues all along from the school the GP about behaviour, but they have been papering over the depth. I wonder if they are just trying to put us off. I can't bare for them to have a life in care, at 6 and 7 years old we are their last chance, what will be their story.....oh yes my social worker found us adopters who loved us but as they lied and we lost face we spent our life being shoved from FC to FC ....just don't want that to be the ending....
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Post by leo on Jul 23, 2014 21:01:14 GMT
You are being treated badly by this SW and you need to have as much information as possible about the children before you go ahead.
You are entitled, before placement, to have: - the Guardian's report (the report made by CAFCASS when they are set to be 'released' for adoption), this could have many details that are not clear elsewhere and may also state recommendations for future therapy and support if adoption is to go ahead - Psychologist or therapist reports from anyone who has worked with the children - previous LAC review minutes (from when they first came into care), can tell you lots about behaviours and needs - FC logs (daily/weekly record sheets they have to keep about incidents, behaviours, trips out etc), these can be useful as they give a picture of the reality of daily life with the children - SEN Statements if they have one (these can give snippets of information that may not be recorded elsewhere) - you can also request SW visit notes during time in care (and before removal from Birth Family) but these may not be given until after placement and some LAs are very anti releasing them - but they can be very telling!
I would definitely say not to underestimate the long term needs of children of this age/those displaying difficulties and you are right to want to secure support now. They should, at the very least, be offering you financial support to stay off work for a full year, let alone therapeutic support for you as a family.
Although it must be very hard to be in the position you are now, a battle for support is far more likely to be successful at this stage than once placement has started - not least because you actually have the 'headspace' and physical energy to do it.
I hope that you all get a happy ending!
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