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Post by knight on May 11, 2014 16:05:13 GMT
I was thinking that too when my turn comes: when taking photo of park (plan to put intro rag doll&cat on the swing) ~ I expect many weird looks: 7am it is then !! (although I can take the dog with me because I'll look oh so less stupid with a dog as I'm taking pictures of rag doll/cat on the swing, yep!!
Sounds like you're getting there with the intros photos !!
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Post by ladybug on May 11, 2014 16:06:14 GMT
NMT, please tell me it's not that bad that I need to start drinking wine for breakfast!! Might just change my mind! I am am sure there will be as many magical and rewarding moments are there are stressful and trying moments! Amberle I thought about taking photos of the park but was then worried about children being there and their parents getting upset or annoyed because they might think that I am some kind of weirdo, although in many ways I am but obviously not in that way! They have recently redone the children's play area in our local park too. Should go and check it out as hopefully in the not too distant future I will be spending lots of time there.
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Post by ladybug on May 11, 2014 16:09:00 GMT
Oh Knight can you imagine someone seeing you taking pictures of a rag doll and a cat on the swings?! The image in head head made me giggle! X x
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Post by loadsofbubs on May 11, 2014 16:13:39 GMT
Cant take dogs into our play park. Youre just going to have to look daft! Excellent preparation for parenthood is looking daft.
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Post by knight on May 11, 2014 16:46:01 GMT
Yes, actually rather than looking "weird", they'll just think I need 'help' (and not of the practical sort). I suppose I can pretend they're the dog's toys !!! (actually, better make sure dog DOESN'T think they're for her to play with!!). Oh LOBS I don't mind looking stupid (danced up the road when kids were younger doing the "we're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz...!!!" walk and that's only the start of it!!) So I'm well-prepared on the daft front - it's the 'weirdo' look I don't want to go for.
course LOBS, dogs not allowed in our little park either but with my long lead, she can be outside and I can still put the doll/cat on the swing, all-stealth-like !!!!
x
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Post by amberle on May 11, 2014 17:04:49 GMT
Ok just been back to park and still busy, so 7am it is..in and out before special people in white coats are called..ninja style X i have no dog, and I think taking one of the cats may just push it too far..lol.
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Post by knight on May 11, 2014 17:06:45 GMT
7am on a school day is probably better actually, I didn't think of that; no kids anyway but hopefully any dog walkers will be at home getting kids ready for school. Good luck with the pics x
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Post by moo on May 11, 2014 17:07:53 GMT
Sympathies all.... I didn't do parks....
But included lots of photos of different fields, cows , calves & tractors.... No looking loonie at all..... Loads of the land rover.....got carried away with these...., ( they were for me really!?! )
Good Luck All ( as already mentioned good practise for parenting doing mad & loonie things !!)
xx. moo. Xxx
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Post by knight on May 11, 2014 17:12:47 GMT
Moo, I was going to take a photo of the cows in the field literally at the bottom garden gate (I take loads every year, love it) - but then I don't want SS wanting to do another health & safety check hehehe x
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Post by amberle on May 11, 2014 19:14:14 GMT
Moo..just be warned that if you see a strange couple walking a cat with a camera and a fluffy rabbit taking photos of the cows. Please do not be alarmed or call the people in white coats..will just be us trying to get some photos for our book..lol. X
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Post by knight on May 11, 2014 19:17:55 GMT
corker, amberle !! x
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Post by amberle on May 11, 2014 19:20:29 GMT
Knight..see you need to think outside the box. If I go to Moo's house we won't need another h and s audit..lol. X
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Post by knight on May 11, 2014 19:25:34 GMT
gotcha ya x
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Post by nomoretears on May 11, 2014 20:20:51 GMT
Can I just ask why it seems everyone is being told to take pictures of parks?? In all the intros I've done there have NEVER been pictures of parks...!
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Post by knight on May 11, 2014 20:31:04 GMT
Hi NMT, I remember quite a number of people talking about pics of parks on the old boards, like photo of school (non-identifying though) and such like ~ another thing that's just a tiny bit familiar when they see it for real. Do you know though, never thought to ask you and LOBS: with school age children: would you mind listing the range of photos (see if I've got the right idea: I've set my stencil up so just need to add extra photos and child's name once known: but didn't want to overwhelm with too many photos) ? [sorry, Amberle for just hijacking your thread] x
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Post by nomoretears on May 11, 2014 21:08:44 GMT
Ah, that might be why - I don't really "do" school age children!
The eldest child I've moved onto adoption has been 4 and her book had pics of mummy and daddy's faces in close up (sorry, scary thought I know!), pics of mummy and daddy from further away, a picture of the outside of the house then each of the rooms in the house, a picture of the car and one of the garden. Then there was one of the cats and one of new granny (she desperately wanted a granny). Oh, and some of her toys that I'd already passed over.
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Post by amberle on May 11, 2014 21:42:19 GMT
NMT see that makes sense to me, but when we have talked this through on various training. It was suggested that a swing park or something close, that they could recognise when they move would be a good idea.so we just went along.. I am happy to do us, house and the cats and makes life so much easier these are definitely things that will appear in daily life.
Will have to go and give the sad news to the cat, we won't be off to The park early morning..lol. X
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Post by ladybug on May 11, 2014 21:59:45 GMT
Poor cat!
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Post by Ad-minnie! on May 11, 2014 22:16:59 GMT
Took photo of park for my lo's intro book with me on slide with small toy donkey! Yes, was interesting getting that shot esp as slide was toddler size ... and my derrière is not toddler sized!
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Post by moo on May 12, 2014 6:05:00 GMT
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Post by loadsofbubs on May 12, 2014 6:39:32 GMT
I've not done older children either, eldest was the bbs at 3. but out of the 6 that have moved to permanence probably 3 have done photos of the local park including squishy munchkin's. for an older child I can see the purpose in the park particularly if its somewhere they currently enjoy so they can at least see some similarities or get used to some of the differences. mine have usually included house, bedroom, family members who they'll see a lot of, garden and as said a few did the park too.
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Post by knight on May 12, 2014 9:02:22 GMT
Oh Minnie that is SOOOO funny, I can just picture that: what time of day did you have to go to avoid the funny looks? oh, I'm still giggling.......that said, at soft play, they do have the big slides for adults; sorry, I mean for kids but big enough for adults to accompany, that's what I meant; tried to take one of my nephews to go down once but he wasn't for having it so I didn't get a "go" hehehe
Thanks NMT and LOBS for the info on the intro books x
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Post by amberle on May 13, 2014 18:10:07 GMT
So last night got sent a couple more photos of LO from yesterday..yep in real time how cool is our FC!! Also got a full days routine, along with weekly guide so we know what we need to match..life is great... So go to bed with picture of LO smiley picture imprinted on my memory..and wake up with a negative thought I can't shake..what if the smile fades as they can't attach to me..not DH just me..could my head be any more messed up? I know I know it's a crazy thought, but for some reason the little negative guy on my shoulder won't let go of this one..arrrrgggh .
It will go I know but for today I am all excited but feeling all a bit overwhelmed..
Promised all thoughts good or bad so here you go.. Off to look at photos and read other people stuff..determined this will be shaken off before the days out. Xx
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Post by knight on May 13, 2014 18:18:12 GMT
Oh amberle, I hope you do shake it off before the day's out, I'm sure you will: Obviously I've no experience but I can understand worries about attaching; I'm sure I'll feel the same way but it will take time and I'm sure there'll be up and down days. How fab getting such up-to-date photos, your FC is cool indeed x
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Post by ladybug on May 13, 2014 18:31:56 GMT
I'm pretty sure it will feel like that too Amberle. Hopefully it'll pass soon. There are bound to be ups and downs, good days and bad days. Chin up chick x x
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Post by nomoretears on May 13, 2014 19:05:48 GMT
Word of warning (just so you're prepared, not to freak you out more) most of the children I've moved to adoption have attached to daddy first. And every single one of them has gone on to love mummy just as much.
I think it's one of those things you just have to go with. Don't force LO into anything, sit back and let them come to you. Because they will!
Besides, this might all be totally unnecessary advice anyway!
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Post by amberle on May 13, 2014 19:44:06 GMT
Just having a bad day that's all. I have been reading all about attachment and am more than prepared for anything that comes our way. We have read all we can, talked to as many people as we can...and know that what will be will be..
Just spent a few hours reading, looking at all our pictures, had a hot bath and am starting to feel a bit better.. Tomorrows another day xx
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Post by sockthing on May 14, 2014 8:19:37 GMT
I have every sympathy Amberle. And it's not a crazy messed up thought - it's a very sensible constructive thought! It means you are realistic and aware. Iknow that when I was prospective I rad about attachment issues and heard about them on prep course but if I'm honest I assumed the SWs were just making us aware of worst case scenarios. t's very very scary to be aware of these things , before actually knowing your child., but reading about it is not the same as living it, in that it warns you of the worst and leaves out the best. I. E. Yes attachment issues can be there, but at the same time there will be laughter, love and rewards and that will carry you through. It won't be attachment of a faceless child, it will be a real giggling , warm bodied, funny, crying, exasperating YOUR child.
What I REALLY wish is that SWs would make it clear that it is normal for there to be attachment wobbles and that there are ways to be very proactive in helping them. That was the bit that was missing from my own preparation. They scared us stupid about attachment but didn't tell us the positive things that can be done to help.
My son did struggle to attach to me and was only attached to DH for ages. We are 3 and a half years in to placement now, and I would say the last year to 6 months we have really begun to love each other. There are still attachment issues but the rewards and affection are getting greater and the wobbles fewer. Would I' do it all again? YES!! I adore him. : )
I think in my waffle way, I am trying to say - yes there may be attachment issues but a) it's good you're aware of that and b) there are positive things you can do.
Read some Dan Hughes/Kim Golding, Caroline Archer to give yourself some tools if it does occur. I wish I had! Pear tree did a post of "things to do in the first year of placement" which is all really positive proactive stuff for getting off ion the rightful foot.
Hth.
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Post by amberle on May 14, 2014 19:47:33 GMT
Thanks you for the comments. In a better head space today. It's still concerns me, but not in a way I was feeling about it yesterday. I have just ordered a book, call real parents real children or something similar. That was suggested on the attachment section on here..so will see how informative for me that is. I agree with you about SW ..but I also understand the need to put everything on the worse case scenario board. That way they cover all eventualities. Whilst we will do all we can, we will be very aware that you can't rush things like this and what will be will be. I a, expecting LO to attach to daddy first, and as long as LO is happy that's all I care about.
X
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Post by sockthing on May 14, 2014 20:02:24 GMT
Yes, I agree it's good to be aware of what can happen - it's essential that they do tell you those things, and I would definitely be moaning if they hadn't ...but it' would be good if they then followed it up with "and this is what to do if that happens". (But I did my prep course in 2007 so it could be different now).
Anyhow - the book you've ordered is one of the best, a really good one.
All the best.
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