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Post by cowgirl on Jun 14, 2014 9:55:10 GMT
Hi
last week I felt awful.
Had a viral something. I can not think the last time I was that ill. Husband took as much time as he could off but had to go to work.
Eldest boy is at school but youngest only at pre school.
I have very good support. But my mom was ill, my mother in law on holiday, close friends away at a funeral, another at work etc and suddenly I'm down to one person (and they gave me 100%) Youngest will not after 3 years settle with many people. Tbh I felt so rough on 1 of the days he no choice.
In 3 years this is the first time my support network was tested.
My mom hurt her hip so isn't that active and I need to think again of how much I rely on her and reassess.
This is post isn't to teach you to such eggs. Just thought I'd share my experiences with you on support networks.
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Post by donatella on Jun 14, 2014 10:41:29 GMT
I don't have one. Not really. Mil is 4 hours drive away and 80, my mum is close but had a hip replacement which didn't go well so isn't very mobile. Plus she's 75. One child in comp so no longer see parents of his friends. One in special school with transport and out of catchment so no parental meetings. And daughter moved schools at end year 1 so no close relationship with parents there either. My sister works full time as does sil. Dh really is my practical support network and he's away two days a week!
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Post by moo on Jun 14, 2014 14:20:20 GMT
Hope you are feeling better cowgirl?...
Know exactly what you mean.... I had a farming accident a few winters ago... Hospitalised & nearly lost my life.... My wonderful mother stepped up & boys had to stay with her.... They & she loved it & miraculously coped brilliantly.... Fallout happened a few months later when we all returned home.... I still am in awe of her amazing effort I cringe constantly of what would have been had I not had her or made it out xxxx
Hope all is well now I think you were just unlucky that most of your support network were equally challenged.... Great news you had a few to call on for help so there was one hero who stepped up & provided all that you needed for ds xx
Thanx for sharing ( as I know it is only when you need to call in a help that you spot the flaws.... )
xx. moo. Xx
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stardog
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 54
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Post by stardog on Mar 1, 2015 16:41:01 GMT
Thought we had a support network but turns out we don't, for one reason or another.
Really really hard without one, so would say make sure that you do have a reliable one that you can utilise and do so regularly so little ones get used to them and you don't burn out.
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Post by mudlark on Mar 1, 2015 21:43:40 GMT
Hi stardog...my support network turned out to be pretty non existent too... funny how people fade away.
hope you don't mind me saying...Your zipped mouth is a bit scary...can you unzip it?
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Post by serrakunda on Mar 2, 2015 12:18:23 GMT
support networks are tricky business. I have lots of moral and emotional support, if we lived closer nanny and granddad would happily do more practical support, they do what they can, but that will reduce as they get older
I have a local friend who would do anything she could do to help me, as I would for her, but she has a full time job, they run a boarding kennels, they have two 8 year olds, birth children, one of whom they have just started on the weary road of CAHMs and statements, so enough on her plate
So its down to me
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Post by chotimonkey on Mar 2, 2015 15:05:59 GMT
I'm lucky to have a supportive support network, but even then, there are limited people (no matter what they promised before) who are willing/ able to look after 3 preschoolers at v short emergency notice.
I think you have to hope that they will be there when you need them, but also understabd that it's v likely that you will have times of need that for various reasons people won't be able to help and you have to be alright with the fact that at times you will have to go it alone.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 2, 2015 16:04:32 GMT
In my experience support networks never turn out to be the people you thought would be supportive when you have to name them prior to adopting. You know the obvious family and friends you have known forever, they all seem to vanish and are suddenly "busy" when you need a break.
The ones who are there for you are other people like you, adopters or parents of other needy children who live on the fringes with difficult or needy children like yourself. They are the ones who get it, they are the ones who are more tolerant and forgiving of our childrens quirks and differences and they are probably just as isolated on the social front as we are, due to our childrens needs.
They do understand where family and good friends may not and may feel that your parenting is too soft/harsh or whatever. That's why I always say to prospective adopters, try to befriend some other adopters, or when your kids do come home and you are struggling a bit, it is sometimes worth joining a special needs play group, as the parents there are so much more forgiving and understanding of our children being a little different.
Your friendship circle can change quite dramatically when you adopt and your childrens needs become more apparent, but often it's the new found friends who become your besties and your lifeline in times of need, you just have to be brave and reach out in the first place.
And for any members who haven't done so already ...... get yourself over to the "meet and adopter in your area thread" and post your whereabouts on there and meet up with anyone in your area. Your new best friend could be waiting round the corner, but you won't know if you don't reach out to each other and let them know you are there.
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Post by pingu on Mar 2, 2015 22:13:13 GMT
I agree with jmk . Our support network, as drawn up 8 years ago, has either aged out ( don't really feel can ask as getting on a bit or got ill) or have moved / died . One I thought would be a big help, struggled to understand ds1 and also her life took on a new direction, totally right for her, but took her physically a long way from here.
Most of our minimal support now is from two people, one has a kid with his own issues , the other has a physically handicapped kid . Also had help for a while, before she moved town, from a friend who had four sons and had left an abusive husband a number of years previously. she recognised we needed a break and sent one of her boys to babysit.
First of these three is leaving town in the summer.
A lot of our emotional help comes from adopters we have known for years, but who live elsewhere. some of the help with ds2 even comes from ds1. If asked to draw up a support chart now, I doubt it would pass panel, but somehow we have got this far.. We have been fortunate that profs ( school, sw, etc have been generally supportive or we couldn't have survived)
Veteran of bringing up twin boys and holding down a full time job, my sister ( a good support mentally though busy and not local) said " you will muddle through somehow!
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stardog
Bronze Member
Married Adopter
Posts: 54
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Post by stardog on Mar 2, 2015 23:13:53 GMT
Hi Mudlark
Sorry, it is cos I always say the wrong thing.
I am trying to keep my mouth shutt.
Realized in the last few years how much like my mum I am.
Always hated her saying the wrong or inappropriate things to people.
She must have got it off her mum too and so it goes on.
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Post by serrakunda on Mar 3, 2015 0:30:12 GMT
Stardog, to coin a phrase
Let it goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I think most of us come here to talk and get it all out there, join in, makes you feel a whole heap better
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