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Post by nomoretears on Apr 22, 2014 21:27:55 GMT
Obviously can't say too much on a public forum but for the first time in my fostering career I feel like I'm floundering a bit and just need to vent.
I currently have two children placed, both with RAD. Neither is receiving the support they need. I'm not qualified AT ALL to deal with the huge problems they have, and yet every time I point them out to their SW I feel like I'm making a fuss over nothing.
In addition to this they're costing me an absolute fortune! I didn't come into fostering for the money, but I get paid about £200 per child. Over the half term holiday alone I've had to buy a new TV (kicked over in a rage), new car seat (the "old" one was brand new for this placement), pay for repairs to my washing machine (door broken off) and have had to throw away countless toys that oldest child "doesn't know how that broke..." I'M the one who's now broke!!
The most annoying thing is that their problems weren't disclosed pre-placement. My LA no longer uses agency carers - and I'm 100% convinced that 2 years ago these children would not be in an in-house placement.
Okay, venting over. We've survived today!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 21:38:07 GMT
Blimey that's hard NMT. Had you no idea? Surely SS pay for the damage like the TV and washing machine etc. They can't expect FC's to pay for it can they? And what poor adopters are going to be persuaded to take on these little darlings? Are SS going to lie and pretend they are just "lively" kids? Oh dear - why am I getting bad vibes about this ........  |
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Post by twoplustwo on Apr 22, 2014 22:29:50 GMT
Doesn't your house contents insurance cover the damage?
If not, then surely SS should foot the bill.
Vent as much as you need to - we are here to listen.
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Post by moo on Apr 23, 2014 5:26:24 GMT
Hugs nmt {{{}}} sounds a very tuff placement....
I agree I think you should put a claim in for the tv & washing machine door.... It will at the very least draw attention to the behaviours.....
Vent on.....
What about your s/w can't she kick up a bit of a storm???
Good Luck....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by pluto on Apr 23, 2014 9:48:33 GMT
£400 per week or month?
Talk to social services, and tell them that you can no longer continue because of financial reasons, unless they come up with compensation for the damage the children cause.
Ask for second opinion assessments as RAD is rare (loads of kids mis diagnosed) and often underlaying conditions cause the challenging behaviours.
Put some pressure on social services, those children are in care not adopted so you should be compensated for the big stuff.
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Post by sivier on Apr 23, 2014 11:23:17 GMT
Gosh that sounds hard NMT. Definitely think it's a good idea to itemise the damages and costs in writing, stating clearly how the damage came about and requesting payment for these as being beyond 'routine' costs. And as moo says, at least the aggressive and unpredictable behaviours will have been recorded somewhere and they might be a bit more supportive
I take my hat off to you doing this, especially as a singlie and having such a demanding placement.
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 23, 2014 13:10:16 GMT
Thanks everyone. Feeling much better today - always do in the daytime!
I really didn't mean my post to be about money - I think £400 per week is plenty (£200 of that is for the kids and £200 is my "wage" element) as I'm quite thrifty and have always been able to make money stretch in the past to cover damages. I think last night I was just cross as the damages with these two are coming one on top of the other. Still, the eldest child showed remorse for the first time this morning when he saw one of his favourite toys in the bin (I refuse to keep broken toys) so hopefully that's our first step forward achieved.
I record absolutely everything about each day in their log book so their social worker is well aware of their problems. My own support worker is also up to speed. Unfortunately my LA is likely to be the next one you see on the news as a "failing" authority as the budget has been slashed to the bone. Social workers are dropping like flies and even though my children's SW is one of the best (and needs to be) she isn't superwoman. And even though she hears about their problems it's very different actually living with a child with an attachment problem.
The children's care plan changes by the day (literally). Every new bit of information I pass on changes it again. They've been refused any sort of therapy until they're in a settled placement. But without therapy they're unlikely to be adopted (elder one is already VERY unlikely to even be considered for adoption).
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Post by loadsofbubs on Apr 23, 2014 17:56:48 GMT
that's really hard NMT. I've been told similarly about therapy for looked after children, that they have to be in settled and permananet placements to get therapy, crazy system. i know for some children that this might be necessary, but leaving children and families to struggle hwen therapy might help simply becoz they are in foster care is stupid (in my humble opinion!). hope you can get some financial compensation at least and that sympathy can be translated into actual help soon.
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Post by pingu on Apr 23, 2014 23:19:13 GMT
My ds2 had therapy when in first foster placement after coming into care, and of all his siblings the reports say that he was the one most able to talk about what he had been through. I think he saw a psychotherapist with experience of children's work. So it can happen, doesn't have to wait till settled. But waiting seems to be the accepted wisdom in sw circles. Saves the dept money if you excuse the cynicism. Ours got circumvented when he need because the school believed about issues outside school and did a referral independently of sw.
Hope you find some relief soon
Best wishes
Pingu.
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 24, 2014 8:54:04 GMT
Toko, all comes down to money I think. Pingu is right - it saves the LA money if they wait until a child is adopted. Even though it risks that child not being adopted... It's all very short sighted. But it's a similar story with most money issues - they just don't seem to understand spend money to save money (a prime example being money for agency carers. If they paid their own FCs a living wage then they would have a better retention rate and no need for agency carers, or their huge agency fees - last figure I read was £2000 per week, of which at least 3/4 goes to the agency not the carer)
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Post by esty (archive) on Apr 24, 2014 9:04:34 GMT
I think it is absolutely right that SS pay damages. Your money is either for them (children) or for you to live. Damages and breakages are extras. I strongly believe (now) that they should be responsible for every little thing then they will realise what happens and how much FC's and adopters carry and do!
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Post by moo on Apr 29, 2014 5:15:50 GMT
Very very sad situation for you nmt... Must be sooo hard already knowing that l/o will be lucky to be offered adoption... The old budget thorny issue... As ever it is a catch 22... Hugs to you & l/o.xx {{}}
xx. moo. X
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 29, 2014 8:26:06 GMT
You know what, schools went back this week and suddenly things seem both easier and more difficult!
Younger one is MUCH more settled having my undivided attention. Older one is struggling changing from holiday "sort of routine" back into school routine. We've had all sorts of shocking behaviour this morning, but managed to get there on time, fairly clean, and even remembered school bag and signed letters!
Little one at contact now so I get an hour to catch up on the Internet with a brew, and it feels wonderful. Might even face my shockingly neglected housework after.
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Post by esty (archive) on Apr 29, 2014 9:01:04 GMT
Well done nmt. And signed letters too! That's a super super human achievement!
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Post by sooz on Apr 29, 2014 10:48:00 GMT
Hoping you enjoy your hour 'off'
Xx
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Post by moo on Apr 29, 2014 10:53:22 GMT
Hugs nmt {{}} a breather just what the Dr ordered...
Take 5 & chill it does wonders.... Still can't see the floor here!!?!?!? xx
XxXx. moo. Xx
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2014 10:20:14 GMT
Glad you're taking a breather NMT.
Forget the housework, a bit of dust never hurt anyone.
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 30, 2014 13:04:13 GMT
Quite agree, dust just comes back soon enough anyway . Ms haversham would feel very at home chez serrakunda
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2014 7:25:41 GMT
I only dust when I can write my name in it.  |
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Post by twoplustwo on May 2, 2014 7:33:53 GMT
Social workers have their uses. Before our adoption was finalised I used to blirz the house on a regular basis -by pure coincidence these deep cleans used to take place just before they were due to visit ;-) My house has never been as clean since.  |
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Post by moo on May 3, 2014 4:55:03 GMT
Snap two plus two.... I actually reminisce these days about how tidy ( main one ) & dusted the farm was.... Now with two tournedos in residence it is messy with a capital Mess....
Always worse after the winter heavy workload.... Longing to try & find the floor!?!   Dust Is just a fact of life IMHO!??
Xx. moo. Xx
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