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Post by scaredycats on May 13, 2014 7:14:43 GMT
We are hopefully about to be approved for a LO of 0 to 12m.
Although, as we are not doing fostering to adopt, we are more likely to get a 6 to 12m.
So I have been thinking about separation anxiety and wondered at what age it usually starts to kick in?
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Post by mayan on May 13, 2014 7:44:35 GMT
Typically I understand it can occur in the 12 - 18 month range but also symptoms from 6 months - however one has to throw the typical out when considering a child that has been removed at any age from its primary carer as that is a huge stressor for a child plus considering what the history was in utero - suggest you read Margot sunderland's what every parent should know if it is not on your La's reading list - (available to borrow for members of auk) as it may help you when looking at CPR's and ultimately deciding what you can offer to a child and how you might help them with any separation anxiety. Bear in mind when looking at CPR's that neglectful or inconsistent care for infants will raise their anxiety levels - you might find reading around object permanence and child development of interest.
There are lots of therapeutic techniques to help a child with this
Fingers crossed for your approval - wow not long now...
Look after yourself
Mx
'
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Post by sockthing on May 13, 2014 10:24:47 GMT
Hi scaredy cats, my understanding was ithat in the normal course of development then separation anxiety is at it's peak between 9 and 18 months.
I Absolutely agree with Mayan49.
Will drop you a quick PM too.
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Post by sivier on May 13, 2014 11:58:47 GMT
Hello scaredycats
Our AD came to us at 18 months of age. I understood from FC she's had severe separation anxiety at around 10- 15 months, in line with developmental expectations, and was beginning to ease off a bit.
However after being placed with us (and having had two different FCs), not surprisingly she had pronounced separation anxiety for quite a while. At age 3, it started to become a little bit more manageable. When she was around 3.5 years we felt we could try to the odd nursery session, which she struggled with initially but we took things very slowly.
When she started full time school aged 4, she was able to cope and now at 5, she's feeling very safe and settled with school, carefully selected babysitters, and some of her friends' parents for playdates. Her separation anxiety overall is now much reduced, though anxiety in general remains quite core to her responses.
Of course not all children would respond in this way, but it's just a glimpse of how it's affected our AD.
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Post by scaredycats on May 13, 2014 16:44:23 GMT
Thank you all so much for your responses. The over-riding message I'm getting seems to be just to take things really slowly and to be present. I am in a very lucky position that I'm able to take a significant time off work, so this should help. Also in our extended family neither my sister's or my sister-in-law's children have ever been looked after by casual baby sitters or placed in nursery. They're always looked after by other family members - grandparents/ aunties & uncles only. So it's kind of in my physchie (is that a word?!) to keep them close. I do have the book you mentioned but am currently reading Vera Fahlberg so maybe the one you mentioned should be my next one... Seriously, it seems that you need to be an educational psychologist to foster or adopt!
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Post by moo on May 13, 2014 17:16:33 GMT
Yep you are right there but I actually think we are more highly qualified than that coz we have to be able to follow attachment physci trauma lists fear & shame in such detail it is scarey...
We as adopters are so well read that we could spot different attachment styles at 100 paces in my experience the 'real ' so called professionals often struggle!?,...
Good Luck well done for researching so well in your specialised subject!!?.,
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by donatella on May 13, 2014 18:50:45 GMT
Real parents, real children is a good one to read. Goes through what you can expect at different ages of placement.
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Post by sockthing on May 13, 2014 19:03:20 GMT
Yes I agree Donatella.
It's good you're reading Vera fall berg - I didn't stumble across it until a couple if years into placement and immediately wished I had had it right from the start. I found it the best one for the child development in all areas, it had the most detail.
Good luck.
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Post by donatella on May 13, 2014 20:20:58 GMT
With our kids separation anxiety isn't always clear cut. My eldest was placed at 5 months. Until he was 3.5 he alternated between clinging to me and rejecting me. He started at a nursery for five mornings a week at 2.5. He cried every time I left him. And I'm a sahm so he'd had me all to himself for over 2 years by then. It was constant. Then suddenly it was gone and he's almost 13 now and doing fine.
Middly - came much later with him and interspersed with hyperactivity and impulsivity. He's 10 now, with diagnoses and therapy behind us. And I think that an element of separation anxiety will always remain. When he's wobbly he wants me. 24/7 if he could. And he's now 10. Last week he slept with me for 5 nights out of 7.
Littly - probably the most appropriate and balanced. Apart from being bonkers!
For securely attached babies separation anxiety will come and usually go. With our kids there's often more to it and is more difficult to overcome.
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Post by amberle on May 13, 2014 20:28:35 GMT
Hi just ordered real parents, real children. Looks like from one of the better reads thank you x
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Post by ham on May 18, 2014 5:10:23 GMT
With ds2 placed at 4 months I couldn't even leave the house without him screaming the place down.some of this was proably due to his complex needs as well,but it went on for years.we did find ways of coping to make it more manageable for him to be away for me but it took until he was 21 to spend the night away from me and the house.this is probably extreme but again highlights how different it can be for our children. Be prepared for anything as our children can be Good at extreme.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2014 13:18:21 GMT
Think separation anxiety can happen at any stage in life to anyone. I suffered it last year when after working with my OH for 11 years I took a new job so wasn't with him all day. It almost killed me. I left the house every morning in tears and resented him so much the poor thing. I am much better now it just takes time.
Just be aware of the signs and give LO plenty time to overcome it. Good luck x
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Post by scaredycats on Jun 2, 2014 18:03:02 GMT
Thanks for sharing that, Claire83. Why are you disparing at the matching process? And when did you get approved?
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Post by scaredycats on Jun 2, 2014 18:04:18 GMT
Sorry, just seen you have a thread on the approved board. Will read....
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