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Post by knight on Jul 1, 2014 17:27:37 GMT
Great Ladybug, that sounds fab; my friends had the appreciation day before MP, which makes sense in case something came out which hadn't been apparent before. I hope you've now got to the bottom of whether it's only you guys in the running. Hope you enjoy it - I'm sure you'll be nervous but still excited to hear more about them x
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Post by ladybug on Jul 7, 2014 22:27:09 GMT
Well tomorrow we are off to meet with FF SW and FC and MA. Decided to go by train as we are meeting at the station and as neither myself of DH know the town very well though it would be best. having to leave home approx 7am to meet the other end at 9:30am. From there we go to meet with FC at 10am then afterwards the MA but we have no idea where or how we are getting there from the train station and neither does our SW!
Into the unknown we go, see you all on the other side with hopefully good news that they want to proceed with the link and subsequently the match.
X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by amberle on Jul 8, 2014 3:33:29 GMT
Hi Ladybug, just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world for today. As you say let us know how it goes. I have an extra pair of hands here now..so will make sure they are crossed too.
Xxxx
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Post by ladybug on Jul 8, 2014 5:47:21 GMT
Thank you Amberle! Hope all is going well with your little family
X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by knight on Jul 8, 2014 7:18:15 GMT
Very best of luck today, hope you are happy with all you hear and that it goes very well x
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Post by ladybug on Jul 8, 2014 15:28:21 GMT
Well we are back. It all seemed to go very well... FF SW said he was happy with everything but the final decision was the girls SW's However just got a call from our SW to say that the girls SW has said she doesn't want to progress but no reasons as yet !! Apparently after the selection visit she gave the feedback that we were too eager!!! Our SW seems to think that there is nothing we could've done to change her mind so why they let us wait this long and come this far if that was always going to be the outcome. Quite devastated at the moment and don't really want to think about or look at any other LOs at the moment. X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by lovelybee on Jul 8, 2014 16:13:04 GMT
I am so sorry. It was unfair to take you this far and leave you for weeks if a decision had been made at initial visit. I am angry and sad on your behalf.
It is totally understandable you don't want to look at other profiles right now. You imagined these children as yours and pictured them in your family. You need to grieve for these children.
Sending you love and hugs.
LB x
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Post by moo on Jul 8, 2014 17:01:07 GMT
Gobsmakked ladybug?!?
Why oh why did they get you all that way meeting all those people.... Barmy.... Is this another bonkers s/w tactic to test your resolve.... I really am speechless ....
I think I would be talking to my s/w & asking how do you go about complaining to head of children's services.... Is she really gonna say that after today she became certain if she had already given a nuts negative for progressing to panel before..... You really should not have been asked to visit today all those profs who know l/o so well.... This is a linking potential meeting... I'm surprised your s/w isn't more annoyed it's been a waste of her time too..... I think you deffo need clarification....
Many many hugs so sad for you
Xx. moo. Xx
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Post by knight on Jul 8, 2014 17:09:24 GMT
Oh Ladybug, that's very difficult. Now they say you were 'too eager' at the initial meeting but at that time, didn't your SW/you feel you may not have been gushing enough. You can't do right for doing wrong. It sounds like they were hedging their bets but that's just not on, they can't play with people's lives like that, especially so important to you: they made their decision at the outset and should have been clear then/shortly afterwards. Gutted for you. I can understand you'll need to take a little time out x
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Post by ladybug on Jul 8, 2014 18:45:27 GMT
Thank you all for your support. I suppose at least we found out today and didn't have to wait any longer for a decision. I just feel she could've said this 8 weeks ago after the selection visit rather than putting everyone through today when it was unnecessary. They asked us had Lollipop read the girls CPRs (she hadn't ) which our SW wasn't happy with as she thought it was a trick question. She thinks that their SW had her child protection hat on not her adoption SW hat on which she believes are very different. Just have to wait and see what the feedback was and learn from it ready for our LO.
I know we will get there and obviously do not want to just pick any child/ren.
X x x
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Post by nomoretears on Jul 8, 2014 18:53:57 GMT
It's not often I advise kicking up a fuss as it can so often backfire but I would really be having strong words with someone about this (and by someone I mean "someone high up"). The timelines for adoption are so, so strict at the moment that a waste of 8 weeks will absolutely not go unquestioned. In this day and age people just cannot be expected to hang around for 2 months while a SW makes their mind up.
I've been involved with children who's SWs have gone from initial enquiries to actually placing a child in just over 2 months. (Admittedly not often!) What you've experienced simply isn't good enough.
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Post by knight on Jul 8, 2014 19:24:29 GMT
NMT, the delays are something else, aren't they? I got a CPR for a LO 6/7 weeks ago, asked questions within a couple of days; my SW chasing LO's FF (several calls and emails) for most of that time, only to be sent the CPR again!! I had some very serious worries about that LO which I wanted clarifying so seeing as how they couldn't be bothered to get their act together, I told my SW to say I'm not going further. So from that LO's point of view, 2 months have now passed since my initial enquiry and LO no further forward if my enquiry is anything to go by. I just wonder if all the rush is to get adopters approved in or as close to the guidelines as possible. Whilst they're keeping Ladybug on a hook unnecessarily for 2 months, if they didn't keep others on the hook too, it means those 2 LOs SW has wasted another 2 months. Hugs to you ladybug. x
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Post by leo on Jul 8, 2014 22:18:40 GMT
I am so sorry Ladybug.
It seems a complete shambles and that the SW has not thought about your emotions at all.
A very difficult day. Take time to grieve; it is sadly yet another loss and you mustn't minimise how you may feel in the coming days and weeks - but stay strong because it will happen for you soon.
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Post by ladybug on Jul 9, 2014 6:48:25 GMT
Thank you Leo. We were obviously really hoping for good news but guess it wasn't meant to be. :-(
X x
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 8:56:49 GMT
I'm kind of with NMT on this one - Why not put in an objection. Get your feelings down and recorded on paper and then they will have to justify why they have done what they did.
It seems madness to take you this far and then turn you down for being "too eager" what the heck is that about.
Of course you were eager to give a home to this LO.
Utter blooming madness!!!
hugs to you xx
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Post by chotimonkey on Jul 9, 2014 12:43:40 GMT
((((((((((((((((ladybug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
that is unecessairrily cruel and heartless of lo's sw to take you so far if she was not sure... and what a stupid thing to say that you were too eager. surely they want parents who think their lo is simply the best lo ever...as an unqualified statement its a complete non-reason!
so many hugs to you...do give yourself time to grieve this lo and let them go before looking at any other children, and be very, very kind to yourselves.
lots of love to you, i'm so sorry this happened to you
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Post by ladybug on Jul 10, 2014 20:24:20 GMT
Had a phone call today from our SW's supervisor to see how we are doing after Tuesday. DH spoke to her as I was at work and he told how he thought that girls SW was just stalling and was always going to say no! She agreed and said how it had wasted everyone's time. She also asked if we wanted a break for awhile to which DH said no!!
Right at the end of the call she says "I don't know if you might be interested but we have a Lithuanian mum who is due to give birth this month and wants to relinquish her baby at birth. I would like to put you forward for the baby."
Oh my goodness!
X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by knight on Jul 10, 2014 21:01:23 GMT
Oh my word Ladybug !!!!!! Keep us updated x
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Post by moo on Jul 11, 2014 6:17:54 GMT
Oooohhhh wow how rare.....
Deffo one to think about.....
Good Luck....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by ladybug on Jul 11, 2014 6:51:14 GMT
Definitely going to consider it but would like a bit more info about BM etc... Still not quite ready to move on just yet though and don't want to just go for any child!! And this would be an in house match so our SW would have to try and second guess another LA.
Proceeding with caution and apprehension.
Thank you all for your support. Have just discovered as well that one of the ladies at work adopted 2 little boys and has said that if I need to talk she is there as obviously she knows how difficult the process can be.
X x x Ladybug x x X
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Post by lovelybee on Jul 11, 2014 7:56:11 GMT
Gosh - how are your emotions coping with all this? I would be all over the place! In fact I was when a link fell through and just 2 weeks later our SW told us about Littlebee. I almost didn't have the energy or inclination at the time and I didn't let myself get as attached or excited but very glad I did find out more! There was still 3 months till matching panel from hearing about her and I needed that time to say goodbye to the children we thought might be ours.
We were told about a relinquished baby the day he was born before approval for the 2nd time. It was the wrong time for us and we said we didn't want to be considered. Birth parents gave very little information and then were difficult to contact later to sign paperwork. He has gone onto have alot of problems and there is virtually no background info. For a lot of adopters a relinquished baby is a dream come true! Our LA have had 7 relinquished babies in the last year! It doesn't mean they won't go onto have problems though and alcohol can commonly be a factor in pregnancy that is not revealed. Make sure you ask all the questions you wish and get as much info as you can.
Good luck and fingers crossed for you. I really hope there aren't too many other families interested too.
LB x
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Post by vickyvixen on Jul 12, 2014 22:03:51 GMT
Not having got to this bit of the process yet I was horrified to read what happened - what a waste of everyone's time and so emotional for you LB. Even putting you through the life appreciation day... I think the Los SW has some explaining to do... But wow about the baby - fingers crossed for you.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 8:05:55 GMT
Wow - What a rollercoaster of emotions for you and DH Ladybug.
A relinquished baby would be FAB as long as you get the info on BM. As you well know there are no guarantees but at least this LO won't be passed around in care and would presumably be coming straight home to you? How exciting!
Keep us posted.
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Post by amberle on Jul 13, 2014 20:27:02 GMT
Hi , and wow as others have said, what a crazy time of emotion you must be having. As others have said, all very exciting.
Good luck xx
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Post by ladybug on Jul 18, 2014 6:58:35 GMT
So we are now back to reading profiles and then CPRs if we are still interested.
Read CPRs last night for sibs 4y/o boy and 10 mth girl which sound interesting and they are with our agency so this would be a whole lot easier but their has been a lot of DV which was witnessed by the boy and his behaviour at times portrays this!!
They have totally different issues from the girls but food for thought.
We could've gone to a mini exchange day and spoken to their SW however didn't find out about it until the afternoon of the event and it was from 6pm - 8pm but I didn't finish work until 5.30pm and the train takes an hour and 15 mins to get there!!
Proceeding with caution.
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Post by ladybug on Jul 18, 2014 18:50:48 GMT
Wow...thought I was getting over our bitter disappointment of last week but tonight I just feel like I want to cry Found out yesterday that a couple from our prep group have been selected for a LO, they had approval panel the month after us, and looking like matching panel on 5th August. Don't get me wrong I am really happy and excited for them but it I feel that if we hadn't had the last link dragged out for so long that we could be heading that way too!!! Trying not to dwell on it and move on! Tough day today though.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2014 20:29:47 GMT
(((((((((Ladybug)))))))
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Post by knight on Jul 18, 2014 21:30:26 GMT
Oh ladybug it's so hard isn't it especially when you see people around your prep being matched and then placed, etc.
A couple I met a bit back said most people from their prep had children placed; some hadn't but the SW said: someone has to "be first" to be placed, someone needs to be 2nd, and so on. She's right. I thought the same as you when I was in a similar situation, you do feel as if you've lost/wasted time but I've really took a lot from the advice I was given and it's right. When you have your children home in the future, it'll all fall into place that they were the ones for you and had the delays now re: the last mess you've been through not happened - you wouldn't have been in the right timing/place to be linked to your future children.
So, are they not now looking at the possible relinquished baby for you as you say you're now back looking at profiles?
Again, that was the killer blow: going back to square one: it's good being able to stop looking at BMP or whatever so to have to start that up again, looking at inhouse profiles etc, hard-going I know.
Hang in there: it will happen - it's just a case of "when" (and hopefully it's sooner rather than later) x
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Post by moo on Jul 19, 2014 4:41:15 GMT
Hugs ladybug... Xxx
So sad reading your post... Planet adoption is such a killer sometimes.... The DV sibs sound interesting.. My two witnessed severe DV?.... If his behaviour is tricky already maybe some support will be put in.... Therapy might help... We have our issues but not insurmountable..... Never ever regretted it in fact we have never looked back xx
Do pm if you like.....
xx. moo. Xx
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Post by ladybug on Jul 19, 2014 6:50:16 GMT
Thank you Knight, I know in my own mind that is the case but knowing it and feeling it are poles apart at the moment. Yes we are still looking at the relinquished baby but have had no further info and have been told that it could be a long drawn out process. It would be lovely to have a teeny tiny but there are so many unknowns but then every child at whatever age will have their own challenges and issues. Just need to weigh everything up. I guess in my head I have always thought that we would have two children at around 18 months and 3 or 4 years old. We will see keeping our options open and not ruling out anything at the mo.
Oh my gosh yes Moo planet adoption is a killer at times and we haven't even got our LOs yet!! Little boy can be aggressive but he is not malicious with it just seems he is mimicking what he has witnessed, which is normal seeing as behaviour breeds behaviour.
X x x Ladybug x x X
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