Phew - got through APPROVAL panel today!

FAB news - So exciting!!!!!!!! 

Fantastic news...how very exciting for you xx

oooOOOHHHHH very exciting !! Keep us posted x

Just one Blue LO, Moo.
CPR just fell through the door (hand delivered by our SW).
DH just reading it as I'll have time tomorrow.
46-odd pages...
And 2 adorable photos.....
Hard reading though - I guess they always are.
Meeting scheduled at our house next Tuesday with us, our SW and LO's SW.

4 months, but the worst start in life in utero :-(
Really need to do our research.
Such a massive decision.

My ds was 4 months too xx

It is so hard when they are so young. There isn't many developmemental milestones for babies to have achieved at that age so very little to make a decision on. A lot of children with significant problems will still have normal early development.

Definitely try to get as much info on birth family as possible especially mental health diagnoses or symptoms of possible un diagnosed mental health problems, get info about drug screening in birth mum and baby's urine, info on symptoms of withdrawal, birth weight and weight gain and head circumference. Also ask about feeding, sleeping and reflux. Read about antenatal drug and alcohol exposure and FASD/FAE. Most problems won't present till they are 2-3+ anyway. Make sure you meet and quiz the medical advisor.

For us we wanted to know what the worse case scenario was for the future. We knew we could cope with significant learning difficulties and emotional/ behavioural problems. All children who are adopted will have problems. It is a matter of can you accept and support your child to reach their potential. Often other peoples expectations of your child are the most difficult to handle!

Good luck with your decision. CPR's can be overwhelming. Exciting times but nerve racking times too!

Hope post makes sense!

LB x

If it is just drugs misuse there is not as much long-term harm as there is from alcohol (FASD) according to our local paediatrician (who specialises in the misuse in pregnancy effects). Does depend a little on what the drugs were - opioid based (heroin & its substitutes) are less harmful from cocaine and its substitutes. I can go find our notes from our seminar on this last year if that would help?

Scaredycats, if you can offer this lo a home and support for the rest of yours/his life, roll with the punches, live with uncertainty, love him for who he is and who he'll be and deal with problems if and when they arise, then you'll be just fine.

I think there will be no clear cut answers for you, no matter how much you read or investigate, there are too many uncertainties and unknowns.

It just depends if it's something you feel you can do, and no one will judge you either way, it has to be right for your family.

If it helps, at all, I do not regret a single thing, and I never thought I'd be any good at coping with special needs. I think the fact ds came home so young helped as we kind of grew up with stuff. I honestly think that if ds was presented to me at his age now and with his level of difficulties I'd say no way, can't do that!

If you can accept the 'worst case scenario' you'll be prepared for anything. He could be fine, but it is a gamble.

Best wishes, don't envy you right now, so so tough xxxx

Pm if you need to xx

Do also think about work. What if you can't return to work?

Thanks, guys.
Donatella, I'm planning on taking at least a year or few off work....
No mention of domestic violence - but will ask specifically.
LO removed at birth unsurprisingly.
No known drug abuse in other family members of BM.
No mention of ADHD or ASD in BM/ BF but will ask.
From his photos he looks adorable and is smiling.
We already have a family member with severe special needs and yes, it is very tough, and as you kind of said, Sooz, not what you would choose.
I guess we are feeling that if we don't go for it with this LO then we would need to rethink totally what we are looking for e.g. a 6 year old at least!! So I think at the moment we are thinking of going for it.
Any other things we should ask LO's SW?

Hi Lovelybee and Moo,
No other couples in the running. Only us. Our LA does not do competitive matching.
No contact with other half-siblings is anticipated by the court.
Contact arrangements after placement will be 2 letter exchanges only per year as per court request.
So, from that point of view, it is a very simple case.
If only the rest of it were simple too :-)
We have requested more recent photos as we only have one at 8 weeks and one at 11 weeks.
We have also requested a video, so we shall see.

Lots of questions sent out to LO's SW.
Meeting LO's SW next week.
Then paediatrician and FC the following week.
DH and I have got our thinking caps on, but our hearts are leaning towards going for it!
Feeling in a bit of turmoil but have supportive family :-) and you guys, of course!