|
Post by scaredycats on Apr 24, 2014 15:54:51 GMT
I feel that (being positive) once we have been approved as adopters (although not yet matched), I'd like to put a little something on FaceBook just to let friends know that that stage is over. Any feelings re FaceBook communication for that?
I have seen the excellent thread titled: "computers/FB/emails & family stress" and can see dangers of vulnerable young people using FB, but would there be any reason for DH and I not to use it? (We are prob going to be matched with baby under 12months.) We have been on courses where we have been advised not to up any photos of LO on FB and actually I'm guessing we may need to consider coming off FB altogether once matching has taken place. Thoughts please.....
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2014 16:38:49 GMT
Personally I'd email friends instead, at least that way you have some control over it.
I hate FB with a vengence and will have nothing to do with it whatsoever, but that's just me, I do have good reason which you will see when you get to the ASB board. The less of a footprint you leave on social networking sites the better IMO, but as I said, that's just my opinion, others may differ.
|
|
|
Post by donatella on Apr 24, 2014 17:23:57 GMT
I'm on fb and I have photos of my children however we are a long way into placements. And my settings are high.
I can't though imagine letting close friends and family know something so personal via fb. And there are people on my account who probably wouldn't need to know. Get through the process first and worry about letting people know when all done and dusted.
|
|
|
Post by sivier on Apr 24, 2014 17:38:54 GMT
Agree - don't necessarily announce your approval on FB, for reasons jmk and donatella have said but also you might get endless well-meaning requests for updates, 'have you got any news' posts etc which can be hard when you are waiting to be matched (and even harder if, for example, a link falls through). And not everyone might be supportive as you'd expect...? You'd like to think they would be but people can have strong opinions on adoption and people, possibly those you know less well, might surprise you. Not trying to be negative but I'd err on the side of caution. I have limited info on FB about AD, and no identifiable photos. My settings are very high, just friends... But can totally understand wanting to tell everyone!
|
|
|
Post by gilreth on Apr 24, 2014 18:28:16 GMT
I had a separate group of friends called adoption on FB which I used to make announcements on (occassionally) - and mine is very locked down due to work anyway (don't think any posts are public). Partly due to the fact that I have a fair number of friends in the US (from when I lived out there) and it was the easiest way to let them know. There are photos of Sqk on there - but very much non identifiable.
|
|
|
Post by chotimonkey on Apr 24, 2014 19:17:07 GMT
I didn't announce our approval... Because as said above I didn't know how long it would be before we were linked (fortunately less than a month) But after matching did say we were about to be parents... I was exploding with joy and could not contain myself.. I told all my most importants personally. have always used a nickname on fb because I was a teacher but it's not beyond the realms if possibility for bp to get your names by sw error... All the stuff about bp and FC address that was supposed to be anonimyised was still on our daughters CPR and we received confidential info about children and parents in new adoptive placements by accident. I have all my privacy settings to the highest they can go, and post pics of my kids in a secret group with limited members, but I don't use my kids names, mention their bdays or exact placement/ ao days or talk about adoption on my profile page... Just in case... I have three sibs so think that automatically makes me more obvious if bp are looking so I'm pretty vague
|
|
|
Post by milly on Apr 24, 2014 19:54:02 GMT
I haven't had any bad experiences with Facebook, but am naturally wary about posting too much. Personally, I wouldn't have announced that we had been approved - I couldn't bear the constant expectations of others. Also, you never know who is reading - friends of friends etc. And therefore you don't know if there could be someone with a link to your future child's birth family - or just someone who knows them.
Pre FB, I was rather shaken to arrive at our first child's fcs to bump into someone I knew via work. Basically the female fc was related to a child I had taught the previous year. Since the fcs also lived in the same area as the bf, and the bps had had contact visits for dd at the fc's house, it shook me up to think they could end up getting information about us because of someone having a casual, and perfectly innocent conversation with a neighbour. Now, as it happened, there were never any ramifications, but it makes me think you never know for sure who is out there.
Better to target individual friends and relatives who you are happy about knowing. (As we didn't know for sure if our first placement would go ahead until literally the night before we met dd (due to legal issues), we didn't even tell our friends that we had been matched - back in those pre email days, I spent hours and hours on the phone updating everyone - madly mostly during intros! Must have had a lot more energy then!)
|
|
|
Post by ladybug on Apr 24, 2014 20:45:21 GMT
We announced on FB that we had been approved. Obviously our close friends and family already knew but we were so excited about finally realising our dream of having our own child that we wanted everyone to know! It was amazing how positive ALL of the comments were. Almost three months after approval we are no nearer to a match than we were then but I would not put anything on FB re a match and where the child/ren are.
|
|
|
Post by swimchic on Apr 25, 2014 8:32:03 GMT
I also announced it on facebook as a lot of friends and half of our family are overseas..
However, I don't put Pinks photo on there, nor her name. She is known as something else...I'm paranoid that her birth family will find her as they aren't a million miles away and they are on fb.
A lot of friends have said that they love the updates, especially when we were going through intros. Plus the funny little things she says.
Yesterday, after her celebration hearing, I emailed friends and family with a couple of pictures which everyone loved.
Swimchic
|
|
|
Post by kstar on Apr 25, 2014 12:04:46 GMT
My whole journey has been logged in Facebook and I have found it all very supportive. My privacy settings are high and I only posted general updates - why shouldn't your friends know you have been approved? It's an amazing achievement and doesn't give away anything personal. I don't put anything personal about Starlet on, but do tell little anecdotes and quotes that are amusing or things to be proud of. I also never refer to any dates - I didn't post a birthday message or reveal the date of our court hearing or anything.
For anything more personal, I set up a secret group called Adoption Stuff (set up by a geek friend so I knew it was secure). There I was able to be more honest and I found it easier to pass news on that way then to have to text or phone people. Now I also post photos on the secret group because Starlet cried and asked why I don't love her enough to put her picture on Facebook :-( bless her.
I think it's very personal so go with your own gut instinct.
|
|
|
Post by scaredycats on Apr 25, 2014 13:06:05 GMT
Thanks very much, all of you. Well so far I am still using FB but I have made a few changes: - I have replaced my profile photograph with a picture of flowers; - I have removed my surname; - I have "unfriended" anyone I don't consider to be a close friend and - only my friends can see my profile and posts.
I'll see how it goes like this for a bit. How did you broach the subject of asking friends not to post any pics of your LO on FB?
|
|
|
Post by chotimonkey on Apr 25, 2014 13:58:39 GMT
i created a secret group on facebook that i post pics of my kids to share with family and asked that if people had any nice pics they wanted to share they posted them there or shared them privately with me through whatsapp/ snapfish... because im our unofficial family photographer its usually mne who takes most of the pics aty any event so i control them that way... i think that it depends on the views of friends and family... most of my friends wouldn't post pics of anyone else's children without their permission..my friend group believes pics of their children birth or adopted my kids are littleso i feel like i have quite a lot of control...where i think it starts getting tricky is when they are at school/ nursery/ bday parties, where there are parents you don;t know very well taking pictures and then later when kids are taking pictures of each other with their phones etc you have very little control its v hard
|
|
|
Post by gilreth on Apr 25, 2014 18:39:08 GMT
Not gone as far as removing surname but picture hasn't been me for ages and I went through untagging myself from virtually all photos. In the remaining 3 I am unrecognisable. I have been careful all along with friends - 1 person who I have not actually met in person but that is because she is other side of world. Known her for years though so predates FB.
|
|
|
Post by scaredycats on Apr 25, 2014 22:27:52 GMT
Thanks, Gilreth, I like the idea of untagging myself from photos. Another little job to do! :-)
|
|