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Post by ladybug on Aug 20, 2014 6:59:07 GMT
Thank you ladies! The only think we have received so far this week is answers to questions we asked a week or so ago. News will come when it comes. Not expecting anything until Friday anyway, any sooner will be a bonus.
X x x
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earendil
New Member
Matched Approved Adopter
Posts: 32
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Post by earendil on Aug 20, 2014 8:43:51 GMT
Dear ladybug,
Have been reading your story; it is heartbreaking and made me sad and mad at the same time. What makes me mad is the fact that this sort of incompetence/lack of regard for potential adopters feelings seems to be all too common. We have had similar experiences, but are almost at the end of the tunnel. I hoe all goes well for you in the next few weeks.
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Post by ladybug on Aug 20, 2014 15:39:11 GMT
Awwww...thank you Earendil. Yes we have had similar experiences, I remember reading your thread sometime last week.
Hope all goes well with you too. X x
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Post by ladybug on Aug 22, 2014 17:17:59 GMT
Well was expecting to hear today whether the PO was granted or not but haven't heard anything sadly. Have to wait until Tuesday now. At times like this I don't like bank holiday weekends.
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Post by knight on Aug 22, 2014 17:52:11 GMT
Oh Ladybug that is so tough, it'll be all you're thinking about until Tuesday but everything crossed that you will have some positive news then. x
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Post by gilreth on Aug 22, 2014 18:56:31 GMT
so tough Ladybug - I can sort of understand as this time last year we had just had the linking meeting with Sqk's SW and had to wait till Tuesday to know whether it was going to be an official link or not. Hated having to wait a weekend - let alone an extra day as by now I was really attached to my little boy.
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Post by moo on Aug 23, 2014 6:26:55 GMT
Sorry you are being kept hanging xxx s/w hols sick leave bank hols always seem to fall at the wrong time....
xx hope you can switch off for the weekend xxx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by amberle on Aug 26, 2014 9:11:58 GMT
Morning, here hoping you hear something this week..xxx
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Post by ladybug on Aug 26, 2014 19:01:39 GMT
We did hear today but sadly the PO wasn't granted, the court want SS to reasses maternal grandparents despite that it was a negative outcome last time! Next court date set for November so if it does go ahead for us looking like new year now! SW is still very keen for us and they still want to come next Tuesday for selection visit. So we'll see how it goes.
X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by lovelybee on Aug 26, 2014 19:14:24 GMT
Sorry the news wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear. Hope you are doing ok. How are you feeling about the selection visit? You have had such a hard time. Hope you get some good news soon.
LB x
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Post by scaredycats on Aug 26, 2014 19:16:58 GMT
Sorry to hear this disappointing news, LB. :-( Sending hugs
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 19:35:37 GMT
Hugs xx
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Post by knight on Aug 26, 2014 20:25:32 GMT
How are you feeling about it? Are you ok to wait with the uncertainty that they may/may not be positively assessed. Obviously as you say it hasn't worked out with g/parents once already; even if grandparents are assessed positively and the kids placed with them: it will either work out or, it will fail and sadly, the children are back in the system further down the line. Thinking of you, the waiting is awful x
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Post by gilreth on Aug 26, 2014 20:56:33 GMT
Not good Ladybug am thinking of you. Courts mucked Sqk's PO around a lot so it meant he was 18 months longer in system than he should have been - although he would not have been there for us had this not happened. Things do happen for a reason but it must be very hard for you.
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Post by chotimonkey on Aug 27, 2014 6:01:36 GMT
Oh ladybug, how disappointing for you, howler's po was delayed by 3 months while bp were given further time to present their case so we know how you feel. Hugs to you
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Post by moo on Aug 27, 2014 6:53:32 GMT
Ooohhh so sorry ladybug... This gives you so much longer hanging in.....
My boys suffered a similar fate.... Confuddled all the prof's involved!?. Sadly it was an waste of time & meant it was longer till we met & they moved in
Hope it quickly becomes clear that GP is not a good enough match & that they come back to you sooner.... Panel could always then be brought forward so they are placed before Christmas....
Many Many Hugs to you xxxxx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by ladybug on Aug 27, 2014 11:05:42 GMT
Thanks ladies. Feeling disappointed as was hoping to have seen photos by now and be able to feel a real connection to these LOs but have tried to be a bit cautious and hold back after our previous experience. We don't know what date in November the PO hearing is scheduled for. The LA we went with only have panel on the first Tuesday every month so assuming that the PO is granted in November then earliest they would get us to panel is 2nd December which I think would be tight for intros and placement before Christmas but that is something we can ask FFSW on Tuesday. It's just another 2 months down the line and another 2 months that the LOs will spend with FC.
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Post by ladybug on Aug 29, 2014 21:07:16 GMT
Heard from SW today next court date to obtain PO is end of November but she thinks that we could still possibly have the LOs here before Christmas obviously assuming that 1) the assessment of GP is negative 2) the PO is granted and 3) matching panel approve the match! We should have an idea part way through the assessment which way it is going. They don't anticipate the outcome of the assessment to be anyone different from the original one, just unfortunate that the judge for the case was pro birth families!!
X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by moo on Aug 30, 2014 6:24:57 GMT
I think I am right in saying that in cases where a previous assessment has been done they can stop it if things appear to be the same with the parenting styles etc... If not stop it speed it up iykwim.... ( coz they know the potential GP match would not have a good enough outcome...) Behind the scenes they can then book a marching panel too.... They will also be working on mp paperwork.... I think they will want the match to be placed before Christmas....
Hugs xxx hang in this is sooo tuff for you xxxxx
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by knight on Aug 30, 2014 10:13:33 GMT
It's tricky isn't it Ladybug, especially as you said a few days ago about having hoped to see photos by now so that's not going to happen until the end of November. I'm certainly a "photos" person, I know we're all different but photo of course is just the start: I can't remember how old are they? They'd have to have panel booked for early December to allow time for introductions to get them home just before Christmas which given they avoid December placements except for babies, it gives you days, if that, to consider all the implications of the CPR, meet any medics, FC etc. I don't mean to put a dampener on, please don't think that (this is all so awful) but I wonder if they're being unrealistic with you. I think if, as Moo says, GPs aren't showing that ability to change, engage, reflect etc, their assessment could be halted part-way through - but the Court is unlikely to have a slot to get this case in earlier than November; possibly with GPs not engaging and LA feeling confident as to the outcome, maybe they would then let you see photos, CPRs, tee everything up with meeting various people pre-panel and you have the time to absorb the information and whether this is a good match. Hugs to you, this is so very hard x
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Post by ladybug on Aug 30, 2014 18:48:01 GMT
Thanks Moo. They did say that there would be a progress meeting part way through but didn't say that if it was still looking like a negative outcome they could stop it.
Whilst I would love to have 'our' children by Christmas whether it be these ones or others we don't want to rush in too quickly and miss something major that perhaps could cause an issue with the placement at some point in the future. We obviously want to ensure they we can cope and deal with whatever may arise in the future so need to take time to fully take in every little detail we can.
SW has said that they can take us to MP before the PO is granted, I assume that if the assessment isn't looking favourable then they can organise all the paperwork ready for us to go to MP earlier say maybe October or November but I guess that still doesn't mean the court would grant PO.
Knight they are 4 years old and 1 year old. With regard to photos they wanted to ensure that the court said it was ok for us to see them as they didn't want the possibility of the court finding out that we had seen them and jeopardising the outcome! I too need to see photos to kind of get a real feel for the children.
Our SW is going to become the children's FF as their current one is leaving so hoping this is a good thing for us! We have a visit on 11th September with SW and CSW so hopefully will find out a bit more of how we stand and when we are likely to find out how the assessment is going etc...
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Post by knight on Aug 30, 2014 19:06:15 GMT
Wow Ladybug: well if they could do Panel before PO, you'd know all you needed to know subject to the PO being granted, pretty amazing (and so very exciting). Keeping everything crossed for your family x
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Post by moo on Aug 30, 2014 20:08:35 GMT
Hugs ladybug my heart goes out to you.... You are being so calm & 'grown up ' about this xx good news about mp before po.... This will impress panel that sw are not letting grass grow to speed permanency for the children.....
Superb news that your sw will become the ff....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by nomoretears on Sept 1, 2014 19:30:16 GMT
I haven't been around so much over the summer so have only just caught up on this thread. I'm sorry things have turned out like this Ladybug, I was really expecting positive news when I opened the thread.
I'm not sure if I'm just selfish but I don't know if I could wait around until November if I were you. Are they able to consider you for any other children in the meantime (assuming you'd be up for that anyway!)? I know I always sound like the voice of doom and gloom on here, probably because of the larger number of children I see going through the system as a foster carer compared to an adopter, but it's certainly not unusual for a Judge to order a reassessment of a family member previously considered unviable - and for the 2nd assessment to come back positive. It's happened twice in placements I've had.
I'd also be fighting against any child I was caring for moving in December. I know adopters must hate foster carers for that but I don't know a single carer who'd be happy to move a child then.
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Post by ladybug on Sept 1, 2014 20:13:53 GMT
Hi NMT, they did say that they would understand if we wanted to look at other children so we can if we want to. Not really sure looking elsewhere would be any quicker in the long run, especially taking in to account our previous bad experience. Very reluctant to look outside of our agency. I am not anticipating moving the LOs before Christmas really, yes it would be lovely to have them here for Christmas but I don't feel it is a good time to move them.
Hoping to find out a bit more when we meet with our SW in two weeks. Was meant to be 11th but she can't now make that as she has a meeting with CSW and current FF so we are now meeting on 16th instead. I think perhaps we'll see what happens then and if they can tell us when they are likely to know how the assessment is going.
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Post by ladybug on Sept 16, 2014 15:32:21 GMT
Well just had our meeting with our SW, she said they haven't had a mid way review to see how the GP assessment is going however she did say that is looking like a positive outcome this time (obviously they know what to say this time round to show that they acknowledge there were issues). We will find out in 2 weeks time the outcome, so if it is positive then the PO won't be granted. That is part of the problem going for children that don't yet have PO and probably why not many prospective adopters are interested in them.
Feeling a bit disappointed but have held back this time so not feeling too bad about things. Still hoping for a negative outcome but whatever will be will be. SW said she'll be putting CPRs aside for us so if the outcome isn't going our way we will have children to consider.
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Post by lovelybee on Sept 16, 2014 16:19:42 GMT
Sorry to hear this ladybug. You are amazing to have held onto your positivity after having gone through so much. I hope you have some good news soon.
Hugs LB x
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Post by moo on Sept 16, 2014 16:42:42 GMT
Aw wow ladybug sorry it's sounding grim.... So sorry for you....
Back in the dark ages when I was going thro the process my la said they didn't do pre po matching for exactly this reason... So so sorry xxx many gentle hugs coming your way xx
Please keep us posted xxxx {{{}}}
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by knight on Sept 16, 2014 18:15:36 GMT
Oh, that is so hard. As you have held back after your last experiences and as the GPs might be positively assessed, it might be better if you do start looking at other profiles generally. x
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Post by ladybug on Sept 16, 2014 21:23:35 GMT
Moo I think they call it parallel planning and I guess it looks good for the LA when they go to court to say that they have a family willing to adopt the children!
Thank you LB.
Knight we are open to looking and if we do see a CPR that catches our eyes then all well and good.
SW did say that if we hadn't been kept waiting so long for the outcome with the girls then we could have been matched and children placed in house but then that is the nature of the beast. No point in thinking about ifs, buts and maybes. Just hope that keeping positive will help us get through this whole process.
SW did ask us if we would consider fostering to adopt but not sure on that as I would hate to start to attach and bond with a child/ren and then they are placed back with BF although she did say that they only do this in cases where they are as sure as they can be that the children will be placed for adoption. She apologised that we had had a tough time of things but in this world of adoption that is how things go. Pretty sure there will be tougher times ahead when our children get placed and all their issues come to the surface.
Have also been invited to an exchange day at the beginning of October in the big smoke. No sure about going as DH can't go as he will be working that week and as he works nights will be asleep during the day so would be me on my own, not sure how I feel about that. I do think it would be good to go if possible and hopefully our SW would be there too so that would help!
Apparently we are highly regarded within the adoption team of the agency and if we hadn't have pursuing other links FF would've picked us over other interested families which is nice to know but doesn't change the current situation.
Thank you for your support once again!
X x x Ladybug x x X
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