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Post by frankieswife on Apr 22, 2014 13:10:33 GMT
Hello Everybody!
I was just after a bit of advice from the lovely people on this forum. We've been linked with LO (excited beyond words) and we have a Matching Panel date at the end of May. We were told that we could expect to start Intros 6 days later but this seems incredibly close to our Panel date. I thought they had to wait for the ADM to ratify the Panel's decision before we could start Intros, which can can take up to two weeks.
In your experience, have they given us a realistic start date for Intros? I just want to prepare myself in case they are likely to move our Intros back. I have emailed our SW to see if she can get confirmation from his SW but it might be a while until I get a reply.
Any advice/experiences you would be willing to share with me, would be very much appreciated.
Thanks ever so much.
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Post by moo on Apr 22, 2014 14:16:54 GMT
Ohh wonderful news frankieswife...... Sooooo exciting for you.....    
In my case case intro's did indeed start 6 days after panel.... Lots of factors play a part main one age of l/o & how much preparation for the move required.... Ratification letter sometimes comes thro ( mine did ) after intros have started.... Decision maker 'phones s/w teams to give the go ahead letter to follow.... Mine was an in county match.....
Have heard of letter being given to adopters at practical arrangements meeting ( one where everyone sits around table the day intros start & discuss timetable of days of intros, length of visits where when to your home etc usually at ss head office......)
My two it was only six days preparation coz they were so little & they expected everything to start straight away!! But each l/a differs.... I hope someone else will be along soon with their experience....
Please ( if you find time ) write us your intro diary.... You might not know I LOVE intro diary's!?!!?
Happy Happy Days xx
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by frankieswife on Apr 22, 2014 14:36:33 GMT
Hi Moo Thank you so much for your reply. I'm really, really pleased to hear that your Intros started so soon after MP. We've waited such a long time for this to happen (as everybody else here has too) I think I'm just trying to prepare myself for another knock before it happens; I'm just a little bit of a pessimist. LO should be 15 months when we start Intros so hopefully, this will help keep things relatively uncomplicated (hopefully!). I also wasn't sure when to expect the meeting to discuss the practical arrangements. Little man's SW hasn't been very forthcoming. As you say, each LA is different but it's good to know when yours took place as it at least gives us an idea. I haven't spent much time on here so I wasn't aware that you like Intro diaries so much . I will do my best to write something. I'm so excited I think I'm going to pop! I really should try to keep my feet on the ground. xxx |
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Post by moo on Apr 22, 2014 15:00:47 GMT
No need to apologise for excitement.... I know I just couldn't stop grinning after my matching panel..... ( see the thread on matching panel Q's )
For me matching panel was one of the most exciting parts of the whole thing....
It truely is the very best of times & nothing will ever come close to the feelings & emotions you are having right now..... It is one of the reasons I love intro diary's coz it brings back the amazing memories & emotions I felt 5 years ago myself.... Truly magical time.....
Plan out your time left coz after panel in that 6 days you will need to be buying loads.....grocery supplies plus some stuff for your l/o that f/c won't be giving you.... ( I'm all goose bumps remembering.... Happy times.... )
Keep posting it is such a joy to hear your excitement.....
The time simply flies I can't believe the boys have been home 5 years.... We are looming fast into the start of year 6!!!! They were sooo tiny they grow so ffffast!!! It just doesn't sometimes seem possible it still feels like yesterday & the memories are still so fresh & special ( for us all...)
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 15:13:24 GMT
Can't remember exactly Frankieswife, but our intro's did start about a week after matching panel. It did happen quite fast and like Moo's they only lasted for 5 days, but that was nearly 12 years ago and things might have changed since then. Oooh and Congratulations - exciting times  |
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Post by sivier on Apr 22, 2014 18:01:23 GMT
Congrats!
We had an 18 month old placed 3.5 years ago. Intros began 10 days after matching panel, and lasted for 9 days.
best of luck.
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Post by knight on Apr 22, 2014 20:06:51 GMT
Oh, how exciting: very best of luck, not long at all now. |
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 22, 2014 21:13:12 GMT
Hi, in my experience 6 days after panel isn't unrealistic. Also, I'd expect intros for a young child like yours to be around 5-6 days (depends on what day they begin - if moving day falls on a weekend they'll be longer as SWs don't do weekends).
Your intros planning meeting should take place before panel -ours are a couple of weeks before, if not more.
Good luck!
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ruby7
Bronze Member
Approved prospective adopter
Posts: 96 
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Post by ruby7 on Apr 22, 2014 21:43:58 GMT
They want us to start intros 6 days after match and I was thinking the same so thanks for asking the question. They also feel that as our two are older 6 n 7 that they want the intros to be only 10 days, we met them already at and activity day...
It's all so exciting, hope it goes well please let us know
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Post by gilreth on Apr 22, 2014 22:43:47 GMT
We started Intros a week after panel. Would have been 4 days after but SWs not available ( our LA does panels on Mondays & ADM confirms decisions on Thursdays). 12 days here for 27 mth old but partly down to DH working 3 days of them due to Eid. Sister (same agency) started Intros on Friday after panel both times.
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 23, 2014 5:43:31 GMT
Hi I think it's usual, or used to be under the old system, to have ten working days between matching and intros, we did for our first two, in fact after our first matching pan we went to New York for a week for our last grown up hols for awhile!! but at panel they can ask for a quicker decision, esp if decision is unanimous yes, and sw are 99.9% sure you will sail through mp... We did for curious george... And our intros started 5 days later Such exciting times for you... And what a gorgeous age to do intros with... Our eldest was 16 months when she came home... Gorgeous times!!! If you have any questions about intros or days with this age please do ask... And enjoy it's a v special time |
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 23, 2014 6:04:57 GMT
We have had planning meetings for all our three pre panel... Unusually for both of their planning meetings, howler and curious george where there, as we tied travelling for planning I with contact, so we planned howlers intros while she slept in my arms... So did not want to let her go and wait the extra 3 weeks till intros!!!
We were given a blank sheet with days on it and filled in the timings with FC and sw
Squirrel who came home first, came home at 16 months, we hadn't met her before and her intros were a week.., I think they looked like this:
Day one go to meet wd and go to FC house together, stay for an hour in the afternoon
Day two - go to FC play with squirrel at FC home, leave while she has her nap, come back and go for a walk with lo and FC
Day three- go to FC for breakfast with lo and play with her all morning, leave for lunch, come back at the end of her nap time give her lunch and take her out in her buggy to the park in her own... Return to FC to do dinner bath and bed
Day 4- get lo up, bring her over to our accommodation with FC, put her down for nap, midway meeting with our sw, FC and fc's sw to check everyone is happy to proceed as planned, FC leaves. Bring lo back to FC after she gets up and has had a little play, and do dinner bath and bed
Day 5 get lo up when she wakes up Nd get her dressed and take her out, take her back to our accommodation to sleep, play at our accommodation, give her dinner take her home for bath bed etc
Day 6 rest day - we had been taking Los stuff gradually and we used rest day (as we were in accommodation out of borough to drive home and put Los stuff out and about around the house so she could see her toys dotted about and have her blankets etc ready. Lo had her goodbye aft with ff.
Day 7 - go over to FC as early as sw could do, fc and our sw there, v quick hug from FC... We had already set time and date to meet up 3 weeks later and go home!!!
Because we were in rented accom, not home we always bathed lo at FC and put her to bed there... It was feb and snowing and we didn't think it was right to bath her get her all warm and ready for bed, then take her out in the freezing cold!!
It was a crazy crash course in parenting but I absolutely loved it... I was lucky and fell head over heels immediately I was moonstruck!! But for dh it took longer he found the initial bit terrifying and full of the unknown and was completely out if his comfort zone... He adores his children now and is completely comfortable, it just took him longer to get there... So let it happen at you own pace...
Keep us posted so exciting for you!
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Post by justbserene11 on Apr 23, 2014 7:08:47 GMT
Congratulations!
Our intros began 5 days after matching panel, and SS fast tracked the ratification through before the intros began. Our LO was 12 months (nearly two years ago now) at the time and we were supposed to do the intros over 7 days (but we actually bought AD home on day 5).
This happened as the SW and FC felt that the AD was happy for us to meet her needs/do all the care. They were also happy with how we were with her, I distinctively remember that when we went for a mid way meeting with SW, SW manager, FC, FC SW they all commented about how well we looked (I think some adopters can understandably look drained etc); I also remember that the FC had to report back to everyone after each day and these were always positive. Lastly, the FC (who was excellent and made us feel very comfortable and also left us to it) felt that AD was getting confused later into the intros (understandingly!) and that moving the moving in date forward would be to her benefit.
Exciting, exhilarating times!
Xx
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Post by frankieswife on Apr 23, 2014 10:17:35 GMT
Wow! Thank you so much for all of your lovely messages and for the information/advice. I can't tell you how much it all helps. I didn't think it was possible but they actually made me even more excited now! Thank you so much. xxx |
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Post by frankieswife on Apr 23, 2014 10:20:10 GMT
They want us to start intros 6 days after match and I was thinking the same so thanks for asking the question. They also feel that as our two are older 6 n 7 that they want the intros to be only 10 days, we met them already at and activity day... It's all so exciting, hope it goes well please let us know Hi Ruby7 Congratulations on your great news! It must have been so lovely to have met them at the Activity Day. Would love to know how you get on as well. xx |
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 23, 2014 13:18:16 GMT
They want us to start intros 6 days after match and I was thinking the same so thanks for asking the question. They also feel that as our two are older 6 n 7 that they want the intros to be only 10 days, we met them already at and activity day... It's all so exciting, hope it goes well please let us know Hi Ruby, I'm a bit surprised at only 10 days for a 6 and 7 year old. I don't have personal experience of children that old moving on to adoption, but I know from foster carer friends that older children usually have much longer introductions. My 3-4 year olds generally have 10-14 day introductions, as do some of my babies, so I'd have thought an older child would be at least 2 weeks? |
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Post by frankieswife on Apr 23, 2014 14:16:53 GMT
Well, I've just been told that our Intros have been moved back by a week now. So, I guess that answers my question  Totally gutted! |
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Post by amberle on Apr 23, 2014 14:57:57 GMT
Hey Frankie, great news on the link, sorry its been put back a week. Xx
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Post by frankieswife on Apr 23, 2014 15:04:26 GMT
Thank you Amberle. It's nice to have a forum where people know what you're going through.
I just have to keep thinking that it's only a week, which is nothing in comparison to the years we've waited for a LO to join us. That's me with sensible head on!
xx
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Post by serrakunda on Apr 23, 2014 17:06:45 GMT
Simba was 7, nearly 8 at intros, ours were a week, came home on the 8th day, he had been with FC four years, it worked for us, better to get it over with I think
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Post by pingu on Apr 23, 2014 23:03:25 GMT
Both our kids had quite short intros, I can't really quote ds2 experience, as intros were foreshortened to save double move, as FC was going abroad, but ds1 had about a fortnight when we stayed in his area and took him places, then first visit to us, then second visit a week later and then moved. This bit was foreshortened too , there should have been more visits for weekend but he just wanted to get settled as he knew he was coming here for good.
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 24, 2014 5:43:16 GMT
Sorry to hear about the weeks delay, when you are ready for a lo a week can feel so long!!! But, if you can ... If I had an extra week I wouldn't do anything child related I'd spend it celebrating you and dh and enjoying your last little bit of just you before you become mummy!! I adore our children with every fibre of my being, but there are some things I miss... If I had a last week I would... Do a lot if sleeping and lying in, spend all Sunday with the papers spread everywhere and mugs of hot tea on the floor, go for long walks at my pace, go to the gym lots, spend all day reading a good book cover to cover, go out with lots if friends I might not see for a while, esp child free ones and talk about nothing child related, go to the cinema, the theatre, get up think 'what do I want to do today' and spend a day meandering from one thing you feel like to another without having to consider the needs/ routine if anyone else, go out dancing, drink too much wine and spend all day on the settee with a blanket and a good box set... Go away fora couple of days, celebrate dh and just being the two of you You will have forever with lo and it will change your life and you will love the way it does... But the focus is going to shift entirely to lo for the beginning bit, take this week just to focus on you... It'll put you in a solid happy, rested place for when lo comes home and that's important for all of you I |
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Post by frankieswife on Apr 24, 2014 7:54:44 GMT
Thank you chotimonkey! That's a brilliant suggestion. I think you've just designed a check-list for my final week before the madness begins I can't wait for LO to arrive but you are absolutely right; it will be good to spend some time with just me and DH. Thank you xx |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2014 8:04:59 GMT
We did what Choti suggested and joined some friends of ours out in a villa in Portugal for about 7 days R&R before we started intro's. Ours were delayed because both SW and FC went on holiday, so we took advantage and had one last quick child free holiday before starting intro's with our two littlies. Best thing we ever did as we were rested and more relaxed starting out which definately helped as intro's and moving in are so emotional and stressful, not to mention the lack of sleep once they moved in, and that was just us parents looking at them while they slept.  (mine were great sleepers from day 1) |
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Post by nomoretears on Apr 24, 2014 8:47:06 GMT
Chotimonkey I almost wish I hadn't read your post - there's so much there I miss doing!! In fact, just the mention of a "hot" drink these days will do it! (Lukewarm is as good as it gets nowadays) Serrakunda, 8 days?? I'm a bit  at that. His foster carer must have had to put heaps of prep work in - I know I worked with my last little girl for months before her adoption, and she still needed longer than 8 days. Still, I suppose every child is different. (And thinking about it, my current two came to me from another placement with virtually no intros... Not that that went smoothly!!  ) |
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Post by moo on Apr 26, 2014 5:43:49 GMT
Ahh so sorry about your delay.... Hearing all the sensible advice makes me chuckle.... Oohhhh to be grown up.... I would / was gutted by the slightest delay.... My theory I had waited my whole life for this No More Waiting Please!!!! Choti & Jmk are spot on but when where you are I don't think I would have found it very easy to do!!!
What is also spot on is it is just Sooo encompassing.... You cease to be be you... You are your l/o mummy.... They naturally now are the complete focus & come first by right over everything... That at first takes some getting used too.... That said when baa & skweek landed after only about a month I genuinely couldn't remember my wonderful life / routines from before boys  Really!?!?!?
As for now I can't remember a thing.... Just can't imagine how I filled my days!?!?!... boys are everything 
Love nmt comment about hot drinks... Ha I remember making cups of tea thro the day.... Never drunk a one !!?? By tea time I gave in & just drunk cold tea!??!.... Oh & did I tell you about mummees hair washing!!! Oh  It was weeks Before I managed it !?!?  Good job I was funnelling & confined to the farm!?!!?
Hope you get to plan ' a week off ' as others so rightly recommend & do some last minute child free stuff but I sooo get your pain I would be just the same..... 
Hugs xx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by chotimonkey on Apr 27, 2014 18:25:59 GMT
Moo:) the hair washing I have become an expert (for me... The childrens hair is always clean and well cut... It's just mine that's ragged and wild) since adoption in up do hair Styles... People keep commenting on my styles but really it's anything I can do in under two minutes and will conceal the fact that it is unwashed |
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(mine were great sleepers from day 1)
at that. His foster carer must have had to put heaps of prep work in - I know I worked with my last little girl for months before her adoption, and she still needed longer than 8 days. Still, I suppose every child is different. (And thinking about it, my current two came to me from another placement with virtually no intros... Not that that went smoothly!! 
) 
It was weeks 
Good job I was funnelling & confined to the farm!?!!?